Mutual Pride
by LilyJoy92
Summary: A pride and Prejudice story. Starting in Hunsford, Elizabeth is not allowed to stay home from tea and so Darcy's ill-fated proposal is prevented however Elizabeth is too angry to remain silent.
1. Chapter 1

Mutual Pride

 _Written by Lilyjoy92_ _though this is of course, fanfiction. I have no rights to any of Jane Austen's work. Thank you for reading!_

Chapter 1

" _Her favorite walk, and where she frequently went while the others were calling on Lady Catherine, was along the open grove which edged the side of the park where there was a nice sheltered path, which no one seemed to value but herself and where she felt beyond the reach of Lady Catherine's curiosity." (Jane Austen pt. 2 ch. 7)_

" _More than once did Elizabeth, in her ramble within the park, unexpectedly meet Mr. Darcy. She felt all the perverseness of the mischance that should bring him where no one else was brought, and, to prevent its ever happening again, took care to inform him at first that it was a favorite haunt of hers. How it could occur a second time, therefore, was very odd! Yet it did and even a third …" (Jane Austen pt. 2 ch. 10)_

Fitzwilliam Darcy was well pleased when he caught sight of Miss Bennet walking in grove ahead of him. He made his presence known by calling a greeting then quickened his pace to join her. He was eager to spend time in her company, for she was everything pleasant and lively. Miss Elizabeth's charming manners were just what he needed to counteract the frustrations of visiting his aunt. His mother's sister, Lady Catherine De'Bourg, seemed to be living under the assumption that he come to Kent every Easter for her advice, rather than to check up on her. She was an intelligent woman but had not been raised to run an estate like a male heir would have been. His father used to come out every year to go over her books and see that the steward was not taking advantage, so Darcy's continued visits were just one of the many responsibilities that he had inherited from his father. _If only Lady Catherine would realize this_ Darcy thought _, maybe she would stop offering quite so much advice!_ But had to admit to himself that even then, it would be unlikely for his aunt to hold herself back. After all she did not scruple to offer constant advice to Miss Bennet, a person wholly unconnected with her and without particular interest in her guidance.

Only then did he realize he had been walking next to Miss. Bennet for some minutes without saying anything after greeting her. Slightly embarrassed to have been so silent Darcy said the first thing that came into his head.

"How do you enjoy Hansford society, Miss Bennet?" Though the question felt a little abrupt he thought it was a good topic, for her eyes always seemed to light up when talking of people and their little eccentricities. He had noticed often how much she seemed to enjoy people in general. How he admired that trait. How he envied it!

"I am afraid, Mr. Darcy, that I cannot speak much on this subject as I am at the disposal of Charlotte and my cousin, whom are not very much in society." Elizabeth Bennet answered, but then her eyes did sparkle, and her mischievous dimple appeared as she added "but what society I have been exposed to has been _very_ generous and attentive."

Darcy stifled his laugh. How he loved it her wit. For of course, her comment was a tease about his aunts uninvited assistance in all matters. How much longer could he hold out against her charms? For a moment he couldn't tear his eyes off her face. Her face alight with amusement, the sun in her hair, strength and confidence in her every step. There was something very energetic and confident in her air that entranced Darcy. That she was also every inch the polite and genteel lady completed her perfection his eyes.

Yes, his ardent admiration for Miss Elizabeth Bennet was quickly winning the war against his more pragmatic side. It was one thing to ignore the desires of his heart when he had been in her home town of Hertfordshire. For in that place every exposure to her lovely liveliness was accompanied by every reminder of her unsuitability, namely, her family.

Her father was a gentleman and well respected in the area as an estate owner and leader in the community but was far too amused by the foibles of his neighbors and family to intervene when he should. Elizabeth's mother was terror. Darcy inwardly shuddered just thinking of her. She was the daughter of a tradesmen and the low breeding showed! She laughed loudly and without restrain, actually shrieking at times. She spoke of money in public, both hers and _anyone_ else's. Mrs. Bennet also indulged in over drinking at parties and the shameless matching-making of her daughters for financial incentive. Adding to Elizabeth's poor connections were her very silly, three younger sisters. Each one in their own way were self-involved little horrors. Also, she had Uncles that were in trade! Though the name Bennet was itself an old and respectable name, Darcy could not think to connect himself with it in its current state.

With these considerations in mind he had torn himself away from her, and his friend from her sister, four months ago, thinking that he would never see her again. But then Elizabeth had been here in Kent when he had arrived! And if anything, had grown more beautiful, more delightful then she had been four months ago when he had left her. Every night he was tortured with her image in his dreams and during the day could hardly resist running to her and proclaiming his love.

Another glance at her face and he saw she was looking at him with an odd expression. Though he wasn't sure what the expression signified, it reminded him that he had again lapsed into silence. "And how do you find your friend Mrs. Collins? And your cousin? Do you think that they are happy to be here at Hunsford?"

He hoped the Collins did like Hunsford, because if he did break down and marry Elizabeth then she would have pleasant friend in the area. For a moment he was caught up in a daydream where they were married, and she would accompany him here for his yearly visit. She would be someone he could confide in as well as a welcome break from the personalities housed here. Yes, she would make the time spent at Rosings very pleasant indeed.

"My cousin could not be more pleased, Sir, he is tremendously grateful for your aunt's condescension. Charlotte, I mean Mrs. Collins is, I think, quite satisfied. She enjoys her relative freedom and the ability to run her own home."

Darcy nodded. He liked Mrs. Collins, he saw in her a bit of a kindred spirit. She was quiet, serious person with a very practical attitude. Then Darcy disparaged his own thought. _He_ , practical? Though he had always considered himself thus, his recent obsession with Miss Bennet seemed to argue against it.

"Colonel Fitzwilliam tells me your visit is almost at an end. How did you enjoy your time with your aunt and cousin?" Then Miss Elizabeth laughed, "But here, what could I be speaking of? You could not have but enjoyed yourself! As we all know what prestigious care Lady Catherine takes of her _favorite_ guests."

"My time has been well spent. Her estate is in good order. As for being a guest of my aunt, few people could complain. Every comfort is looked after, and the rooms are very fine." Darcy did not want her understanding how much he disliked coming here. After all, he might someday try to convince her to accompany him.

"Oh, yes, I am sure. Not the smallest of discomforts would be overlooked." Elizabeth said solemnly but with a sparkle in her mischievous eyes. _Lord, how he loved those beautiful eyes!_

"It is true. Every room has its own copper tub, luxurious furniture, fresh linens every morning, and the staff is very well trained. No guest of my aunt's could want for anything." Darcy insisted. But then he was suddenly worried that he was being too transparent. She would know why he wanted to convince her of his aunt's hostess skills if he wasn't careful. He did not want to get her hopes up when he hadn't quite made up his mind yet.

But who was he fooling? How else could she interpret him finding her so often on her walks? Why this must have been the third time they had met up. But still he should not be so open without having a certainty of purpose.

"Of course, sir, I meant no offence. Your lady aunt is everything generous." said Elizabeth in a somewhat subdued voice.

Darcy didn't know what to say. If he let her know her teases were justified, that indeed his aunt did fuss and try to control every aspect of his stay with her, then it would be admitting to being miserable. But if he continued to defend his aunt then he would give away his hopes. _Better to say nothing further._

"No offence taken, Miss Bennet." Darcy said just to relieve her mind and then lapsed into silence. He so loved that she didn't feel the need to fill every minute with conversation as some women did. He did enjoy their comfortable silences. Soon they had circled the park and she took her leave of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"… _How it could occur a second time, therefore, was very odd! Yet it did and even a third. It seemed like wilful ill-nature, or a voluntary penance, for on these occasions it was not merely a few formal inquiries and an awkward pause and then away, but he actually thought it necessary to turn back and walk with her. He never said a great deal, nor did she give herself the trouble of talking or of listening much; but it struck her in the course of their third rencontre that he was asking some odd unconnected questions—about her pleasure in being at Hunsford, her love of solitary walks, and her opinion of Mr. and Mrs. Collins's happiness; and that in speaking of Rosings and her not perfectly understanding the house, he seemed to expect that whenever she came into Kent again she would be staying there too. His words seemed to imply it. Could he have Colonel Fitzwilliam in his thoughts? She supposed, if he meant anything, he must mean an allusion to what might arise in that quarter."_ ( _Jane Austen pt. 2 Ch. 10_ )

It was distressing to Elizabeth to think that Mr. Darcy might have her and his cousin on his mind. There was absolutely nothing between her and Colonel Fitzwilliam except for a very open, easy friendship. Other than Wickham there was no other young man in her acquaintance that she could be such friends with. Though she would not necessarily dislike it if Colonel Fitzwilliam changed the friendship; he had never indicated that he thought of her that way. Oh, he was a good match for her to be sure! The son of an earl! He even wore a red coat (her mother would be in raptures). But Elizabeth had not seen any evidence of interest and so their friendship stood.

Yet for all that, what other explanation could there be for Mr. Darcy's continuous, awkward encounters with her? Elizabeth walked back to the parsonage slowly after she had taken her leave of Mr. Darcy. He was such a strange, unpleasant man. What absurdity of character to walk with her when he did not like her! She soon reached her destination and put the gentlemen's eccentric behavior from her mind entirely.

It was not many days later, the Colonel himself confirmed her thoughts on their friendship. He had met her on one of her walks and they had chatted about his upcoming departure and she teased him about his demanding cousin and how much he like to have his way. It was following these comments that he mentioned that he would have to marry an heiress, for second sons of earls have no money and many needs.

Elizabeth was not sorry. She never expected anything from him and so went back to teasing him after only a momentary pause. It was soon after, in commenting on something else, that Mr. Bingley's name came up and Fitzwilliam commented on what great friends they were.

 _"Oh! yes," said Elizabeth drily; "Mr. Darcy is uncommonly kind to Mr. Bingley, and takes a prodigious deal of care of him."_

 _"Care of him! Yes, I really believe Darcy does take care of him in those points where he most wants care. From something that he told me in our journey hither, I have reason to think Bingley very much indebted to him. But I ought to beg his pardon, for I have no right to suppose that Bingley was the person meant. It was all conjecture."_

 _"What is it you mean?"_

 _"It is a circumstance which Darcy could not wish to be generally known, because if it were to get round to the lady's family, it would be an unpleasant thing."_

 _"You may depend upon my not mentioning it."_

 _"And remember that I have not much reason for supposing it to be Bingley. What he told me was merely this: that he congratulated himself on having lately saved a friend from the inconveniences of a most imprudent marriage, but without mentioning names or any other particulars, and I only suspected it to be Bingley from believing him the kind of young man to get into a scrape of that sort, and from knowing them to have been together the whole of last summer."_

 _"Did Mr. Darcy give you reasons for this interference?"_

 _"I understood that there were some very strong objections against the lady._

 _Jane Austen pt. 2Ch. 10_

Objections to the lady? Elizabeth couldn't believe it. Nothing could be said against sweet Jane. Jane was everything beautiful, kind and good! But here was her friend informing her that Darcy had done what he could to ruin the hopes of her sister, and his friend! She pressed Colonel Fitzwilliam for more information, but he insisted that that was all he knew.

Elizabeth's head swam with anger and her heart with pain for her sister. Though quiet and undemonstrative, Jane had really loved Bingley and had been in pain ever since he had left. Her strong emotions soon forced her to change the subject. As soon as they reached the parsonage she retired to her own room to think of all she had heard.

The rest of the morning Elizabeth spent rereading her sister's letters to her. Though Jane never actually complained of missing Bingley, her melancholy was easy to see in the rather bleak descriptions of her life. Indeed, in the past Elizabeth had often found herself fighting the urge to roll her eyes at Jane's letters as they usually contained nothing but praises for everyone and everything around her. Jane was one of those few people who were just naturally happy. It wasn't that she was weak-willed like many thought as they viewed her easy manner, but rather that she was simply inclined to be happy.

That wasn't to say Jane was never unhappy, Elizabeth knew. She could become angry if provoked enough. Elizabeth had to smile as she remembered some of the times that Jane had lost her _nearly_ unending patience. But even that formidable rise in temper would be preferable to this melancholy for Elizabeth's heart ached with sympathy for her sister as her letters clearly showed the depressed state of her sister's mind.

 _Oh, how I hate him! Despicable man!_ Elizabeth thought. Sure, her mother could be a little… _unrestrained_ but he would not have to _live_ with her! And her father was everything respectable, if a little odd at times. No, if there were objections, they had to be mercenary. Though perfectly respectable, their income was not large, and her mother was from trade. It was the worst kind of pride, Elizabeth decided, to value connections over the people themselves.

Her frustration and anger soon turned into tears and by afternoon she developed an abominable headache. It was in this mood that she found out that they were invited to have tea at Rosings that afternoon. The last thing she wanted was to see _him_. Elizabeth tried to use her headache as a means of escape.

"I could not be good company." She insisted.

"I understand, and surely Lady Catherine will as well." Charlotte soothed. But her sensible comment was immediately disagreed with by her husband.

"You would answer Lady Catherine de Bourgh's generosity with a denial? No, of course, you cannot serious in your rejection. I see what this is, and your humbleness is to be commended but do not make yourself uneasy, Lady Catherine did include you in her invitation and thus must find some of your behaviors to be amusing. Though I would caution you against too much your usual impertinence as it could be seen as disrespect."

Her cousin, Mr. Collins, looked very pleased by his 'insight' and continued getting ready to go out. Elizabeth was forcibly reminded of his preposterous proposal to herself. The Bennet estate, Longbourn, was entailed to male heirs and her mother had birthed only daughters, making Mr. Collins the eventual heir. He decided to marry Elizabeth as amends for the fact her home was to be entailed to him. A reasonable thought (one of his few!) but completely overshadowed by the ridiculousness of the man himself. The proposal itself was done with such silliness and self-importance that Elizabeth had been spared any guilt at having to reject such a man. Yet he had not believed her! After refusing him quite three times she had had to leave the room as he was still assuring her that she was actually agreeing with him!

"I assure you Cousin, I know no such modesty, truthfully I feel quite unwell. I could not possibly give Lady Catherine the attention she deserves." Elizabeth reasoned, trying to invoke the man's almost religious awe of his patron.

"Certainly, you can! You need only sit and listen quietly. I'm sure her graciousness would allow you to be a bit quieter than usual. It would in fact, probably raise you in her eyes, as you often speak of your opinions too strongly! No. this will not do; you can not disappoint her ladyship!" Mr. Collins started to sweat just at the idea of upsetting his revered patron.

"My husband, surely with Miss de 'Bourgh somewhat weak health, Lady Catherine has much experience with the delicate state that is a woman's health. Assuredly she will understand."

But Mr. Collins would not hear of it and Elizabeth, not wanting to cause a fight between her friend and husband, reluctantly agreed to go.

As they walked to Rosings Elizabeth found her mood rapidly changing. The exercise and fresh are did much for her headache and anger came back full force _. That man! How could he? To Jane of all people!_ Elizabeth soon found that rather than wanting to avoid Mr. Darcy she needed to see him. Wanted him to know that she knew and hated him for it. He wouldn't care what her feelings were, she knew, but he would know nonetheless.

For a second, she lost conviction. For never had any man shown less of an interest in her feelings then Mr. Darcy. He seemed to enjoy making her uncomfortable and had openly declared he found her 'not handsome enough to tempt him'. But that he should do such a thing and bear no consequences was a thought she could not bear. No, he would know that his sins had been found out. If nothing else, the awkwardness of the scene might punish him.

Her head was so preoccupied with variations of the conversation she was determined to have that she was surprised to look up and see that they had arrived.

Their arrival was met with little fanfare. Lady Catharine was speaking to her nephews and seemed almost annoyed to be interrupted. Her daughter and her companion, Mrs. Jenkinson, as usual, had little to say. Mr. Darcy bowed but said nothing. In fact, the only one who seemed genuinely happy to see them was Colonel Fitzwilliam. He quickly walked over to their group with a smile and a bow. And after a polite greeting to each of their group turned to address Elizabeth.

"Miss Bennet, I am pleased to see you. By the end of our walk together you did not seem quite yourself and I was worried you might not be feeling your best."

"I am sorry Colonel, that I was such poor company this morning. I will endeavor to be much more amusing this evening." Elizabeth teased, but in her mind a shield went up. _After all_ , she thought _, if he was as good a gentleman as I first thought, how could he respect and love such a man as Mr. Darcy?_

And so, it was with well-hidden anger that she started a pleasant conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam. Sitting together on the settee, slightly away from the others they spoke of books they had both read. Elizabeth had only recently read The Castle of Otranto by Horace Walpole, it was older novel but new to her father's library that she had quite enjoyed.

"it was very dramatic! There was abundant romance, terror, and pathos; I especially liked it when Bianca…" Elizabeth's voice trailed off for a second when Mr. Darcy suddenly appeared next to Fitzwilliam. She had expected him to come over at some point. He usually did, for despite his disinterest in her, no reasonable person could withstand the conversations between Lady Catherine and Mr. Collins for long. It usually took him longer to get bored enough to come over. _Still, it is time_. She thought with determination and a return of her anger.

"Mr. Darcy, good evening. We were just talking of novels and their drama. Do you read much fiction?"

"I find I have little time for them. And little enjoyment of the more romantic ones." He answered gravely. "But I have read a few. Which one were you speaking of?"

"Little enjoyment of drama and romance? I can scarce credit that!" She forced as smile. "After all I have it on good authority that you take an active part in it yourself!"

At this Fitzwilliam looked alarmed. He shook his head slightly, requesting her not reveal their earlier conversation. But feeling little love for either man, she cared little of the small scene she knew was coming.

"I have not the pleasure of understanding you." Darcy said, looking truly confused.

"Why Colonel Fitzwilliam, your cousin would have us know nothing of his _kindness_." This she said somewhat sarcastically but still maintained a conversational tone.

"Miss Bennet-" Colonel Fitzwilliam started but Elizabeth pushed on.

"Come, Mr. Darcy, your cousin was just telling me this morning of a time you did not hate drama so much. Was there not a romance between a friend of yours and a lady that you were involved in? Surely that is an exciting tale."

The surprise that flicked across Darcy's face was followed quickly by a telltale reddening of his ears. But rather than looking ashamed and fleeing in defeat as she had pictured on her way over, Darcy responded calmly.

"There was no great drama, Miss Bennet. I will freely admit I did what I could to separate my friend from you sister. But it was calmly and easily done. Very little pathos I can imagine could be attributed to the affair."

The Colonel looked shocked and extremely embarrassed not only by the realization that Elizabeth's sister was the woman involved but by Darcy's dismissive manner in responding.

"It is for you to decide how much sadness was felt by other people?" Elizabeth said quietly but through clenched teeth. She could feel herself losing her composure but was too caught up in her feelings to care. She continued in a low but tense tone. "Surely, no motive can excuse the unjust and ungenerous part you acted there. Your actions have exposed one to the censure of the world for instability of character, and the other to mockery for her disappointed hopes. But most of all your interference has unjustly caused my sister, _my dear, sweet_ Jane great heartache."

She paused and saw with no slight indignation that he seemed unmoved by her statement. Indeed, rather than apologetic he seemed more offended.

"Your sister will, I'm sure, recover quite well when your mother sets her up with next rich man she finds. For it was obvious to any observer that you mother was the one who cherished the match the most."

Elizabeth colored at this reference to her mother's ambitions, but the incredible rudeness of his words gave her the strength to retaliate. "And you know the innermost feelings of my sister better than I? You, who never spoke to her -unless you could help it- judged her feelings to be inadequate? No, you wanted to see little affection because it supported your desires best. For you being _such_ a good friend as you are to Bingley thought our family too far below his. But in this you would be wrong, Jane is a gentleman's daughter, can Bingley say the same?"

"I will allow that you have a greater understanding of your sister. and if I have caused her pain, I am very sorry for it. However, if I have indeed inflicted pain such on her as you suggest, I shall not scruple to assert, that the serenity of your sister's countenance and air was such as might have given the most acute observer a conviction that, however amiable her temper, her heart was not yet touched. Maybe I was desirous of believing her indifferent, but I will venture to say that my investigation and decisions are not usually influenced by my emotions. I believed her indifferent upon an impartial conviction. My objections to the marriage were not as you accuse me; the want of fashionable connection would not be a great evil to Bingley, you are right. But there were many other causes for my objection; your mother's ties to trade was nothing in comparison to that total want of propriety so frequently, so almost uniformly, betrayed by herself, by your three younger sisters, and even occasionally by your father."

Elizabeth was shocked. The combination of painful truth and incredible discourtesy of Darcy's speech rendered her quite mute. Before she could gather herself, she heard him continue.

"Let it give you consolation to consider that, to have conducted yourselves so as to avoid any share of censure, is praise upon you and your elder sister. No one could find fault in the behavior of either of you. Indeed, the manners of both of you were such as to make the decision on my part quite difficult."

Ignoring the offhand complement Elizabeth returned. "And it falls to you does it, to decide for Mr. Bingley? To judge the characters of others wholly unconnected with you? Your perspectiv-"

"What is this?!" Cried Lady Catharine. Apparently have just notice the fight going on in her parlor. "What are you speaking of?"

The whole room turned to stare at Elizabeth, and she was suddenly overwhelmed by mortification. To her great embarrassment, tears pricked at her eyes. But she stood calmly as and curtsied to Lady Catharine. "I apologize, but I'm really not feeling well. I thought I could find the strength to attend you, but it appears I was wrong. Please allow me to leave, so that I might not disturb the party anymore."

With these words Elizabeth turned and walked from the room. She knew she would get no help home but didn't mind the walk. She could not fathom one more minute in the same room as Mr. Darcy. _Abominable man_! She would gladly walk all night if it got her away from him.

However, this thought was almost immediately interrupted by Mr. Darcy catching up to her and calling out her name. She rounded on him and saw Colonel Fitzwilliam coming out of the house as well.

"Miss Bennet, I- I would not- I _cannot_ have us part this way!" Mr. Darcy exclaimed in frustrated tones.

This was such a confusing assertion that Elizabeth thought she had misheard him! Why would he care how they left things?

"Mr. Darcy you can have nothing more to say to me! You have made you feelings for myself and my family in every way clear and understood." She shook her head and resumed her march. "I can only imagine how much Bingley would appreciate your interference if he knew the truth! That my sister loved him, and he abandoned her for the sake of _your_ pride!"

Her words seemed to cause his steps to stutter but he quickly matched her pace, ""I never meant to hurt him or your admirable sister. Truly, I have a great respect both your sister and you!"

"You! You, who could not be troubled to be polite to me or _anyone_ in my acquaintance now claim to respect and admire us! You belittle and judge us from your lofty place of 'perfect morality' but then claim to have everyone's best interests at heart!"

"And this," exclaimed Darcy catching her elbow and halting her steps, "This how you see me? You have made me the enemy of your family and yourself. But perhaps," added he, coming closer towards her, "you would have seen the logic of my perspective, had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples I had against your family."

Elizabeth huffed a laugh, "You are incorrect sir, if you imagine that my opinion of you was in anyway changed by today's conversation. Had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner I could only have been surprised. But no, From the very beginning—from the first moment, I may almost say—of my acquaintance with you, your manners have impressed me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others!"

To Elizabeth's great satisfaction, she saw that he was astonished; and he looked at her with an expression of such mortification and hurt that she was astounded. She stood, chest heaving exertion and emotion while Mr. Darcy seemed likewise overwhelmed with strong emotions. The obvious distress in his expression caused her great confusion. Why would he care what she said when he did care for her at all? Elizabeth was so confused she could think of nothing more to say.

Then Colonel Fitzwilliam caught up to them and Elizabeth could feel his confused gaze on them both. His presence seemed to break some of the tension and Mr. Darcy said stiffly. "If I have caused you and your sister pain I apologize; it was most unintentionally done." And with a quick bow, he left.

Elizabeth stared after him, feeling triumph mixed with confusion. She had hoped to put him in his place and felt she had done it well but could not shrug off a lifetime's training in deportment. The scene she had cause, the angry words she'd flung at him and the hurt in his expression all came back to her in a wave of discomfort.

One glance at Fitzwilliam had her feeling many times worse. His expression was a mixture of shock and pain. He refused to meet her eyes but murmured, "I would see you home safely, Miss Bennet."

"Thank you." Was all she could manage and so it was a silent pair who made their way back to the parsonage. The argument kept going around and around in Elizabeth's mind. Every word, every look was gone back over. Her anger fought against it but some of his words came back to her sounding very reasonable. How could she deny the credit of his assertions? He declared himself to be totally unsuspicious of her sister's attachment; and she could not help remembering what Charlotte's opinion had always been. Neither could she deny the justice of his description of Jane. She felt that Jane's feelings, though fervent, were little displayed, and that there was a constant complacency in her air and manner not often united with great feeling.

Mr. Darcy's separate compliment to herself and her sister could be little felt. It soothed, but it could not console her for the contempt which had thus been self-attracted by the rest of her family. And as she considered that Jane's disappointment had in fact been the work of her nearest relations and reflected how materially the credit of both must be hurt by such impropriety of conduct, she felt depressed beyond anything she had ever known before.

When they had almost reached the parsonage before Colonel Fitzwilliam finally spoke.

"Are you well? Can I do anything more for you comfort?"

"Oh, Colonel Fitzwilliam, I'm so sorry."

"For what?" He said with a twisted little smile. "I can't believe the mess I made of things! Telling you of a private conversation between myself and my cousin. I couldn't have known it was your sister involved but I shouldn't have said anything. Your reaction is reasonable from your perspective."

"Reasonable you call it! You are too generous!" Elizabeth cried, tearing up again at his kindness. "I have done exactly what you accused yourself of! I reveal our private conversation as well, and then I betrayed your trust and embarrassed you in front of your family. And you… you have done nothing wrong. You have always been a good friend to me."

"Maybe so, but I cannot help but feel this was my fault."

"Your fault? That I… that I was so rude? That my family was such as to drive off a respectable suitor?"

"They cannot be as bad as Darcy makes them to be, surely?"

His kind words caused Elizabeth's tears to start to fall. "I am afraid that though he was abominably rude, he- there was _some_ truth to his statements." She said this last bit in a whisper. "I have been so blind! I have always known my family was silly but thought them harmless enough. Aren't most people a little silly in some way?"

"I would say so, as you can see, my family is not above reproach." The Colonel said, in a consolatory tone.

Elizabeth appreciated his words, but she knew her situation was different. Though high handed, Lady Catherine was a lady and an intelligent one at that. Maybe Darcy was rude and selfish, but he respectable man nonetheless. But the Bennets? Elizabeth shuddered now to remember some of their public behavior. Her mother's loud exclamations of other people's money, her constant references to Jane's beauty and her love of gossip now bought new tears of shame to Elizabeth's eyes. To say nothing of her younger sisters! Why had father never put a stop to it?

Encouraged by Colonel Fitzwilliam's sympathetic words Elizabeth found herself confiding in him. "My family is loving but can be inappropriate. Much of what your cousin said is true. However, I always thought that if Jane and I behaved with propriety it wouldn't matter how the rest of the family conducted themselves. Now I understand how foolish that hope was, for there is no one judged separately from their family and connections."

"It's unfortunate but you are correct for the most part. But not everyone will judge it as Darcy does. I very much enjoy your company and will continue to do so, no matter how many embarrassing relatives you have."

"You are too kind. If only everyone had your generous attitude! But if Jane, who is more beautiful and more kind than I am by far, could not induce even a man as amiable as Mr. Bingley, then there can be no hope for any in my family." After a slight pause she continued. "I've always known that Mr. Darcy disliked me. The first time I met him he said of me 'she is not handsome enough to tempt me'. And he always stares at me, like I am such an oddity that he cannot avert his eyes. (And I of course, have no great love for him!) But to know that he dislikes me and my family so much! Will he speak to others of his poor opinion, you think? I know he has many connections."

"No! I am sure he will not! I was surprised at his words actually; he has only ever praised you in my presence."

"I cannot imagine that!" Elisabeth shrugged. "Perhaps Mamma was right, and I should have accepted my cousin."

"Your cousin? No, you can not mean... surely you cannot mean that Mr. Collins offered for you?"

Elizabeth couldn't help a small smile at his horrified tone. "Indeed, for Mr. Collins will inherit my father's estate after his death. Both he and my mother thought it a fine thing to mend this injustice by his marriage to me."

"But he is so- so…" Colonel Fitzwilliam couldn't seem to find the words, or maybe was simply too polite to speak them out loud.

Elizabeth gave a twisted smile. "I thought so too. But now… well now it seems foolish to turn down a safe future and secure home because I had hoped to marry for love. Or at least with respect and a measure of compatibility but now I fear I was overly optimistic."

As she said these words Elizabeth suddenly realized that it was not a proper conversation to be having with a bachelor. Though they had made it clear to each other that they were only friends, he might mistake her meaning if she continued on such a discussion.

"Forgive me." She said, before he could respond. "I- I am somewhat distraught. Please do not take too deep a meaning from my words. Look, here is the parsonage! Please, I should go in. Thank you so much for your escort and your kind words. You are a true friend and gentlemen."

At this Colonel Fitzwilliam looked abashed but responded quickly. "Truly, there is no need, I only hope that I was some comfort. I am sorry for my cousin's rudeness." He paused and looked like he would say more on the subject but then only bowed and made a polite farewell.

It was an embarrassed, tired and confused Elizabeth Bennet who entered the parsonage that night. She immediately sought her bed but found her sleep to be fitful, as her turbulent emotions would not let her mind rest. It was long and miserable night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

" _You are incorrect sir, if you imagine that my opinion of you was in anyway changed by today's conversation. Had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner I would only have been surprised."_

Fitzwilliam Darcy's mind swam with her words. Over and over they repeated in his head. How could she speak in such extreme language? He knew that she had been angry but even still this was too much! Darcy paced an agitated line back and forth before the library's fireplace. She had only ever teased and smiled at him. The reversal of her behavior was so extreme that he could not comprehend it had been his Elizabeth speaking those words to him!

That she was so passionate was one of the things he loved about her. But to have such a hateful temper was not something he would have thought of her. _Is this flaw severe enough that I must reconsider her as my wife?_ He thought worriedly, but the idea struck such a deep cord of sadness in him that he stopped pacing and sank into an armchair. He was amazed at the depth of emotion he felt simply at in considering walking away from Elizabeth. She was everything bright and beautiful, to never see her again would cast his future in a bleak darkness.

Darcy stared blankly at the ceiling. When had he fallen so far? It had only been a few days again that he had walked with her and believed himself still in the midst of making the decision. Now, however, he unconsciously considered it a foregone conclusion that he would marry her.

Just then his cousin James Fitzwilliam strode into the room with a grim expression. His movement stopped a few feet away from Darcy and he crossed his arms After a moment of silence in which Darcy tried to ignore him, James demanded. "Well, what explanation can you offer for your behavior?"

"My behavior? What can you mean?" Darcy stood up with an indignant air and poured himself a glass of port from the side table. "It was Miss Elizabeth who lost her temper! Besides, even had I words to regret I still would not have to answer to you."

"I am your family! And your friend. You must be accountable to someone and if not I, then who?" James took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. "I'm sorry Darcy, but I just don't understand! I thought you liked Miss Elizabeth. I actually thought you might… well that you might harbor deeper feelings for her. I knew nothing could come of it, but you always seemed to be staring at her. Your interest was so marked from my perspective that I wondered at Miss Elizabeth's apparent dislike for you. But I am confused no longer! Your words to her- your attitude, please tell me this is not how you behave behind my back!"

Darcy was stunned. James felt that _he_ was in the wrong? _And wait- what? What did he say? Elizabeth's apparent_ dislike _? Could it be that her angry words were more than just that? That she actually thought that way about me?_ No _, surely not._

"Cousin, please! She was only angry. And if I misjudged her sister so severely I can see why, but she will calm down by tomorrow. Can you not see how she teases and provokes me into conversation with her? No, she is not only expecting but eager for my proposal."

"Your proposal?!" James exclaimed.

"Yes, I have been for some time considering it but can no longer restrain my desire for to be my wife. You were correct in your observations, I cannot deny my attraction to her and though everything I said about her family is true, I can no longer imagine any other woman in the role as my wife. That she has no dowry and poor connections will not affect me so much as her lively, kind spirit will. Yes, separated from her family she will make an excellent mistress of Pemberley."

To Darcy's great indignation, as soon as he finished this speech Fitzwilliam burst into laughter.

"Darcy! You cannot be serious!" With a shake of his head his chuckles died, and he strolled to the side board for his own glass of port.

"Perfectly serious!" Darcy was starting to get angry. "I have every intention of proposing to her before we leave Kent."

"That's in two days! Darcy, you cannot be so oblivious! She dislikes you!"

The words felt like knives in Darcy's chest, but he tried to shrug it off. "You don't know that."

"I do! I am her friend; I _talk_ to her! Can't you see that every interaction she has had with you has been tense and confrontational?"

"She only seeks to be provocative. Our disagreements are always teasing."

"No, she uses her sense of humor as a shield against your scorn."

"Scorn? I do not scorn her! How can you say that?"

"She thinks you do! She said that you have always disliked her. She told me that you called her 'not handsome enough to tempt you'. And that you stare at her disapprovingly. I of course know better; your glances are not the least bit negative. But with such an introduction I am not surprised that is how she interpreted your looks. Good God, Darcy! You have botched this up! If you have such feelings for her, you have a long way to go before revealing them to her! if you tried anything now she'd probably slap you!"

Darcy was a decisive and confident man, but he sincerely valued his cousin's advice. At this moment James Fitzwilliam looked a little angry and very sure of his stance. It gave Darcy pause and he was quiet for a minute, thinking back over several of Elizabeth's and his interactions. His memories looked different now with James's words ringing in his ears. He remembered some of his words to her and winced. He had been so caught up in his own feelings, struggles and thoughts he had never actually wondered if she had liked him.

 _Still, it could not be as bad as James claims_ , Darcy thought. However, James soon convinced him that it was indeed nearly as bad as could possibly be. Elizabeth cared nothing for Darcy's social status and had been legitimately offended by his manners on more than one occasion. Darcy had never thought about his manners overmuch. He was accepted into the finest circles by his name alone, even there he could act nearly however he wished and still be desired as a match. He knew that it wasn't only his money and social standing, he was tall, handsome, decent and almost completely independent of other people. All these things made him very attractive to men as a friend and women as husband. It had truly never occurred to Darcy that he should behave in any particular way to Elizabeth.

As Darcy considered his manners toward Elizabeth, he had to admit to finding them lacking. In fact, after another glass of port and his cousins' removal to bed Darcy could not stop his mind from going over and over again every interaction he'd ever had with Elizabeth. Each memory impressed him again with her charming manners, delightful spirit and sensual beauty yet when he tried to think of what he had actually said to her he could remember very little. Indeed, the more he searched his memories for his side of the conversations the more he realized how little he had truly conversed with her. Most of his knowledge and love came from observation and -to be painfully honest- eavesdropping on her conversations with others.

Watching her interaction with her family and friends had seemed to him a treatise on impeccable breeding and character. He had fallen in love with her as he watched her kindness to everyone in her circle. He had delighted in her laughs, triumphed in her conversational victories but with a sudden wave of self-awareness he realized that these experiences were completely one-sided. He had not actually shared in those triumphs; her laughter was not _his_ reward and never had her eyes shone with the welcome he had oft seen there for others. He had learned of her good character but what did she know of his?

This question brought him up short. What _did_ Elizabeth know of him? He tried to remember him telling her anything about himself. He couldn't. He knew that she knew of his wealth, her mother had seen to that. Caroline Bingley had told her of his estate, and his sister. Darcy grimaced, neither subject would be thought well of by Elizabeth because of the person who presented them to her. Caroline and Elizabeth had quite obviously despised each other. And Darcy was chagrined to realize that the larger portion of his and Elizabeth's time together was in company with that woman. In fact, there had been more conversation between the two rival woman then between him and Elizabeth. ' _Rival_ ' Darcy paused his other racing thoughts and considered that adjective. He had always considered them as that and had rather enjoyed their sparing. Without much thought he had always supposed them competing for his attention. But while he maintained this of Miss Bingley, he was forced to consider that perhaps Elizabeth had been merely defending herself against the other woman's conversational barbs without a single thought towards him. This idea caused him some mortification, for he saw the casual arrogance in the assumption that her actions were for his amusement and not her own interests.

Darcy acknowledged to himself the absurdity of his mind set at that time and attempted to return to his earlier line of reasoning. Oh, yes, what she knew of _his_ character. Coming away from his thoughts about Caroline he suddenly remembered a time Elizabeth had he had conversed about his character.

"… _it has been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule."_

 _"Such as vanity and pride."_

 _"Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride—where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation."_

 _Elizabeth turned away to hide a smile._

 _"Your examination of Mr. Darcy is over, I presume," said Miss Bingley; "and pray what is the result? I am perfectly convinced by it that Mr. Darcy has no defect. He owns it himself without disguise."_

 _"No," said Darcy, "I have made no such pretension. I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding—certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever." (Jane Austen pt. 1, ch 11)_

Dear Lord, had he truly said that? He saw with new understanding that Elizabeth's comment about vanity and pride had not been -as he had supposed- a tease, but rather a genuine challenge toward a more moral behavior. Her smile had showed her be, rather than impressed, amused at his absurdity. For how could anyone see in himself the limits of respectable behavior and the 'good regulation' of outward qualities? And then came Miss Bingley's simpering, how Elizabeth must have mocked them both with the privacy of her mind.

And then, how embarrassing, he had proudly announced that he had an unchanging judgment of others. How foolish of him! She could only have interpreted that as a judgment against herself and her circle. He had meant to show her that he had a firmness of purpose and ideas. That he could not be easily led like his friend Bingley, but he now feared he'd come across as bitter and unforgiving. In fact, he now knew she thought of him as such, had he not often showed his disapprobation of her family? By his own words she had to assume he would hate her family.

These many thoughts and realizations so overwhelmed Fitzwilliam Darcy that he did not think to go to bed until he saw dawn's first light begin to touch the sky. By then his mind was so fuzzy with drink and despair that he could make no clear plan for any future actions other than to find his bed. Yet despite all his painful realizations the last thought he had before he slipped into unconsciousness was of Elizabeth. Despite everything, he loved her and wished her to be his wife.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Elizabeth awoke with an abominable headache. Her thoughts could not leave the events of the night before and she had relived them many times in her dreams. The public nature of the scene and her loss of control before an influential gentleman weighed on her heavily but worst of all was the embarrassment of knowing that gentleman had been correct in all his judgments. Facing the truth of his statements were painful. She now also forced to question if she should really be immune from judgement herself. For how could the gently bred lady she considered herself to be, behave so?

Most of all she just wanted to leave, she felt like she'd humiliated herself and she hated Darcy. She was glad that she would never see him again. _That smug, handsome, interfering… dalcop_! Not for the first time, Elizabeth wished that she knew some decent curse words.

This desire to remove herself from the area was obviously shared by her cousin, Mr. Collins. He had been horrified at the realization that she had been found arguing with Lady Catherine de 'Bourgh's nephew! _Would Lady Catherine be furious? Of course, she would be! How could Elizabeth not show the proper deference? Didn't she know who his benefactor was? How could_ his _cousin repay Lady Catherine's generous condescension this way? Would she blame him? But what could he do? Elizabeth was too headstrong and rebellious_! These were a sample of the thoughts that Mr. Collins had been expressing all morning and by ten o'clock Elizabeth was sure that her leaving for London early would be the best thing for everyone. She could only bring further pain to her dear friend, confusion to her cousin and anger from the great Lady herself.

It was arranged that the very next day Elizabeth and Maria Lucas would travel to London. Maria was Charlotte's younger sister by ten years. She had only just come out after Charlotte's wedding. Despite the fact that at eighteen Maria was closer to Elizabeth's age then Charlotte was, Elizabeth still thought of her as a child. She was easily awed, and all her opinions were merely the most recent ones she had heard from other people. For all that though, she was a sweet girl and loved to please others. So it was that while Maria was disappointed, she could not find the courage to object nor could she ignore the obvious tension in the rest of the group. It would come as a little bit of a surprise to her aunt and uncle, who weren't expecting her for another week, but Elizabeth felt sure it would be well, and that her relations would understand.

The rest of the day she spent in hiding. For though there were legitimate reasons to be in her rooms, like packing and the very real headache that afflicted her, Elizabeth knew she was hiding. This truth was demonstrated most acutely to her when the Collin's servant girl come to room and informed her that the 'Rosings gentlemen' had arrived to call. It took some insistence on Elizabeth's part for the girl to leave but she maintained she was not well. She sent even Charlette away when her friend came in a few minutes later, urging her to come down, for she could not tolerate the idea of being in _that_ man's presence. Though out of habit and politeness she did request Charlette convey her deepest apologies.

Elizabeth endured another fitful night and awkward morning and then was on her way to London. Her cousin had hired a coach and a footman for the journey and it went by as quickly and uneventfully as could be hoped. Elizabeth even managed to doze a little before reaching her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner.

As she had expected her relatives were surprised but welcoming and she was relieved to be embraced by her loving family.

That morning Darcy slept longer than was his usual. He had spent another night confused and frustrated, drinking and pacing. He had hoped to get a clearer understanding of the situation by speaking with Elizabeth the day before, but she had refused to speak with him. She had claimed to be 'still feeling unwell' but as he knew enough to recognize it as a complete refusal to see him. And so, with an aching head and heart Darcy was late for breakfast.

His aunt noticed and immediately commented on it, demanding to know why. James smirked but interceded by informing her that they had played billiards late into the night.

James was wonderful in that way, always covering for him, even in as simple things as conversations. Though Darcy loved him for it, he didn't appreciate the smirk and cast a glare at his cousin. Then, turning, gave a slight bow and addressed his Aunt.

"My apologies, Aunt. I hope you were not waiting long."

"No, of course not, for I arrived here precisely at breakfast time and truthfully you are not so very late." She said with the air of officious kindness that she was best known for.

Darcy only nodded before he gave another slight bow to Anne. "And cousin Anne, how are you this morning?" This he meant as a casual greeting. But his cousin didn't need no more of an opening.

"Not well, I'm afraid."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Darcy said as he got his breakfast and sat down. His aunt poured him a cup of tea without being asked as her daughter expanded on her comment.

"Yes, a dreadful night really. It's such a terrible time of year to be ill. It is both too hot and too cold at different times of the day and of course, so very damp. I feel a dreadful cough coming on."

Darcy did his best to look sympathetic while chewing his breakfast.

"And of course, there was a draft! My incompetent maid swore there wasn't one, but I knew better, I could feel it! Every time I was almost asleep, such fluttering! Quite gave me goosebumps." Before Darcy or James could respond she examined the plate that Mrs. Jenkinson, her companion, had brought her. "An Orange? I am surprised Mrs. Jenkinson! You know how much citrus upsets my humors!"

Darcy could have sworn that he'd seen her drink lemonade only yesterday.

"Yes, I have seen that in many people, dear cousin." James inserted. "However, I have heard that oranges picked very early in the morning do not have _as_ negative an effect on the delicate. If picked before the dew dries, they can actually be beneficial."

This was, of course, utter nonsense. It was a little joke of Fitzwilliam's to insert silly ideas into his aunt and cousin's minds, and then the next Easter, see how many were still believed. Fitzwilliam was all things kind and solemn usually, but Darcy thought that maybe this was a small revenge for all the silly, frustrating behaviors of his aunt and cousin.

"Well, when was the orange picked?" Lady Catherine demanded of Mrs. Jenkinson. That poor woman could only look confused as fruit picking could hardly be considered the responsibility of a companion. Thankfully that great lady needed no response and only added. "Thank you, nephew! We will certainly never eat anything but the earliest picked oranges from now on. I, of course, have always believed that fruit should always be picked early."

She nodded at the table, almost daring anyone to disagree with her statement. No one did. "Anne, don't forget to drink your hiera picra. I know it is very bitter, but it works wonders to remove ill humors thought to affect the health of mind and body." she said, (most likely a direct quote from her lasted doctor) and again nodded confidently to the table. "It can be used for nearly ailment. One should partake often to keep the tempers balanced."

Darcy found himself unusually annoyed with his relatives. This amount of silliness was not, unfortunately, so unusual, but on the heels of rebuking Miss Elizabeth for her family Darcy found himself embarrassed by their behavior. Even James was not excepted from his disapprobation for he found his cousin's teasing to be petty and mean.

Shortly after breakfast Darcy and the Colonel went again to call on Miss Bennet and her hosts. Upon arriving, however, Mrs. Collins informed them that Miss Elizabeth had left. Darcy was too shocked to speak, thankfully James was not so strongly affected.

"Left? When and how? I apologize but I had spoken to her only two days ago and her plan was fixed for next week? Did something come up with her family?"

Darcy watched as an uncomfortable look crossed Mrs. Collins face. "My husband thought- that is… Miss Bennet-" Then Mrs. Collins stopped herself and looked carefully at both of them before calmly saying. "Miss Bennet and I decided it would be best given the situation. We would not want to cause discomfort to anyone."

The conversation did not last much longer and soon Darcy and the Colonel were on their way back to Rosings. Immediately he began readying himself to leave. Though he had originally planned to leave on this day he had announced to his aunt that he would stay another week, hoping to reconcile with Miss Elizabeth. Thus, she was angry with him for suddenly changing his mind again and leaving halfway through the day, she had hoped that this would be the year Darcy would finally propose to her daughter, but Darcy stoically resisted all hints and plea and left after a firm but polite goodbye.

Darcy was lost in thought as he and Colonel Fitzwilliam began their ride back to London. Miss Bennet leaving so abruptly and in reaction to their row was horrifying to him. Did he make her so uncomfortable that she had to flee the county? She hated him so? Surely… surely, she wasn't afraid of him, was she?

He only knew that he had to follow after her as he could not leave things as they were. If nothing else these last two miserable nights had taught him how attached to Miss Elizabeth. He spent the rest of the ride weighing his options and formulating a plan.


	5. Chapter 5

_author note: by now I hope that have succeeded in expressing that these scenes, while written in third person, ARE through a specific person's perspective and thus, NOT objective or even_ ** _necessarily true_. **_I hope you keep this in mind especially when someone is thinking of another person, because while most third person perspectives write what IS i write what they THINK is. So if some of the character portrayals seem odd or somewhat off, it is because i think that's how_ that _character would view it. In any case, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy it!_

 **Chapter 5**

Daylight, lively and bright streaming in through her window, called Elizabeth to go out and enjoy it. But she could not indulge. Elizabeth would have loved an early morning walk but was by necessity given less freedom in London than at home in a small country village. So instead she usually played with the Gardiner children and read books in the early morning before the others awoke.

At the moment though she was caught in a moment of introspection as she stared, unseeing out the window. In the three days she had been in London with the Gardiners and Jane she had recovered significantly. Elizabeth was not made for melancholy and with the support and love of her family she felt mostly her normal self again. However, it was in quiet moments her thoughts would sometimes bring back the words and expressions of Mr. Darcy.

Time and distance had allowed her to think carefully of the argument. And while the substance of the argument still upset her greatly, there was another aspect to the memory that she sometimes wondered about. It was his eyes. She could not reconcile the intensity she had seen there with any other knowledge she had of Mr. Darcy. He had always seemed so remote. Throughout their whole acquaintance Mr. Darcy had held himself back, physically, emotional and especially conversationally. Elizabeth's concept of Mr. Darcy was mostly a single image of him, standing away from the group, silently staring out a window.

But when he had run after her? For some reason those few moments outside of Rosings had upended Elizabeth's previously steady impression of him. For his eyes and face had been alive with strong emotion. For some reason, she knew not why, but when she pictured him now, she saw the moment when he had grasped her elbow and asked if she really disliked him. As if he had been surprised and hurt by her attitude. Shaking her head Elizabeth pushed the image from mind. She had no answers and it did not matter much for any case she would never see him again, she was sure.

Much harder to push from her mind were the practical aspect of the argument. If all that Mr. Darcy had said was the true public perspective on the Bennet family, how could she and Jane have any future? As she had said to the Colonel, if Jane could not get Mr. Bingley, what hope was there? This thought plagued her without rest. She desperately wished she could make some grand determination to return home and set her family straight. In her mind she confronted each member of her family and lovingly but firmly told them the error of their ways. Her imagined speeches were so inspiring that henceforth her father protected them, her mother tempered her inappropriate ways and the younger girls all found new discipline. But these were all just silly fantasies. The truth was that as always, she had no control over her family's behavior. Even if she told her parents that they had been the cause of Jane's broken heart Elizabeth knew that nothing would come of it. Her father would understand and be sorry but would lack the energy to do anything about it. Her mother would simply refuse to believe her and likely find a way to blame Elizabeth herself!

The final aspect of the argument that continued to haunt Elizabeth was her own role in it. She had acted brazen and uncouth and she wished she had maintained her composure. Elizabeth could not quite regret the words she had spoken to him, for they were true and just. She only wished that they had been alone, so she could have spoken more calmly and at more length. Continually she thought of better ways of saying what she had or new things she wished she had remembered to accuse him of. One of those things she wished she could have remembered to use was his disgraceful behavior towards Lt. Wickham.

Lieutenant Wickham was a friend of hers from Hertfordshire. Or rather, he was with the militia that was encamped there. She had met him last fall. He was everything charming and they had gotten on quite well. Lt. Wickham was very handsome but had let her know early on that he would have to marry for more practical reasons. For though he was in, bearing and education, a gentleman he had no family or livelihood other than the militia.

It was Mr. Darcy who was responsible for that situation. She remembered clearly their conversation in which he had revealed this to her.

"… _We are not on friendly terms, and it always gives me pain to meet him, but I have no reason for avoiding him but what I might proclaim before all the world, a sense of very great ill-usage, and most painful regrets at his being what he is. His father, Miss Bennet, the late Mr. Darcy, was one of the best men that ever breathed, and the truest friend I ever had; and I can never be in company with this Mr. Darcy without being grieved to the soul by a thousand tender recollections. His behavior to myself has been scandalous; but I verily believe I could forgive him anything and everything, rather than his disappointing the hopes and disgracing the memory of his father."_

"… _.A military life is not what I was intended for, but circumstances have now made it eligible. The church ought to have been my profession—I was brought up for the church, and I should at this time have been in possession of a most valuable living, had it pleased the gentleman we were speaking of just now."_

"… _Yes—the late Mr. Darcy bequeathed me the next presentation of the best living in his gift. He was my godfather, and excessively attached to me. I cannot do justice to his kindness. He meant to provide for me amply and thought he had done it; but when the living fell, it was given elsewhere."_

 _"Good heavens!" Elizabeth had cried; "but how could that be? How could his will be disregarded? Why did you not seek legal redress?"_

 _"There was just such an informality in the terms of the bequest as to give me no hope from law. A man of honour could not have doubted the intention, but Mr. Darcy chose to doubt it—or to treat it as a merely conditional recommendation, and to assert that I had forfeited all claim to it by extravagance, imprudence—in short anything or nothing. Certain it is, that the living became vacant two years ago, exactly as I was of an age to hold it, and that it was given to another man; and no less certain is it, that I cannot accuse myself of having really done anything to deserve to lose it. I have a warm, unguarded temper, and I may have spoken my opinion of him, and to him, too freely. I can recall nothing worse. But the fact is, that we are very different sort of men, and that he hates me."_

 _"This is quite shocking! He deserves to be publicly disgraced."_

 _"Some time or other he will be—but it shall not be by me. Till I can forget his father, I can never defy or expose him."_ (Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, pt. 1 ch. 16)

Remembering Wickham's words, Elizabeth grew angry again. Wickham might not be able to expose him for honor's sake, but Elizabeth could have. _I wonder if Colonel Fitzwilliam knows about what Mr. Darcy had done. It is too late now, I suppose as I shall never see either of them again._

Elizabeth had not much longer to think before Jane stirred awake and they prepared themselves for the day. Maria Lucas met them in the hallway and together they went down to breakfast. Elizabeth expressed her need for fresh air and shortly after breakfast all three young ladies agreed to go out together with the Gardiner children and a footman for some exercise.

They had a delightful time in the nearby park and even happened upon a friend of their Aunt Gardiner to whom they were acquainted. Mrs. Robinson was a bright, cheerful lady few years younger than their aunt and thus only a few years older than Jane. She had come to the park with her two-year-old son and his nurse. The groups joined up and had a very pleasant conversation for about an hour before Jane gently suggested returning home.

Consequently, it was a very happy, rosy party that spilled into the Gardiners front room. Elizabeth could not help but laugh at her young cousin Edward struggling to take off his own coat when she looked up and saw Mr. Darcy standing before her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Mr. Darcy watched as Elizabeth's expressive face clearly communicated her surprise, anger and confusion upon seeing him. She quickly ducked her head to hide her expression, but he had already seen it.

Before he or Elizabeth could find the words to greet one another, Mr. Bingley stepped around him and fairly skipped to Jane's side. He bowed to the whole group and greeted everyone enthusiastically, but his eyes stayed on Jane's face. Darcy gathered his courage and stepped forward to make his own addresses.

"Good morning Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth and Miss Lucas. How pleasant it is to see you all again. May I beg an introduction to the rest of your party?" he said with a smile to the children standing next to Elizabeth. The four children were introduced to him: Emma the oldest, at eight years of age and then Margaret, Edward and Thomas, all aged roughly two years apart.

Darcy made a proper bow to each child as they were introduced and, with a smile, received theirs in return. The youngest, Thomas made a valiant attempt at a bow but leaned too far and started to fall. Thankfully Darcy was able to catch him and stood him back up saying, "There you go, young man. A pleasure to meet you."

He looked back to Elizabeth and found her nearly opened-mouthed with surprise. _She is surprised merely because I'm_ not _being unkind to children. She must think my manners truly awful,_ Darcy thought to himself severely. _I have much to prove to her._

After he had arrived in London, Darcy had spent two days trying to plan his next step. He still loved Elizabeth; and his knowledge of _her_ feelings had not changed his heart at all. When the hurt and confusion had abated somewhat, he was able to look at the situation rationally.

He had thought that Elizabeth had two reasons for her disapprobation of him. Her anger at his separating his friend from her sister and her misunderstanding of his character. The first was relatively simple to address. If his friend was still in love with Miss Bennet than he would confess all and let Bingley, make his own decisions. After all, if Darcy himself could forgive Elizabeth her family and still wish to marry her it must be even easier for Bingley to do the same.

Of the second issue, he believed that she truly _had_ misunderstood him. While he could not vouch for his manners in many of their interactions, he did not see himself to be the villain she supposed him to be. If he could but better his manners and make an effort against his own reticence, maybe her opinion could change. Elizabeth had once told him that his discomfort in company was his own fault for not exerting himself towards sociability and he supposed her to be correct.

In any case, Darcy had decided he could not bear to let her disappear from his life without at least trying to change her opinion. If, after a time, she still seemed to dislike him, he would remove himself quietly. But if the five days they had been separate had been any indication, such a removal would be miserable for him.

Thus, he was now greatly determined to show her a more congenial side of his character. And so, he forced himself to wear an agreeable expression as he greeted the entire party and exchanged empty pleasantries.

Mrs. Gardiner, (whom he had met upon requesting a visit with her nieces) was everything amiable and kind and soon had the children back to the nursery, tea served, and the whole group speaking happily together. Darcy was still quieter than most of the group, but he did force himself to speak up and ask a question or two and make a few polite comments about the house and such niceties. He tried several times to catch Elizabeth's eye, hoping to gain an understanding of her thoughts but she avoided his looks.

After some time, Darcy knew he and Bingley should go. A typical morning call only lasted about thirty minutes. But felt he could not leave quite yet and so got up to get another pastry from the tea service as an excuse to delay.

To his surprise and pleasure, Miss Elizabeth met him at the side table and offered to pour him another cup of tea. He assented and as she poured, he couldn't help but admire her beauty and manners. When she looked up and saw him looking at her, she quirked her eyebrow up and said, "I admit, sir: I am surprised to see you again."

"It is not an altogether unpleasant surprise I hope."

"I am only very confused, actually." She glanced at Mr. Bingley who was sitting close to her sister and smiling continuously. "At Rosings you had seemed very much against just such a meeting as you are now taking an active part." She looked embarrassed but determined to speak.

"I had then been acting on false information. I do not desire the pain of anybody and when it was obvious that Bingley still desired the… friendship of your family, I let him know your aunt's address."

"Sir, I am amazed. I cannot think why you would go to the trouble. I thought you would never want anything to do with me or my family after our- our 'conversation' at Rosings. Yet, I cannot help but thank you, for despite her reserve, I can see the joy this visit brings my dear Jane."

Darcy was surprised that Miss Elizabeth had directly mentioned their conflict at Rosings and took a moment to carefully consider his response to her comment. He looked around at the rest of the party and seeing that everyone else was engaged in their own conversations and far enough away that he felt he would not be overheard he decided to be direct. "Miss Elizabeth I must take this opportunity to apologize to you for my manners at Rosings. No, rather for the whole of our acquaintance. I have been everything you accused me of, ungentlemanly and inconsiderate towards you. My words at Rosings were particularly harsh and I must beg your forgiveness."

Miss Elizabeth took a small step back and stared at him in wonder. "I had not the least thought of my words being taken so seriously."

"I can believe that, as you then thought me devoid of any proper feeling. But I assure you, Miss Elizabeth, your words were heard and understood. And despite what you may have thought, I've never disliked you. In truth I value our friendship such that I am determined to act better in the future."

His directness seemed to surprise her, and she looked away uncomfortably. He sipped his tea to let her have a moment to consider his words. When she looked back at him, she still seemed uncomfortable, but she responded, "Your apology is appreciated. I too, owe an apology for our… argument. I cannot be proud of my manners then. I should not have attacked you in front of your family or spoken so harshly. Please forgive me, sir."

"Of course, it is already done." Darcy said but noticed unhappily that she had not actually said she had forgiven him, only that she appreciated his apology. Still, he forged ahead, "I hope to put this behind us and be better friends in the future."

She still looked hesitant but nodded slowly. He wished to say more but saw Mrs. Gardiner looking at them curiously. He bowed and thanked her for the tea she had poured him then moved back towards the party and she followed. Soon they rejoined the group conversation. A few times he caught her looking at him, but Elizabeth said nothing else to him and Darcy wished he could have had just a few more minutes with her to know what she thought. But it was not to be and soon the men regretfully bade the ladies farewell and returned to their own homes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Elizabeth Bennet had only just stepped into the room she shared with Jane when her sister eagerly pulled her toward the chaise.

"Jane," she laughed as she sat, "is there something you would like to speak of?"

"Lizzy, don't tease! Please, I must know your thoughts regarding our callers this morning."

It had been a full day, but Elizabeth knew that Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy's call from that morning had stayed at the forefront of Jane's mind. Finally, night had fallen, and the sisters would ready themselves for bed, but first they must, by all means, have this conversation.

"It's not for me to have an opinion, dear sister. The visit was obviously meant to gain your favor." At her saintly sister's look of exasperation, Elizabeth giggled but continued more seriously. "I'm glad now that I told you everything that happened in Kent for I feel it has suddenly become necessary information."

"You mean because now I know his 'instability'?"

"Yes, you know a more of his character, his opinion of our family and, I apologize, sister, the impression others have of you."

"That I am cold and feel nothing?" Jane asked with helpless little shrug. "It is better than being accused of feeling too much."

"I know that, darling. And I agree it is wise, usually, to maintain a calm demeanor. But now… now you do have some decisions before you."

"Which decisions do you refer to?"

"I mean that if we assume that Mr. Bingley loves you (and I do believe him coming here means just that) then you need to decide if you love him back. I know you felt something for him before but how do you feel now?"

Jane was quiet for a moment, and then taking Elizabeth's hand she said. "I still love him." Resolutely she continued, "I know you wish he was more firm in his own mind. But he does not need to please you Lizzy and I- I cannot hold his amiability against him, for it is one of the qualities I admire in him."

"Is it amiability to abandon one's own purpose?"

"Lizzy, I don't wish to be harsh, but I think that's your pride speaking."

"My what?" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"I _am_ sorry, Lizzy… but you know you are often too pleased with your own opinions. You pride yourself on your discernment and you have valued yourself by your abilities of drawing characters but often judge them very harshly for your own amusement. No, please let me finish," Jane insisted as Elizabeth looked to interrupt.

"I do not mean to injure your feelings, dear sister, but it is the truth. Please, put those things aside for a moment and consider the situation from his perspective. Think of – I'm sorry to say – the avaricious impression our mother may have given him. And his most trusted friend and his family advised against me. Can you honestly tell me that if the three most beloved people in your life took you aside to seriously warn and alert you to a dangerous person, that you would flout that advice? Say, if I, our father and our aunt Madeline all warned you against a new acquaintance?"

Jane paused to let her words sink in then added. "Besides, Mr. Bingley did not know I had come to London. He expressed that point most fervently."

Elizabeth considered Jane's words in silence for a few minutes. Jane's gentle nature rarely allowed a rebuke to anyone but now she had called Elizabeth prideful. Was she prideful? Elizabeth set this question aside for the moment to think, as her sister had asked, of Mr. Bingley. As she did, she found herself softening toward the errant Mr. Bingley.

It would take a lot of courage to go against one's family and friends then make yourself vulnerable to someone who you were unsure of returning your affections, Elizabeth thought. And without the knowledge of Jane's following him to London, he had no strong basis for believing in Jane's affection over the words of this friends.

"Perhaps I have judged him too harshly. He has always made you happy and made reasonable decisions based on the information he had." Elizabeth smiled at her sister and added. "I know he is a good sort of man; I just hated to see you sad."

Jane leaned over and gave her a hug. "I know, and I love you too."

For a moment both were silent and then Jane stood to start preparing herself for bed. Elizabeth stood to help her, and Jane said. "Do you really think this visit means so much? He is a very friendly person and maybe just wanted to visit someone from Hertfordshire. I don't want to be like- like some people and read more into a situation then is warranted."

"Normally I would agree that you should be cautious. But I know from Mr. Darcy that he was serious in his intentions last fall. And after our row, Mr. Darcy is sure to know the expectations he is creating by bringing him here. But now that brings to mind what I was going to say earlier, Jane dear. If you do love him, you may need to behave differently then you are used to."

"What? Surely you are not suggesting I behave in a less than a ladylike manner?"

"Of course not, but if you love him, then you need to trust him enough to expose your real feeling to him, at least a little. And not just your positive ones either, you need to show him when you are upset or hurt. If you proceed in your sweet, selfless behavior then you will find yourself passed over for his louder friends and family. For if, in this instance, amiability is expressed by his willingness to change his plans for others, then you need to let your wishes be known too or you can never be happy. And he could not be happy without some means to please you."

Jane looked thoughtful but after a moment nodded her head. "I think you are right. It will feel odd to try and impose my will on anyone, even if it is just my preferences, but I do see your point."

Not many more words were spoken between them before both were readied and climbed into bed. After a quiet goodnight and few moments, Jane fell asleep, but Elizabeth lay awake thinking.

Elizabeth considered herself wise enough to listen to the words others. Especially the people she respected. And now? Jane, beloved Jane, had called her to task. Was it wrong to laugh at others? Surely it was harmless to be amused at the foibles of others. People often made themselves ridiculous and instead of laughing should she instead be annoyed? Or even angry? No, she could not, it was in her nature to laugh. And certainly, it was necessary for her, a survival skill from being constantly surrounded by the family she had been born into. Her father encouraged her by enjoying her little witticisms, indeed it was a trait that she had learned from her father. But Elizabeth could not enjoy the comparison between herself to her father. For while they did share that trait and many others, Elizabeth could not say she respect her father. She loved him very much and appreciated the freedom and attention he gave her, but she knew that the current state of their family was in large part due to his desire to laugh at the expense of others. While the trait was not wholly wrong, Elizabeth could see how it could cause her to be cynical and petty. She did not think it had gone too far yet in her own case but decided to be weary of it in the future and give everyone their fair chance before laughing at their follies.

At this determination Elizabeth's thoughts turned to the other gentlemen who had visited that morning. Her mind still wished to disbelieve what it had witnessed. Because surely, if nothing else, his presence in her aunt sitting room that morning had been absolute proof that her judgement was not always perfect. For she would have never imagined it within his character. Every interaction they had ever had had convinced her of his pride and dislike of her. However, could a man as proud as she had thought him, return to a person he had argued with and apologize when there was nothing forcing him to so? Even if her information on the state of Jane's emotions had caused him guilt, in his pride he could have simply sent Bingley to them. He did not need to accompany his friend or apologize.

He had even claimed to value their friendship! She had almost laughed at that but had thankfully held herself back. But what could have brought about this extreme change of character? Elizabeth did not know but could not be unmoved by his humility. She knew that her feelings for him hadn't changed, he was still the odious man that he had always been. But she now felt less sure of her original impression of his character. She must have missed something. With that in mind she determined that if she ever saw him again, she would do her best to figure his character out. With this resolve Elizabeth fell easily into sleep and passed the rest of the night in a peaceful slumber.

The next morning Elizabeth was very nearly as shocked as she had been the previous one for Mr. Bingley called, _again_ with Mr. Darcy. She did not know what to make of it! That he would come the first time was incredible but perhaps understandable for the perspective of wanting to resolve an unpleasant argument. But Elizabeth could see no reason to come the next day as well! His presence made her uncomfortable for many reasons and so she did not seek him out for conversation but did exert herself to exchanging pleasantries with him.

Elizabeth's fifth day in London and indeed the next as well, passed very similarly. Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy called in the morning. Jane and Mr. Bingley had a wonderful visit, reconnecting and strengthening their relationship. Mr. Darcy was quiet, but Elizabeth did think he was attempting to be more polite. After the men left the ladies would go on their own calls, return for tea and spend time together as family.

Of Mr. Darcy Elizabeth could not help but think, as she tried her best to understand him. She still could not _like_ him. For despite him bringing Mr. Bingley back into their lives, she could not forget what his real opinion was of her and her family. His behavior was somewhat different now, but she thought it was only outward manners not a change of opinion. Also, she still held the matter of Lt. Wickham's inheritance against him. He could not truly be a man of honour having deprived a good man of his livelihood. No, while she appreciated that he no longer made himself so unpleasant, she could not like him any better. Yet, as he kept mostly to himself and was polite, so Elizabeth did her best to accept him gracefully and think of him little.

The only hindrance to this determination was that Elizabeth would often notice Mr. Darcy watching her. This always caused her a moment of confusion, for while he had always looked at her a great deal, she had always assumed before it was in a negative way. However, since she had seen his more unguarded expressions at Rosings, she felt she now recognized his expression as being something else then disdain. Something like intense interest. Elizabeth did not know what to make of this and so put it out of her mind as often as she could.

It was much easier to concentrate on Mr. Bingley and his delightful manners. There was a brightness to Mr. Bingley's manners that could not help but please. He caused a simple morning call to feel as festive as ball and made what could be an awkward group, into the best of friends. And while he made everyone feel included and animated, it was clear his main goal was pleasing Jane. He preference was even more pronounced than it had been that fall. Jane was also more expressive than before. She was still sweet and attentive to all, but that she had a preference for Mr. Bingley was no longer so well hidden. Both people seemed excessively happy in each other's company and Elizabeth could not be happier for them.

Fitzwilliam Darcy exited the Gardiner home, frustrated and tired. It was the sixth day of his stay in London and another strenuous one for him. It was difficult to be so close to Elizabeth but unable to touch her or even interact dependably. He spent every day trying not to think about her, every night dreaming of her and yet could not even speak to her when he was finally in her presence. She was everything polite to him but never wanted to engage in conversation with him.

He was determined to keep trying but found it so draining to put himself forward in a room full of virtual strangers. Mr. Darcy knew he actually liked the people in the Gardiner home, his delight in Elizabeth was obvious (delightful creature that she was) and Jane was everything pleasant. He found her aunt and uncle to be intelligent and gracious, even the young Miss Lucas could be charming in her desire to please. And maybe if he felt less, if he was settled in his relationship with Elizabeth, he would enjoy the time spent at the Gardiners. As it stood presently though, Darcy just hoped he could make some progress with Elizabeth. He did not know how much longer he could go without letting his feelings burst from his mouth. He half hoped, half feared a moment alone with her for he suspected his heart would overcome his mind and he tell her all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Though she often missed her country walks, Elizabeth loved her time spent at the Gardiners. The daily routine was very different, at home in Longbourn she usually awoke with the sun, she loved spending the quiet early hours walking through the awakening world. Even at home, she knew it was not fashionable, and her mother and sisters always insisted on sleeping in until nine or ten, often teasing Elizabeth for her unpopular ways. However, in the country and with her father's endorsement, Elizabeth was allowed the freedom to awaken when she naturally wished to.

There was less freedom in London, but Elizabeth could not change. Despite the fashion being to stay abed until almost noon, Elizabeth's body would not adjust. No matter how late she was up the night before, her eyes would open shortly after dawn.

Her uncle did awaken early to check on his businesses, but she was not invited or even allowed to participate. She was not allowed a walk by herself or even at all that early because her relatives had few servants and they were all necessary for preparation of the day. Her aunts sitting room was adjacent to her room and so unavailable for Elizabeth feared disturbing her aunt's rest. The formal parlor felt odd to her and was often being prepared during that time. In short, Elizabeth felt out of place and awkward in the early mornings when she was unable to move around much. The one perfect saving grace to the affair was her time spent with her little cousins.

Like most children, her cousins found that they could not match the schedules of their elders and were all awake by seven in the morning. Elizabeth soon happily settled into a routine of reading quietly outside of the nursery until she heard signs of the children and then joining them. Their nurse was a kind lady in her thirties and Elizabeth would usually help the two girls get dressed and talk with them while the nurse helped the boys. The nurse would then produce a small breakfast for the children.

 _My true goal in spending time in the nursery!_ Elizabeth laughed to herself. Fashionable breakfast was not until eleven, and Elizabeth found it very difficult to wait until then to break her fast. _But no, while the food is appreciated, I am actually glad for my current routine for it allows me to spend time with these delightful little people_. Emma, who at eight years of age considered herself quite the lady, loved to talk to Elizabeth during these times. It was actually Elizabeth's experience that she never seemed to stop talking and had to be reminded often to allow others to join the conversation and not speak over others. But Emma was a bright little thing with an unparalleled imagination, so her conversation was rarely boring. Margaret, or Maggy as the family called her, was quieter than her sister but it was Elizabeth's opinion that this was by necessity rather than by nature for the few times she had gotten little Maggy alone the child had spoken very happily to her. It seemed to Elizabeth the she was just used to being overshadowed by her sister. This belief sometimes made Elizabeth wonder how drastically her own personality would be different if Jane was more like Emma. In any case, Maggy got her share of the attention by being everything sweet. She loved to give Elizabeth little gifts of drawing, flowers or pretty stones. She was also more physically affectionate then her sister, loving to sit on Elizabeth's lap or give her little hugs. She was also very vain, and every morning wished to wear her best dresses, despite being told nearly every morning that she could not. Edward was a very active sort of boy, which Elizabeth knew was frequently the case with young gentlemen but could often find it overwhelming to have him running in circles around her for any length of time. He had a hard time sitting still and needed constant activity or would get boorish with his siblings. He was not a bad child, simply high energy and when they took walks Elizabeth found she preferred him to the others who would soon complain of the distance. Thomas was a very serious child of two years. He would often find a quiet corner of the room to build with blocks or carefully arrange his toys into some kind of order only he understood. Already he had learned all his letters and most of his letters, simply because he wished too, his nurse had not been trying to teach him. And of all of them, he was most physically affectionate. He loved to cuddle and give kisses to Elizabeth and she often found her heart melting at his sweet gestures.

So, it was that in this loud, active, joyful and loving company Elizabeth spent her early mornings. She had only been in London a week and already she felt this time was essential to her happiness. She still missed her morning ramble but found that afternoon walks, while not the same, were able to satisfy her very well.

At nine the children were set about their lessons and Elizabeth would return to the room she shared with Jane. Jane was usually starting to awaken then and they would help each other get ready for the day and speak amiably together until breakfast. Their aunt Gardiner would sometimes join them, and they would plan their day or discuss anything they felt needed it.

This morning their aunt had particular subjects she wished to speak with them of. "Lizzy, as you know we had not been expecting you until tomorrow as so all our arranged outings were to begin the day after next."

"Oh, aunt, you do not need to entertain me. I'm happy just to spend time with your family! You know how I adore my cousins."

"I do and let me just say they have been loving their mornings with you, thank you. But necessary or not, I have a few plans I have arranged for our enjoyment. Now, you already know that your uncle and I have procured us tickets to the theater for Wednesday night but that is four days from now. In the meantime, I have a surprise for you. Your father has sent money to your uncle, enough for you both to have a couple new dresses. We shall have a fine time choosing every aspect of two complete ensembles for both of you. They are to be very fine too, as it is my opinion, especially as it concerns you Jane, that you will soon have need of new formal wear." With this comment their aunt raised a knowing brow at Jane.

Jane, of course, blushed and rushed to express that _she_ had no such expectations of the future. Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner just smirked at each other. Mr. Bingley was now too aware of his situation and Jane's feelings for his attentions to be merely friendly. Even Jane believed this but was too modest to admit it to any but Elizabeth.

"This reminds me Elizabeth. Mr. Darcy has been quite the regular visitor here these past three days. I wonder what he could mean by it." Despite her words, their aunt's words were knowing rather then questioning.

"I to, wonder that Aunt." Genuinely confused by her aunt's apparent amusement.

"Come now, surely we have some _guess_ as to why he comes every day simply to smile and look at you."

Elizabeth was surprised for though her aunt's insinuation was clear, it was well off the mark. "I assure you Aunt, you have misinterpreted the situation. I have heard it from Mr. Darcy's own mouth the he finds me unattractive."

"Recently?"

"Well, no. I refer to the comment he made at the assembly."

"I do remember you telling me. But perhaps his opinion has changed."

"Doesn't one know immediately if they find another attractive?"

"I don't know, what did you think of Mr. Darcy before he was rude to you?"

"I-I hardly remember. My impression of was colored so much by his haughty demeanor. I guess I thought him handsome. Very handsome, I suppose."

"Perhaps his initial opinion was colored in a similar way by your surroundings and it was more the situation he found distasteful then your person."

"Aunt, I have no reason to think he likes me at all. He hardly speaks to me."

"He hardly speaks to anyone. Maybe he's just a quiet person, but when he does speak its usually to you. And if he has no interest, why is he here every morning?"

Elizabeth had no answer except to suggest that maybe he was supporting his friend, but internally she knew that the first visit would have been plenty to express his approval. Thankfully her aunt reminded them of the happy prospect of new clothes and the conversation changed.

Shortly after the ladies went down to breakfast. They talked animatedly of the fabrics and details they hoped to find. After breakfast they set out to return some of the calls that had been paid to them recently. Jane had hinted to Mr. Bingley the day before that she would need to do this and that maybe a later call would be better this day. And so, it was that for two hours Elizabeth and Jane did their best to be graceful and engaging to several of their aunts acquittances. Early calls such as this were not with close friends but rather made for politeness sake, yet they were pleasant nonetheless. Jane and Elizabeth enjoyed the new characters they met, and the sisters were as popular as ever. The sisters were loved wherever they went for together they were the perfect guests; Jane was all kindness and Elizabeth interesting conversation. They were both of them very comfortable with social conversation and had trained themselves extensively in putting others at ease.

Upon returning to the Gardiner home they were almost immediately visited by Mr. Bingley, his sister Caroline, her friend, Eleanor Sinclair, and Colonel Fitzwilliam. Elizabeth was surprised by this grouping for several reasons. She found she liked Eleanor almost immediately, which she would not have expected of a friend of Caroline Bingley. She was also surprised by Colonel Fitzwilliam's presence but happily so for while their last interaction was a bit tense, he had been a good friend to her.

What astonished her most however, was that she was actually interested in why Mr. Darcy had not come. Not long into the visit Elizabeth asked Col. Fitzwilliam after his cousin, only out of politeness, of course.

"Oh, yes, Darcy sends his greeting and apologizes for his absence. He has stayed at home today in order to welcome his sister. She had been visiting my parents over the last month but with Darcy back at their townhome she has decided to join him." The colonel seemed pleased with his cousin's return, so Elizabeth asked more.

"Do you spend much time with Miss Darcy? You have mentioned that you share the guardianship over her."

"I do, and I couldn't be more pleased to do so. She is a lovely girl and I am excessively fond of her."

"I am surprised at your attitude. It is an odd thing is it not, for two bachelors? Having had _some_ experience with young ladies myself, I am surprised that she does not give you more trouble then you let on."

"Her current age is a difficult period for either gender I believe. However, she is of a sweet temperament and enjoys pleasing Darcy and I as much as we enjoy spoiling her."

"Sound like an ideal situation then." Elizabeth said with a smile, though inwardly she guessed it not quite as comfortable as he claimed. For she had heard from Lt. Wickham, who was certainly less biased, that Miss Darcy had become a proud and aloof person.

"Yes, and in speaking of her, Darcy and I would very much like to introduce the two of you. Could I, or do I ask too much, arrange that call for tomorrow after services?"

Elizabeth knew she could claim to be busy if the afternoon and the Colonel, amiable man that he was, would take the hint. And while she did not particularly wish to know Miss Darcy, she _was_ curious and not immune to the honour of such a call. "I am sure I would love to meet Miss Darcy, I shall probably be home all afternoon. Though, I am quite at my aunt's service, so I will have to confirm with her."

"Of course. I would not want to inconvenience your wonderful aunt. Perhaps, if the call goes well, we should all visit Hyde park afterwards. It is a very pleasant walk and we could maybe pack a picnic?"

This idea was quickly passed around the room and everyone agreed it sounded very pleasant, so the plan was settled.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Mr. Darcy loved his sister very much and was very happy to see her. She arrived in the early afternoon and they spent a quiet but pleasant few hours catching up and enjoying each other's company. However, despite this joy, could not help but regret the loss of his visit with Miss Elizabeth. So, when his cousin James, joined them for dinner and spoke of his time spent with Miss Elizabeth, Darcy found himself both curious and annoyed. Internally Darcy admitted that he was even jealous. His cousin and his love had always enjoyed an easy friendship and (especially since James had spoken to him in her defense and interest) Darcy had disliked this friendship. He knew their relationship to be unromantic, yet it still irritated him. _I'm probably just not used to sharing_. He thought, _as I am all but an only child. I find I do not like James having friendly loyalty to Elizabeth as it sometimes conflicts with his loyalty to me. And hate to see her enjoying another man's company so obviously._

Darcy knew this a selfish feeling and so did his best to put it away. When James outlined his plan to introduce Georgiana to Miss Elizabeth and then go out as a group, his sister excitedly agreed. She had heard much of the Misses Bennets and eagerly wished to meet them.

After dinner Georgiana play for them on her pianoforte and then retired to her rooms. Almost as soon as she had quitted the room, James said suggestively. "Miss Bennet seem disappointed with your absence."

"What did she say?" Darcy found he was embarrassingly eager to know.

"Nothing much, her disappointment was confined to her air. But I found a difference today then in her attitude at Rosings." He paused and then with a smirk added. "I was a little surprised to find that you have visited her four mornings in a row."

"You are a gossip, James. Worse than any woman."

"I simply take an interest in the happiness of my favorite cousin."

"I'll be sure to let Georgiana know of your preference."

"Bah, Georgie is secure in my affections. But don't try to change the subject." He expression turned serious. "I had thought you would walk away from the connection after Rosings. But you are serious, you intend to pursue her."

"Yes, if you must meddle in my affairs. I admit that my pride was hurt by both her words and the understanding that she disliked me. But I soon realized that she did not know me. That I knew her through mostly observation and she had had no such chance at understanding of my character. I am only glad I did not propose to her in Kent as I had previously intended. For then I would have had to quit her company without an opportunity to change her opinion."

"And so that is your plan? That with a better understanding Miss Elizabeth is certain to love you?"

"Do not be so sarcastic, cousin. What else can I do?"

"Well, it's not a bad plan all in all however I should think you ought to take it one step further. Simply hanging around in her vicinity may not be sufficient for her to fall in love with you. You must at least hint at your attentions. Despite the calls, Miss Elizabeth has heard from your own mouth your dislike of her person and family and so may not interpret your actions as you wish."

After a moment of thought Darcy had to knowledge the truth of this statement. He knew now that she had overheard the rude comments he had made when he had first seen her. Having that as the biases for all interaction afterwards she might not realize how drastically his opinion had changed.

"I cannot declare my feelings outside of a proposal and if I did propose she might still turn me down flat. I must wait and trust in her intelligence."

"Have you considered a courtship?"

Darcy was surprised that he had not actually considered it. He ought to have realized a courtship was his best strategy. She would not have to give him anything, no promise would be asked for and thus little risk of her turning him down. While from his side, they'd be allowed a bit more privacy, he would be allowed to take her places, spend more time with her and even give her little gifts. The idea was pleasing, and he found that he liked the thought of wooing her.

He gave a half smile to his cousin. "That's not a bad idea, cousin. Yes, a courtship… that much I think I can risk. I will ask her as soon as the opportunity presents itself."

James grinned. "Lucky for you we are all to spend the whole afternoon together tomorrow. I can easily imagine a person being able to have a private word with another during the course of such an excursion."

"Is that why you arranged the picnic? Did you have this conversation already planned?" Darcy chuckled. "You _are_ a meddling old woman!"

"That's a fine thank you!" James grumbled but didn't deny it.

"I don't know if tomorrow could work, I will need to speak to her uncle beforehand. Though I suppose I could ask for an interview while the rest of you make your call…." Darcy considered.

James agreed and then allowed the subject to change to other subjects. For which Darcy was grateful as he did not like to speak openly of Elizabeth or his feelings for her. It was too private, too insecure a feeling to speak to others about. However, he had to also be grateful to James for his support of the relationship.

Throughout the rest of the evening a small part of Darcy grew increasingly excited over the prospect of wooing Elizabeth, a courtship would be just the right strategy to win her heart.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Torn between excitement and nervousness, Fitzwilliam Darcy sat silently before Mr. Gardiner. Darcy had requested an audience with him upon entering the abode but found he lacked the words to express his love and determination in a rational manner. But more than anything he did not wish to offend or anger the man who was the gatekeeper of Elizabeth's time, so he had to be careful with his words.

An awkward moment passed and then to Darcy's surprise, Mr. Gardiner smiled and spoke first. "My wife and I suspected that you would soon honor me with a private discussion."

"Yes, I- I appreciate you agreeing to speak with me." Darcy said and then paused, again at a loss for words.

"This is about Elizabeth," stated the unflustered Mr. Gardiner. His manner seemed open and forthright and Darcy found his thoughts calming in the presence of the sensible gentlemen.

"Indeed. I have come to ask your permission to speak to Miss Elizabeth of a courtship. I have for some time admired your niece. I do have the most serious and gentlemanly intentions and I swear to be respectful towards Elizabeth." Darcy rushed to assure. "Indeed, it is my most fervent hope to make her my wife. I am of a good family; the Darcys have owned Pemberley for nearly three hundred years and have a good name in the community. I am well able to support her; my income is steady and besides Pemberley I have a house in town and one in the south. I am more than willing to give you the particulars of my finances if you wish."

Gardiner shook his head and held up a hand, indicating that Darcy could stop. There was a brief pause and then Gardiner responded. "You need not give me those particulars, at least, not yet. I know who you are and know enough simply from rumor to be satisfied with your situation. However, I am surprised somewhat, that you wish for a formal courtship. I admit I thought you would simply inform me of your intention to propose. A courtship for a man of your… standing with a woman of Elizabeth's background is unusual in that most would think you would simply propose if you wished to marry her. A Courtship gives her a lot more power." Mr. Gardiner's words were a statement, but his tone indicated a test, so Darcy treated it as one.

"I admit I am not proud of the behavior that I exhibited towards Miss Elizabeth at beginning of our acquaintance. I was… boorish at times. I did not realize the extent of my offense. I actually thought us to be getting on well. I was wrong. It was made known to me in Kent that Miss Elizabeth had a very different perspective of our friendship and I find myself… needing to overcome her previous impression of me before I can propose."

"I see. Well, I am not her father, so I cannot truly give you permission. But I can allow you to ask her, and if she agrees then I shall write her father."

"Thank you. If all proceeds as I hope, I may be available to deliver that letter." At Gardiners confused expression Darcy explained. "I will go to Mr. Bennet and announce my intentions myself if I get a favorable answer from Elizabeth."

Mr. Gardiner raised a disapproving eyebrow and for second Darcy was confused as to why, then recognized his slip. "I apologize, I meant if _Miss_ Elizabeth honors me with a favorable answer."

Mr. Gardiner nodded and then stood, offering his hand to shake. "Then I wish you luck."

The men shook hands and then rejoined the group in the parlor. There were a few curious glances from the group wondering what the tête-à-tête had been about, but no hints were given and soon everyone went back to their conversations.

Mr. Bingley, was of course, already in the sitting room speaking happily to Miss Bennet. Also, in attendance was Miss Bingley, her friend Eleanor Sinclair and that ladies' brother Henry Sinclair. Mr. Darcy had asked the Colonel to be a few minutes late to the group to allow him to speak with Mr. Gardiner and then also be present for the introduction between Elizabeth and Georgiana.

Finding new boldness in the permission of her guardian, Darcy settled himself right next to Elizabeth with a smile. He would not usually be so direct, but he had to keep reminding himself that he _wanted_ to create expectations. She seemed a little surprised but favored him with a smile and asked after his welfare.

He replied in the positive and asked about hers in return. The words exchanged were almost trite in substance, but Darcy kept his eyes boldly on her own and a smile on his lips that, he hoped, expressed his pleasure in speaking with her.

For a short moment both looked and smiled at each other in a way that sent Darcy's heart soaring. Then she looked away, seemingly embarrassed and confused. _That is just fine, my love. Your smile is enough, even if you're unsure of your feelings. At least you're not_ sure _of your dislike anymore._

Just then, Henry Sinclair returned to Miss Elizabeth's other side with her refilled cup of tea. He presented her with it and bowed slightly at her thanks. "My pleasure, Miss Elizabeth." Then when she took a sip he sent an annoyed glance at Darcy as if it were Darcy who was intruding. Darcy himself was caught between being entertained by the man's presumption or jealous of Miss Elizabeth's attention. He decided on entertained and returned a smirk in the man's direction.

Mr. Sinclair ignored it and remarked to Elizabeth. "I am diverted, Miss Elizabeth, by your interest in Scottish literature. It cannot be very good, I am sure. I have visited on occasion, that land, and I can assure you the people are quite barbaric."

"All of them, Mr. Sinclair?"

"The vast majority I am sure."

"Sir Walter Scot's poetry was very well received by all."

"The Lady of the Lake, was beautiful, I grant you. But I can think of no other Scottish authors I appreciated."

Mr. Darcy was pleased to be presented the opportunity to disagree with man and agree with Elizabeth. "I believe I have enjoyed many Scottish works. The Cottagers of Glenburnie was very enjoyable, and the playwright was not only Scottish but also a woman."

This comment earned him a smile and then she turned back to Mr. Sinclair. "There are many examples, I know you cannot be in earnest. Surely you are too well educated to have not read or seen many great works done by the Scottish." This was said with a teasing tone, but Elizabeth had easily trapped Mr. Sinclair into agreeing with her, for if he held his point he must seem uneducated. "I myself have recently finished The Scottish Chiefs by Jane Porter was deeply impressed."

"Were you?" Darcy asked. "I am happy to hear that, for I have recently bought it and now can look forward to having someone to discuss it with."

"Oh, yes I would like that. I read it while in Kent, before you arrived and have had no one to discuss it with. I usually have my father for such conversations but alas, we have been separated now nearly two months."

Mr. Sinclair looked between Darcy and Elizabeth, apparently displeased with the turn in conversation and said quickly, before Darcy could respond, "I am sure you are right about the quality of this book. But surely you know it is not the… fashion."

"Ah, and now, Mr. Sinclair, you have discovered one of my most appalling faults. I give little care to fashion. Even in clothes I appreciate more the classical, then the vogue. Thankfully I but a simple country Miss and need not be always at the height of fashion."

"No one who has met you could find anything lacking." Mr. Sinclair responded gallantly but perhaps more out of habit then sincerity for he himself was dressed in only the very latest of fashions. Darcy thought him to be a bit of a dandy but had never disliked the man, until now at least. Indeed, he found his dislike for the man raising in proportion with the length of his conversation with Elizabeth.

Thankfully just as it seemed that Mr. Sinclair would try a different line of conversation, Colonel Fitzwilliam and Georgiana entered the room. Darcy hurried to stand beside his sister and gently introduced her around. Georgiana knew the Bingleys and Sinclairs already, which was a blessing for her shyness, but she still blushed and was quiet after her introduction to Elizabeth. Darcy was momentarily concerned over her silence, for he had great hopes for a friendship between them. Thankfully after a moment or two Elizabeth's vivacity won over his sister's shyness and soon a lighthearted conversation ongoing. They spoke of common place things like their recent travels and the weather in London, but unlike if Darcy had attempted these conversations, it seemed a lively and interesting conversation. This wonderful trait of Elizabeth's was one of the first things that had attracted Darcy to her. He found nothing interesting to say in company, conversely everything was interesting when discussed by Elizabeth. Such was her charisma that the most banal topics were rendered spellbinding by her apparent regard.

After a few minutes she led Georgiana to Maria Lucas's seat and included her in the conversation. Miss Lucas was near Georgiana's age and while they didn't share many interests their shared ages allowed for some easy comradery.

The Colonel and Mr. Gardiner joined Darcy and Mr. Sinclair but after only a few minutes it was suggested that they head off to park. It took some time to arrange everyone for travel, especially as it had been decided that the children could join the party. But finally, everyone had found a spot in one of the carriages and had accomplished the short drive without an issue. It was decided by all that they would all make the walk around the circumference of the park before settling down for the picnic.

After a few moments of natural shuffling everyone settled themselves into smaller groups. The Gardiners walked together with their two daughters, Little Thomas was first carried by Jane then was quickly taken by Mr. Bingley who worried the small boy would tire Jane out. They were joined by Mr. Sinclair and the four made merry party as they laughed with the little boy and spoke easily together. Miss Bingley and Miss Sinclair walked with their heads together, which happily left Darcy, the Colonel, Georgiana and Elizabeth to watch over the young Master Gardiner.

Edward Gardiner spent the first few moments of the walk literally running in circles around their little group while the Colonel forwarded conversation between Elizabeth and Miss Darcy. For the moment Mr. Darcy was happy to walk slightly behind the group and watch the two ladies get acquainted with each other. It was such a fine picture, with family and good friends ahead, a little boy playing around them and his sister's fair head inclined towards beside Elizabeth's dark one, Darcy felt like he was seeing his own happily ever after.

Mr. Darcy was interrupted from this pleasurable sight by young Edward suddenly addressing him. "I found- I was walking and I, and I, there was a rock and I, I found it and I picked it up. Do you like it?" he stammered excitedly. Like a lot of small children, Edward was so busy _doing_ , that he would often be too distracted to speak full, sensible sentences and had a particularly hard time explaining past events.

The rock was completely nondescript, but Darcy addressed him very seriously and agreed that it was fine rock. This Darcy soon realized this had been a mistake as the rock was quickly given into his care, quickly followed by another and then another until he was being passed so many rocks that he had to start surreptitiously dropping a few as to not overflow his pockets. But what else could he do but accept each new rock?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Elizabeth was enjoying her conversation with Miss Darcy immensely, a fact that confused her very much. She had thought she had known what Miss Darcy would be like and had been prepared to dislike her. But almost as soon as she had met the young woman she had realized her to be shy but eager for a friendship between them. She was dressed in the finest quality but simply nonetheless and her manner was that of a girl hoping to please. In short, she was in everything the exact opposite of Lt. Wickham's description of her.

Elizabeth almost wanted to ask if there was another Miss Darcy, for there could not be no other sensible reason for Lt. Wickham to describe this girl as proud.

 _What can it mean? Could it be that she has changed this drastically since Mr. Wickham has last seen her? Or perhaps she had been rude to Lt. Wickham under the influence of Mr. Darcy, for I know her brother must have spoken to her against their childhood friend_. Elizabeth thought, but she looked at Miss Darcy again and could not believe it of her new friend. _She does not seem like she could be aloof if she wanted too. Quiet maybe, maybe gently trying to escape an association, but proud? No, he simply must have misunderstood._ But this explanation also could not ring true for she remembered clearly Lt. Wickham's words regarding Miss Darcy.

" _I wish I could call her amiable. It gives me pain to speak ill of a Darcy. But she is too much like her brother—very, very proud. As a child, she was affectionate and pleasing, and extremely fond of me; and I have devoted hours and hours to her amusement. But she is nothing to me now." (Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, pt. 1, ch. 16)_

Elizabeth was horrified by her memory of his words. For as unjust as they were she realized with true disgust that she had enjoyed this description. She had been filled with delicious smugness at his account and even the words 'she is nothing to me now' had been maliciously pleasing to Elizabeth. She glanced at her young companion and could not help but be ashamed of her previous attitude.

Elizabeth did her best to hide her distress and speak amiably to both the Colonel and Miss Darcy. The conversation itself was not difficult, her companions were both intelligent and agreeable people. When Elizabeth revealed her intention of going to the theater on Tuesday Miss Darcy turned to her brother to ask if they might join them. Mr. Darcy came closer to join the conversation and it was soon agreed that, given the Gardiners permission, they were all go together.

Suddenly the Colonel reached out and snagged Edward as the boy made yet another lap around the group. He swung the boy up and ruffled his hair. "Master Gardiner, you are a wonder, where does all this energy come from?"

The boy only giggled in response.

"I have it on good authority that Miss Darcy has brought an old roll or two for the ducks. Perhaps if we ask very nicely she will share one with us, what do you think?"

When Miss Darcy agreed that she did have such an item and could be convinced to share, Elizabeth was again surprised. She would have thought such a habit to be under the Darcy dignity. But then, maybe she had overestimated that trait.

Miss Darcy, the Colonel and Edward turned off the main path toward the duck pond and Elizabeth started after them but paused when Mr. Darcy touched her arm.

"I beg a moment of your time, Miss Elizabeth."

Elizabeth was confused but saw no reason to refuse him. Instead of speaking right away he just stared at her for a moment. Then seemly frustrated his removed his hat and ran his hand through his hair, this he followed turning around and taking a few steps away. Then quickly he returned and to her surprise he claimed her hand and held it tightly. "Miss Elizabeth, I must tell you- I admire you greatly and feel a very strong affection for you."

Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent.

"I have spoken to your uncle and indeed, with your permission I will speak to your father as well- it is my greatest desire that you would allow me to court you."

Still Elizabeth could think of no response. This was simply too far from her reality, Mr. Darcy _liked_ her? He admired her? Her mind and feelings were a jumble of confusion, old anger and surprise. As she stared she became more aware of her hand in his and realized that he had started to stroke it gently with his thumb. She looked up into his eyes and her thoughts were arrested by the expression found there. He _did_ admire her. The feelings betrayed in his face were obvious and intense, and with startling realization, Elizabeth recognized the expression as the less guarded version of the look he often had while staring at her across the room. How long had she misinterpreted his expressions?

"Miss Elizabeth, I'm sorry if I have surprised you. I know that our… friendship has been at times less than ideal. I am quite ashamed of my early behavior to you. That is why I am asking for a courtship. I have honorable, serious intentions towards you Miss Elizabeth, and am- quite firm in my wishes for the future but I realize that we may need some time to overcome our past."

"Some time?" Elizabeth asked, finally finding her voice once more. "Mr. Darcy I cannot think that time is all that we lack! Indeed, I can scarce credit your words. No, you must be teasing me for I know you do not sincerely like me."

"You could not be more mistaken, Miss Elizabeth, I _do_ like you. Everything about you; your beauty, wit and kindness all draw me to you in a way I cannot overcome."

"But everything you said about my family!"

Darcy seemed to struggle over how to respond. "Despite any other factor, I sincerely wish to court you."

Elizabeth pulled her hands from his, her eyes blazing. He still hated her family and she would not consider a man so hostile against her beloved relatives. But before she could answer he rushed to add, "I cannot, will not, lie to you and say that I now admire your parents and love your sisters! But your sake, _Truly_ I would not only accept them but be pleased to do so."

Mr. Darcy paused and then took a small step closer, taking her hand once more. "I know that you do not see me with much affection now, Miss Elizabeth, but I hope to prove myself to you, please give me a chance to do so."

Elizabeth had to glance away from his intense gaze, her thoughts were now so muddled and disorderly that she could hardly speak. Mr. Darcy wanted to court her! Her first instinct had been to flee but now, with his ardent words and nearness she felt very confused. Indeed, his nearness kept distracting her from rational thought. She had never stood so close to him and the conversation combined with his affectionate gaze and gentle touch overwhelmed her senses. Suddenly she did she noticed his coat pockets bulging oddly. It was such an odd thing that without thinking Elizabeth asked "What's in your pockets?

Darcy gave a short laugh and pulled out a handful of small rocks from each pocket showing them to her. "Master Edward's treasures of course, I have been charged with their safe keeping."

Elizabeth stared at him, tall and handsome, rich and important, both hands filled with dirty rocks given to him by little Edward. "Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I will accept a courtship with you."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"You are joking, Lizzy. This cannot be!—You are in a courtship with Mr. Darcy? No, no, you shall not deceive me. I know it to be impossible."

"That is a wretched response indeed! My sole dependence was on you; for if anybody is to accept it and be happy, it would be you. Yet, indeed, I am in earnest."

Jane looked at her doubtingly. "Oh, Lizzy! it cannot be. I know how much you dislike him."

Elizabeth sighed, losing her teasing expression. "I don't _dislike_ him. Or at least… oh I don't know. I am so conflicted that every moment I think I erred in giving him that response. Yet _also_ every moment I think it good that I accepted."

"Lizzy, can you explain?" Jane said as she sat beside Elizabeth on the bed. It was Sunday night after their picnic and Elizabeth had kept the news to herself all day. It had been difficult at times for she was almost overcome with conflicting emotions, but she also did not know _how_ to tell anyone. She thought perhaps the Colonel knew for he winked at her when he had returned from the duck pond. And the questioning looks from both her uncle and aunt had seemed to convey knowledge of situation as well, but Elizabeth had disregarded them all, still too confused of her own feelings to try and express them to someone else.

When she had agreed to courtship, Mr. Darcy had smiled like she had never seen him before and had kissed both her hands. He had not pushed for more on the subject but had stayed close to her the rest of the afternoon. In a sudden switch from all she knew of him, Mr. Darcy was attentive, happy and expressive. He had smiled at her whenever they had locked eyes and had found little excuses to touch her arm or care for her. When it had been time for the party to take their leave of each other he had again smiled that breathtaking smile, with both dimples on display and with a gallant bow he'd kissed her hand.

Mr. Darcy was still quiet, tall and fastidious but he no longer seemed so intimidating. Indeed, he had been almost charming that afternoon. Elizabeth did not know what to think. That he was proud and had been very offensive to her in the past was still true. But he had also humbly asked her forgiveness, changed his behavior and then told her he _liked_ her!

"I will try. But I confess, I could not have at the time. What I mean is, now that I have been given time to think I have several sensible reasons to have accepted a courtship with Mr. Darcy. But in the moment? At the time I- I could not think, I was so confused and then out of nowhere, I just _wanted_ to say yes."

"Do you like him then?"

"I do not. But I think it's possible that I could. I do feel… attraction for him. Who could not? he is very handsome."

"I don't."

"Jane!"

"Well, I don't. I just, I see a good man with technically very nice features. But, I don't know, I just do not feel that way around him."

"That is because you have your Mr. Bingley."

" _My_ Mr. Bingley? _Your_ Mr. Darcy, dear sister! Now I can return your teases and with more legitimacy than yours have!"

"Oh no!" Elizabeth pretended to swoon and dramatically fell back onto the bed. Jane lay down next to her and they both laughed.

"Lizzy, be serious. Other him being handsome. Why did you accept him?"

"For all the usual reasons I suppose. He is rich and respectable and young. I would have been quite foolish to deny him out of hand."

"I thought you wanted love."

"I do still want that. But, Jane, while he has apologized for what he said in Kent. It was still true. After that argument I feared that neither you nor I would ever find husbands. I am so very happy that Mr. Bingley has returned to you, but it does not very much change _my_ circumstances. I do not, cannot, regret rejecting Mr. Collins but I admit I was worried. Now here is a man who has seen the worst of my family and still wishes to court me. A man who, as I said, is handsome and quite respectable. No, I do not love him now but maybe with a better understanding of him...? It is not an engagement after all."

"You would have a courtship with him and then turn him down?"

"If I felt I thought that there was no possibility I could love or respect him; Yes, I would." She said stoutly.

They crawled under the blankets and Jane blew out the candles. After a moment of silence Jane said. "What of Lt. Wickham, Lizzy?"

"I don't know, Jane. He has been much on my mind today though. Not entirely in a good way either. He was wrong about Miss Darcy. No, more than wrong, it seems almost… a lie."

"Lizzy!"

"No, I know. I- there _must_ be some explanation for his description, but he was just so wrong that there must be more to it than a simple misunderstanding."

"And because of this you now doubt his story?"

"No, but it did confuse me. As for the rest. I will ask Mr. Darcy for the particulars. Maybe Lt. Wickham misunderstood something there as well. Even if Lt. Wickham was correct in his understanding of the situation then I can be an advocate for him. I could perhaps be the path to reconciliation for two long lost friends." Elizabeth said, liking the thought immensely.

Jane, giggling, asked for the particulars of Mr. Darcy's words and manner during his request and Elizabeth acquiesced gladly. After she had remembered every detail to her sister, Elizabeth listened as Jane confided that Mr. Bingley had disclosed his intention of returning to Netherfield for the summer. A trip that just happened to coincide with their own trip back to Hertfordshire. Jane said that Mr. Bingley had made a point to express his desire to speak with her father 'again'. Neither sister could remember a time that Mr. Bingley and their father had spoken more than a few words to each other, consequently this did seem like a hint from Mr. Bingley about his intentions. Elizabeth suggested that Jane simply inform her Mr. Bingley that while in his home Jane was in Mr. Gardiner's care; a fact that Mr. Darcy had already taken advantage of. Jane insisted she could not make such a hint until Elizabeth threatened to instead, then Jane changed her mind and said that she would try, only if it came up naturally.

Provisionally satisfied with that answer Elizabeth ceased to tease her sister and soon after they both fell asleep.

The next morning dawned gray and rainy but the weather was insufficient to dampen the happiness of the Gardiner group they went about their day. There was much to speak of as Elizabeth confided in her aunt about the courtship as well. As Lizzy had expected, her aunt had had an idea that such a question would be asked but she had thankfully allowed Elizabeth to be the one to bring it up. They had the morning to themselves but were unsurprised as the men had warned them yesterday that this would be the case owing to some business that Mr. Darcy had intended to help Mr. Bingley with. Elizabeth found little disappointment in this. In truth she was glad for more time to process the thought of courting Mr. Darcy before being confronted with the reality.

She did not have long for her thoughts however for they had all been invited to dine that night with the Hursts. When they arrived that evening, Elizabeth observed that the Hurst's townhouse was not as large nor as fashionable a neighborhood as they had been led to believe. As they were let into the parlor Elizabeth thought the decoration a tad ostentatious, but that it was an attractive house nonetheless. As they entered the room Mrs. Hurst stepped forward and welcomed them graciously, Mr. Hurst only nodded at them from across the room.

Already the room was mostly full, the Bingley and Sinclair Siblings were already presents as were an unknown couple. This couple was a bit older, more of an age with Mr. Hurst and the Gardiners, and were introduced as the Richardsons. Mr. Richardson was a polite, pleasant sort of man and had probably been very handsome at one time, though he was now too heavy to own the title. Unfortunately, He seemed to agree with Mr. Hurst in his disinterest in company. He stood next Mr. Hurst, his port in hand, and spoke little. Mrs. Richardson seemed simply odd at first, but Elizabeth soon realized that she was 'in her cups' and was embarrassed. Thankfully, the drink only seemed to make her a bit giddy, not loud or angry.

Thankfully they had only been minutes in the room when Mr. Darcy, Miss Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam arrived. Immediately after greeting his hosts Mr. Darcy approached Elizabeth and bowed over her hand.

"Miss Elizabeth, you look especially well this evening." Again, Elizabeth was struck with expressiveness of his gaze. His glance was full of admiration and he seemed truly pleased to see her.

She smiled and curtsied in return. Before she could do more, they were joined by Miss Darcy and the Colonel.

"Miss Elizabeth, how are you this evening?" asked Colonel Fitzwilliam.

"I am quite well. I have had a pleasant day with my family at home. We have been so busy lately that I appreciated the simple day."

"Now I feel I should apologize for my share of your tenuous social engagements!"

"Oh yes, how arduous was that picnic yesterday? I declare, it quite exhausted me!" Elizabeth said dramatically but with a teasing smile.

Miss Darcy looked slightly alarmed at this proclamation, but the Colonel only laughed. "I know what you mean though, London can be overwhelming."

At this both Darcys nodded emphatically and Elizabeth had to stifle a laugh. She agreed with the Colonel but the serious, nearly forlorn looks on the faces of the Darcy siblings were amusing.

"It is very busy here, is it not?" Miss Darcy added cautiously.

"True." Elizabeth agreed. "I haven't progressed in any of my reading, music or embroidery that I brought with me. Nor will I for the next few days."

"What will be keeping you so occupied?" Asked Miss Darcy.

"I am shopping, there! I have ruined my reputation as intelligent girl. Mock me if you wish." Elizabeth laughed but couldn't help glancing at Mr. Darcy to see how he would react.

Instead of teasing her though, all three of her companions looked confused. Mr. Darcy was the one to ask. "Miss Elizabeth, I do not understand. Why should shopping reflect badly on your intelligence? Is it not something that is required?"

Elizabeth was bewildered for a moment. Mr. Bennet often enjoyed teasing his wife and daughters when they spoke of shopping, ribbon or fabrics. He called it silly and rolled his eyes at their vanity. Was that not the normal stance for men?

"Yes, I do go with a reasonable purpose. But I confess to finding great enjoyment in it, while my tastes are fairly simple it is still great fun to order new things."

"There is nothing wrong with that." Miss Darcy said eagerly. "It is a necessary task, why not find enjoyment in it? I know I do."

"Then you will have to join me Miss Darcy." Elizabeth suggested. "We will be at the modiste tomorrow afternoon, if you are not busy you should join us!"

Miss Darcy smiled and declared herself available and happy to come. That settled, Elizabeth politely asked after the plans of the gentlemen. Colonel Fitzwilliam said he was going to spend the day with his family. Mr. Darcy declared abruptly that his plans were unfixed at the moment. Elizabeth did not know the cause of his abruptness and a little annoyed by his attitude. Thus, she directed most of her conversation towards Miss Darcy or the Colonel until dinner was called.

When the dinner announcement was made Mr. Darcy immediately offered Elizabeth his arm and she accepted though she wished she did not have to. Instead of walking in right away though, Mr. Darcy held her slightly back and away from the others so in speaking quietly they would have privacy.

"Miss Elizabeth, my plans for the marrow are unfixed because I wished to speak with you first."

Elizabeth was surprised that he would consult with her about his plans but nodded for him to continue.

"I had thought that I would ride to Longbourn to speak with your father. I must get your father's permission for our courtship. I wish to do it soon, had it not been pouring rain, I would have gone today. I thought maybe tomorrow would work, I could be back by the evening and still join you for the theater the next day."

"You asked my uncle's permission, did you not? You need not spend a whole day riding. I'm sure a letter will suffice."

"Perhaps. However, I will go in person." Mr. Darcy said firmly and started to lead them forward but kept the pace slow.

Elizabeth was unsure of her response. It did show a certain respect to both her and her father for Mr. Darcy to go so far out of his way for the discussion. However, Elizabeth wondered if his insistence truly came from honor or rather from pride?

She looked up at him, carefully trying to judge his motivations. He was looking away and his posture was stiff and his expression blank. Elizabeth was about to judge him proud when he glanced down and seeing her searching expression softened his own. "I wish to this right, Miss Elizabeth. I would not start this by offending your parents."

Elizabeth felt herself blush at his affectionate tone. They entered the dining room as Elizabeth murmured, "I think that a fine plan. It pleases me that you would take the trouble."

He smiled down at her and then escorted her to her chair.

The rest of the evening past quickly for Elizabeth. There was food, friends, music and games and Elizabeth enjoyed them all. When the evening ended Mr. Darcy escorted her out and took her hand.

"You will think me foolish, but I will miss you." He murmured.

"It is only one day."

"One day without you sounds like an eternity."

"Why, that was charming, I am impressed Mr. Darcy!" Elizabeth laughed.

"Too much? I apologize, I've never…" he trailed off, seeming at a loss for words.

"…Never tried to be charming?" She offered teasingly.

"Actually, you are right, I don't remember ever trying to charm anyone. I've never needed to." He chuckled. "No, wait that is false, I do remember as a young child trying to charm my nurse into giving me a second tea cake."

"And how did you succeed, Mr. Darcy?"

"I received a second and third, Miss Elizabeth."

"Oh my, what devious methods did you employ to achieve such a victory?"

"Why Miss Elizabeth, I believe I gave her a kiss." He said in a playful tone.

Elizabeth felt her face flush with heat and stared up at him. She could scarce believe it, but he was flirting with her! He had said yesterday that he liked her, but still Elizabeth had never imagined him _flirting_ with her. But she did not… dislike it. Tentatively, she smiled up at him.

Then they were at the carriage. "Goodbye, Miss Elizabeth." He said as he bowed over her hand, then glancing up he winked and quickly pressed a kiss on her knuckles. Then with a smile, he stepped into his carriage and soon disappeared into the night.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

At last Fitzwilliam Darcy could see Longbourn in the distance. He had been riding for the last four hours and was glad to be in sight of his destination. He enjoyed riding and had an affection for his horse, Maximus, but after alternating between a slow trot and canter all morning, he was ready to be done.

Despite his physical exertion and the long hours traveling, Darcy was pleased with himself and his situation. The night before had gone well, he thought. Miss Elizabeth had not been _eager_ to see him. She had not pursued conversation or even time with him, but… he might have imagined it, but she had seemed pleased by him a several points in the evening. He had felt so helpless and indeed hopeless when he had left Kent, but now he was glad of his decision to pursue her. Darcy had thought he would hate expressing his interest without the comfort of it being reciprocated. Instead, he found it a relief. In the moment it had been difficult to express himself. But afterwards, he enjoyed no longer having to hide his true feelings and thoughts. He enjoyed being affectionate towards his Elizabeth.

And she had blushed. She had blushed with pleasure at his farewell. That gratifying image had filled his dreams the night before, along with others of a significantly less gentlemanly description. Those images Mr. Darcy attempted to keep from his mind. No man wanted to think such thoughts while trotting along on his horse.

Tearing his mind away from those thoughts again, Fitzwilliam Darcy tried to concentrate on the task before him. He was not simply asking for Mr. Bennet's approval on the courtship, he intended to ask permission to marry her as well. He did not want this interview to be required more than once. If he received permission now than he could ask Elizabeth as soon as appropriate and then announce it that same day, perhaps ever be able to arrange everything from London without having to return to Longbourn at all. That would be ideal, for despite having determined to be polite towards Elizabeth's family and friends, he still disliked them.

Finally, he arrived before the Longbourn estate and dismounted. As he knocked a boy from the stables run up to him and took Maximus's reins. "I'll take good care of him, Mister!" he exclaimed eagerly while examining the horse with obvious admiration.

The door opened but Darcy took a second to flip a coin the boy before entering. As he stepped inside housekeeper curtseyed and said. "Mrs. Bennet and the misses Lydia and Catherine are out visiting Sir."

"Thank you, however I was hoping Mr. Bennet would honor me with his time."

"Is he expecting you?"

"No. Please just give him my card." Darcy said. Was this housekeeper expecting him to explain himself to her?

"Very good, sir. If you'll just wait here, please." She said and motioned towards the sitting room. Darcy was grateful for a moment to warm himself by the fire and gather his thoughts. He paced in front of the fire to stretch his legs for a couple of moments and then was surprised to see one of the Bennet girls enter the room. It was the middle one, Darcy couldn't remember much about her… she wasn't a very good piano player but was not as loud or silly as the younger ones. Mary was it?

He bowed, and she curtseyed. "My father sent me to fetch you." She said looking embarrassed and stiff.

That was odd, Mr. Darcy thought, why not send the housekeeper back? His daughter was not a servant and it was as if Darcy knew Miss Mary or would be interested in her company enough to wish the escort. But he thanked her politely and she led him out of the room and into a hallway.

Endeavoring to be kind to one of Elizabeth's sisters Darcy asked. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Miss Mary. How is your family."

It was a condemnation on his manners, Darcy thought, that Miss Mary looked so surprised at his address. But she answered, "They are well, Mr. Darcy."

She did not say anything more and before he could think of something else to ask, she stopped before a heavy wood door and knocked.

"Come in!" called Mr. Bennet's voice.

Mary opened the door for him and when he stepped in she followed quietly. Mr. Darcy made his bow. "Good morning Mr. Bennet. Thank you for seeing me."

Behind him Darcy was aware of Mary Bennet collecting a book and her shawl from an armchair and then turning to leave.

"Mary, please have tea tray sent in to us." Mr. Bennet called as his daughter started to leave. Then turned back to Darcy with a quizzical expression. "How do you do, Mr. Darcy?"

"I am well, sir. I hope you are in good health?"

"What can I do for you Mr. Darcy?"

The abruptness of the question left Darcy feeling awkward, but he settled himself in the chair opposite Mr. Bennet. "I have just come from London, Mr. Bennet." He started then halted, unsure how to continue.

"Congratulations." Mr. Bennet said sardonically, seemingly amused at Darcy's awkwardness.

This only caused Darcy to feel even more ill at ease. He was suddenly very frustrated with himself. _Why do I never know what to say? Why am I always so awkward_? He wished for one, just one jot of Elizabeth's ease. Fitzwilliam jerked upright and paced to the window, it was partially open, and he needed the fresh air.

"And how is our friend, Mr. Bingley?" asked Bennet, giving him a helping hand to get started, though still with amusement in his tone.

"He is very well, I dined with him only yesterday."

"Indeed? I have received a letter from my eldest daughter that mentioned seeing him."

"Yes, I was… with Bingley when he was reacquainted with your daughters."

"Were you? I am surprised," Bennet said with a raised brow.

Again, Darcy was unsure how to answer him. He supposed this was a comment on his reluctance to socialize last year. Bennet might even suspect that he had had a hand in separating Bingley and Miss Bennet. If he did suspect that then Darcy knew he had better clear his name on that front before continuing. "Yes, he had been unaware of Miss Bennet being in London. But I was in Kent at the same time as your daughter Miss Elizabeth and returned to London about the same time as well. From Elizabeth I knew of Miss Bennet's stay with your brother-in-law and informed Bingley."

At this Bennet look surprised. But before he could comment Darcy determined to reveal his purpose. He spoke firmly and clearly, not wanting to embarrass himself. "I have come here today to ask your permission and blessing to court your daughter."

"Oh dear, that will be awkward will it not?"

"Pardon?"

"I will not deny you sir, but it must cause strife between you and your friend, shall it not?"

Just then there was a knock at the door and then a servant girl stepped in carrying a tea tray. Darcy was glad of this distraction and while she set up he raced back over the conversation in his mind. It only took a few seconds and he realized his blunder. As soon as the girl exited the room Darcy rushed to explain. "I refer to your daughter Miss Elizabeth."

Immediately all traces of humor left Bennet's face and his expression turned stern, almost hostile. "There must be some confusion, I know you do not mean what you say."

"I am in earnest, I assure you."

"I have it on good authority, indeed your own public words that you do not like my daughter. The feeling is mutual too. Even if I did consent, she would not."

"I already have her consent, conditional upon your agreement of course." Bennet looked angry now and so Darcy added. "Before I approached your daughter I did speak with Mr. Gardiner and received his permission. Indeed, I have a letter with me from him that I believe addresses this."

His expression barely changing Mr. Bennet reached out his hand to take the letter. Silently Darcy handed it over. Fitzwilliam silently sipped his tea and watched as Mr. Bennet's expression took on a variety of emotions as he read the letter. In the silence and tension of the room Darcy brought to mind Elizabeth's words from the night before, ' _It pleases me that you would take the trouble'_. The memory encouraged him and strengthened his resolve.

Bennet finished the letter and set it aside. He stared at Darcy for a long moment and then smirked, his stern expression melting away. "You and my Elizabeth. Ha! This should be an interesting. You are either courageous or have no idea what you're in for. My daughter is not meek."

"I know. And I do not desire meekness from her. Your daughter is strong and virtuous, I have no wish to control her."

Bennet laughed outright, "That is good for I do not believe anyone could."

Privately Darcy thought that while Elizabeth would never be meek, if she learned to love him then he would have some influence. Darcy thought Bennet's comment reflected poorly on the man himself instead of Elizabeth. If Bennet had been a man Elizabeth could respect, then he would have able to 'control' her to some extent. He also thought it poor taste to speak of Elizabeth's supposed faults in front of others but knew it to be a favorite activity of Mr. Bennet's.

"As I said, I have no wish to control her." Darcy repeated then added. "I should inform you, I do not request this courtship lightly. I mean to have Miss Elizabeth as my wife. I have admired her for many months now and am firm in my desire."

Mr. Bennet only smirked and waved his hand in a flippant agreement. "I will consent if my daughter does."

Darcy was horrified. As awkward as Bennet's anger had been, it was the natural response of a loving father. This attitude was reprehensible. Did Elizabeth's father have no other questions for him? No wish to understand Darcy's feelings, position or income?

"You do not approve of my answer, do you?" Bennet asked with raised brow. Darcy had thought he had hidden his expression well but was apparently mistaken. "Well, I will tell you Mr. Darcy why I do not concern myself. My Elizabeth may have agreed this courtship, for whatever reasons of her own, but she will not consent to marry you. She has been quite candid in her dislike of you and indeed once promised her mother that she would never even dance with you. She hates you and I will not force her to accept you, no matter your elevated position."

Bennet said all this with an easy manner, almost affable in his tone. Darcy felt humiliated, offended and hurt. Despite knowing it the reaction Bennet wanted, Darcy was wounded to think that Elizabeth had spoken against him to others. And for Mr. Bennet to say all this with a smirk and a challenge in his eyes was cruel.

Inwardly Fitzwilliam seethed. He had never liked Mr. Bennet, he had always thought his tendency to laugh at others was in bad taste. But now, Darcy thought he saw that there was a streak of lazy cruelty in the man. He remembered suddenly several instances that showed this, including Mr. Bennet humiliating Miss Mary at the Netherfield ball and smirking at all his family. Darcy knew that Elizabeth loved her father and maybe she didn't see this side of him. Maybe Bennet never turned his nasty sense of humor on Elizabeth, Darcy hoped he had not.

Forcefully Darcy pushed his feelings aside, he was resolved and would not be dissuaded by the other man's behavior. "I would not have her forced. I will allow her to get to know me and then if my proposals are refused, I will withdraw."

Mr. Bennet casually accepted his words and then turn the conversation to more general topics. After that the discussion turned more pleasant and though Darcy could not lose his distaste of the man, he was happy with the subject change. It was not long after this that Darcy took his leave.

As he left he noticed the coat and hat of two Militia officers, as well at the outwear of several ladies in the entryway. Elizabeth's mother and sisters were back. _Perhaps I should go and greet them? They are to be my mother and sisters-in-law_. Reluctantly, he took a step in the direction of parlor but froze when he heard a familiar voice laughing. _Wickham! George Wickham was in the Bennet home!_ Darcy almost returned to Mr. Bennet's study to warn the man of the villain in his parlor. Yet he could not. He would not lay out the particulars of his private affairs before a smirking, mocking Mr. Bennet. Perhaps he could write a letter instead or speak with Elizabeth. Yes, Elizabeth would listen to him, he would tell her all when he felt it appropriate. With this resolve Darcy left Longbourn to return to London, glad to be leaving Hertfordshire and hoping it would be some time before he was required to return.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"What of this wimple hat, sister. Might it be your choice?" Elizabeth asked touching the edge of a truly hideous creation. Not only was it ugly but was also made of an unpleasant scratchy gauze with a heavy silver lining that would no doubt keep the entire affair unbalanced. So obviously Elizabeth had to point it out with apparent interest for her dear sister, as is the habit of all young ladies when they see a particularly ugly bit of fashion.

Jane giggled but poor Georgiana just looked confused and a little worried. Elizabeth entwined her arm with Miss Darcy's and giggling, quietly assured the girl that it was a joke and they would not actually choose it.

It was obvious to Elizabeth that Miss Darcy's sense of humor had been neglected. Oh, she wasn't lacking in natural talent, only in practice. Elizabeth could well imagine that Miss Darcy's brother, her only family that actually lived in her household, gave her few reasons to laugh.

"I think, Miss Bennet, that you are right to avoid it. It is obviously-" and now Georgiana turned her serious face toward Elizabeth, "-more suited to Miss Elizabeth."

"Bravo Miss Darcy!" laughed Elizabeth." You are catching the tone now. Indeed, your ability to keep a straight, serious expression is much better than mine! I always find my grave mien slipping when I tease."

The ladies moved on through the bustling millinery, examining this or that hat. Jane and Elizabeth had both chosen the style, fabric and decorations for their new dresses and were now seeking the accessories necessary. Elizabeth enjoyed this part of shopping for new clothes the most. She always felt a little overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices that faced her in designing a new gown, especially a formal one. Kitty was the family fashionista and would usually help Elizabeth but thankfully Mrs. Gardiner had stepped in and gently guided Elizabeth toward both flattering and stylish selections. Now they only needed a hat, gloves and shoes to finish out their new ensembles.

Elizabeth had picked up four different hats to examine before either of the other ladies had chosen any. Elizabeth had a harder time visualizing garments on her own body and thus always tried anything that caught her eye. Jane had a better eye and idea of which fashions were compliment her so often would only pick up one hat or two but would also leave with those same ones for they would suit her perfectly. Elizabeth would try on a dozen before she found one that would work even just acceptably. Standing before a little mirror Elizabeth took off her own hat and tried on a silver net dress cap, it was lined with purple silk, trimmed in silver and fastened with a decorative tassel. The cap was a bit beyond Elizabeth's usual style, but her new dress was formal and thus required a bit more decoration.

"What do you think?" Elizabeth asked Miss Darcy who was still sticking close to her instead of browsing for herself.

"It is very flattering, which dress would you wear it with?"

"The full dress, white satin? It does have purple slashed sleeves and bows of purple ribbon down the front, so it would match."

"True, but perhaps a little too well. You would not want to be only one or two colors in the whole ensemble. Perhaps a contrasting color?

"Like yellow?" Elizabeth asked, laughing as she set the cap aside.

"No, but perhaps green? A dark green?"

"I think I would prefer a complementary color instead, though not quite as fashionable, I feel like opposing colors make parts of my body look to at odds with others."

"It is to bring attention to individual aspects of your attire." Jane commented as she walked by.

Elizabeth only shrugged, "I still do not like it. Perhaps a blue? There was a cap near the entrance very like this one but lined with blue."

"It was a flattering cut." Georgiana agreed and they both went in search of the proposed cap.

"Do you not want to pick something for yourself?" Elizabeth asked as the searched.

"I have truly no need for a new hat. My brother keeps me quite spoiled, despite my not even being out."

"Sounds like an excellent brother." Elizabeth said kindly and then, as casually as she could she added. "Is he always so good to you?"

Miss Darcy smiled widely, "I can see what you mean now, you do indeed have a hard time hiding your true sentiments."

"I fail to understand you." Elizabeth said, fighting a blush.

At this Georgiana suddenly stepped closer and with whispered excitement confessed. "Fitzwilliam explained to me where he was going today and why. Oh, Miss Elizabeth I'm so excited for the both of you!"

Elizabeth surprised but quickly realized that she ought not to be, the courtship was hardly going to remain a secret. Despite only Jane and the Gardiners knowing for now, when Mr. Darcy returned to London with her father's permission, it would become public knowledge. Elizabeth willed herself to smile back at the girl.

"Thank you. I confess I am still unused to the idea. But I no longer need to pretend disinterest in Mr. Darcy, do I?"

"No, you need not! And I will be very happy to answer anything you wish regarding my brother, for he is the best of men and any story I can tell you of him will only reflect well on him." Miss Darcy enthused.

Elizabeth was surprised at this assertion, would not a teenage girl resent her stern, taciturn brother? Especially such a brother who was also in charge of her care?

"Not every story I am sure. Be honest, all people have their faults!" Elizabeth laughed to cover her confusion.

"I suppose all people do, and I am sure there have been times that my brother has felt out of sorts. But he has never taken those feelings out on me in any way. He is always so kind and gentle with me."

"Everyone has a temper." Elizabeth insisted. "Not everyone shouts or throws a fit, but Mr. Darcy told me himself that he has a resentful temper."

At this Georgiana only looked thoughtful instead of abashed. "I suppose you could describe it as such. But… his disapprobation is never unwarranted. This I am sure of. My brother is the master of many and cannot allow himself to forgive those who would attack or hurt me, others in his care or himself. While there are those, especially many of society's young men, who need not require perfect morality from their friends or acquaintances, but my brother must by reason of his many responsibilities."

"And your brother is to be the ultimate judge of others' morals?" Elizabeth asked, trying to keep her voice light and free of bitterness.

Miss Darcy looked a little confused and taken aback but answered cautiously. "For himself at least he must. Others have parents, siblings or longtime friends to consult, my brother is rather alone in that sense. He has many friends but few he can truly rely on. As for family, you've met our aunt Catherine, so I need not explain that situation. And of my uncle the Earl, he is a good man but much too busy to be often available to Fitzwilliam."

Elizabeth picked up a hat and pretended to examine it so as to give herself a moment to think. She had not never considered Mr. Darcy's attitude in that way. She had always compared his behavior to his peers, the other young gentlemen she had met at parties or balls. Yet, she perhaps should have compared him to the men of her father's age and station, as they had more in common with his actual life. Even amiable Mr. Bingley, for all of his independence, had his elder sisters to rely on, several aunts and uncles and Mr. Darcy himself. If her beau, (how odd to think of him that way) wished to consult with someone, who would he go to? His cousin the Colonel certainly was a good option, for he was a man of sense and education, but being a colonel, he would not have control of his own schedule and must often be away, Elizabeth supposed.

 _Could_ I _be someone for him to talk of his troubles with? Someone for him to rely on_? Elizabeth found she liked the thought. She considered herself a good judge of character, and perhaps with someone to talk to, Mr. Darcy would relax somewhat. Miss Darcy's ardent confidence in her brother's character encouraged Elizabeth.

Putting away her thoughts about Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth refocused on choosing a hat and spending time with Georgiana Darcy. Through the rest of the day Elizabeth was surprised by how much she continued to like Miss Darcy, she had almost expected for some extreme flaw to reveal itself in Miss Darcy, but none had. She was a gentle soul, a bit like Jane, but without the steadiness Jane possessed so much of. Once comfortable with the person and situation Georgiana had all the enthusiasm of most girls her age and a dry wit that sometimes-reminded Elizabeth of the girl's brother.

That man continued to intrude on Elizabeth's thoughts, despite her determination to be present. She could not help but feel flattered by his interest. And with, she felt, a new understanding of his feelings, she remembered many of their old interactions differently than she had judged them before. His habit of meeting her on her walks at Rosings now made perfect sense. At the time she had been so confused, now she realized he had seen those walks as romantic. They had not seemed that way to her, at least not at the time. She had thought all his silences to be filled with disdainful thoughts and had resented him for his imagined criticism of her. Now Elizabeth had to wonder, had his thoughts at that time been filled with admiration? Interest and attraction? She supposed they must have been! The thought painted her memories in a different, more pleasurable light. She wondered how it had happened. Elizabeth knew that he hadn't liked her at first, so there must have been a point when that had changed. Rosings almost made sense as a place for him to change his opinion, for he had been surrounded by unpleasant relations and thus maybe saw his time with her as more agreeable by comparison. But she could not remember saying much of anything to him unless absolutely necessary. What could she have done to change his opinion of her?

Speculation proved unsatisfactory, and Elizabeth again pushed the man from her mind. The young ladies, rejoined by Mrs. Gardiner, had luncheon at a little tea shop and then explored several little shops that sold a variety of accessories. It was evening before the group split up and Elizabeth was exhausted but happy when she finally returned the Gardiner home.

She was surprised upon her return to find a bouquet of flowers waiting for her. It was a beautiful arrangement of pink, white and purple. Elizabeth knew instantly who they were from and blushed but searched for a note to confirm. Sure enough, a note was soon found, and Elizabeth read it.

 _Dearest Miss Elizabeth, I have returned from Longbourn with your father's permission to court you. It is hard to find the words to express the pleasure and the honor I have received with your agreement to our courtship. Perhaps these flowers can speak for me, do you know the language of flowers, Miss Elizabeth?_

 _Yours Faithfully,_

 _Fitzwilliam Darcy_

Elizabeth blushed at his sentimental words and reexamined the flowers, trying to remember the meaning of each. The little white and pink buds were almond blossoms, which symbolized hope. The purple columbine she recognized yet could not interpret, the dark pink roses however, she knew to portray thankfulness. The beautiful pink, white and green leaves were familiar, but she could not name. The waxy, white flowers she knew not at all.

Just then a small book was pushed into her hands and she glanced up to see the smiling faces of her aunt and Jane then looked down at the book and saw it was a book on flower arrangement, including the meanings of flowers! Quickly she looked up the colorful leaves and found them pictured under the name caladium, it's stated message was 'great joy and delight'. Next, she investigate the large, white flower and soon found it to be a camellia.

"Well, Lizzy, what do they all mean?" asked Jane eagerly.

Elizabeth paused for a brief moment, too embarrassed at first to form a reply. She was also flattered if she was honest with herself. Then, pointing to the individual flowers and she said, "Hope… thankfulness…joy and delight. And with the camellia he calls me perfect, adorable." She ended with a whisper, a little overwhelmed by the sentiments symbolized by the flowers. Silently she handed the book back to Mrs. Gardiner. _Could he really be sincere in the feelings represented here?_

"What about the columbine?" Jane asked. When Elizabeth raised her hands in confusion Mrs. Gardiner quickly flipped through the book.

Finding the entry Mrs. Gardiner looked up and said to Elizabeth. "Resolved to win."

The next four and twenty hours passed quickly and uneventfully. This was fortunate as Elizabeth was fairly silly with excitement for their visit to Covent Gardens that evening. Going to one of the two official London theaters was a rare treat for Elizabeth and this night was especially exciting as Mr. Darcy had offered the use of his box. Elizabet had never seen a play from a private box, her aunt and uncle simply bought tickets to the gallery, and while she was grateful even for the gallery, it was a loud, smelly place. People came and went as they pleased, anyone with money could get in and they were often drunk, sometimes throwing things at actors if they disliked them, or simply got bored. The rowdy atmosphere often created havoc. In fact, four years ago the theater had been burnt to the ground, the cause never found. It was Elizabeth's private opinion that the beer-soaked gallery, combined with the disorderly crowd had been to blame.

Still, Elizabeth, Jane and Maria had been very excited to go. Thus, they had spoken of their plans to Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy on Sunday; at which point Mr. Darcy had insisted they edit their plans to include him and make use of his private box. In his theater box they would be closer to the stage, in a semi-private area with servants to bring them refreshments and best of all, they would have far more capability to actually _see_ and _hear_ the acts.

It was seven o'clock and Gardiner household had finished their dinner and dressed for an evening out. Elizabeth was wearing a round robe of imperial blue leno with long sleeves of the same, worn over a white satin under-dress. Decorating the front was a bodice of Chinese crape laced and tagged with matching cord and tassels. Her hair was simply swept up and styled into loose curls, decorated only by a few simple hair combs and a single dark pink rose from Mr. Darcy's bouquet. She finished her ensemble with white satin slippers and gloves of white kid.

As the first of the ladies dressed Elizabeth sat in the parlor with her uncle and waited. She struggled not to pace, she was so excited she had a hard time sitting still. Her eyes caught her reflection and Elizabeth gently touched the rose bloom in her hair. ' _Thankfulness'_ , it was the only of his sentiments that she could honestly return but she did wish to acknowledge his gesture in some way. And she was grateful, he had brought Bingley back to Jane, he had been kind and respectful of her aunt and uncle, he had spent an entire day traveling just to speak with her father, his bouquet had been sweet and now she would spend an evening in his theater box! When she thought about it, she had many reasons to be pleased with Mr. Darcy.

Just then she heard sounds from the entryway and stood just as a maid announced the Misters Bingley and Darcy. Bingley bowed to her and then approached Mr. Gardiner for conversation. Mr. Darcy hesitated in the doorway, his eyes intense on her. Elizabeth blushed and curtseyed, "Mr. Darcy. Good-evening."

In a few long strides he was before her and taking her hand, he bowed over it. "Miss Elizabeth, you look beautiful." His words sounded more fervent than flirtatious to Elizabeth.

She had worried about this reunion all day and had struggled with how to treat him; a man she had once hated who was now courting her. But now rather than be intimidated by Mr. Darcy's intensity, Elizabeth felt her courage raising.

"Thank you, Mr. Darcy, I have done what I could." She said with a saucy smile. "You look very well too."

Elizabeth glanced at Mr. Bingley and her uncle who had both paced to the other side of the room and were speaking too quietly for Elizabeth to hear. She turned back to Mr. Darcy and said brightly. "I'm very excited about tonight. We shall have a marvelous time, shall we not?"

"We shall indeed, Miss Elizabeth. There is a great deal to be excited about in this performance. I believe they plan to do an excerpt from of Edmund Spenser's The Faerie Queene with the new gaslight visual effects. I have heard it quite brings the magic to life."

"Oh! That sounds wonderful! I have read much about the new emphasis being placed on scenery and effects but have had little ability to observe them myself. Will there be much you think in the main act, The Ruins of Athens?"

"I believe The Ruins of Athens to be more drama and dialogue then action, but I believe they must have some."

Elizabeth grinned at her companion, feeling alight with anticipation. Before they could continue their conversation Jane, Maria and Mrs. Gardiner entered. Elizabeth snuck a look at Mr. Bingley as Jane stepped into the room and was thrilled to see his expression change to blatant adoration at the sight of her.

Soon all the greetings were made, everyone gathered their outerwear and entered the carriages. Mr. Gardiner had accepted the offer of Mr. Darcy's carriage and thus the party was split by gender. The ladies did not mind this small abandonment and laughed and chattered the entire way.

When they arrived, after being helped from the carriage by her uncle, Elizabeth stopped to take in the impressive, tall white building. Light, music and merriment poured out from the windows and doors and Elizabeth was drawn to it like a moth to the flame. Mr. Darcy offered his arm and the whole group started forward. But they had gone only a few steps when Mr. Darcy hesitated, Elizabeth glanced up and saw him looking at her hair.

"Is something amiss?"

"No, I apologize. I was only inspecting the flower in your hair, I hadn't noticed it before. It looks beautiful." It was a statement, but Elizabeth could hear the question underneath.

"It is from the bouquet you sent me. Which was lovely, both the beauty and the sentiment. I Thank you."

"It was my pleasure." He said and smiled down at her. Then they were through the door and Elizabeth was again caught up in the atmosphere.

The performance was entrancing for Elizabeth. They entered during a comedic outtake of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing then were entertained with a dramatic poem by Walter Scott called The Vision of Don Roderick. There was a short intermission and Mr. Darcy had wine and desserts brought in. Then the show continued with The Ruins of Athens, for which the music was incredible. Elizabeth was entranced by entire play but found Beethoven's accompanying pieces especially powerful.

She was so caught up in the experience that she often forgot about Mr. Darcy sitting next to her and then would suddenly sense his stare. Elizabeth soon found that whatever excitement for the play that Mr. Darcy had espoused, he watched mostly her. Yet for the first time, his scrutiny was not uncomfortable, because now she knew him to be watching her with admiration and affection. With this understanding Elizabeth was able to enjoy the attention he gave her and would sometimes reciprocate with smiles and comments on the play.

After the play, the show went on for another two hours with physical theatre, animals, acrobatics, and melodramatic skits. A couple times Elizabeth got up to move around and always Mr. Darcy would accompany her. The first time this happened Elizabeth had been hesitant to go walking with Mr. Darcy, knowing what attention it would likely bring and not sure if she was ready to be introduced as the woman he was courting. She hesitated by the curtain, not sure how to ask him to keep silent on their courtship. "Mr. Darcy… What- should we meet people, what ought we say?"

"I am very pleased to be in a courtship with you Miss Elizabeth. And it cannot, ought not be kept a secret. However, I have not be able to tell my family or close friends as of yet. Perhaps, for this evening…"

Elizabeth assured him quickly that she would be quite satisfied to be introduced as a friend and thus they went out. As she had supposed, with him at her side they garnered the attention of many, and Elizabeth was introduced to many people but mostly they seemed more acquaintances with Mr. Darcy then actual friends. So, though there were many a curious, suspicious glance, none were so bold as to question Mr. Darcy on his relationship with her.

At midnight the show was finished, and the crowd dispersed. Elizabeth knew that for a lot of the young and fashionable the night was barely beginning, and many would not retire until dawn. For herself though she was glad to be returning to bed in the Gardiner home. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner exited the box first with Maria then Elizabeth and Darcy followed. After a few steps however, Elizabeth stopped and said. "Wait, I pray you, Mr. Darcy. Jane has fallen behind."

"I shall wait here with you if you wish, but I believe she may be a few moments."

Elizabeth was very confused by this statement. "Why, should we check on her?"

"I do not believe Bingley would appreciate the interruption." Mr. Darcy advised with a mischievous grin.

"Mr. Bingley!"

"Yes, I believe he may have spoken to your uncle in the parlor for permission to speak with her privately."

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Elizabeth enthused. Sure enough, a moment or so later the happy couple immerged, holding hands and smiling to each other.

When Jane caught sight of Elizabeth waiting for her she hurried forward and hugged her sister. Too excited to wait for a private setting Jane whispered in Elizabeth's ear, "We are engaged! Oh Lizzy, I'm so happy!"

Elizabeth squeezed her sister back and then looked at her future brother-in-law. "Congratulations, Mr. Bingley, you have won England's finest, most wonderful woman!"

Bingley, with a grin that spilt his face from ear to ear answered. "And well I know my luck! I can hardly believe it! But now you must call me Charles, as my other sisters do!"

Laughing, the sisters hugged again and chattering excitedly the group made their way out. Soon they all arrived at the carriages, the Gardiners were waiting for them with expectant grins. Jane confirmed their suspicions and everyone shook-hands, hugged and smiled. Mr. Gardiner invited the men back to their home for a celebratory drink. This plan was agreed to, and everyone entered the carriages in the same arrangement as before.

As soon as the ladies were settled Elizabeth grabbed Jane's hands and exclaimed. "Engaged! Jane dear, when I realized he had you alone in there, I thought perhaps a courtship, but he proposed!"

"Yes." Jane said, laughing. "He did first ask for a courtship. But when I answer expressed…. My pleasure to enter a courtship. He suddenly said, 'why wait?' and then told me that he loves me! He loves me, Lizzy!"

"Ah, that explains it… your future husband is a very impetuous man Jane." Mrs. Gardiner said dryly. "While I am very happy for you, Mr. Bingley only had permission to ask for a courtship. When you announced at the carriages that you were engaged I was shocked!"

"Oh, dear" Jane said, her expression turning from jubilant to worried.

"Not to worry, darling, you parents have already sent their consent for the marriage. Your mother seemed convinced a proposal was imminent. Actually, she sent me a letter the day after you arrived in London urging me to consent to any young man of good position but to give special preference to Mr. Bingley if he should return to you! Unless the man was titled, then he should get preference." Their aunt laughed, and the sisters blushed at their mother's words. Then she added, "This I wouldn't have seen as sufficient permission but last week when you wrote to your mother and mentioned his return she sent me another letter. Again, it urged me to encourage Mr. Bingley and give him any permission he wished for. She even got your father to write a quick postscript giving his permission."

"Then it is settled already!" Jane said optimistically.

"Well, your uncle is probably having a few words with your fiancé right now… but it will probably be settled by the time we arrive."

Sure enough, when the party arrived at the Gardiner home the men exited their carriage with slightly damper spirits, but those attitudes were wiped away at the reunion of Jane and Charles. Their joy and excitement were infectious, and everyone went in to celebrate. Elizabeth played cheerful music on the pianoforte and after her uncle brought out champagne, Jane and Bingley danced several jigs together. Watching their happy, adoring faces, Elizabeth could not have been happier. She played and sang, smiling encouragement to Jane until, after some time, her aunt approached her, "Let me play the next one, Lizzy, your Mr. Darcy has asked me to." She said with a wink.

Elizabeth laughed and finished out the song. She relinquished the instrument to her aunt and walked straight up to Mr. Darcy. "You summoned me, sir?" she said impudently.

"You once refused to dance a jig with me. You proclaimed it a trap. Can you now believe me when I say I wish to dance with you?"

Elizabeth was surprised by the memory, she had thought that he had mocked her with the request. But had he instead been serious, had he even then liked her? No! He had been so stern, so unapproachable! In any case, she was in too good of spirits presently to turn down a dance.

"I can indeed, Mr. Darcy."

He took her hand and together they joined Jane and Bingley. The four of them formed a circle and all together they twirled and dipped, grasping each other's hands as they neared each other, then releasing them as they stepped back, only to bob and twirl again. Mr. Darcy was an excellent dancer and Elizabeth enjoyed herself immensely. She and Jane laughed and smiled without restraint. Before long however she was out of breath and had to stop.

Gasping and laughing she collapsed on to a settee and the impromptu dance ended with cheers all around. Another bottle of champagne was opened, and Mr. Darcy brought Elizabeth glass.

"I am pleased to see you so happy, Miss Elizabeth."

"And _I_ am pleased with you Mr. Darcy! This night could not have happened without you. Or rather, I suppose it might have happened earlier had you not interfered originally, but who can say? Perhaps not, and besides, I have quite forgotten about any such unpleasant things. You must take my philosophy Mr. Darcy, and only remember the past as it brings me pleasure."

"I cannot, unfortunately, as I receive much instruction from my less pleasant memories. However, I am delighted that you espouse to this philosophy for I believe it must work in my favor!" He said playfully.

"Mr. Darcy! Are you teasing me? I had not thought it of you! How very ungallant."

He just smiled and bowed. "I am learning from the best."

Elizabeth started to answer and then had to cover her mouth as a yawn interrupted her, the first was quickly followed by another.

"You are tired, I should take my leave." Mr. Darcy said regretfully.

"No, I am having a wonderful time."

He bowed over her hand and kissed it. "As am I, lovely Miss Elizabeth, but I should go nonetheless."

Mr. Darcy then approached his friend and together they regretfully took their leave of the Gardiner household. Each gentleman took the opportunity to kiss the hand of his fair lady. Mr. Darcy promised to call the next morning and Bingley energetically agreed. Then they left, and the wonderful evening came to an end.


	12. Chapter 12

_Thank you for continuing to read my story! I hope you are enjoying it!_

 **Chapter 12**

The next morning Fitzwilliam fulfilled his promise, along with Bingley, and called on the Gardiner household. While Bingley and Miss Bennet's engagement was again the focus of conversation, Darcy was able to spend some time with Elizabeth. Her cheerfulness from the night before had remained and Darcy had enjoyed seeing her so happy. Now, he was riding back from the call, his thoughts filled with Elizabeth.

 _Miss Elizabeth_ , he chided himself. More and more he was finding it difficult to remember her prefix and not think of her as only _his_ Elizabeth. And while that was fine in the privacy of his own mind, he was worried that thought would become spoken word and he would embarrass her in company with an insinuation of a familiarity not yet present _. But that familiarity was not as far away as it once had been. Or do I fool myself? No, I do believe she is warming to my suit_. Darcy thought and smiled to himself at the memory of her dancing with him the night before. He leaned over and stroked Maximus's neck and they continued down the London road.

He had thought himself in love with her while in Hertfordshire, then overcome in Kent, yet what a fool he had been! He had barely spoken to her in all that time, or she to him! It was not until dancing and speaking with her last night that he had realized how much better it could be with her. Her smiles, her dancing eyes, her words of pleasure, all these fixed themselves in Darcy's mind. While he had truly loved her before, now he realized that all he had ever seen of her up until last night had been a carefully arraigned mask of civility and vivacity. But last night she had let her guard down somewhat and Darcy found that what was underneath was even more lovable.

 _Well, that is not quite true,_ Darcy corrected himself, _I first saw an unguarded Elizabeth when we fought in Kent. Though I suppose even than she must have been controlling herself somewhat because of the public nature of the incident._ That was a slightly alarming thought, as she had been a fearsome sight to behold at the time.

Chuckling at the thought Darcy spurred his horse into a trot, the traffic here was less and he was eager to return to his home. Ten minutes later, Fitzwilliam had arrived at Darcy house. He swung off his saddle, handed the reins to a stable boy and strode into his house. He planned to suggest to his sister that she invite Elizabeth and others from the Gardiner household for tea or maybe even dinner. Georgiana had never hosted a dinner outside of family gatherings, but surely Elizabeth and her relations would be a good start.

He started to make his way to the music room, assuming it to be the room Georgiana was in, but stopped when he saw his butler approaching. "What is it, Stevens?" He asked while his fingers tapped a rhythm on his thigh.

"Sir, Miss Georgiana is in the parlor with the Countess of Matlock, Lady Florence and Colonel Fitzwilliam."

"Thank you, Stevens. And how long have they been here?"

"Nearing a half hour, Sir."

Darcy was relieved that he hadn't left them waiting too terribly long. He thanked Stevens again and strode quickly into the parlor.

"There you are, Darcy!" The Colonel said brightly coming forward quickly to shake his hand. They grasped hands and James leaned forward and murmured. "Mother and Florence are here and are wild with curiosity about the lady seen on your arm at the theater!"

Then James stepped back with a grin that said he thought he was about to see some fine amusement. Darcy did his best to ignore the troll. He had already guessed that that would be the reason for this visit and was as prepared as he reasonably could be.

He stepped up and bowed first to his aunt, Esther, the Countess of Matlock. She was tall for a woman with a strong, elegant build and graying brown hair. She had always been kind to Darcy and he was very fond of her. That she was also entitled, controlling and vain made little difference to him, everyone had their faults and hers were at least not of intelligence. Also, one could get away with a lot when that someone was married to an earl.

"Fitzwilliam, I am glad you have returned, we must have a conversation."

"Of course, Aunt Esther." He said calmly and turned and bowed to his cousin Florence and his sister. Florence looked more like Georgiana's sibling then Darcy did. For both women were fair in coloring and sported nearly matching smiles. Florence was four years older and somewhat more full-figured than Georgiana also she had her mother's green eyes instead of Georgiana's blue, but the resemblance was still uncanny. "Cousin, how nice to see you. Georgiana, I hope you were not waiting long."

"No, brother, not long."

"And how did your music lesson go today?"

"Very well, or at least, Mr. Montanri says I'm doing well."

"And how-"

"That's enough, Fitzwilliam." His aunt interrupted. "I won't be teased about this. You must think yourself so very clever; spurning all the young women I've put in front of you, only to show up out of _no_ where with a girl I've never heard of!"

Darcy couldn't help but smile at her indignation that he would like a woman so wholly unconnected with his aunt.

"And you didn't even introduce her to mother before taking her out in public!" James added with feigned horror.

With a glare sent to his impish cousin, Darcy said as innocently as he was able. "Aunt, I am very confused by your alarm. Miss Bennet is a young woman of good but country breeding who has not been often in town. A lady of your esteemed personage cannot be expected to know the names of all the young ladies in England. Besides, I thought you knew about her, your son James has known her for over a month and knew we were courting."

His aunt rounded on her son with an expression that would terrify Napoleon. But before she could tear into James she looked back to Darcy and confirmed, "Courting? You're in an official courtship with the girl?"

"Yes, Aunt Esther, and again, her name is Miss Bennet. Miss Elizabeth Bennet."

His aunt took a deep breath and, releasing it slowly, sat down. "Tell me about her."

So, Darcy did. He told her everything he knew about Elizabeth's situation, neither embellishing nor minimizing anything. He could tell his aunt was not happy with the information he was relating but he pressed on. After speaking of her position, he went on to tell her about Elizabeth herself. Of her loyalty, morality, kindness and vivacity. When he was finished James and Georgiana both gave their impressions of her as well. James enjoyed informing everyone what Elizabeth had not liked him at first for reason of his rude behavior. This information had the two-fold benefit (at least in his cousin's eyes) of making Darcy look bad for his manners and clearing Elizabeth of looking mercenary. Miss Darcy spoke of her easy manner, the effortlessness of their friendship and the shopping trip they'd gone on together which Georgiana had enjoyed enormously.

Then they were all finished and there was a quiet moment while The Countess just looked at them, deliberating. Before she could announce her decision, her daughter spoke up. "Well, I don't know what kind of wife she'll make you Fitzwilliam, but I should like to meet her nonetheless, she sounds amusing!"

"Yes, that is one thing of which we can be sure. Fitzwilliam, we shall have to meet her. When is the soonest that can be arraigned? You should invite them to dinner tonight, here, so it is not too formal. Yes, I am free tonight and will make sure your uncle is as well. That's all settled then, I'll make my decision after I meet her."

He had planned to invite her, but a private dinner would have been different than a surprise introduction to his uncle the Earl. "Aunt, I appreciate that your willing to meet her, but it is already two in the afternoon, I should not invite her so last minute, it would appear rude and arrogant."

"And you have enough trouble with that as it is." Joked James, but everyone ignored him.

"Nonsense, what could she and her tradesmen relations have tonight that could be more important than meeting an earl! Especially one related to her suitor? No, I am sure it would be quite acceptable."

"Dearest aunt, you are confusing me with someone else if think you think to command me. Please, I wish to gratify you, but I will not offend Miss Elizabeth. If Georgiana agrees then we will send an invitation for dinner tomorrow. Will that not suffice?"

His aunt grudgingly agreed. Darcy knew that she was not actually ill-humored just a little offended at being the seemingly last person to know about his courtship. It had been poorly done on his part to not inform her; but Darcy still felt apprehensive about Elizabeth's feelings and thus his natural inclination was to keep it quiet. This, of course, was not sound, but it had been his habit for so long he as almost unaware of it.

"We shall be a merry party!" Florence exclaimed enthusiastically.

"We shall be one person less than you are imagining, dear cousin, for James is _not_ invited."

. . . . . . . . .

In the end Darcy relented and allowed for his cousin James to attend the dinner but made him swear to be on his best behavior. A pie-crust promise certainly, easily made and easily broken, but Darcy was not actually concerned because he knew that James would be friendly to Elizabeth and actually appreciated that he would be there, another supporter for Elizabeth in a room full of strangers.

Georgiana had sent the invitation, as was appropriate to her position as the hostess, and soon received a positive reply. Though there was little for them to do personally the siblings rushed to complete their preparations and then spent the evening and the next day in anxious anticipation. Darcy tried to read but ended up pacing instead. Georgiana requested he look over her menu plan. He tried to play billiards but found his aim to be unusually terrible. Georgiana asked that he advise her on the seating plan. Darcy found himself checking with the butler on minute details he that he was usually not even aware of. Georgiana wished to know Elizabeth's favorite dessert.

Finally, frustrated with the impotent nature of his feelings, Darcy suggested they go out riding. It was one of the few exercises ladies were allowed and Georgiana loved it. The siblings saddled their horses and rode out of town. For four hours they exercised their horses, enjoyed the fresh air and released their tensions. So, it was by the time they returned to Darcy House, they barely had time to change for dinner. Elizabeth and her party would be arriving first, as Darcy wanted a chance to speak with her before she met his relations.

Sure enough, just as Fitzwilliam and Georgiana settled in the parlor the Gardiners and Miss Bennets were announced. Greetings were exchanged all around and then Georgiana helpfully suggested a tour of the main rooms, an idea readily accepted by everyone. As the rest of the group started out Darcy gently held Elizabeth back. He saw the Gardiners notice but as the door was open and the couple was courting, a certain amount of privacy was permissible, and Elizabeth's guardians continued out the doorway.

"Mr. Darcy?"

"I only wished to, that is, you are aware that my uncle the Earl and his family will be in attendance tonight."

"Yes, indeed I am, Mr. Darcy." Miss Elizabeth's tone made her statement a question. "It was mentioned on the invite."

"My uncle, the Earl of Matlock is kind man but stubborn, if he takes it into his head to be against us, I worry over the damage he could cause."

"So, you are warning me to be on my best behavior tonight." Elizabeth said, her eyes narrowing with ire.

"No, I pray you, don't think that. You have never been anything but extemporary in your manners. You must know your easy, yet refined manners are one of the many things I admire about you." He stepped a little closer, "one of the _numerous_ things I appreciate about you."

For a moment of wonderful tension, the two stared at each other and then Elizabeth glanced down with a blush. "Why caution me then?"

"I just wanted…" Darcy's words trailed off as even he wasn't sure why he had warned her.

There was another moment of silence as Darcy struggled to formulate the right words and Elizabeth examined his expression.

Suddenly she said, "You wanted to share your concerns with me." The statement tone made it obvious that it was a guess on her part.

"Yes." Darcy agreed, surprised and pleased that she had guessed his motivation before he was able to put it into words. She was so perfect for him! But then he realized it wasn't gentlemanly to burden her with his concerns. He had asked for this courtship and it was his responsibility to protect her from any judgement or discomfort. "though, I probably ought not have. Excuse me, You should not be-"

"I am very pleased you did."

"You are?"

"Yes, and I hope that you continue to do so in the future." She said, and they shared a smile. Darcy reluctantly started to follow the rest of their party but remained enough behind that they had every privacy. He described as best he could the personalities of each expected family member while also showing her around the principle rooms. They were nearing the end of the tour when Elizabeth paused and said. "I have had two letters from my parents today, I wish to tell you of them before your relatives get here."

Darcy stopped with a smile encouraged her to confide in him. "My mother wrote first. She had learned of your- of our courtship, probably from my father. I will not tax your patience by describing that letter in detail, sufficient to say, she was pleased and commands that Jane and I both remain in London until- I mean, that is-" Elizabeth stuttered to a stop and twisted her fingers together in anxiety.

"Until we, Bingley and I, succumb completely to the charms of you and your sister?" Darcy said lightly, hoping to tease her out of her unease, but she only turned her face away.

Darcy repositioned himself in front of her and said gently. "I apologize, I should not be facetious. You need not be embarrassed though. Your mother only wants you well settled and thinks being in London would help. Both are good and right thoughts." Darcy surprised himself by realizing that he spoke the truth. Mrs. Bennet had many faults and he could not actually like her, but he realized that her motivations were good. What mother, from duchess to peasant, had less calculated intentions?

Elizabeth surprised him by reaching out and squeezing his hand. It was the first time she had ever touched him of her own volition and his heart thrilled at the experience. He closed her hand in his and said in a lighter tone. "After all, how can I criticize your mother when she champions my cause?"

Elizabeth laughed and shook her head. "In any case sir, I thought I would be arriving here with news of my continued stay in London."

"And are you?" Darcy asked as he placed her hand on his arm and began leading her back towards the parlor.

"No, I am actually leaving early. My father sent a letter, apparently just a few hours after mother's." She chuckled and shrugged her shoulders. "He says that he misses me and Jane and having 'sensible' conversation in the household. He wishes us to return on Monday."

"So quickly? That is in three days, what arrangements have been made?" Darcy asked, hiding his anger at Mr. Bennet. Even so far away the man managed to frustrate him. Darcy could not like the content of the letter nor the manner in which it was delivered. To have so quickly and completely over-ruled his wife's wishes, disregarding the needs of his daughters and upsetting his relative's plans just for his own amusement was reprehensible.

"My father arranged everything with his letter. Mr. Darcy… what are your plans for the summer?"

"Bingley has invited me to Netherfield for the summer, and I thought to accept. What do you think would be my reception in Hertfordshire?"

She raised a teasing eyebrow. "You hope for the pleasure of the county in general? My, this is a significant change of attitude."

"While I do, perhaps, hope to please in that fair region more than I have before; you _know_ that is not my meaning."

"I am quite confused, I assure you."

Darcy leaned down and whispered. "Beautiful Elizabeth, do not torment me so. Please say you wish to see me."

Elizabeth smiled and admitted, "yes, I do hope you accept your friend's invitation."

A moment later they had reached the parlor and rejoined the rest of the party. They all spoke of light, easy things for a few moments and until the Fitzwilliams were announced.

The introductions were all made and then Darcy watched as James, Florence and Elizabeth led the conversation. Darcy was pleased by the friendly manner between the three that made it seem like they had all known each other for years, as if they were already family. His only concern was in watching his aunt and uncle. His aunt, usually the center of attention in any room, quietly sat back and observed the conversation. the Earl of Matlock, who would usually have struck up a conversation with Darcy or perhaps Mr. Gardiner, sat with his wife and attended the conversation. It wasn't that the Earl looked down on young women, but neither did he typically find their conversation to be entertaining.

Darcy had, of course, known this dinner would be a test for Elizabeth, but still disliked the obvious inspection. Having people studying her so intensely must be making Elizabeth uncomfortable. He knew that such a position would have made him miserable, but Elizabeth's behavior remained light and easy; as if she met an Earl every day.

Soon dinner was announced. Darcy escorted Elizabeth to her seat and took the opportunity to squeeze her hand, hoping to offer encouragement. Georgiana and he had decided to keep the seating arraignments casual since the party was small and mostly family. Thus, he was able to claim the seat at the end of the table and sit Elizabeth on his left. His aunt quickly claimed the spot on his right, across from Elizabeth, His uncle sat on Elizabeth's other side.

"Miss Elizabeth, my son claims you to be an intelligent type of young lady. What think you of the state of the war?"

"Uncle." Darcy warned.

"Let her answer, Fitzwilliam." The Earl insisted.

Elizabeth sent him a reassuring smile and then turned back to his uncle. "I believe, as many do, that Wellington's successful attack on Fort Ciudad Rodrigo in January and his more recent capture of fort Badajoz have created the opportunity that our forces have been waiting for; despite the tragic and terrible loss of life caused by both assaults."

Just then the first course was presented and there was a pause while everyone was served. Then Darcy's uncle turned back to Elizabeth. "Many would say that the loss of life too high, do you know how many men died in just those two skirmishes?"

Elizabeth raised her chin. "Do you know how many men have died in the last thirteen years? While my heart breaks for the men killed, and for their families, we had to find a way into Spain if we ever wish to end this war."

"And what of the Americans?"

"I would not see us go to war with them, My Lord."

"You are sympathetic to those rebellious upstarts?"

"No, their continued support of France must be stopped. However, what could we win by going to war with them? And could we fight a war on two sides, especially two places so far apart?"

"You doubt our Prince-Regent? The British navy? Our navy is the envy and terror of the world!"

"True, but a war with the Americans would not be fought at sea. The Americans are all but self-sufficient and should we cut off their trading routes could continue much as they always have. We would have to fight on land to achieve any real victory and our colonists in upper and lower Canada are not trained or numerous enough for such a war."

"Perhaps, but the Little Belt affair has proven the hostile intentions of America and we must answer their aggression." The Earl insisted.

Before Elizabeth could answer Darcy's aunt interjected. "I am not very familiar with Hertfordshire, is Bennet an old name in that county?"

Elizabeth glanced between the Earl and Lady Esther and then at the man's nod answered his wife. "The Bennets have called Hertfordshire, and indeed Longbourn, their home for six generations. My ancestor served in the court of his Majesty King Charles the First and after his Majesty's death my ancestor was given the land in thanks for his faithful service."

"A respectable history, certainly. What of your mother?"

Tension seemed to fill Elizabeth at the question, though Darcy knew it was only his familiarity and close observation that allowed him to notice it. Her expression did not change but there was a tightness that hadn't been there before. "My mother's father was an attorney. The Gardiners have been in the legal trade for several generations. Indeed, my uncle in Hertfordshire took over my grandfather's business. Though they are tradesmen the family has been successful and respectable throughout the family line."

Elizabeth met his uncle and aunts' doubtful gazes and smiled anew. "My Lord, my Lady, I know that this family history is less than impressive." Then she paused and glanced down the table at her uncle and aunt. They were sitting together, despite the social norm to sit apart, looking cozy and happy while they chatted with Colonel Fitzwilliam and Florence. Elizabeth continued in a gentle, respectful tone "But, if you expect me to apologize for my connections, you must find yourself disappointed, My Lady. For I could not love them more."

The second course was served, and Darcy watched his aunt narrow her eyes at Elizabeth, seeming to find her words disrespectful. Deciding he needed to add his support to her, Darcy interjected before the Countess could answer. "Indeed, Miss Elizabeth, I have well enjoyed getting to know your relatives better. They are wonderful people."

He turned his expression to his aunt a clear look of warning covering it.

"All right my boy, you needn't look so fierce!" Said his aunt, her huff turning into a chuckle. "Miss Elizabeth, you need not take offence at my questions, I only wished to know more about you. But I will save any further questions for later as my nephew is currently looking quite ruffled and protective."

"I took no offense, Lady Esther, for I appreciate the protective instinct that would influence you to be suspicious of me. Indeed, this instinct of yours does you credit, one should always be protective one's family." Elizabeth said this with a smile, but Darcy knew that no one in the conversation missed the allusion that she would be protective of her family as well.

Darcy's aunt only smirked at this rejoinder but after a glance at Darcy's hard expression, allowed the conversation to change to more general topics. They were then able to spend the rest of the dinner in a friendly manner. Darcy suggested they forgo the separation of the sexes and everyone agreed and moved to the parlor together.

The ladies all took turns entertaining them with music and song. Elizabeth was, in Darcy's opinion, especially charming. She sang a simple melody but with great mastery and her strong alto voice entranced him.

After the music the Countess suggested a game of whist, but Mrs. Gardiner politely declined and announced their need to return home. As Darcy escorted Elizabeth to the door he leaned down and thanked her for her delightful company. When she returned his look however, he saw that there was tension there instead of pleasure. They were surrounded by the rest of Elizabeth's family so Darcy could not ask her why, so instead tried to think of possible sources of tension. Of course, the introduction to his family, some aspects of the conversation at dinner and the overall inspection that his family had openly done on her would have been very stressful for _him_ , but she had seemed so lively and untouched by it...

Darcy stifled a groan, as usual he was a fool, seeing only her surface emotions. Of course, it would have been stressful for her as well. She had only hidden it better than he would have been able too. Releasing a sigh, he held her back slightly and murmured close to her ear. "I apologize that it was an uncomfortable evening for you, thank you for your courage and civility. You were wonderful."

They shared a long look and then some of the tension seemed to drain from her, "Your welcome, and thank you for your support."

Darcy took her hand and kissed it, feeling it was the best answer he could give her and then led her the rest of the way to her carriage. He helped her into it, said his farewell and thanks to all the group and returned inside.

Georgiana had gone to bed, but the rest of the family was still there. James and Florence both neared and Florence said. "James brought his own chaise, and as I know that mother and father wish to speak to you, I will allow him to escort me home. I had a lovely evening, Fitzwilliam, and for what it's worth, I thought Miss Elizabeth charming."

Darcy said his farewells to his cousins and moved over to his aunt and uncle. His lord and ladyship were sitting upon his sofa as if it were their own, personal throne. There was a lounge chair across from them that they obviously expected him to take but refusing to allow them to control the situation he went and stood near the fireplace, forcing them to turn slightly to look at him.

"Well." said his aunt, with great significance. "I will not disagree with your character assessment, nephew, she is lovely and charming. Indeed, I liked her for adding to these qualities were wit and strength of will. But despite all this…"

She paused and his lordship continued, his face set in a stern expression. "Despite all this, we cannot approve."

Darcy had expected this to be their reactions and so was not very much upset by it. After all, it had been much his own first response. So, speaking calmly and firmly he let them know he understood their qualms but was unmoved by them. A full hour went by with difficult but respectful conversation. His relatives knew they could not force him and were unwilling to try as she _did_ meet the minimum expectations for his bride. They were certain, however, that he could do much better and wished him to continue looking. That she was clever and good was acknowledged but insufficient in their eyes for they believed he could find similar characters from better families. Yet such considerations were well past Darcy's ability to weigh. He knew that he loved Elizabeth and, unless all hope was lost with her, would never consider another. Slowly he was able to convince his aunt and uncle of this and, unable to reason him out of his resolve, they grudgingly agreed to accept, if not approve of his decision.

Darcy did not push them any further than this for he knew she could only grow in their affections and that someday, they would thank him for bringing her into the family. Respectfully, he saw them out and then immediately took himself to his bed, it had been a long draining day for him. Nonetheless, he was happy. He had spent the day with the people he loved most in the world and it had gone as well as he thought it could have. He fell asleep quickly and dreamed, as he always did, of Elizabeth.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 _It was the second week in May, in which the three young ladies set out together from Gracechurch Street for the town of —, in Hertfordshire; and, as they drew near the appointed inn where Mr. Bennet's carriage was to meet them, they quickly perceived, in token of the coachman's punctuality, both Kitty and Lydia looking out of a dining-room upstairs. These two girls had been above an hour in the place, happily employed in visiting an opposite milliner, watching the sentinel on guard, and dressing a salad and cucumber._

 _After welcoming their sisters, they triumphantly displayed a table set out with such cold meat as an inn larder usually affords, exclaiming, "Is not this nice? Is not this an agreeable surprise?"_

 _(Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Pt 2, Ch 16)_

"And we had meant to treat you all," added Lydia. "But now we don't need to, for we have learned of your success Jane! Congratulations, you are to be so rich!"

At this exclamation both Kitty and Lydia burst into giggles and hugged their older sister. As usual when conversing with her youngest sisters Elizabeth was charmed, touched and horrified all at the same time by their behavior. In her mind she broke it down in this way; it was charming to watch their beautiful, lively faces glow with excitement. It was touching because she felt they were genuine in their congratulations and pleasure in seeing them. And finally, Elizabeth was horrified by the reference to Jane's 'success', the materialistic turn of their minds and their willingness to exclaim about it in public.

Nevertheless, Elizabeth knew it was out of her control and so simply sent the inn attendant out of the room and determined to choose charmed and touched instead of offended.

This determination was tested quickly as Lydia dominated the conversation by chattering loudly about the shopping she'd done while waiting for them, interspersed with hints that Jane could now afford to buy her presents.

Of one astonishingly ugly bonnet she'd purchased Lydia said _with perfect unconcern, "Oh! but there were two or three much uglier in the shop; and when I have bought some prettier-coloured satin to trim it with fresh, I think it will be very tolerable. Besides, it will not much signify what one wears this summer, after the —shire have left Meryton, and they are going in a fortnight."_

 _"Are they indeed!" cried Elizabeth, with the greatest satisfaction._

 _"They are going to be encamped near Brighton; and I do so want papa to take us all there for the summer! It would be such a delicious scheme; and I dare say would hardly cost anything at all. Mamma would like to go too of all things! Only think what a miserable summer else we shall have!"_

 _"Yes," thought Elizabeth, "that would be a delightful scheme indeed, and completely do for us at once. Good Heaven! Brighton, and a whole campful of soldiers, to us, who have been overset already by one poor regiment of militia, and the monthly balls of Meryton!"_

 _"Now I have got some news for you," said Lydia, as they sat down at the table. "What do you think? It is excellent news—capital news—and about a certain person we all like!"_

 _Jane and Elizabeth looked at each other, and the waiter was told he need not stay. Lydia laughed, and said: "Aye, that is just like your formality and discretion. You thought the waiter must not hear, as if he cared! I dare say he often hears worse things said than I am going to say. But he is an ugly fellow! I am glad he is gone. I never saw such a long chin in my life. Well, but now for my news; it is about dear Wickham; too good for the waiter, is it not? There is no danger of Wickham's marrying Mary King. There's for you! She is gone down to her uncle at Liverpool: gone to stay. Wickham is safe."_

… _._

 _"She is a great fool for going away, if she liked him."_

 _"But I hope there is no strong attachment on either side," said Jane._

 _"I am sure there is not on his. I will answer for it, he never cared three straws about her—who could about such a nasty little freckled thing?"_

 _Elizabeth was shocked to think that, however incapable of such coarseness of expression herself, the coarseness of the sentiment was little other than her own breast had harbored and fancied liberal! (Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Pt 2, Ch 16)_

"Anyway Lizzy! Are you not pleased?" Lydia asked eagerly.

"Why should I be?" Elizabeth said, but truthfully knew why Lydia spoke so knowingly. She and Lt. Wickham had been great friends over the winter and the relationship had sometimes felt like… more than friendship but not quite anything else. She had liked him very much and he had liked her in return she had thought but they, both of them, knew nothing could come of it. But now? Now that she was allowing his worst enemy to court her? Elizabeth felt embarrassed and confused to think of Lt. Wickham now. She felt her relationship with Mr. Darcy was a betrayal of sorts and yet what else could she have done?

Worst of all, Elizabeth was not sure how she herself felt about _either_ man. She had spent the last two weeks with nearly daily visits from Mr. Darcy. Each time she met him he was interesting, _interested_ and gentlemanly. They talked for hours of every subject under the sun and she found she loved their conversations. Rarely however, did they have any kind of privacy and she had not been able to ask him very personal things. Three weeks ago, in Kent she would have given almost anything to challenge him with Lt. Wickham's story and shame him for his behavior. But since then… It wasn't that she doubted her friend, but she found she was less sure. She still thought there must have been something that had gone terribly wrong and that that Mr. Darcy was probably to blame. But she now could not believe it had been willful maliciousness on Mr. Darcy's part. And what of Mr. Wickham's description of Miss Darcy? Who had, at every turn, proved to be sweet and friendly? Having felt unsteady in her own opinions Elizabeth had decided to leave the subject until her relationship with Mr. Darcy grew enough that they could confide in each other.

But now, even worse than her most terrible imaginings, Lt. Wickham would be around her in society and what would people think? She wished, oh how she wished, she had not been so open in her favoritism! And that Mr. Wickham had not told the whole of the neighborhood of his unfortunate dealings with Mr. Darcy. Everyone she knew would think her so miserable and avaricious.

"Oh yes!" Lydia giggled, interrupting Elizabeth's anxious thoughts. "I had forgotten, you are courting that horrid man! Lord, I don't know why you would! He is handsome I suppose but he was so terrible to poor Wickham and he always looks like he's just bitten into a lemon! I would not court him for anything, no matter how rich he is!"

"Lydia!" Jane admonished.

"Oh La, Jane! You know it is true! In any case, with Wickham free you need not court that dreadful man anymore!"

 _She is only worried that I am in a relationship I do not want. She knows how much I care for Lt. Wickham and my original feelings toward Mr. Darcy. She is only encouraging her perceived better option for me with Lt. Wickham._ Elizabeth thought, reinforcing her resolve to think well of her sister.

"Lydia, our relative positions in life have not changed and neither has our friendship. And truly, I am happy in my current relationship with Mr. Darcy. He is not what you think. I do not know what happened between him and Lt. Wickham, but it cannot be what we thought for everything else I know of him is honorable and kind." Elizabeth said with rather more confidence than she felt but her pride would not allow Lydia, of all people, to pity her.

In response to her defense though, Lydia only smirked knowingly and, seemingly tired of Elizabeth getting attention, turned the topic to that of a trick she, Kitty, Pen Harrington and Chamberlayne had played on the other officers. But Elizabeth paid little attention.

As soon as they had all eaten, and the elder sisters paid, the carriages were called and after some little difficulty the whole party was settled. It was a somewhat snug with six women, their boxes, work-bags, parcels and the many, unwelcome additions of Kitty and Lydia's purchases.

Lydia chattered happily throughout the drive, asking many questions of Jane and Elizabeth but rarely awaiting an answer before launching into a new series of thoughts. Kitty and Maria got barely two words out the whole trip. Elizabeth only half listened, so concerned she was about her reception in Longbourn and Meryton. She could already guess at the reactions of many of her family. Her mother would be ridiculous but happy for her. Mary would sermonize on the evils of greed and her father would be concerned about her. At least she could rely on her father, the business with Mr. Collins had proved that. But what of her Aunt Phillips? That aunt was nothing like the reasonable, kindness of her aunt Gardiner and was well known as the town gossip. Aunt Phillips had always disliked Mr. Darcy for he had never accepted her invitations to dinner or cards and had publicly insulted her niece. On the other hand, Wickham had behaved in the exact opposite way. Elizabeth did not worry that her aunt would slander her, only that in trying to speculate the reasons for Elizabeth's choices, her aunt would misunderstand and spread those imaginings all over the town.

Elizabeth did not fool herself that anyone; her aunt, her family or any of her friends would imagine anything but what Lydia had already declared to be true. Elizabeth knew the opinion would be that she disliked Mr. Darcy, coveted his money and was half-in-love with Lt. Wickham. In truth, it was humiliating. She physically ached with humiliation and the regret of having been so open with her feelings in the fall.

Currently her feelings were much more complicated than the easy scorn she had once felt for Mr. Darcy. She would not say that she loved him, or even held a tendre for him. And yet… He had shown a capacity for kindness that she would never have suspected. Also, for all his formal, arrogant manners, could he truly be proud if he still admired her after their tiff in Kent? And while she knew it was vanity, she could not help but be flattered by his admiration.

For a moment she ruminated on the admiration he professed for her. The memories of his soft expression, his romantic words and beautiful flowers warmed her heart. Then she was reminded of the dinner at his home, with his relatives. It had not gone well. She had held her own and she thought she'd done well. But she had resented the obvious dislike of the match his relatives had shown. And why? Because her mother was not of an old family? She had not been willing to discuss the particulars with the Earl and Countess of Matlock but knew the real reason for her parent's marriage. The Bennets, for all their honorable history had been all but destitute. Her father had hoped to marry an heiress but when his father had died, he had been forced to choose quickly. Her maternal grandfather had been a very successful tradesman and his daughter was very beautiful. The marriage settlement had saved Longbourn and if her parents had birthed as son, all would have been perfect. But none of that was anyone's business, they had been married over twenty years and her mother was the mistress of an estate.

That was all anyone needs to know, Elizabeth thought before she was pulled from her musings by Lydia demanding to know what presents she had brought home with her. Elizabeth refused to tell her though Jane soon buckled to her request.

As they passed through Meryton they let Maria off at her parent's home. Then soon after arrived at Longbourn. Their reception at home was boisterous and happy. Mrs. Bennet rejoiced at Jane's good fortune, and then Elizabeth's (for in her mind Elizabeth was quite engaged as well) and then back to Jane. She was almost overwhelmed with excitement, turning from one daughter to the next, her hands fluttering and her voice high. Mr. Bennet was more reserved but more than once during dinner did he say voluntarily to Elizabeth.

"I am glad you are come back, Lizzy."

Their dining-room was nearly full for all the Lucases had come to meet Maria and hear first-hand of the matches the Bennet girls had made. Aunt and Uncle Philips had also, of course, come to welcome the girls home. It was a lively table as Lady Lucas inquired of Maria the welfare and poultry of her eldest daughter. Mrs. Bennet was doubly engaged on the one hand collecting from her eldest two daughters all the stories of 'their' men and on the other hand retelling them to her sister and all the younger Lucases. Lydia tried several times to overcome the conversation but was ignored.

Elizabeth did her best to keep up with the questions and conversation around her. She was guiltily grateful that Jane bore the brunt of it as she was actually engaged and could discuss wedding ideas. When Elizabeth was asked a question, she portrayed excitement for her courtship and stressed every kind, romantic thing Mr. Darcy had done to her. It was not hard to blush and so Elizabeth did, and often. Because she hoped to give the impression of a girl in love, anything was better then everyone thinking her a money-hound.

Later that afternoon Elizabeth flatly refused Lydia's hope to walk into Meryton. She was determined that it would not be said that the Miss Bennets could not be at home half a day before visiting officers. She also wished to delay any meeting with Wickham. Hopefully he would leave before they had to meet. Elizabeth felt guilty for this hope for it seemed traitorous to their friendship, but she just didn't know what she could say to him. Thankfully her father supported her against Lydia, which surprised Elizabeth until he called her into his office, then she knew he had opposed her leaving because he had wished to speak with her.

She entered and quietly closed the door. "Yes, papa?"

Mr. Bennet was pacing around his room with unusual energy. He suggested she sit while looking grave and anxious. "Lizzy, what are you doing? Are you out of your senses? I cannot tell you my surprise at a meeting with Mr. Darcy, let alone his mission. How can you have accepted his attentions, have you not always hated him?"

"I have not always liked him it is true." Elizabeth started but was interrupted by her father.

"He is proud and unpleasant! You should have been here when he called, how grand he was! Disapproving and demanding!"

Elizabeth was surprised at her father's energy and disappointed that the interview had not gone better. Why had Mr. Darcy not told her of it? Had he, yet again, been blind to the offense he'd given? She was embarrassed to be attached to the man who had offended her father.

She spent some time calming her father and answering his questions as best as she could. In the end she could tell her father was still against the match and was grateful for it as it meant that he was not impressed by Mr. Darcy's position and only wanted her happiness.

That evening as she readied for bed, she reflected that everyone had behaved exactly as she had imagined and had to laugh. Despite all the imperfect characters and uncomfortable questions, Lizzy was glad to be home.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

The lilacs were in bloom. Elizabeth stretched onto her tiptoes to bury her nose in cluster of the purple flowers. Did anything smell better than lilacs? She thought not. Gently she broke the stem and added the bunch to her basket. Elizabeth was in the Longbourn gardens, surrounded by the tall bushes bursting with color and scent. Jane was with her and together they gathered all the lilacs that were full or just past full bloom to process into scented oils for the rest of the year. It was Elizabeth's favorite flower scent and she was excited to refill her supply.

"Do you think Charles would like me to wear lilac oil?" Jane mused dreamily as she gathered.

"I think your fiancé would like you no matter what scent you wore." Lizzy chuckled.

Jane smiled in agreement and the knowledge that she was loved. "Still, he must have preferences in scent."

"I suppose you could try it and then ask him. But really, I should think that you should please yourself with the scent you wear, and you prefer rose."

"I do, but the partiality is not strong and I'd _very much_ like to please him. I like to show him how happy I am. Oh Lizzy, it is like a dream still and every morning when I wake, I wonder for a moment if it is real. And it is! I never thought I could be this happy."

"I did. How can you not? Only someone with your goodness could be so happy."

"You are so silly Lizzy. But what of you? What are your thoughts now on your courtship with Mr. Darcy?" Jane asked.

Elizabeth groped for a reply and seeing her confusion Jane added. "He will be here later today, will he not? How about a simpler question, do you look forward to seeing him?"

It was Friday, four days since they had left London and Elizabeth had been surprised to realize that she had missed him. The days had been mostly pleasant, and she was grateful for the time she had gotten to resettle into Longbourn, visit her neighbors and to ruminate on all that had happened on her trip. It had not all been enjoyable however, for she had felt more then she usually did, the difference between her aunts amicable, orderly home and her parents'. She had gotten used to her days filled with Jane's steadiness, her aunt's kindness, Mr. Darcy's intelligence and a peaceful yet stimulating atmosphere. So yes, she had missed him. Even if it was just the attention he gave her or the interesting conversation or the situation they had been in together.

"Yes, I do. Or at least, I am curious. My mind keeps returning to his imminent arrival, what will he say? How will he act? I almost feel as if I know two Mr. Darcys, the one I know in London and the one met here last fall. Yes, I am most intrigued to see how he will behave when returned to the environment he so disdained before."

Jane laughed, "Your interest is only academic than? As a studier of characters, it interests you to see your specimen in a new environment?"

"What else could I be? I supposed I am flattered by his attention. I think -mostly- well of him and he is very handsome. I confess that my heart does flutter when his close. But I really do not know him very well. _Certainly_ not well enough to allow my emotions to depend on him."

"Do you not trust him?" Jane prodded gently.

"I cannot. Not yet at least. It has not been three weeks since I was in Kent and I thought he hated me. He had destroyed your hope at happiness and was consistently rude to me. He is kind now, but I'm not even sure why." Elizabeth said. This had been an issue that had concerned her ever since he had asked for a courtship. She knew now, that he liked her. But he had never explained when his opinion of her had changed. What had she done to make him approve of her, what might she do to unintentionally lose that approval? Might he suddenly return to the Mr. Darcy she had first met? Even if she did nothing to offend him, had he only changed his manners to win her affections? If so, his motivation would disappear the moment she returned his feelings.

Jane pursed her lips and frowned.

"What? I see you have an opinion, why do you not say it?" Elizabeth laughed.

"You will only laugh at me for being too optimistic."

"I will not! I respect your advice."

"Do you? Very well, I shall say this. His behavior has changed drastically, this I grant you freely. And perhaps his manners have not always been what they ought. But I believe that he likes you very much indeed. And that he is honorable enough to, when given a reproof, examine himself and if he finds that he was at fault, rectify it."

At Elizabeth's skeptical expression Jane sighed and said. "As I suspected, you do not believe me. Very well, I understand you wish to protect your feelings. Of all people, I can understand that. However, you have one advantage I did not when I started to feel for Charles. You are _courting_ , Lizzy, you can ask him personal questions. You can ask of his motivations and feelings."

Elizabeth sighed, she knew Jane was right, but it never seemed the right time. They so rarely had privacy and when they did, she didn't know how to broach the subject of his feelings or past.

"I know I have enjoyed the freedom to speak more directly with Charles." Jane added quietly.

All at once, her serious thoughts fled and Elizabeth smiled mischievously, "Only speak?"

"Lizzy, I don't know what you are talking of!" Jane said indignantly.

"Nothing I am sure. It is only that on Sunday, even though we were busy packing and preparing to go, your Mr. Bingley called to invite you on a walk."

"There is nothing inappropriate about walking out with a man you are engaged to." Jane declared primly.

"No. Of course not." Elizabeth said with extreme seriousness. Then added with a smirk. "It must have been very chilly for you were quite flushed on your return."

"It _was_ quite cool."

"Mmhmm. Perhaps windy as well? Your bonnet was a bit askew, I'm afraid."

"Lizzy!"

Elizabeth opened her mouth to continue her teasing when her mother rounded the hedge and threw up her hands melodramatically. " _There_ you are! I had quite despaired! What _are_ you doing? Lilacs? How can you think of such tasks! You must change! At once! I shall have to tell Sarah to redo your hair as well, these styles are much too simple!"

"Why mama?" Jane asked.

"Why? Wherever can your head be, child? Your future husbands are coming to call, and you are dressed for chores!"

"In all likelihood, they will not be here for hours, mama, if at all. They must come from London, settle into Netherfield and then, only if all goes well could they visit today." Elizabeth tried to reason. "Also, you ought not call him that, we are not engaged."

Her mother glared at her. "Do not be impudent, he made his intentions clear, if you could just mind your tongue, I'm sure he will propose!"

Before Elizabeth could respond Mrs. Bennet took her basket and started shooing them towards the house. Reluctantly the sisters allowed themselves to be herded inside and then redressed in one of their nicer morning dresses. The elaborate hairstyle however, they refused. Elizabeth had intended to allow it but when their mother had started speaking of feathers she had left the room and Jane had joined her. She would not wear colored ostrich feathers in her own sitting room, it was absurd.

After much fussing, confusion and disorder, all six Bennet ladies were arranged artfully around the sitting room. The very picture of domestic bliss. Each woman and girl, dressed carefully and attractively arranged while occupied with some ladylike endeavor. Elizabeth and Jane wished to finish their task with the lilacs but submitted to their mother and embroidered instead. Lydia and Kitty had wanted to rip apart an old bonnet and redecorate it with the new ribbon Jane have brought them from London, but Mrs. Bennet thought that would make a mess and so insisted they practice drawing. Mary was inclined to practice on the piano, but Mrs. Bennet wanted to hear when her guests arrived and so suggested that she read. And so, they sat.

The first hour was not so bad. The Longs stopped by and made a brief but polite call and their various activities held some interest.

The second hour they had two calls. Colonel Foster's wife, Harriet Forster, who was not much older than Lydia and her particular friend. That silly visit was blessedly short in Elizabeth's opinion but the same could not be said about her Aunt Phillips' call. It was obvious to Elizabeth that her aunt hoped to stay long enough that she could see the gentlemen and take the gossip of how they behaved back to town with her. Thankfully, Mrs. Bennet showed unusual good sense and did not invite her sister to stay for lunch. Elizabeth was very grateful. While she loved her family and refused to wish them to change for Mr. Darcy's benefit, she had to admit to herself that she would be embarrassed to be in the same room with Mr. Darcy, her mother, _and_ her inappropriate aunt.

The third hour they sat together was the worst, all six women had gotten somewhat restless and there were no more calls to distract from their disinterest in their tasks.

When the clock struck the next hour Lydia bolted up, declared herself done and left the room. It was shockingly disrespectful but when her mother only huffed and released them all, Elizabeth felt grateful. However, she had only just curled up in her favorite library chair when she heard a loud exclamation and her mother burst into the room announcing that the men had been sighted.

Caught between annoyance and excitement, Elizabeth resettled herself in the sitting room and waited. Jane and Mary returned as well but Kitty and Lydia were nowhere to be seen, a fact that Elizabeth had to be grateful for, no matter how unwillingly.

Only a few minutes passed and then the gentlemen were led into the room and announced. All the girls rose and curtsied and were bowed to in return. There were smiles shared by both couples but before the gentlemen could even sit down Mrs. Bennet started thanking the men for the attention they paid her daughters. She fluttered and chattered, fawning and gossiping. Elizabeth was humiliated. She knew her mother did not mean to embarrass her, Elizabeth knew that Mrs. Bennet was uncomfortable, nervous and desirous to please. Her mother was of the opinion that men liked cheerful, engaging women, however it often made her look ridiculous.

Suddenly Elizabeth was reminded of Mr. Darcy's words to her in Kent regarding her family. ' _it was obvious to any observer that you mother was the one who cherished the match the most.'_ He had said and blushed anew. She twisted her fingers on her lap and avoided Mr. Darcy's looks. She was afraid to see scorn in his expression.

More of his words came back to her. ' _But there were other causes of repugnance; your mother's ties to trade was nothing in comparison to that total want of propriety so frequently, so almost uniformly betrayed by herself, by your three younger sisters, and even occasionally by your father.'_

Her father, where was her father? Elizabeth realized with a jolt that though it was expected at this point that her father avoid the typical calls of their neighbors, but shouldn't he attend this call? A visit by his perspective sons-in-law? It was more than negligent, it was actually rude.

Just then Lydia and Kitty burst into the room, both holding one end of a dismantled bonnet. "Mama, Kitty says that it should be blue ribbon, but I think pink is more charming! Tell her, mama!" Lydia exclaimed without a curtsy to their guests.

"It is _my_ bonnet, why should she get to pick the color?" Kitty argued.

Elizabeth all but leaped to her feet. Struggling to maintain her ladylike composure Elizabeth said. "Mother, I don't believe Mr. Bingley or Mr. Darcy have seen our gardens. Perhaps we should walk out?"

Ignoring her youngest two daughters, Mrs. Bennet clasped her hands and thrilled, "that's a great Idea, Lizzy! She certainly is a clever one, isn't she Mr. Darcy? I dare say I needn't tell you! I-" before she could continue Elizabeth led the way to the front door. Her mother followed to the door and chattered while the two couples gathered their outwear but thankfully didn't join them as they stepped outside.

As soon as they stepped outside all four of them smiled at each other and Elizabeth suggested that they walk down to the river and then tour their gardens afterwards.

There was a brief moment of awkward silence and then Jane asked Mr. Bingley. "How was the journey from London?".

"Too long, I was dying to see you!" He returned.

Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy shared a glance and a smile at his eagerness. Jane and Bingley chatted happily of their weekend, filling each other in on their comings and goings.

Elizabeth noticed that Mr. Darcy was walking very slowly. She didn't think he was limping but slowed to match his stride, after a moment passed and the space between the two couples started to grow and Elizabeth thought she understood the reason for the slow pace.

Another minute and both couples had reasonable privacy as well as every appearance of propriety. Elizabeth looked up at Mr. Darcy and said teasingly. "And how would _you_ describe your journey this morning."

He smiled back, "This is a trap."

"Mr. Darcy, I cannot understand what you mean, I only asked after your welfare." Elizabeth said lightly facing the road once more but pleased to perceive the he was not unduly affected by the awkward time spent in her mother's sitting room. Indeed, he seemed quite cheerful.

Her beau slanted a playful but suspicious look her way. "If I am gallant then you will smirk as you did at my friend. If I am pragmatic, then you are offended that I was not eager to see you."

"I am sure I would be delighted by any answer you give."

"Then I shall say only this. It was a smooth trip, the weather was good, the roads well cared for and nothing remarkable happened." He paused, then added. "And I missed you and am very pleased to see you."

She looked up again and saw his smiling, handsome face. Elizabeth felt her thoughts catch on the sight of his dimples. "I am pleased to see you as well."

For a long moment they only looked at each other. Elizabeth felt like she was relearning his features. When he smiled at her like that, she thought he must be the handsomest man in the world. His eyes, which she had once thought dark and disapproving, were now deep and intense with something she couldn't quite name but made her heart beat faster.

Mr. Bingley's laughter from up ahead broke the spell and Elizabeth looked down. "Will Georgiana join you at Netherfield? You said before that she might."

"Yes, she will arrive Monday next."

"We shall be a merry party this summer." Elizabeth said cheerfully.

"It has been some weeks since you had left Longbourn, how do you like it upon your return?"

Elizabeth experienced a feeling of falling. In a second all her joy vanished and the humiliating spectacle from the morning mocked her. Did he think to remind her of his words and force her to admit the truth of them? Despite any faults they had, they were her family and she would not be disloyal to them for anyone. Not even him, especially not him!

"I find it very well, sir. It is very pleasant is it not, to be surrounded by family in one's own home." She said stiffly.

He sent her a baffled look. "It is indeed."

Her heated expression met his confused one and they held the look, each trying to read the other. Finally, Elizabeth felt her ire melting away. He had obviously not meant what she had thought he had. She laughed at herself, _Perhaps I am not quite past I am still a quite sore about our past dealings_. Remembering what Jane had said about having license to be more direct, Elizabeth tried to be more open.

"Excuse my stiffness sir. I-" Elizabeth started and then heaved a rather unladylike sigh. "In truth I have had some difficulties in resettling myself. But I find it makes me sore to talk about with you, as I know your opinion of them."

Mr. Darcy looked startled. "Miss Elizabeth. I certainly did not mean anything negative about your family. I only meant to ask after your welfare. I now see I said it in a very awkward manner, I apologize."

Elizabeth's first instinct, born of a lifetime of politeness training, told her to smooth it out and turn the conversation to lighter things. But she knew that his scornful opinion of her family had to spoken of. Cautiously she said. "There is no apology necessary, you truly did not speak anything odd or impolite. I interpreted it as such because I know the estimation you have of my family. However, you must know… you must realize, that for all their faults -and I acknowledge they have many- I love them and would not wish to be separated from them."

It was Mr. Darcy's turn to be silent for a moment. Her hand was still on his arm and he reached over with his other hand and stroked her fingers. Despite the conversation, Elizabeth found the sensation soothing.

"You are being direct with me, I appreciate it and will do the same." Mr. Darcy said. "I am a little offended that you would think that of me. That you distrust me so that you fear being separated from your own family. But I have considered your words and I must find them fair. I _have_ expressed distaste and scorn. I have spoken of being settled too near one's family and a distaste for connection with your family, although I was speaking of Bingley's future, my opinions were obvious. I was very wrong to have done so. I am ashamed of what I said and the hurt it has inflicted on you. I am very sorry."

Elizabeth was touched by his sincerity, flattered by his sentiment and felt distressed at having offended him. However, her mind told her that her feelings -even he had admitted- were justified and while she could not like offending him, the truth was more important. And the truth was that while he been wrong to say discourteous things and hurt her feelings, that was not the true concern. It was that he hated her family and that created a distance between them.

"I can, and do, forgive your discourteous words concerning them. However, how can I be comfortable? Knowing no matter your new politeness that your mind is filled with scorn?"

Mr. Darcy looked pained. He looked around as if searching for the right words in the foliage around them. The forest underbrush was overgrown in this area and the trees had gotten so dense and large, that they could barely see the sky above them. It had created a feeling of complete privacy that Elizabeth appreciated considering the conversation. After a full moment of silence, Mr. Darcy answered.

"I have thought often of your words to me in Kent, you said that I had a 'selfish disdain for the feelings of others'. You know not how your words have tormented my since. And not for the pain connected with angering you -though you can be assured I felt that intensely- but for the rightness of them. I realized that I had not made any effort to understand the people around. I judged them by my standards and made no allowance for differences in character or inclination." Mr. Darcy paused and scrubbed his free hand over his eyes. "I cannot promise to love them as you do. Unfortunately, I believe that they are of the exact wrong temperament for me to get along with _well_. However, I hope in the future that I can learn to be understanding of them. For instance, I find there is much, with more consideration, that I like about your mother."

Elizabeth was surprised. Knowing that they were nearing the river and that the path was starting to get wet and steep, Elizabeth concentrated more on stepping carefully but still asked. "My mother? I would have thought her manners would annoy you the most."

"Her manners? Yes, I admit that they do. However, I am hardly in a position to judge someone entirely by their manners. While your mother has a tendency to be awkward and say the wrong thing, I can relate. Though that trait appears very differently in my character, it is still one I struggle with. And her character, her intentions, I think are not bad. She is proud of you and your sisters and hopes for a good future for all of you."

Elizabeth could not help but be skeptical. This was an extreme turn of sentiment. With a raised eyebrow she challenged. "And what of Mary? Are you suddenly fond of her piano playing?"

Instead of taking offence Mr. Darcy quirked a grin down at her. "She is eager to please, just doesn't know how."

"Kitty fallowing every idea of Lydia's, even to her detriment?" Elizabeth pushed. Still surprised by his attitude but finding great enjoyment in it.

"She is loyal and cheerful."

"Lydia?"

Mr. Darcy looked momentarily stumped and Elizabeth had to fight a chuckle, her youngest sister _was_ difficult to sympathize with. Then a smug expression replaced his confused one and Mr. Darcy said with an air of utmost chivalry, "How can I condemn her friendly, energetic manner when I so appreciate the same trait in you?"

Elizabeth laughed outright. "Very clever, Mr. Darcy. With one statement you forgive my sister and flatter me."

"It is not flattery because I genuinely admire you."

Elizabeth blushed and looked down. She could not help the warm feeling in her heart at his words. "And what of my father?" she said to finish out the conversation. Of all her family she felt that only Jane was without fault, but Mr. Darcy could have little against her father.

Mr. Darcy didn't answer her right away and Elizabeth looked up, surprised to see his troubled eyes looking back at her. "I do not wish to injure your feelings. I know in how much esteem you hold him in. Indeed, in him, I see many of the traits that I admire about you. He is intelligent and witty, he has gifted you with a love of reading and his attachment to you is obvious." Mr. Darcy stopped and taking both her hands he said gently. "However, I cannot like the abuse and neglect of his manner regarding the rest of your family. He exposes them to ridicule and then laughs as if he is not connected. No. nor can I like his witty barbs that hurt others, I think all the rest of your family would be much happier and more respectable if he would only take the effort to guide them."

Elizabeth fought the urge to snatch her hands from the man. But found herself hesitating, after all, he had taken her uncomfortable words and rebukes so calmly and fairly that she felt she owed him some consideration of his words. She could not like them though. Her father had always been there for her, he was kind to her when her mother scorned her interests and manner. He had backed her up when Mr. Collins had made his odious proposal. But… But he had not said that her father was without redeeming qualities but had laid several specific sins at his door.

Elizabeth gently withdrew her hands and taking his arm, led him on. A moment later they come to the river and the footbridge across. Elizabeth stopped in the middle of the bridge and looked down into the water. It bubbled happily below, and as she watched she allowed herself to really think on what he had said. She had always seen her family as individuals each with their own flaws and strengths. But now she realized that to Mr. Darcy, the ultimate responsibility for the behavior of her family did not lie with the individual but with their father as the head of the household. Now that she thought of it, she was aware that most of her friends respected and to some extent feared their father. Did Lydia fear to displease her father? She thought of her uncle, Mr. Gardiner, and the caring but firm manner he had with his children. How different would she and all her family be if her father had demanded good behavior of them?

In her peripheral vision, she saw Mr. Darcy lean against the rail, facing her, his intense eyes on her face. She turned and offered him a small smile, "I cannot like your words Mr. Darcy. But I feel they have some truth. Can I leave it at that for now? I'm sorry but I do not have a better answer at the moment."

"I do not need any answer from you. I did not wish to make you uncomfortable or force you to answer for him. Do not concern yourself over my thoughts." Mr. Darcy shifted a little closer and smiled down into her upturned face. "In the end it doesn't really matter how I feel about your family. They could be the worst people in England, and I would still- My feelings for you would not change."

Elizabeth was suddenly aware of how close he stood to her, and how very alone they were. She had not caught sight of Jane or Mr. Bingley for some time and the forest around her was quiet. Her breath quickened, and she felt nervous and excited.

In a quiet voice Mr. Darcy said, "Beautiful Elizabeth, nothing could change my admiration for you."

Slowly, as if he expected her to bolt, Mr. Darcy raised his hand and lightly brushed a loose curl from her cheek. When she didn't pull away, his hand returned and gently stroked her cheek with his fingers.

Elizabeth could think of nothing to say; her mind was too excited and her feelings too new and confused but she- she didn't want to move. His touch felt like nothing she had ever felt, and she wanted it. Cautiously she took a tiny step closer to him. Mr. Darcy looked surprised but thrilled with her movement, he took her hand and kissed it. Still Elizabeth did not pull away and suddenly Mr. Darcy removed his hat, dropped it and then gently pulling her closer, pent down and kissed her lips.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but Elizabeth's head swam with the sensation. She gasped and stepped back.

For a moment they both stared at each other, their breathes quick and their eyes alight. _He kissed me_! Elizabeth thought, with more delight than concern. She knew he oughtn't have and she certainly should not have allowed him, but she found she couldn't care. She smiled at him, despite needing to retreat, she found she was glad he had done it.

At her smile, Mr. Darcy grinned with seeming triumph. Then he reached out and took her hand, kissing it and placing it on his arm. "We should probably return. I cannot trust myself with being so completely alone with you."

The walk back was made mostly in silence. Elizabeth was too overcome to say much and spent most of the time lost in the memory of the kiss, the feeling of him walking so closely to her and his loving eyes on her face whenever she looked up at him. They spoke a little of inconsequential things and smiled much and laughed often. As they neared the garden, they caught sight of Jane and Mr. Bingley rejoining their path from a different one. Neither couple said a word of the extended time away from each other or the blushes upon the cheeks of both sisters. It was a happy, easy party who made their way back to Longbourn.

Elizabeth invited the men to stay for dinner, but they said they had promised Mr. Bingley's sister, Caroline, that they would return for dinner. And so, very regretfully, the men took their leave, promising to return the next morning.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Saturday morning Fitzwilliam Darcy found himself almost skipping down the stairs in Netherfield. He hadn't felt this giddy since he was a boy. But he had kissed her. And she had allowed him to, more than allowed, she had liked it if her smile was anything to go by. Just the memory of her soft lips and bright eyes filled him with heat and he felt almost desperate return to her presence. Perhaps they could take another walk…

Caroline Bingley rounded the corner and interrupted his thoughts. Smiling, she said, "It is such a fine day, what say you we all go riding together? I have heard there are some roman ruins near St. Albans that are only an hour's ride away."

That was a pleasant idea, but certainly not with Elizabeth's company. "Bingley and I had planned on calling on Longbourn today. I will ask the Bennets if they are interested in such an excursion and perhaps we can make a day of it. Bring a picnic and the whole party. Wouldn't that be pleasant, Miss Bingley?"

Miss Bingley looked annoyed but before she could comment, Bingley joined them and they all entered the breakfast room. It was a pleasant meal, Miss Bingley's tastes often ran a bit too exotic and seasoned for Fitzwilliam, but thankfully she kept breakfast pretty simple. Bingley chattered cheerfully and suggested that his sister join them for their call on Longbourn. She was 'unfortunately still sorting the house, after all, there is much to be done as the mistress of an estate'.

Bingley warned her that they might accept an invitation from the Bennets to stay for dinner so not to include them in her plans for the afternoon. At which Miss Bingley looked very unhappy but said little. Darcy and Bingley both finished their food quickly and took their leave politely of Miss Bingley.

Having sent word before breakfast, Darcy found Maximus already saddled and waiting for him. He swung up and when Bingley did the same they grinned at each other. Though neither had said a word about it the night before but they both knew what the other had been up to on their private walk with their ladies. But gentlemen, they knew, did not talk about such things when it involved a lady they respected.

As they rode across the three miles separating Netherfield from Longbourn house Fitzwilliam considered his next move. She had let him kiss her! That in and of itself was enough to give him hope. But their conversation had gone well too, or at least he thought it had. She seemed pleased by his responses, and she had been willing to consider his perspective as well. He thought that there would not need to be many more such walks before he could propose.

That kiss! It had filled his dreams the night before! Often Fitzwilliam dreamed of Elizabeth but last night had been even worse. She had danced through his dreams, smiling and teasing him and then coming close and kissing him. Yes, if no one else suggested another walk, he would. After all, they hadn't managed to see the Longbourn gardens, and he found himself very curious to explore them.

He was engaged in such pleasant thoughts as these as he neared Longbourn. All silly but pleasing thoughts vanished when he noticed a grand carriage in the drive. He immediately recognized it as his aunt's. Lady Catherine de Bourgh was at Longbourn.

 _Blast it all to hell!_ Fitzwilliam thought. Just when he was making progress, his aunt would surely cause them difficulties. He urged his horse to quicken his pace and cantered down the rest of the drive. As he drew abreast of the carriage he pulled up and leaped from his horse. Perhaps she had only just arrived and was still within? No, the coachmen said she had been inside some minutes already.

Fitzwilliam rushed to knock on the door but stopped when he suddenly heard raised voices from the gardens on the side of the house. He shared a glance with Bingley and noticed the confused expression on his friend's face. "It is my aunt, Lady De Bourgh's coach. I fear she will cause Miss Elizabeth discomfort. I think I hear them in the garden. I will go investigate, why don't you insure all is well inside?"

Bingley agreed, and Fitzwilliam hurried towards the gardens. As he neared he grew more certain it was his aunt's voice and indeed, her anger was readily apparent. Soon he could make out her words and was horrified to hear her say, "Let me be rightly understood. This match, to which you have the presumption to aspire, can never take place. No, never. Mr. Darcy is engaged to my daughter. Now what have you to say?"

Elizabeth's words were more calm so he could not make them out, but whatever she said was interrupted by his aunt. ""You have no regard, then, for the honour and credit of my nephew! Unfeeling, selfish girl! Do you not consider that a connection with you must disgrace him in the eyes of everybody?"

Darcy rounded the corner just as she finished, and he burst out. "I must ask that you desist, Madam!"

Both ladies jumped in surprise of his sudden appearance. His aunt was obviously displeased to see him, she stood close to Elizabeth as if she had been trying to intimidate her and her fists were clenched in anger. Fitzwilliam felt a rush of protectiveness when he saw Elizabeth standing strong against his aunt's verbal onslaught. She looked so small and slight next to his aunt and sight filled him with admiration for her and anger towards his aunt.

"Lady Catherine, I cannot imagine what you are about but if you would follow me back to Netherfield we can discuss it." Fitzwilliam gritted out as he stepped nearer to Elizabeth.

"Absolutely not! Go into the home of a tradesmen? I don't know why you would so demean yourself, but I certainly will not! No, we will speak here. I will not allow this- this chit to ruin you!"

Darcy felt his own hands clench in rage and he turned his back on his aunt to face Elizabeth. "Miss Elizabeth, I apologize most heartily, I beg you to return to your house so that I may spare you anymore grief."

"Do not turn your back on me! Do you not remember who I am? I am a Lady and almost your nearest relation! I will be heard, and this young woman will remain where she is. I will not spare her anything, she has earned this confrontation!"

Fitzwilliam ignored his aunt for a moment and looked into Elizabeth's face. She did not look scared nor ready to cry as many women did when arguing but composed with only an angry glint in her eye. She gifted him a small smile and said. "I need be spared nothing, Mr. Darcy, I am not intimidated."

Fitzwilliam turned to stand next to her, feeling torn between admiration for her courage and frustration that she wouldn't allow him to protect her. "Aunt, this is an inappropriate venue for this discussion. Why, I could hear you from the road!"

"Good! I should hope someone hears, for it ought to be known what she is!"

Elizabeth responded without concern. "Everyone who knows me already knows that I have entered into a courtship with your nephew, I have nothing to hide."

"Obstinate, headstrong girl! I am ashamed of you! Is this your gratitude for my attention to you last spring? Is nothing due to me on that score?" Lady Catherine stepped forward and her eyes narrowed. "You are to understand, Miss Bennet, that I am here with the resolute determination of carrying my purpose! I have not been used to submit to any person's whims. I have not been in the habit of brooking disappointment."

"That will make your ladyship's situation at present more pitiable; but it will have no effect on me." Elizabeth replied before Fitzwilliam could.

"I will not be interrupted! Hear me in silence. My daughter and my nephew are formed for each other. They are descended, on the maternal side, from the same noble line; and, on the father's, from respectable, honorable, and ancient—though untitled—families. Their fortune on both sides is splendid. They are destined for each other by the voice of every member of their respective houses; and what is to divide them? The upstart pretensions of a young woman without family, connections, or fortune. Is this to be endured! But it must not, shall not be. If you were sensible of your own good, you would not wish to quit the sphere in which you have been brought up."

"Enough Aunt!" Darcy exclaimed. "I will not have you spread this delusion any longer! Perhaps such a match could have been at one time. But it is absurd now. All the rest of the family sees that, I have spoken to my uncle of this and he agrees. Anne is not strong enough to be the mistress of either, let alone, both estates! As for Miss Elizabeth, I am honored by her agreement to enter into a courtship with me. I am a gentleman and she is a gentleman's daughter. We are of the same sphere and very well matched. Should she agree someday to marry me I shall be the luckiest of men!"

Fitzwilliam was startled from his anger by feeling Elizabeth's hand brush his, he clasped it before it could retreat and immediately felt stronger.

"She may be a gentleman's daughter but who is her mother? Her relations? Do not think me ignorant of their situation!"

"Whatever the situation of my maternal relations, if Mr. Darcy does not object then they can be nothing to you." Elizabeth retorted.

"And I do not. I very much enjoyed getting to know your uncle and his family in London."

Lady Catherine seemed speechless for a moment as she stared back and forth at both their faces. Then she noticed Elizabeth's hand in his and found her fury once more. "You will not go through with this! I know the truth, indeed, her arts and allurements may, in this moment of infatuation, cloud your judgement but soon you will grow tired of her cheap favors and return to Anne!"

Fury filled Darcy's mind and before he could even consider his actions he released Elizabeth and grabbed his aunt's arm and propelling her towards the road. "You will leave here at once. You have insulted her and I in every manner possible and I shall not allow it. I shall write to the Earl of this encounter and we shall see what he thinks of your behavior."

His aunt ignored his words, shrieking her indignation at being touched in such a way. As they exited the garden Darcy released his aunt's arm but by walking directly behind her forced her to continue moving toward her carriage. As they rounded the corner Darcy noticed Lady Catherine's two footmen hesitating by the carriage as if they might intercede but did not know if they should. After all, they knew him and were used to answering to him even at Rosings. He merely nodded curtly at them and opened the door for his aunt.

She entered it but remained furiously speaking. "Tell that young woman that I take no leave of her or her family, I am-"

Before she could continue, Darcy slammed the door closed. "Ride on!" He called to the carriage driver, the man looked confused and tense but did as Darcy commanded.

Darcy was so angry that he felt the ungentlemanly urge to hit something. He had finally made progress in his relationship with Elizabeth, and now his aunt had come and had probably ruined everything. _His_ aunt! And to think, he had thought his family so high above Elizabeth's! But no, nothing any Bennet had ever done came close to this behavior of his aunt's!

And what of his own? He had manhandled his aunt; would she think him a brute? He watched the carriage rumble down the road through narrowed eyes, then noticed Elizabeth standing in the garden entrance, staring at him.

Slowly he made his way towards her. _I don't know what to say. Lord knows I never know what to say but for once, just this once I wish I had the right words_!

Before he could reach her, she turned and started back into the garden, but her glance told him that he should follow and so he did. They returned to where the argument had taken place and for a moment they only looked at each other. Darcy, still speechless with anger and concern, stood stiffly with his hands still clenched.

"Mr. Darcy, be calm. I am alright."

"How can you be? You cannot be unmoved by such rudeness. She smeared your character and mine!" Darcy was not sure why he was pushing for her to be angry but could not stop his words.

Elizabeth huffed a short breath and then shrugged. "She was angry and incredibly rude, however she said only what everyone else thinks."

"What can you be speaking of?" Darcy exclaimed in horror.

"From the perspective of the village, you did not see me as worthy for months on end and then we are away 'together' in a different county and we come back courting. Many are suspicious, but few are as blunt as your aunt."

Fitzwilliam was stunned. How could this be the public view of them? How was everyone so blind? Darcy hated the thought of being gossiped about. He had spent most of his adult life living in a way that protected him from it. And now he had behaved in such a way as to expose his darling Elizabeth to cruel speculation? Desperately he asked, "And this? This is what everyone thinks?"

"No, not everyone. Mostly, I am thought well of in Meryton. Probably most wonder what happened in Kent to change our minds. They might have suspicions or thoughts but their general good opinion protects me considerably. I am sorry to say that you did not create much good will while here last fall and thus are probably viewed with some distrust. My sisters tell me most people assume that you have fallen victim to my charms and I am allowing your interest because of greed." Suddenly she flushed and looked away. "I am sorry. I- I should not have said anything. Only that your aunt upset me. Probably public opinion is not… so bad. I only hate the thought that I am being gossiped about. And struggle with helplessness that I cannot refute it."

Darcy considered for a moment and then said. "I hate it too. I loathe being spoken of behind my back. To be honest it's most of the reason I was in such a foul temper when we first met. As soon as I stepped into the room, I could feel the eyes on me and hear the whispered 'ten thousand a year' repeated all around me. Yet now, how I wish I had behaved better then! If I had not made that unforgivable comment about you, then perhaps we could have had a friendship much earlier and I would not have exposed you to the humiliation of gossip."

Elizabeth shifted restlessly from foot to foot. Finally, she said, "It may have been regrettable in light of our current understanding, but you were not wholly wrong. If you had danced with me it would have been seen with undue consequence in the eyes of room, thus creating gossip in an entirely different way. You heard how much Jane and Bingley's dances was made of. And you were right, I am not as beautiful as Jane. Though I always did wonder why you didn't ask her to dance if you agreed with Mr. Bingley on her beauty."

"Because I didn't want to dance with her!" Darcy exclaimed, frustrated with the turn in the conversation, or maybe just embarrassed. He scrubbed his hand over his face and said carefully. "I admit, upon seeing both of you, I knew that Jane was more… fashionably pretty. And also, I wanted to satisfy Bingley, but I was never, never interested in your sister, not even for a moment. The truth is that not even five minutes had passed but I regretted my words. I saw you laughing across the room and wanted to speak with you. I was so drawn to you that I- I resented the power you seemed to have over me. That's why I avoided you for so long. I am ashamed to admit it now, but it is true."

Elizabeth seemed very surprised and said, "You liked me even then? Remind me to never play cards with you sir, you hid it very well indeed!"

In the face of his confusion Elizabeth sighed and then gave a brief chuckle. "Come, Mr. Darcy, you need not look so worried." She took his arm and led him through the garden walks. "I am flattered by your assertion that you were at least somewhat attracted to me even then. And I am sure that after we are seen together a few times and our friends and family speak happily of us, then there will be not great amount of gossip. In truth every new relationship causes some talk, I am not unduly worried."

She was so magnificent! Beautiful and strong, undaunted by both his aunt and or the opinions of anyone! More than undaunted, she laughed! Fitzwilliam struggled not to grab her up and kiss her breathless. The thought danced in his mind and he wondered if it would truly be such a terrible decision. The kiss yesterday had gone well. But then, yesterday she hadn't _just_ been called a harlot. Darcy decided against the impulse and instead expressed his hopeful agreement with her words.

"I do wonder at your statement though, Mr. Darcy. If I was so quickly changed from 'tolerable' to attractive in your eyes, why did you dislike me so?"

Darcy was surprised by the question. He had thought he had clarified when he had proposed the courtship to her that he had _always_ liked her. Though now when he thought back, he could not remember his specific words. He had been so anxious at the time he had barely been able to speak at all. Though he was still concerned over what she had said of the town gossip, he did not want her to go any longer misunderstanding how he felt for her.

"I never disliked you Miss Elizabeth, only my reaction to you. As I said, I resented your power over me. I know that this was immature, but I disliked that I could not stop watching you and could not help but attend to all that you said and did. Also, I feared giving you 'hopes' that I could not fulfill. I thought it kinder to distance myself then to have you fall in love with me and then leave! I admit now, that this was a very arrogant perspective, and I'm sorry for any frustration or hurt I caused then. I hope you will believe me though, when I say it was not long after meeting you that I liked you. I cannot fix upon the hour, or the spot, or the words that laid the foundation of a stronger preference. I had barely noticed that I had begun before I was nearly overwhelmed. If not for my pride we may have- we might have began this courtship last fall."

Darcy explained, only just stopping himself from saying that they might have been married by now, realizing that that was probably too much to say at this time. Especially as Elizabeth's expression had been a mix of surprise and doubt throughout his explanation. He could tell that while she knew he liked her now, their past still troubled her.

With a skeptical little smile Elizabeth responded. "My beauty did not early on impress you and as for my manners- I cannot vouch for my manners at the time either. For towards you I was always bordering on uncivil, and I never spoke to you without rather wishing to make you uncomfortable than not. Now, tell me the truth; did you admire me for my impertinence?"

"Impertinence? No, you were not, only lively and unintimidated. I had very little considered it but I now suppose that I was a very intimidating character as I can see few spoke to me with any degree of comfort. But you never seemed at all concerned by status or mood."

At this Elizabeth seemed about to respond but then shook her head, paused and then started again. "You might as well call it impertinence for it was very else. But come, let us cease speaking of the past for it can bring little pleasure to either of us. It is enough to know that you did not dislike me as I thought. Thank you for your compliments."

"Truly," she added, "Now, I only worry that your aunt will go to your uncle, the Earl, like she threatened and convince him to denounce the match. You might be able to bear her displeasure, but your uncle is another matter entirely."

Darcy started to shake his head even before she had finished speaking. "My uncle, though maybe a little stiff with you last week, is not against the match. However, as you heard me say, he _is_ against a match between Anne and I. My Aunt will not convince him on that count. Also, I intend to write to him as soon as we complete our conversation, he will know how to handle Lady Catherine."

"Come, let us go in. My father can lend you writing supplies if you wish. Also, I did hope that you will accept an invitation to stay for dinner today, as you hinted yesterday."

Fitzwilliam assured her that his plans had not changed. He was pleased that despite the uncomfortable morning she was not sending him away. As they neared the house Elizabeth commented, "I am glad of one thing, my mother is away from the house with both my youngest sisters. We were not expecting you or Mr. Bingley so early and so she thought to return some calls in the neighborhood. She would have made much of a visit from someone of your aunt's rank."

At this information Darcy's happiness was such that he was a little ashamed. After all, it had been only yesterday that he defended them. But when Elizabeth smiled at him Fitzwilliam realized she had been sincere in her comment and they could share their relief.

They entered Longbourn and Elizabeth led him to the parlor when Miss Bennet, Bingley and Miss Mary were sitting. Elizabeth Curtseyed to Mr. Bingley and Darcy bowed at her sisters than Elizabeth showed him to the writing desk. After supplying him with the writing tools Elizabeth sat with Miss Mary and joined the room's conversation. Darcy listened as she made light of the visit from Lady Catherine as he started his letter.

As he detailed the events of that morning in his letter to the Earl, Darcy remembered his anger. Elizabeth might be able to shrug it off, make light of it and laugh but Darcy could not. Lady Catherine had come to an estate she had not been invited to and berated a gentleman's daughter, inferring that she was sexually immoral and avaricious. Darcy included every detail of the confrontation, including the exact words used. In the closing Darcy reiterated that he hoped to marry Elizabeth and in fact already considered himself promised to her. He would not be dissuaded from her and he hoped that the Earl would not allow Lady Catherine to continue behaving in such a way. His aunt may have been a peer in her own right, a grown woman with a child and an estate but socially she still answered to the male head of the family, her elder brother the Earl. Darcy could only hope his uncle would exercise that authority. Darcy knew the Earl would not be motivated on Elizabeth's account but for propriety's sake, perhaps he would be. After all, if his aunt created a scandal by opposing the match it would only reflect badly on the family as a whole.

Darcy wrote quickly and, he thought, well and with satisfaction he caught Elizabeth's eye and she called for a footman. After clearing it with Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy paid the young man to take it into Meryton and post it express. He winced at the comments that a letter written by him, dispatched from Longbourn and mailed express to London _and_ addressed to an Earl would create. But he supposed Elizabeth was right, once a little time had passed and nothing came of it, it would be forgotten.

Darcy turned back and assessed the room. Miss Bennet and Bingley were seated next to each other, she was embroidering a scrap of cloth and smiling as Bingley chattered enthusiastically about something or other. The man had more energy than anyone should, Darcy thought with a smile. Elizabeth was conversing with her sister Mary as they sat together on the settee, they seemed to be discussing a page of music that Miss Mary was holding. Miss Mary glanced over to him, noticed his gaze on them and declared a sudden need for a cup of tea. Her statement and action were not subtle, in fact they were an obvious abdication of the seat for Darcy's benefit, but he appreciated the gesture nonetheless and at Elizabeth's welcoming smile he seated himself next to her.

Miss Mary returned in a moment with her cup of tea and sat in an armchair on the other side of Elizabeth. Darcy found that he had nothing particular to speak of and after a slightly awkward moment Elizabeth and Miss Mary reentered their conversation of music. Apparently, Elizabeth had brought back new music pieces from London and the both of them were studying and practicing diligently to master them.

Turning back to him Elizabeth said, "And what do you think of the piece I brought back, Mr. Darcy? It is Muzio Clementi's Sonatina in C, Op. 36 no. 1."

"I am afraid I can give no firsthand account of the work. While I was trained in piano as a boy, it has probably been nearly fifteen years since I have played. And I do not believe that was a piece I learned."

"I am somewhat surprised that you learned it at all. I only thought your sister may have played it or maybe even just mentioned it." Elizabeth said.

"Plato reminds us 'music is the movement of sound to reach the soul for the education of its virtue.' I think it is good that you learned Mr. Darcy, all children should." Miss Mary added, casting a glance at Elizabeth that Darcy interpreted as frustrated.

"I agree with that, Miss Mary. I find it broadens one's mind and gives that person a better appreciation for music the rest of their life. It also requires discipline which I find an important lesson for children."

Elizabeth and Miss Mary shared another glance that Darcy thought portrayed mutual exasperation. Wondering at it he asked, "Miss Elizabeth?"

"Oh, I apologize, Mr. Darcy. My sister and I share the frustration that our two younger sisters are not required to practice more. They both received lessons in the school room but since they have been brought out they do not practice, claiming to have little love for it and our parents do not require it of them."

"A little piano practice would hardly cure those girls of their silly disposition," Mr. Bennet said from the doorway startling all three of them. Miss Mary and Elizabeth both looked down, embarrassed to be caught speaking against their parents.

Darcy wasn't sure how to react, on the one hand, the women had been right, Miss Lydia and Miss Catherine should be required to practice. Surely, they would be asked at some point to present their talents and not having anything to present would embarrass the family. However, he could hardly defy Mr. Bennet in his own home, regarding his parenting of his daughters, so Darcy only stood and bowed to the man. Mr. Bennet was wearing his typical amused expression, but Darcy thought he saw annoyance hidden behind the slight smile.

"Father, I apologize, we were not speaking of-"

"No, no it's quite alright Lizzy, I understand! What else are young people to talk about but the unfairness of their parents?"

Darcy was upset at the sarcasm in Mr. Bennet's tone and was surprised to hear Elizabeth laugh in response. "Father, while I cannot vouch for what _you_ spoke of when you were a young man, I assure you, we were only speaking of the music I bought in London."

Mr. Bennet harrumphed. Fitzwilliam returned to his seat and examined Elizabeth's face for signs of distress but found none, if anything he saw an amusement that resembled her father's. Was she amused by the exchange? Did she not realize that her father was angry and belittling her siblings? Suddenly a memory came to Darcy of last fall in Netherfield, she had worn a very similar expression while teasing him about his pride. Perhaps hiding negative emotions with a smirk was another trait Elizabeth shared with her father.

"And what have you to say Mary? Nothing at all?"

"Along with Walter Landor, I believe that 'music is God's gift to man, the only art of Heaven given to earth, the only art of earth we take to Heaven.'" Miss Mary said in an overly formal tone.

While Darcy liked the quote, he was not sure of the relevance it had to the current topic. Apparently, Mr. Bennet thought the same but instead of only thinking it he laughed out right.

"Very good Mary! When we have few thoughts of our own we must rely on others mustn't we? And Walter Landor is at least, not as boring as Fordyce, yes indeed, very good show."

Shocked, Darcy looked at Elizabeth to see her reaction, but she only looked down, avoiding his glance. Furious for the second time that day Darcy stood up and paced to the side table, what could he say? He was in another man's home, at his pleasure, seeking to court his daughter. But what kind of gentlemen would he be if he allowed this kind of bullying to happen before him?

Making a snap decision he turned back to Miss Mary and said in what he hoped was a light tone. "I do understand you though, Miss Mary, I think. There is a purity, truly a touch of the sacred, to music that we must all appreciate. I agree with you completely that it is that aspect that should motivate us to dedicate ourselves to have the understanding and practice required to do justice to the art of angels."

Miss Mary looked up in surprise at his defense. More than surprise, she looked shocked and Fitzwilliam felt great disappointment that she had had no expectation of protection.

"You consider practicing the pianoforte an act of holy worship?" Mr. Bennet said dryly.

"No, I _likened_ music to the sacred, as many have done before me. It is this feature that earns the practitioners of music so much esteem. It is not only a skill or a way to broaden one's mind or to practice self-discipline but a way to touch the souls of those who listen."

" _Great_ music, I grant you, can move people to feel something when they hear it. But only the most talented and skilled in my experience to accomplish this."

"True, all the more reason to practice and study continuously."

"One can practice every day of their life, but unless they have the in-born talent, they could never be genuinely accomplished in the art." Mr. Bennet argued but maintained a relaxed, amused air to his manner.

"You are very lucky then to have two such talented daughters. They lack only the skill practice can bring and the polish of learning under a master."

"Yes, father! I could learn so much if only I had the advantage of a piano master!" Mary enthused.

Mr. Bennet rolled his eyes but smiled, "Yes, Mary, I am sure that you would. And I am sure that we will hire one at some point. On one fact you are all correct, Lydia and Kitty must learn better at some point."

Suddenly Darcy was struck by an idea, "In the meantime, if you have no objection, my sister will arrive next week and with her is Signore Russo, her piano master. I know she would be delighted if both Miss Elizabeth and Miss Mary were to join her in her lessons. Truly delighted, in fact I believe there is one piece she would especially like to try, Joseph Haydn's Piano Trio No. 39. She owns the music sheets for it but lacks the companions required to properly practice it."

Mr. Bennet's expression soured somewhat but then he shrugged. "I see no reason to balk, the music and socialization would be a fine amusement if they wish to agree. And it is all at very little effort and no expense, yes, I will permit it. Very clever, Mr. Darcy, you have found an excuse to have my daughter come to Netherfield nearly every day, very convenient I daresay." With this comment he nodded to the group in a semblance of a bow and left, presumably to return to his office.

As soon as Mr. Bennet disappeared, Miss Mary clasped her hands together in excitement. "Signore Russo, a piano master! Oh, thank you Mr. Darcy! You said you sister wishes to play something of Joseph Haydn's? I don't own his piano trio but I think I have one of his sonatas, I shall go find it!" With this Miss Mary stood, gave him a quick curtsy and rushed from the room.

Fitzwilliam watched as Miss Mary disappeared, pleased that he could bring the girl so much happiness. He turned back to Elizabeth, and saw her beloved smile shining brightly at him. How could such a simple thing bring him such joy and contentment? Quickly he returned to the settee and sat beside her. "I hope I did not overstep?"

"No, father was not offended, only ornery." Elizabeth paused and glanced down, her next words almost a whisper, "I do wish he was kinder to Mary. Of Lydia and Kitty, he is probably right, no amount of piano lessons would drive some sense into their heads, but Mary is only a little… stiff and is perhaps awkward because of it. She is not unintelligent, and I think understands father's barbs more than he realizes."

Silently Fitzwilliam disagreed, even the silliest of people did benefit from discipline and structure, but he was not willing to fight that battle at the moment. Besides, Elizabeth did know her sisters better than he did.

"Nevertheless," She said, "I can only be satisfied in this instance with the outcome of the conversation. I will be very pleased not only at the furthering of my musical education but at the chance to spend time with Miss Darcy. We had a very pleasant time in London and I look forward to getting to know her better. I am also very grateful on behalf of Mary, I know this will mean a lot to her! You were very gallant to offer this to her."

"It is my pleasure, Miss Elizabeth," Darcy returned with sincerity.

Elizabeth laughed and teasingly said, "So my father insinuated. Was he correct? Is it your scheme to lure me to Netherfield with promises of education and friendship, only to pounce when I arrive?"

"A very tempting thought indeed, but I acted for the benefit of you, your sister and mine as my first and foremost priority."

"Hmmm, you did not actually deny the accused intention, only mitigate it. But I suppose I shall have to trust you to behave as a gentleman." She smiled up at him in such a way that he nearly broke that trust immediately with both her sister and his friend just feet away.

Perhaps now would be a good time for another walk? Just as Darcy was about to suggest it, Mrs. Bennet, Miss Lydia and Miss Kitty burst into the room in a fair chaos of conversation, flutterings and color. They interrupted both private conversations and greeted everyone with excited exclamations. All three women seemed to be bursting with news and gossip, such that they often interrupted each other to finish the other's stories. But they were all smiling and happy and Darcy found that as disappointed as he was not to have more private time with Elizabeth, he could not mind the joyful energy of the women around him.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Later that night Elizabeth readied herself for bed with a swirling mind. Despite a few uncomfortable moments she had had a wonderful day with Mr. Darcy. A day that had ended with a brief stroll after dinner, and another kiss. The kiss had been brief but exquisitely tender and Elizabeth thought her heart was still pounding from its affects. She felt almost dizzy as she remembered being caught up in his arms and his lips pressing against hers.

"Jane, how did you know you loved Mr. Bingley?"

"Oh, Lizzy, are you asking because you think you are in love with Mr. Darcy?" Jane asked with excitement.

Elizabeth sighed and stroked her brush through her curls. "I don't know how I feel, that's why I asked you. That last two days have been… intense for us. I took your advice and asked more personal, direct questions and he answered me freely and seriously. But now I feel like my head is filled with him and without even room enough to know how to feel!"

"Well, dear sister, My feelings will not shed light on yours. I think I love differently then you and for different reasons. But let us start with the most basic of questions, do you admire him, respect him as a person?"

"Yes, I believe I must. He is- He is kind. And thoughtful, careful and determined. I have seen how treats his friends, his family and even our family and it is admirable."

"And the business with Lt. Wickham?"

"I have put it from my mind for now. I have not a chance to speak with him about it, it seems each time we are alone there is something we need to speak of right away. I feel a little guilty about that in the back of my conscience, but I feel confident that there must be a reasonable explanation. It is just too far from his character to be the whole story."

"If you remember sister, that was always my thought."

"And I guess I should have listened to you. I will speak to him of that tomorrow so that it can be cleared from my mind entirely, but I shall give it no more thought tonight."

"I think that is wise. Alright, the next consideration is whether you like how he treats you, how you relate and whether you could be friends if nothing else."

This question caused Elizabeth to pause for a moment but then she nodded. "Yes, I think that we could be friends, as long as he didn't completely shut me out like he did this fall. We can talk. we have a great time talking actually, I've never held such long, serious conversations with a man other than father but if I could imagine him a woman then I think we would be friends."

"Then you are happy when you are with him?"

"I am, I feel wonderful when I am with him. One aspect of our relationship is that he treats me like an equal, or at least a reasonable person. When we disagree on something he explains his position without demanding I change mine."

"That would be a very important consideration for you. You can be quite stubborn when you think you are in the right."

"I cannot deny that to you, Jane, for you have the most experience with that aspect of my nature I am sure."

Both sisters chuckled and, finishing their ablutions, climbed into bed. Jane blew out the candle and for a moment they lay silently in the darkness and then Jane whispered hesitantly, "And- and how does he make you feel in a… in a physical sense?"

Even in the darkness Elizabeth could feel her blush rising. The sisters spoke about everything but this, never this. Any topic even approaching sexuality was prohibited to the strictest degree socially. But Elizabeth still knew about the idea. She knew, at least in a vague way what happened between a man and woman. She _had_ read novels after all. But to actually speak of it? Elizabeth struggled with her strongly engrained propriety for a moment and then whispered. "I- I do like him. I- I suddenly understand what the heroines of my novels mean when they wax poetic about fluttering hearts and excited breath. Jane- he… he kissed me and I let him… and I admit I liked it very much."

More silence filled the darkened room and Elizabeth felt tense and uncomfortable, worried about her sister's reaction. After several moments Jane quietly admitted, "Charles has kissed me too. Several times… the kisses have become, well, rather passionate a few times. Our mother has told me to expect much more. We are engaged and will marry in less than six weeks, and I- I see no harm in it…. To be honest, I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to. Every time I'm alone with him I feel like I'm desperate to be touched by him."

"Jane," Elizabeth whispered, shocked at her sister's words. "you mean you would- that you and Mr. Bingley…"

"Lizzy it might not be spoken of but surely you know that most first-born children are born 'early'."

"Maybe for common folk but…"

"Have you never done the math on our parent's wedding date and my birthday?"

Again, Elizabeth was shocked into silence. She never had done the math before but now that Jane mentioned it, the dates were a bit suspicious. "Oh! I do not want to think about that at all!"

Jane giggled into her pillow. "it wasn't a very pleasant realization for me either. Nevertheless, perhaps perfect morality is important for those of the peerage but for us unimportant country people… in any case, all Charles and I have done is kiss." She said with a defensive note in her voice.

"No, I'm sorry Jane, I meant no condemnation, I was only surprised."

"Well, I am in love. What did you think? Anyway, we were speaking about you. We have established that you respect him, you like him, you enjoy your time with him and- and that you enjoy his kisses. That sounds like love to me."

That did sound like love, why could she not fully feel it? "I think I am starting to love him. That I am on the path and in a few more steps I should be quite silly with it. But right now, it still feels too new, it was still only three weeks since I thought we hated each other."

"Just give yourself a little more time, Lizzy, and permission. I think you are still holding yourself back slightly, open your mind and heart to him."

Elizabeth murmured that she would and turned over to sleep. Throughout the rest of the night she dreamed of Mr. Darcy and his kisses.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Monday morning Elizabeth was up early as usual and slipped out for her morning jaunt. Sunday had been wonderful. She had enjoyed going to her own church's services again and seeing all her neighbors. The Netherfield party had been there as well and after the service had spent the whole of the afternoon with them. They had all played games, talked and laughed together well into the evening. They had even stayed for dinner. It was no wonder then that Elizabeth's dreams had again been filled with Mr. Darcy. Her dreams had been a swirling mess of emotions and images, mostly good but with a… an intensity or urgency she couldn't quite understand. But because of it she hadn't slept well at all. Several times throughout the night she had awoken fully and reprimanded herself. Then lay back down and sang lullabies to herself until she fell asleep, but as soon as her unconscious mind took over, he would be there again!

As soon as she was out of sight of any windows she broke into a run. She usually refrained from running as it would shock anyone who caught a glimpse, but she needed it this morning. With determination bordering on desperation Elizabeth ran and ran until every muscle ached and her chest burned.

Gasping she sank down onto a stump nearby and caught her breath. As her mental acuity came back Elizabeth felt the early morning sun on her face and lifted her chin to enjoy it. Slowly she became aware of her surroundings and her mood lifting. Suddenly the green around her was beautiful, she noticed the birdsong and the light breeze. Near her foot she saw a lovely wood anemone blooming in the dappled sunshine. Smiling, Elizabeth stood back up and started slowly walking back. Though never truly forgotten, her thoughts on Mr. Darcy stayed in the back of her mind as she sang to herself, gathered wildflowers and took her time considering other things. She realized that she hadn't visited her Aunt Philips since she had been back, indeed she had rather neglected her neighbors, friends and correspondence lately. "I should not let him take over my life this way!" She said to the daisy in her hand.

With this determination in mind she spent the rest of her walk mentally writing her letters and making herself a list of social and mental tasks to attend to. Because of her run Elizabeth had gone much further than her habitual route and thus was late to the breakfast table. Her mother spent several minutes alternating between reprimanding her, talking of her to the rest of the family and telling her to hurry up because 'the men' might be here any moment!

Elizabeth had barely eaten half her fill when her mother's patience came to an end and Elizabeth was herded upstairs to change and fix her hair. The path had not been muddy at all but Mrs. Bennet insisted that her skirt was covered with it. As she changed Elizabeth was reminded of Mr. Darcy's words and behavior towards her family. In a nutshell, his perspective seemed to be that their manners, funny or frustrating could be overlooked in favor of their actions. While her father was witty and smart, his actions were not to the benefit of the family. Indeed, breakfast was a good example of this. While Elizabeth enjoyed and appreciated that he did not ask her of her whereabouts nor caution her on the inelegance of her habits. Strictly speaking, he should have. Or, if he had very much decided to allow the lapse in socially correct behavior then he should have expressed that to his wife and ended the tirade. Alternatively, her mother had frustrated Elizabeth with the way she had expressed her concerns. However, she had been trying to remind Elizabeth of the social inappropriateness of walking alone in the forest. Also, somewhat worried for her safety and of Elizabeth appearing in a bad light before her perspective husband. Elizabeth was a little alarmed at herself at the thought that in a sense, her mother was more appropriate that her father.

Presentable and ladylike again, Elizabeth left her room and started down the stairs. Midway down she realized she heard men's voices in the sitting room. Despite all her determination her heart leapt with excitement and her feet quickened. Just before she entered the room, however, she realized that it was not her Darcy's voice at all, nor even Mr. Bingley's. She slowed to a stop to get the disappointed expression off her face and enter with poise. She stepped quietly into the doorway and saw all her sisters and mother laughing with three officers. Mr. Denny, Cap. Carter and Lt. Wickham had come to call. Elizabeth was not immediately noticed as she came around the corner as everyone was immersed in amusing conversation. She opened her mouth to politely greet the room when she saw Lt. Wickham turn slightly away from the rest of the group, catch Lydia's eye and boldly wink at her.

Lydia only giggled and no one else noticed but Elizabeth was surprised. She hadn't known anything of a growing attachment between the two. Lydia only spoke of him in her usual way of admiring his looks but there hadn't seemed to be any coquettishness that Elizabeth would have expected of an actual attachment. Elizabeth didn't know how she should feel if there was something growing between the two either. After all, Lt. Wickham had been very clear that he would have to marry for logical reasons, not romantic ones. And Lydia was too young to have serious designs on anyway. But she was overthinking it, perhaps it was only meant to be a light flirtation. Still… it was very bold to be meaningless.

Just then her thoughts were interrupted by her mother noticing Elizabeth hesitating in the doorway and calling her over.

"Elizabeth! Come sit next to me, darling for I have missed you so while you were gone! Elizabeth has been in London you see, and she has come home with a beau! Well, I'm sure you've heard all about it actually, for it-" Elizabeth stopped attending to what her mother was saying and served herself a cup of tea. While she was pouring, Mr. Denny approached and asked for a refill and the two chatted amiably for a moment or two before he returned to his conversation with Kitty. Elizabeth looked for a place to settle herself but before she was successful Lt. Wickham drew near, bowed eagerly and grinned at her.

Wasn't he a little too close for politeness sake? Elizabeth was suddenly, inexplicably, uncomfortable. Quickly, she pushed the feeling aside. It wasn't _so_ very close, and she had so much missed their easy friendship. She smiled and curtsied back.

"Miss Elizabeth, how wonderful to see you again! For I have very much missed our conversations!"

His manner and tone were so friendly and open, that Elizabeth was immediately comfortable again. _The perfect words to set me at ease!_ she thought with relief.

She gave a little laugh to vent her feelings and said "indeed, I have as well! How has the spring been for you?"

Wickham's smiled dimmed and in subdued tone said. "I know I ought to be grateful for all that I have but I admit to some lingering sadness as to how my… well I'm sure you've heard how Miss King has gone… out of my reach so to speak. That is, unless I desert the militia!" He ended with a pained chuckle.

Elizabeth felt a rush of sympathy for him that his heart had been injured. Poor man! But then suddenly she remembered the flirty wink she had witnessed from him only a moment ago. The image muted her next words and she hesitated, unsure of what to say. Why would he have winked at Lydia if he was still brokenhearted? The best she could do in her confusion was a vague nod. Wickham seemed to notice her confusion and changed the subject. Instead he told her an amusing story a new drill that the officers were doing in the camp and the mistakes that had occurred before the drill was learned well by the camp.

As always, he spoke well and was the personification of charming and engaging. Indeed, Lt. Wickham was so agreeable that any topic, no matter how dull or common-place was rendered interesting by his conversational skill. Elizabeth enjoyed his story, laughing and listening with rapt attention and when asked of her time in London she told him of some of the antics of her little cousins. She told it well and he laughed freely. Elizabeth was about to ask him another question about his spring when he gestured to the chaise lounge near them, in suggestion that they should sit. Elizabeth agreed and sat on the side near the matching chair, as she assumed he would sit in it. Instead he sat next to her on the chaise lounge. She was surprised, though she supposed he had often sat next to her before, her situation had somewhat changed. After all, she was now in a courtship with a different man, it was not quite correct for him to sit so close to her. She scooted a little away, but he didn't pick up on the hint. Which surprised her as he was usually picked up so quickly on social cues. She could hardly get up and move to a different seat, could she? No, that would be rude.

No, it was better to just remain, after all, they were in her parent's sitting room and were well known to be good friends, there could be no inappropriateness… Elizabeth hoped. Her slight discomfort took her out of the lighthearted mood the two had created moments before and so she was taken aback all the more when Wickham leaned even closer to her and said in a low tone. "I have heard the news of courtship. As we are such good friends, I don't mind admitting that I was very surprised."

Elizabeth was not sure how to respond. How could she explain the change in her understanding of Mr. Darcy's character? Any descriptions would necessarily include private moments between them and Elizabeth found herself feeling protective of those moments. She took a sip of her tea to stall the conversation. While she didn't want to confide any personal feelings to Lt. Wickham, neither did she want him to get the wrong idea and think her avaricious! Also, she almost felt like she owned him an explanation, as they had confided so often before of their mutual dislike for Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth felt her face warm slightly at the memory of the conversations they'd shared about Mr. Darcy previously. How she wished she hadn't been so open before!

"I understand that a lot of romances surprise one's acquaintances." Elizabeth said with a little laugh. "But as you said once, Mr. Darcy can please those he wishes to."

"Indeed, he can! I once loved him as a brother, so I know well how pleasing he can be. And I suppose I should not feel surprise. We, both of us, as have said before that we must be… logical in our romantic choices."

Again, Elizabeth did not know what to say and her discomfort grew. There was a truth in what he said and an implied warning she could not like. She had mostly accepted his courtship offer out of pragmatic considerations but now that thought made her feel small and dirty. Also, he had implied that Mr. Darcy's loyalty and affection could be fleeting and could indeed be turned around entirely.

When she did not answer Wickham gave her a small sympathetic smile and glancing out the window added quietly. "I only wonder what his motivation could be?"

Elizabeth stood abruptly. "I hope you will forgive me, sir, but I feel I must go sit with my mother, she called for me when I first entered and I'm afraid I quite forgot! Excuse me."

Lt. Wickham looked surprised but before he could object Elizabeth turned and, picking up her embroidery, sat next to her mother. Mrs. Bennet was currently excitedly engaged in conversation and took little notice of Elizabeth's presence, a fact she was very grateful for. The conversations swirled around her and Elizabeth looked up and smiled when appropriate but could not force herself to concentrate on anything but her own thoughts. _What had just happened?_ She asked herself over and over again, struggling to understand her own emotions. She liked Lt. Wickham! She always had! He was kind, charming and attentive to her. They had always had just pleasant times together and had related well as friends. And even this morning, he had been as he always was, interesting and interested in her! He had smiled and sympathized at her difficulties. Could it be that she simply could not like the painful truth of his comments?

Suddenly her agitation caused her to prick her finger with the needle and jerked with the slight pain.

"Are you alright, Miss Elizabeth?" Asked Capt. Carter who happened to notice. Mrs. Bennet turned to see her inspecting her finger.

"Oh, Lizzy! If I have told you once I've told you a thousand times to be more careful! This what happens when you do not take the time to practice as you ought!" She said in an annoyed tone and then turned to resume her conversation. Before she could continue however, Captain Carter expressed his, and his fellows, unfortunate need to return to camp. It had been well over the polite twenty-minute call and Elizabeth was glad to see them go. Bow, curtseys and farewells were said all around and the officers left.

The rest of the Bennet women resettled themselves to go over all they had said and heard amongst themselves, while Elizabeth returned to her embroidery and thoughts. She took a deep breath and determined to think through the morning's interactions with Lt. Wickham logically and calmly. As she thought over the various comments and moments of the exchange, she was reminded of the times she felt uncomfortable and put-off by him. What of his interaction with Lydia? If he was interested in Lydia, why did he engage Elizabeth so long in conversation? Also, why did he claim to be broken-hearted over Miss King's desertion? Indeed, he had implied to her the previous winter that he was only pursuing Miss King out of… what did he call it? Logic? Yes, even this morning he had mentioned his supposed need to choose pragmatically yet had also claimed to be broken-hearted! Perhaps he was only trying to understand her extreme change in attitude. After all, the first thing they had bonded over was their mutual dislike for Mr. Darcy. He must be feeling confused and hurt but her apparent betrayal of their agreed feelings. After all he had been so poorly used by Mr. Darcy!

Elizabeth sighed and rubbed her temples. W _as_ certain that Lt. Wickham been treated poorly? It had been so long since she had accepted that as fact, but now the thought made her uneasy. How many times had others cautioned her against believing his story wholeheartedly? She knew Jane had several times, her Aunt Gardener had and even her father had mocked his dramatic and free retellings of his troubles. And it had been odd, Elizabeth admitted, how he had revealed such personal details to a near stranger, and at a gaming table no less! And to try and apply the misdeeds Wickham had told her of to the Mr. Darcy that she had come to know was nearly impossible. Mr. Darcy was above all things fair. While she did not forget the terrible manners of the winter before, nor the pain it had caused her, she could not think of a time when she could call him unjust. But there had been simply too much to the story for him to simply make up! No, there had to be truth to it, but perhaps it was not the whole story? Many times, Jane had insisted she was sure Mr. Darcy had a good defense, but Elizabeth had always ignored her.

There were too many encounters to examine every one of them and Elizabeth began to be weary of her swirling thoughts. Just as Elizabeth was about to relieve her frustration with a turn in the garden, a servant came in with two letters. The letters were addressed to Elizabeth and Jane from the men of Netherfield and were exclaimed much over by their mother. Elizabeth quietly took hers and felt relief when she did. She wasn't sure why but even just a letter from him made her feel happier. Elizabeth held hers tightly in case her mother snatched it (as was the unfortunate habit of that lady) and opened it.

" _Dear Miss Elizabeth,_

 _As I mentioned yesterday, my sister arrives today to Netherfield. I had hoped that she would make good time and be here early enough that we might pay a call to you this afternoon. However, a rider has come to inform me of a small issue that caused her to set out late and I now do not expect her until almost dinner time. I apologize, I will not be able to attend you at all today it seems. I find the idea of not seeing you today very unfortunate indeed. Accompanying this note is Bingley and his sister's invitation for Miss Bennet, yourself and Miss Mary to join us for dinner. I can only hope that no special plans prevent you from accepting and that I shall see you soon._

 _Yours always, Fitzwilliam Darcy_

"Mary? Why would Mary go?" Her mother's surprised question broke the momentary silence and Elizabeth saw her leaning over Jane's shoulder to read the invitation.

"Mary and I are going to take lessons with Miss Darcy and her master. Mr. Darcy offered and father has already given us permission."

Mrs. Bennet stared at Elizabeth and blinked slowly but then finally smiled and congratulated Elizabeth on her 'cleverness' of finding a way into Netherfield nearly every day. Elizabeth moved next to Jane. "Well, what do you think, Jane, shall we go?"

"Of course, you must!" Shrilled their mother. "Go and make what you can of it! I shall have to go inform the cook to expect three less for dinner. Both of you go quickly to get dressed!" Mrs. Bennet bustled out the door and Elizabeth turned back to Jane and raised and eyebrow.

Jane smiled and her and stood up, "Yes, Lizzy, let us get dressed for I should like see Charles today and dinner sounds very pleasant. Do you agree?"

"That you want to see Mr. Bingley? Yes, of course I do." Elizabeth said saucily but stood up with her. Giggling, the sisters went to find Mary. Mary was surprisingly eager, for she usually disliked these kinds of invitations, but Elizabeth supposed the temptation of the piano teacher was the motivation for the change of opinion and was happy that something excited Mary that much. The three women changed into nice but simple morning dresses and packed a dinner ensemble as well. The invitation had mentioned tea as well, so the women left as soon as all was readied.

Their father was able to lend them the carriage and as they settled into it, Elizabeth found herself very excited to see Mr. Darcy again despite talking with him only yesterday. Just as the carriage started going however, Elizabeth suddenly remembered her confusion over Mr. Wickham. Should she ask Mr. Darcy about him and their history together? She had thought that she should but suddenly her cheeks burned at the thought of it. _What could I say? How do I relate that inappropriate conversation with Mr. Darcy, tell him all the times that Lt. Wickham and I gossiped about him? How could I let him know how ill I thought of him? And how much I liked Lt. Wickham, whom he so obviously dislikes! I do not even know myself how to feel about Mr. Wickham. How can I bring him up? No, at least until I straighten out my thoughts I will not say anything_.

Elizabeth hesitated for a second then said quietly. "Jane? Mary? I do not mean to be sly, but I would wish that neither of you mention Mr. Wickham while we are in Netherfield. I still do not know what happened there and don't want to make anyone uncomfortable."

Her sisters both agreed calmly, neither having any interest in conversation about Mr. Wickham anyway. Only a few moments more passed, and the carriage pulled up before Netherfield. Elizabeth peeked out and saw both men standing at the top of the stairs awaiting them. As the carriage came to a stop Mr. Bingley bounded down the stairs with Mr. Darcy following at a more reserved pace.

After Mr. Bingley helped Jane out of the carriage, Elizabeth took Mr. Darcy's hand and smiled up at him as she stepped out. "Thank you," she said and then waited as he helped Mary out as well. That completed, Mr. Darcy smiled and bowed to both of them. "Thank you for accepting the invitation I know that Georgiana is most eager to spend more time with you Miss Elizabeth, and to meet you, Miss Mary."

Elizabeth and Mary both returned his greeting and gallantly he offered them both his arms and together they followed Mr. Bingley and Jane into Netherfield. As they entered the sitting room Miss Bingley stood and gave them a small curtsey. Again, the proper greetings were made, after which Miss Bingley took up her needle work and immediately ignored all of them. Jane sat down next to her and attempted to include Miss Bingley in her and Mr. Bingley's conversation. Elizabeth smiled up at Mr. Darcy and he returned it. Elizabeth was surprised at how much her mood had lifted at the sight of him and indeed continued to rise.

"We have a few minutes before tea is served, can I show you ladies the music room in which your lessons will be?" Mr. Darcy asked.

Elizabeth saw that his suggestion excited Mary and so happily accepted his invitation. As Mr. Darcy turned to lead them out of the sitting room Elizabeth realized with some embarrassment that she was still holding his arm. At some point Mary had released Mr. Darcy's arm and stepped away but Elizabeth had not thought to do so. She tried to slip her hand away from him, but it was immediately clasped by his other hand, gently squeezed and resettled by his elbow.

Elizabeth blushed and fervently hoped that Mary walking only a few feet behind them hadn't noticed. Despite her embarrassment however, she found herself acquiescing to his silent request and kept her hand where it was. She found that undeterred by her fear of her little sister catching the warm exchange Elizabeth had liked affection and possessiveness the gesture had expressed.

Mr. Darcy made some small comment about a passing painting and Mary responded politely. As they ascended the stairs Mary complimented the carpeting and Mr. Darcy informed her that it had been Miss Bingley's choice. Elizabeth was still too embarrassed to carry the conversation and unfortunately Mr. Darcy and Mary were both of a naturally awkward disposition, so the rest of the short walk was silent. Thankfully they soon reached the room and as they entered Elizabeth realized she had never seen it before, as her previous stay at Netherfield had been rather awkward and she had not felt the freedom to explore. It was a surprisingly charming room, with two large windows overlooking the formal gardens and decorated with cheerful pinks and yellows. A covered harp and an elegant pianoforte stood before the windows and on either side were places to sit. On one end was a fireplace with armchairs and a settee that were arranged to face both the fire and the piano. On the other end of the room was a bookshelf and a small table with a chess board set up.

As the small group entered the room Elizabeth released Mr. Darcy's arm and with Mary hurried over to the beautiful piano. The piano was white with gold accents and floral scroll works on the sides were painted in enchanting rich yellows, burnt oranges and deep reds. While usually Miss Bingley's glamorous style was too ostentatious for Elizabeth's tastes, in this case she loved it. It perfectly matched and accentuated the rest of the room. She ran a hand over the keyboard cover in an affectionate gesture, pleased that she would be taking lessons on such a beautiful instrument. Mary immediately sat in on the bench and lifted the cover. Elizabeth cut a scolding glance her way and Mary paused, then turning her head, asked Mr. Darcy politely if she could try playing it. At Mr. Darcy's invitation Mary turned back and gently began a simple melody she knew well.

Mary's playing was quite good, better than Elizabeth's own skill. It was only she often picked songs outside of her skill level when trying to present to people, causing mistakes and embarrassment. However, currently she played Bagatelle in D Major, which she knew well and loved to play, these traits allowed her performance to be very pleasing indeed. Elizabeth moved to the windows and looked down on the gardens, enjoying the music. After a short moment, Mr. Darcy joined her at the windows and for several moments they stood, not touching or even looking at each other but feeling very close as they absorbed the beautiful view and romantic song together.

When the song came to an end Mary immediately started another and Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy smiled at each other and then he motioned to the seats by the fire. Together they moved to sit down but when Elizabeth stepped toward the closest settee she felt his fingers gently touch the small of her back, guiding her to the other settee closer to the fire. _Maybe he's cold?_ Elizabeth was quite comfortable but allowed him to guide her. As they settled into the rather stiff, ornate couch Elizabeth found that while she didn't have to turn her head much to see Mary, she was more directly facing the fire. However, Mary would have to crane her head quite a bit and would still only see the back and arms of the couch. Questioningly, Elizabeth glanced up at Mr. Darcy who winked at her and calmly took her hand in his.

Elizabeth had to stifle a gasp at his boldness. For a moment she considered pulling her hand away. It would be more proper to do so, but then she felt his thumb lightly brush the back of her hand and such considerations were forgotten. His hand enveloped hers easily, it felt strong and somehow very secure. Occasionally, his thumb would stroke the back of her hand or fingers; the gesture felt mindless but still loving and Elizabeth pulse would not stop rushing at the sensation.

Elizabeth suddenly realized he had said something to her when he tilted his head and looked at her inquiringly. She felt herself flush and quietly asked him to repeat himself.

"I only asked how your morning had been, I hope that you suffered no ill effects from my aunt's visit yesterday?" He said in a quiet tone so as not to disturb Mary's playing.

Elizabeth gave a little laugh, "I actually have not thought of it all morning! I think her ladyship would be disappointed by how little she affected me."

Mr. Darcy's dimples flashed, and he squeezed her hand gently. "She would indeed, she would be horrified by how little consequence her anger received. However, I am proud of your strength of will."

"Thank you. And what of your morning? I hope that whatever delayed Miss Darcy's departure was not too serious?"  
"No indeed, I believe she is well enough." He looked like he would continue but then left off at that. Elizabeth decided that it wasn't her business if he didn't want to explain and smiled her understanding. "Of the rest of my morning, I was quite busy with Bingley sorting out estate matters. It is his first spring as the master of an estate and there is much to do. I believe that we had a couple of callers, but Miss Bingley entertained them for we could not be distracted from our work if we wanted to spend the afternoon entertaining our own guests."

"How very considerate of you." Elizabeth smirked and then hesitated. This would the natural moment to bring up the callers from her morning, but she still did not want to introduce the subject of Lt. Wickham. For some reason she felt embarrassed by the topic. She could not escape the new feeling that there was something off about Lt. Wickham and it left her feeling uncomfortable. The day before, however, Mrs. Long had visited and carried with her an amusing story.

It was only the smallest fib to make it seem like the visit had been that morning and Elizabeth retold the tale with flair and humor that had him smiling and laughing. Through for Elizabeth it was hard to remain focused on the story for throughout Mr. Darcy never looked away from her. For some reason his direct eye contact and easy smiles were hard to bear but Elizabeth's courage happily rose to the occasion.

Mary's piano piece ended just as Elizabeth was finishing her story, Elizabeth glanced over and caught Mary watching them. Though Mary's gaze was more curious than judgmental Elizabeth was still embarrassed and gently extricated her hand from Mr. Darcy's grip and suggested that it was probably almost tea time now.

"Oh, Lizzy there is one more piece I would love to play, can I not do so? You two don't have to wait for me if you would rather not, I know my way back."

Elizabeth was about to agree to wait but Mr. Darcy suddenly stood and said. "I would not wish to cease your enjoyment and thus I encourage you to play all that you wish to. However, I feel I ought to return to downstairs. Miss Elizabeth, will you join me?"

She considered for a second refusing him, she had not gotten a turn to play after all, but quickly dismissed the idea. She would rather walk with him. Elizabeth accepted his offered hand and stood up, "Yes, I think I should rejoin Jane. Mary, you enjoy yourself though."

They exited the room and started to make their way downstairs. As they descended a maid came out of one of the rooms below and Elizabeth caught a glimpse of the room's interior. "Is that not the billiards room?"

Mr. Darcy looked at her curiously. "It is."

Elizabeth did not respond but smiled and looked away.

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason. I just- I suddenly remembered accidentally coming upon you playing in there when I came to Netherfield last fall." Elizabeth said, still looking away, as she descended the last step.

"Oh yes, I remember. You left without saying a word."

"That's quite a statement from you, sir! You, who so often chose not to speak to me at all for large spans of time. Besides… I didn't know what to say. I was embarrassed."

"Why were you embarrassed?"

"Because- because you were in your shirt sleeves!"

Mr. Darcy stopped, causing her to look up at him. His face was lit with laughter and he said, "I was perfectly appropriately dressed for being at home."

"Yes… but I- I was not expecting it and you looked so…"

"Yes, I looked how?"

Elizabeth blushed but admitted. "Handsome. You looked very handsome."

"I thought that you hated me then?"

"I did not _hate_ you. But actually, that's probably why I was so embarrassed. You see, it was very awkward for me to dislike you and find you so attractive at the same time."

Mr. Darcy grinned and caught her hand, bring it to his lips. "That must have been very hard on you."

He looked entirely too pleased with himself and Elizabeth tried to glare sternly. "It _was_ difficult, thank you very much for your concern." With this she turned and started to flounce away but was immediately caught. Before she could say a word, Mr. Darcy had pulled her into the billiard room and closed the door behind them.

"Mr. Darcy!" Elizabeth meant to exclaim but it came out as more of a whisper. He still held her hand and then he caught hold of the other and with a tug, pulled her close to him.

"I am sorry for your frustration. However, I admit I cannot relate. You see, I have always found you admirable and _perfectly_ beautiful." He whispered back. "Loveliest Elizabeth."

Before she could take another breath, Mr. Darcy leaned down pressed his lips against hers. Once, twice and then he stepped forward, angled his head and kissed her again. For a few seconds, Elizabeth was lost in the sensation, his lips felt so soft and perfect on her own. But then she suddenly came to herself and stepped back.

"Mr. Darcy! We- You cannot- It's…" Elizabeth struggled to find the words to reprimand him, but her thoughts were still spinning from the kiss.

Mr. Darcy only smiled but then opened the door and led her back out into the hallway. Elizabeth wasn't sure where to look or what to say but she couldn't resist a smile. While not proper at all, him pulling her into room to steal a kiss was very dashing. Who would have thought, Mr. Darcy, dashing! Silently they continued down the hallway.

"Miss Elizabeth?" She looked up and saw his roguish grin had vanished and had been replaced by a look of concern. "Should I… apologize?"

Should he? Thought Elizabeth _. Well, yes, he should but do I want him to?_ Elizabeth found she did not. So, bolstering her courage, she answered teasingly, "Would you mean it?"

His dimples immediately reappeared. "I could try."

Elizabeth allowed herself a little giggle and took his arm again as they rejoined others in the sitting room. If anyone noticed her flushed cheeks, they had the delicacy not to comment on it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

To cover his still racing heartbeat, Darcy summoned a withdrawn expression and quietly sipped his tea. The rest of the group chattered and laughed amiably, but Darcy was still affected by his stolen kiss with Elizabeth. Nobody could have been more surprised than Darcy at his own boldness. He had always prided himself on his controlled, rational and considered method of behavior but when it came to Elizabeth, Darcy found those traits had abandoned him. Something about Elizabeth both allowed and forced more expressive reactions from him. In Elizabeth's influence he had been more furious, euphoric, depressed, affectionate, bold and terrified then he had ever been in his life. The knowledge of her effect on him terrified and thrilled him. If he was being honest with himself Darcy knew that this impact of Elizabeth's was one of the reasons he had first resisted the attraction to her.

But Darcy also knew that it was what made her perfect for him. Pemberley was too quiet, too somber and cold. Despite the fact that he himself was a large contributor of those qualities, Darcy had long felt this about his home. He treasured Pemberley but since his mother's death the estate had lost its feeling of home in many ways. Georgiana was a warm, affectionate child but too similar to his own personality to change the atmosphere of the estate.

To maintain a composed mien Darcy was pretending to drink his tea and look out the window but he could not help but be extremely aware of Elizabeth seated just next to him. And so, when he saw her finish her tea, Darcy wordlessly set his own aside and took her empty cup and saucer from her. She looked up at him in surprise, but he simply stood and walked over to the tea table. Typically, it was the hostess's job to refill cups and offer treats, but Miss Bingley had little interest in the Miss Bennets and Darcy enjoyed the opportunity to take care of Elizabeth even in a such small way as this. He had long ago taken note of how she preferred her tea and so confidently added both cream and sugar to the brew and then paused to consider the assorted treats and hors d'oeuvres. Like most women of his acquaintance Darcy knew Elizabeth preferred sweet treats but which one? With her first cup she had chosen a tea biscuit, but he hadn't noticed any particular relish with its consumption. He picked out a pretty little lemon tart and returned to Elizabeth's side.

As he passed Miss Bingley's seat, he saw her looking at Elizabeth's cup and saucer in his hand with apparent frustration. Darcy internally smirked, he knew it must gall her when he was affectionate towards Elizabeth. After all the years he had known Miss Bingley and had never once shown her any attention despite her many attempts to draw it Darcy knew that she was furious him court a woman she disliked. When he and Elizabeth had entered the room and Miss Bingley had seen the lovely blush on Elizabeth's cheeks, her own had flushed but with anger instead of joy. That she had not said anything about it was a mercy, but Darcy supposed she didn't want to give credence to their relationship. After all, she had yet to actually mention the courtship in his hearing. Darcy wondered how long she could continue pretending it didn't exist.

Darcy found that Elizabeth's smile of thanks and apparent enjoyment of her tart was immensely fulfilling and looked forward to many other little ways he could serve his Elizabeth. _His Elizabeth_ she was or at least, very soon would be. At first Darcy had been hesitant about entering into a courtship as it had seemed to be an activity that contained all the things he was worst at. But, after putting his mind and will into the endeavor he found that like most things, he was actually quite good at it. The courtship had been going very well, Darcy thought. While there had certainly been some bumps in the road, Darcy felt that the affection between him and Elizabeth had been growing steadily. He wasn't sure if she was in love with him yet but he now no longer feared that she would never be so. Just a little more patience and he thought he could start looking at wedding dates.

Darcy's pleasant musings were interrupted by a servant coming in to inform them that Georgiana's carriage had been seen entering the drive. At this the entire party stood and made their way toward the front entry. Darcy wished he had could have greeted his sister alone or maybe just with Elizabeth but recognized that as the host and hostess, it was only right that the Bingley siblings come along and thus Jane Bennet as well so as not to abandon her. Thankfully everyone else stopped at the top of the stairs to wait for Georgiana so Darcy went alone to help her out of the carriage. As soon as the carriage stopped he eagerly opened the door and after helping Mrs. Annesley out, was able to see his sister's smiling face at last.

"Brother! I have missed you!"

Darcy leaned slightly into the carriage and said, "I've missed you too, pet. Are you feeling any better?" The note she had sent him had explained that she was feeling a little under the weather but by saying that it was a common malady and nothing to worry about, had hinted that it was simply her time of the month. This was, of course, not something they _ever_ spoke of but Darcy had been forced to know somewhat of the situation because several times a doctor had been called for her extreme pain. It was a situation that he hated because he felt helpless to do anything about it. The doctor had said that his mother had suffered from similar extreme symptoms during her monthlies.

His suspicion was confirmed when at his question Georgiana looked embarrassed. "Yes, though, I am somewhat tired."

"Well, after you greet everyone you can retire until dinnertime if you wish."

"I do not wish, I would much rather have fun with everyone. I will stay at least a little while and if I get too fatigued, I will rest in my rooms then."

He gave her his most encouraging smile and help her out of the carriage. After a brief hug he led his little sister up to the rest of the group. Bingley bowed and eagerly welcomed her to his home. Miss Bingley fawned, Miss Bennet smiled sweetly, and Elizabeth made Georgiana laugh with a quip about the road and then introduced her to Miss Mary. Soon they were all resettled in the sitting room. For a pleasant few moments, the group sit and spoke of Georgiana's journey their delight in seeing her again. When the topic turned to local news however Miss Bingley spoke to Elizabeth directly for the first time since greeting her.

"Pray, Miss Eliza, are not the shire Militia to soon be removed from Meryton? That will surely be a great loss to _your_ family."

Darcy froze. _Wickham. Dear God, don't let her bring up Wickham in Georgiana's hearing_! Before he could say anything however, he heard Elizabeth reply.

"One is always sad to see their friends leave but it cannot be called a loss for our family. More correctly, a loss for the society here in Meryton for as you have often pointed out, it is a small county village and society here has little variance."

Darcy was pleased to see the easy, disinterested manner of Elizabeth's reply as well as the content of it for it spoke of little personal interest.

"I should have thought one gentlemen's absence would cause you particular distress." Miss Bingley pushed.

"I cannot think what you mean." Elizabeth answered calmly but now her eyes snapped.

"I understood that certain ladies in the area found the society of Mr. Wickham oddly agreeable."

Georgiana's teacup clattered against her saucer and Darcy spun towards her, catching sight of her pale face and round eyes. Darcy immediately moved towards her. He looked back at Elizabeth to see her also looking at Georgiana, confusion written in her eyes but then she responded. "Lt. Wickham is liked by many in Meryton it's true. For he is amiable and sociable, as are many of the officers. As I said, the society here will be lessened when they leave."

Before Miss Bingley could say more her brother thankfully broke in, loudly proclaiming that he, in any case, would miss the society of Colonel Foster and the other officers he had often dined with. Darcy turned his attention back to his sister, who was still looking down and quite confused. "Georgiana, what can I do?"

"Brother, do not worry, it is only… only that I think you were right, and I ought to rest." She murmured in return.

"Of course, I will walk you to your room."

"You do not have to take the trouble, remain here and enjoy the conversation."

Darcy ignored this and, taking her cup and setting it aside, he helped her to her feet. He excused them from the group stating the journey as the cause for her desire to rest and then led her from the room. When they had walked a sufficient distance from the room Darcy leaned down and murmured. "I apologize, dear one."

"No, brother, it's alright. You warned me that he was in the area. It was always probable that someone would mention him. I was just startled and perhaps a little too tired."

"You know that Miss Bingley did not mean to make you uncomfortable, she knows nothing of- of our history with him, only that we are not on good terms. Though even that much information was enough that I thought she would not bring it up. I will insure she knows better after this."

"Oh, Fitzwilliam, please do not scold her, she didn't mean anything by it."

"She definitely did, though you were not the intended target of her comments it is true."

"What do you mean?" Asked Georgiana who had apparently been too confused to notice that Miss Bingley had been implying a connection between Elizabeth and that abhorrent man.

Just the insinuation set Darcy's teeth on edge and he certainly was not going to admit to Georgiana that Elizabeth had at one time seemed to care too much for the loathsome Wickham. "Worry not, dear sister. Just know that you are safe here. Bingley knows that- that _he_ is never to be invited or accepted here. And I will always be with you should you wish to go out. What is more, he will have to leave with the rest of the militia in but a few days. It is very unlikely that you should see or hear of him again."

Georgiana seemed reassured by this and he soon saw her into her rooms where he gave her a gentle hug and then left her in the care of her maid. He was frustrated that he couldn't do more but as was often the case with his young sister, did not know how to comfort her. Especially when it came to this subject. _Will that man's cursed shadow never leave us?_ He thought to himself as he walked back down the hallway. As he reached the stairs, he looked down to see Elizabeth hesitating at the bottom.

The sight of her filled him with conflicting relief, frustration and delight. Seeing her was always a delight and her obvious concern was encouraging but he did not want to speak of Wickham at all and certainly not to her. He had seen last fall that she had liked the foul man and in truth had been so furious at her lack of discernment that it had given him the strength he had needed at the time to leave Hertfordshire. Since then, however, she had never mentioned him, and Darcy was more than willing for the name to never pass his lips again.

He met her at the bottom of the stairs and Elizabeth said anxiously, "I thought Miss Darcy looked uncomfortable. I wished to offer my assistance or comfort but then… was unsure that I would not be intruding."

"I am pleased to see your concern for Georgiana. She is well, only wished to rest."

"Mr. Darcy, I-" Elizabeth looked troubled and hesitant but then continued. "I thought I saw that the mention of Lt. Wickham had caused Miss Darcy some discomfort. I admit to being very confused. Lt. Wickham told me that- that they had once been close."

Darcy's blood turned to ice in his veins. Whatever other lies Wickham had told around Meryton Darcy had been sure that he would never speak about the incident with Georgiana. Quickly he grabbed Elizabeth's wrist and pulled her into a side room. It was the billiard room again and his stomach churned to think of the difference in his mood now and what it had been but a half hour ago in this very place. "What. Did. he say." Darcy said through gritted teeth.

Elizabeth looked very startled and said, "Very little! Only that- that he had watched her grow up and had often played with her. That she had been a sweet child. I- I just thought that while they may not be close anymore, her reaction was strange."

Relief almost made him slump into the nearest chair, but he only stepped back a little. "While it is true that he knew her as a child, that was long ago. Please do not ever mention him in her presence again. No matter how 'amicable and sociable' he is in the minds of _some_ people, it is an unpleasant topic for her."

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed at his comment and answered, "The whole of Meryton thinks this of him. If you wish counter it, you are more than welcome to."

"I need not answer to anything that man has said. Why do _you_ take such an interest in his affairs?"

Elizabeth pulled back even more, and he saw her fists clench, "He has only ever been friendly and kind to me. I need not defend my friendships to you! But on this subject, what can you have to say? In what imaginary act of friendship can you defend yourself?"

"Defend myself? _I_ must defend myself on _his_ account?" Darcy exclaimed loudly. Quickly he paced away and then furiously walked up and down the room twice. His head spinning with anger and frustration. How had this conversation gone so terribly wrong? How could she accuse him? She who had only a short while ago flirted with him and allowed him to kiss her? He eyed her, still standing in front of the door, still with fists clenched and with her jaw set stubbornly. The sight only made him angrier, why did she not trust him? Who was she to challenge him? She knew nothing of situation but saw him as the enemy!

Just then there was a soft knock on the door. Both Elizabeth and Darcy gave a little startle. "Lizzy, are you in here? I am just letting you know that we are all going to walk out to the gardens," came Jane's gentle voice.

"Yes, Jane, I am coming," Elizabeth said and turned to open the door.

Darcy leapt over and grasped her wrist again, calling through the door, "Please, Miss Bennet give us just one moment."

"Of course. Don't be too long Lizzy."

"Yes, Jane, I will join you in a moment," Elizabeth said calmly but she yanked at her wrist and glared at him. Jane murmured her assent and then they heard her footsteps move away. Elizabeth pulled on her wrist again and Darcy realized he was squeezing it way too tightly. He dropped it quickly.

"I- I apologize. I did not hurt you, did I?"

She rubbed her wrist but shook her head. Then they both hesitated. The interruption had cleared his head somewhat and now he desperately wanted to leave the conversation and never return to it. He hated that they were arguing but didn't know how to resolve it. "Elizabeth. I apologize for losing my temper just now. I am afraid that this is a subject on which I cannot remain calm. Your sister is waiting for us and my control is such that I dare not speak more but to apologize for my manner. Someday I will tell you all, but for the present just do not speak of him to Georgiana and do not interact with him if you can help it."

Elizabeth's ire remained in her expression as she studied him for a long moment. Her jaw worked but she said nothing until finally, glancing away she murmured. "I accept your apology."

Her words did not seem entirely sincere, but Darcy still too upset himself to comfort her further. He opened the door and bowed to her, "Come, Miss Elizabeth, let us join your sister and our friends and think no more on this, I beg you."

Elizabeth followed him silently and they soon joined the others in Netherfield formal gardens. Elizabeth immediately left his side to walk with Jane, her manner making it very clear that she wished for some distance from him. He could not help but comply. How had the mood changed so drastically, so quickly? He too wanted some distance for himself and wished he could go riding or at least shut himself in his rooms to think better but at the same time he did not wish to let her out of his sight. He did not wish to part from her while still angry, fearing what it would do to their relationship. Darcy followed the group for some time, watching Elizabeth but staying back. She was smiling and laughing with the group, but Darcy knew her well enough now to see the tightness in her posture that spoke of hidden anger.

"I apologize, Mr. Darcy, if my comments in the sitting room offended you. They were not meant to. I was only speaking of town gossip and quite forgot that you were on bad terms with that officer," said Miss Bingley, slowing to walk next to him.

Darcy appreciated her apology. Though he knew that her comments had been meant to make Elizabeth uncomfortable, he had also known that she could not have known how upsetting they would be to Georgiana. Miss Bingley knew only that there was some history there and had never asked anything more about it, trusting that whatever had happened he, Darcy, had been in the right. He could not help but appreciate her loyalty. If not that her target had been Elizabeth, Darcy could have easily forgiven her.

"I know that you meant no offence to me, Miss Bingley. However, I hope that now you realize that this subject is better off never spoken of again."

Miss Bingley nodded eagerly and said, "Indeed, Mr. Darcy. You need never worry about _my_ lips ever saying that name again. I couldn't have less interest in the subject. I cannot promise that you will never hear it again though as I know that there are some people who have less perfect judgement on the matter." And then she pointedly looked at Elizabeth.

"I must remind you, that it was not Miss Elizabeth who brought up the subject."

"Of course, and again, I apologize for my part in that conversation. Come, let us speak of happier things, have you heard from your Uncle the Earl recently?"

Before he could respond he saw Elizabeth look back and him and then, noticing Miss Bingley, saw her expression darken. This was one misunderstanding that they did not need. Darcy knew how Miss Bingley saw him and knew that Elizabeth was aware as well. What he did not need after an argument with Elizabeth was to be seen walking with her rival. Abruptly, Darcy gave Miss Bingley a short bow and quickened his steps, catching up to Elizabeth. He still couldn't bring himself to make idle conversation, but he hoped to make his loyalties clear and so just walked quietly next to her. Elizabeth did not acknowledge his change in position at first, instead continuing her conversation with Jane on the plants around them. But after another few moments the path started to get narrower and just when he about to fall behind, Elizabeth suddenly took his arm.

"I'm sorry, Jane, for I fear I have been monopolizing your time! Indeed, I have been getting many a glance from my future brother."

"Not at all, Lizzy, but now as the path is awkward for the three of us, I will join Charles if you do not mind very much."

Elizabeth laughed and waved her sister toward Bingley who had originally been walking with his sister and Miss Mary but after his sister had abandoned him, he had slowed, awkwardly trying to join the conversation with Jane and Elizabeth by talking over his shoulder.

Miss Bingley, apparently frustrated and disinterested in speaking with any in the group, announced herself tired and returned to the house.

A few more moments passed, neither Darcy or Elizabeth spoke but he was grateful she had taken his arm. The feeling of her little hand resting the crook on his arm was comforting to his ruffled emotions. Eventually she did make some small comment to him about a certain flower. He answered and then they were quiet again. Another moment and then he happened to catch sight of a hawk in the distance and pointed it out to her. She smiled and told him of a hunting hawk she had once met. Slowly, conversation between them grew easier.

It was still some time before he felt that all traces of their argument had completely disappeared. But eventually they both became easy once more and he felt that they were, both of them, forgiving the other. After walking sometime with Bingley, Miss Bennet and Miss Mary, they finally returned to the house. They played some cards and then it was time for dinner. Georgiana rejoined them and by the time they sat down to dinner it was a merry party once more.

The argument did stay in the back of Darcy's thoughts, but he was grateful that they had been able to move past it and tried to act as if nothing had gone wrong. It seemed that Elizabeth felt the same and so they were able to enjoy each other's company the rest of the evening. By time Bennet sisters had had to depart, Darcy had felt free and easy to kiss her hand in farewell.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

The next three days passed quickly with little of significance but that of the everyday kind. Elizabeth had never again brought up their argument or the subject of it for which he was grateful, and he now considered it quite in the past.

His mornings were spent calling on Elizabeth and accompanying her back to Netherfield with Miss Mary for their piano lessons with Signore Russo and Georgiana. He was sent away for these lessons but usually got a few minutes with her afterwards before she returned to Longbourn for tea. The afternoons he spent with the Bingleys, responding to his letters and helping with estate matters. One afternoon they spent with the neighborhood gentlemen fox hunting.

The previous evening it had rained heavily but Friday morning broke bright and clear. Fitzwilliam knew that if he went out riding it would be wet and muddy but could not resist the opportunity for some exercise after having been cooped up for nearly three whole days.

Ignoring the somewhat worried glances of the groomsmen, Darcy had Maximus saddled quickly and was soon riding away from Netherfield. He had no particular destination in mind but found himself heading toward Longbourn. He knew he could not visit that estate as it was only just after dawn and he would not be fit for polite company after riding in the mud, but he found he just wanted to be near where Elizabeth was. He had surprised himself with how much he had missed her. It seemed that each time they were apart it became harder for him to accept the separation. He had often thought over the last few days how grateful he was that the courtship had been going well for he no longer knew how to be separate from her. It seemed that everything had some connection with her now in his mind.

 _It will not be long now until I can propose!_ He thought, _perhaps we can than be in Pemberley in time for the Harvest._

He rode for a while more just enjoying the fresh spring day and exercise. He was skirting along the fence bordering the two estates, when he spotted a figure leaning against the gate. He knew immediately that it was Elizabeth and felt a thrill of excitement. She seemed to notice him at the same time and raised her hand in greeting. Quickly he approached and sliding from Maximus made his bow.

"Miss Elizabeth, I am very pleased to see you. What a wonderful coincidence!"

She dipped her curtsy quickly then looked up with a mischievous grin. "Then I am to believe this meeting a random happenstance? You, riding along my family's property at a time when you know I like to walk?"

"While the possibility of seeing you had occurred to me, I had thought it a wishful fantasy." Darcy rebutted honestly. "Besides, if there was some calculation done there must be some fault on both sides, were you not leaning against the Netherfield fence staring out towards where you thought I might be?"

Elizabeth's already pink cheeks darkened even more, and she tossed her head. "Certainly not! There was a… bird I was watching that happened to fly over the fence." This was said with a teasing smile that made it obvious the she had no expectation of being believed.

Darcy decided to be gallant instead of pushing her more and nodded seriously. "There are some lovely birds in these woods."

Their smiled at each other for a moment and Darcy could not help the rush of feelings that the sight of her lovely face brought him. He felt his smile disappear along with his light mood and knew that he was looking at her too intensely but couldn't look away. As the atmosphere shifted, her smile faded away as well. He didn't mind, her serious dark eyes were so beautiful they seemed to pierce his heart. Slowly he let himself truly look at her as polite company rarely allowed. She seemed so slight and small when he stood this close, her dark curly head not even reaching his shoulder. Unhurriedly he let his gaze travel down her body, not so slow as to be lecherous but measured and appreciative. When he looked back up he realized that instead of looking embarrassed, Elizabeth was doing the same to him. His gaze fell to her lips and he wondered if he could steal another kiss. Their eyes caught again, and he found that she was so lovely he could not stop himself from stepping closer to steal a kiss.

Unfortunately, his movement seemed break the tiny spell they'd woven together and with a small start, she stepped away from the fence and gave a slight laugh, "My family must be waiting at the breakfast table, wondering where I've gotten too! I shouldn't make them worry. Forgive me, but I must take your leave." Then with a bobbed curtsy she all but ran back into the Longbourn forest.

Elizabeth was hurrying back to Longbourn when she realized that she was quite out of breath. She hadn't been running, but her chest heaved all the same. Deciding not to examine the reasons for that (or the glorious image that still danced before her eyes of a beautiful man, haloed by morning sun, smiling down on her) Elizabeth slowed to a walk. She was happy that she had been able to see him. The mood had suddenly gotten intense being unsure how to handle it she had quickly left but she smiled to remember the meeting.

Their argument Monday came to her mind again and her smile faded. While she had not brought up the subject again it had bothered her much the last few days. Not the argument itself, no, that concerned her little. For couples, indeed all relationships will quarrel at times and tempers cannot be perfect. Even in this case, though emotions had flared hotly and at one time he had grabbed her hand a little tightly, Elizabeth thought it had not been so bad. He had neither shouted or threatened, she had not lost her temper and they had made up quite nicely. No, in reference to their relationship the disagreement troubled her little.

What did, however worry her, was the content of the quarrel. On her way to Netherfield that day she had been confused and almost doubting Mr. Wickham's story. It had seemed so wrong in relation to what she then knew of Mr. Darcy and Georgiana. But now, now she realized that while she liked the Darcys and knew them to be generally good she had no real reason for distrusting the specific information that Lt. Wickham had given her. Indeed, everything that had happened that afternoon had only seemed to enforce it. At the mention of Lt. Wickham, Miss Darcy had started and then looked distinctly guilty. And then Mr. Darcy, for all his 'righteous' anger and jealousy, had not answered her questions. He had given no defense nor even seemed to think he ought. He seemed to think that she should take accept his judgment without question or information.

On the other side, Lt. Wickham had freely, openly given her every detail and explained all perspectives. In the Darcys she had only seen anger and guilt; in Wickham only sad acceptance. It tore at her that she was beginning to have feelings for the man who had ruined another man's future in such a way. Yet that was true as well, she was falling for Mr. Darcy and knowing that he had done something so very wrong in the past did not much change her emotions.

She could only hope that she could somehow help Mr. Wickham someday. And perhaps be a voice of reason and kindness in any future issues. Though how she would do that if he refused to confide in her, she didn't know. Maybe there was hope there though, for he had confided in her before and maybe if it wasn't in connection to a man that he was jealous of, he would continue to do so.

Elizabeth soon arrived back at Longbourn and went in to breakfast. Her morning repast was filled with the usual chatter and insignificant family drama. Elizabeth remained lost in her own thoughts for the most part but when a plan was discussed to make calls early and be back in time for the presumed visit from the suitors, Elizabeth proclaimed her intention to accompany them for the calls. She had remembered her determination from before to not let Mr. Darcy's presence in her life overwhelm every other aspect of it. Making the neighborhood calls were just the thing to reestablish other thoughts and concerns in her mind.

And so, breakfast and preparation completed, four Bennet women left Longbourn with much bustle and vigor. Lydia and Mary had remained behind, the former was 'under the weather' with her monthlies and the latter used the excuse of caring for her youngest sister as an excuse to get out of one of her most hated activities. Lydia had bemoaned loudly being left behind but her mother had insisted that she rest. Elizabeth was pleased to notice that without Lydia's boisterousness to boost her own, Mrs. Bennet was slightly more restrained than was often the case. Kitty also seemed to be benefiting from the situation as it meant that she didn't have to compete for attention quite as hard. And thus, it was an elegant and happy party that was visited their neighbors.

Their first visit was with Mrs. Chapman, a delightful elderly lady who had been very active member of the community until age had degenerated her health and energy. Her daughter (now Mrs. Lewis) had been Mrs. Bennet's very good friend until marriage had necessitated her moving to a different county. Now Mrs. Bennet always included the elderly Mrs. Chapman in her social visits to catch up on the news of her friend and because of the very eager ear that she found in that company for any town 'news'. Elizabeth's presence on the call was of much interest to Mrs. Chapman, as she had been gone so long and then returned so dramatically with a beau. Elizabeth was so interesting in fact, that she continued to steer the conversation back to questions for Elizabeth, much to Mrs. Bennet's frustrations. Elizabeth was glad of it though. Despite the health restrictions that had kept the woman out of most town events she was still a strong influence in the town, and she was fond of Elizabeth. So, with some carefully worded stories and strategically timed blushes, Elizabeth thought she had defended the courtship of her and Mr. Darcy quite well. Though perhaps the visit had somewhat invalidated her reasons for wanting to make it, namely, thinking of things other than Mr. Darcy!

As they left Mrs. Bennet gave an Elizabeth an annoyed side-eye and then sighed. "Well, this is probably a good thing. Though I wish she would have let me tell her all about the courtship as I would have provided ever so many more details! But still, it is good to get it from 'the horse's mouth' if you will! I think you gave a good impression and I'm glad of it. Ever since you've returned, I've been singing Mr. Darcy's praises, but I don't know… some people-" Then she broke off and awkwardly gave Elizabeth a pat on her shoulder. "Don't you worry though, it's a very good match, and they are all just green with envy!"

Elizabeth winced to imagine the extreme and vocal change in how her mother spoke of Mr. Darcy. Yet mostly she was glad to know that at the very least her mother was aware of the difficulty she and Mr. Darcy faced in the community and was trying to help. She smiled back and took her mother's arm.

Their next call was with the Moore family. The Moores were nice people, if a bit quiet for Bennet taste. Visits with them often resulted in conversational gaps and awkward silences. Especially for the last few years since Evelyn had gotten married and was thus usually absent. Evelyn Pearce nee Moore had been one of Elizabeth's closest friends when they were teens, for they were of the same age and had much in common. But then at age eighteen Evelyn had married and while they still got along well, they started to have less and less in common. Another aspect of the decrease in intimacy was the unspoken discouragement society had for the closeness of married and unmarried ladies. Over these last three years Elizabeth had found she had more and more in common with Charlotte and other 'old maids' a fact that she had noticed and had contributed her former belief that she would never marry. It was with unexpected joy and excitement that Elizabeth realized she might be able to rebuild the intimacy from before now that she was, while not married, at least in a relationship.

So, it was with renewed excitement that she asked after her friend and found that Evelyn coincidently would be visiting the day after next and staying with her family for a few days in celebration of her father's birthday. This was the only topic of interest to Elizabeth on that visit, though she remained polite. Mrs. Moore was of quiet disposition, and rarely shared much of her own thoughts and regrettably, at least in terms of engaging conversation, Evelyn had been her only daughter. She had had two sons, one much older and already married and the last born, Stephen. Stephen Moore had just turned sixteen and worshiped the ground Kitty walked on. Unfortunately for the poor lad, he had never had the courage to actually talk to Kitty nor was he handsome enough to turn her head. So, it was with some of her father's humor that Elizabeth found amusement in watching her mother make forced, obligatory attempts at conversation and poor Stephen stare mutely at Kitty. It was a testament to Kitty's total devotion to handsome officers that a boy her age staring at her from three feet away went entirely unnoticed. This visit was rather short but thankfully painless as Jane was her usual, charming and considerate self and had kept the conversation pleasant.

Hoping to get back in plenty of time for their expected male callers, the Bennet women decided to visit only one other home. Mrs. Phillips, could not, of course be overlooked. Mrs. Phillips and the Bennet Matriarch were inseparable, the sisters were lifelong friends with a bond that marriage, children and time had only strengthened. While Elizabeth hoped for a similar future for her and Jane the relationship between her mother and her aunt often frustrated her. While Elizabeth felt that the relationship she had with Jane brought out the best aspects of both their characters, her mother and aunt seemed to bring out the most embarrassing aspects each other. Still, what could she do? Dutifully she accompanied her mother and sisters into her aunt's home.

The Phillip home was often a hub of social activity and as this was common calling hour, the morning room did not disappoint with several of the town's ladies already sipping tea and chatting around the room. Elizabeth was immediately hailed by several ladies including her aunt to tell everyone about her beau and how it had come to be. Though they had doubtless already heard countless retellings from Mrs. Bennet, Elizabeth was glad of the opportunity to put it in her own words.

However, she had only given the most basic of answers before new guests arrived. Five of the militia officers squeezed into the room, their number including Mr. Denny and Lt. Wickham. The sitting room was quite large for an attorney's home, but it was still crowded with over a dozen people in it. A couple of women left reluctantly, and everyone resettled themselves, thus for a few moments Elizabeth was happily forgotten by the conversation at large. She had been speaking quietly to Ms. Fairweather, a long-time acquaintance, when suddenly her aunt's voice rose above the general murmur to call. "Elizabeth, you haven't finished telling us! How did it all happen! How did you finally win over Mr. 'Unimpressed' Darcy?"

There were titters all around the room and Elizabeth had to fight not to blush. She knew her aunt really didn't mean _her_ any harm and the comment was meant to disparage Mr. Darcy's manners but the reality was that it sounded like an innuendo of impropriety. She did her best to chuckle causally and answered, "Nothing could simpler aunt. While I was Kent, we were often in company with his aunt and my cousin, the social circle I was introduced to was small and we were forced into a closer acquaintance then before. As we conversed, we found that we had more in common than we had originally thought!"

This explanation was maybe a slight stretch of the truth, as their time in Kent had been tense and indeed often combative, but it was closer to the truth than what they were imagining and the presence of his aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourg, and her cousin, a clergyman, lent a certainty of moral propriety to the entire affair.

"More in common? What could you have in common with that man?" Her aunt asked to the interest of the rest of the room.

"Why, a love of reading of course!" Elizabeth laughed and allowed a bit of affectionate tone to enter her voice as she related the story of how they had spoken of many books and he had even helped defend her position in conversation a time or two. The mood in the room did soften a bit but still one commented, not unkindly, "Still, a love of reading is not enough to base a marriage on."

"That's true, of course, but it was a tipping point for us. Our dispositions are very different, that's undeniable. But in actuality they are not in conflict with each other but rather complimentary. Also, we share many views and values in common."

"When's the wedding date again?" called one of the officers in a teasing tone and room laughed again.

For the first time Elizabeth's response stuttered. She had mentally prepared herself to be questioned, rudely and publicly, about the beginning and present state of their relationship and had decided a calm and loyal response was best. But now found herself stuck, she had not actually made the decision to marry him, he hadn't even proposed, so she could not publicly admit to considering it. But also, any amount of uncertainty now could look like a withdrawal of her previous comments. Hindering her response further were all the eyes staring at her. Elizabeth was not shy but still being stared at by a room of people ready to think ill of you is a test for any will. "I- We have not-"

"Come now, it could not be before the Bingley wedding at any rate! We will get the details from her then. How are the preparations going, Miss Bennet?" called Lt. Wickham in a jovial manner.

The conversation, and attention, turned to the blushing bride-to-be and Elizabeth released a sigh of relief. She smiled thankfully at Lt. Wickham and he gave a half nod, half bow of gallant comradery. The next twenty minutes passed quickly, with only a few more awkward questions directed at Elizabeth. When the polite calling time was up Elizabeth quietly tried to suggest they leave. Mrs. Bennet tried to resist at first, then, remembering their expected guests called her farewells to everyone, stating loudly that she had to attend to her 'sons-in-law'. There were a few teasing remarks made about them rushing back to 'their' men, but Elizabeth and Jane exited mostly unscathed.

Scarcely a moment had passed after the Bennet women had quit the Phillips home, when Lt. Wickham and Officer Shaw caught up with them. Gallantly they offered to walk the women home. Mr. Darcy had asked her to avoid him, but Elizabeth could hardly cut off her friendship. It would be rude, cause even more gossip about her and be a betrayal of the friendship that she had with him. Besides, with linked with Jane's and in company with three others, she and Lt. Wickham could not seem as if they were walking 'together'. What followed was very pleasant twenty minutes or so as they ambled up the country road. Jane had never gotten close to Lt. Wickham and so with her in the conversation he kept it light and free of any personal discussions. At Elizabeth's urging the men turned back when the Longbourn road began and all wished each other well with happy, friendly manners.

Elizabeth found it difficult to restrain herself from hurrying her pace. She was eager to get home and hopefully see Mr. Darcy. Her morning's activities had not helped much in getting her mind off him and she found she missed him despite seeing him only a few hours before.

Mr. Darcy arrived late to the Bennet household despite his eagerness to see Elizabeth. His early morning moment with her had fueled his desire to see her rather than satisfied it. Indeed, it had taken all his will not to give chase to her when, blushing and smiling, she had raced off into the forest. The only thing that had kept him from leaping the fence and catching her up was the fear of what he might do in such an unguarded moment.

Thus, he had returned to Netherfield with every intention of hurrying through breakfast and rushing back to Longbourn as quickly as custom would allow calls. However, every other person involved seemed to be resolved on moving at a snail's pace. Everyone moved at a crawl, seeming to be still asleep. Even Bingley, for all his usual energy was not what one would call a 'morning person'. Despite his frustration, Darcy had maintained his calm demeanor as it would not do to rush his hosts for no other reason than his irrational desire to chase after Elizabeth.

At long, _long_ last breakfast had been completed and Charles had been ready to leave when they had received a visitor themselves. Sir William Lucas and his son Fredrick Lucas were returning Bingley's call that he had made to them the week previously. Normally Darcy would have excused himself on 'estate matters' for nothing Sir Lucas had ever said had interested him in the slightest. However, Elizabeth's comments on how the local society was viewing him and thus _them_ , still rang in his thoughts.

It was in consideration for her and her reputation alone that kept him in his seat for the full half hour that the call had lasted. For the most part it was as insipid and fawning as he had expected from the pair. Sir Lucas was so very, very sorry that it had taken so long to return the call, claiming the weather to be the cause of his rudeness. Apologizing _once_ for the weather (of all things), would have been overly fastidious but that it was the main topic of conversation for over five minutes taxed Darcy's already thin patience for the discussion. Mr. Lucas wondered when they could form a shooting party together and asked after the state of game in Netherfield. While he had not gone shooting since his return to Netherfield, Darcy was able to make a comment or two on the subject as he had been out riding often.

Darcy's purpose in remaining for the call was finally fulfilled when Sir Lucas, seeming to gather some courage asked jovially. "I hear it is not only to Mr. Bingley that I owe congratulations, Mr. Darcy! Though perhaps not the same ones as I gave to him as you are only courting as of yet! Still, it is a fine thing, for she is a very great beauty! And such a delightful girl! I always thought the two of you looked very fine together, though there seemed to be a time that you did not think as such...?"

Darcy had nodded and tried to don a pleasant expression, "It has come to my attention that I did, unintentionally, give that impression. In truth I did admire her, but having had, at that time, not decided to pursue that attraction I did not wish to cause unfounded expectations."

"Then you had liked her all along, had you?"

"Yes, indeed. Who could not?" He had answered bravely.

"Truly?" Mr. Lucas had laughed, "If that's how you look at and talk to someone you admire, I'd hate to see how it is with someone you dislike."

Darcy had not known know what to say. Thankfully Bingley had jumped in and had helped him, casually and pleasantly move the conversation on from there. When the call had finally ended and their guests had left. Darcy had not had to push his friend to hurry, they had almost raced each other to the stables. Laughing at each other and themselves they had made their way to Longbourn.

Sadly, all their hopes and excitement were to be disappointed. When they arrived, they were told all but two of the Bennet girls had gone to make calls. Sadly, it was not the two that had they had suddenly imagined it was. Rather, Miss Lydia and Miss Mary, both of whom were not taking calls in any case. Upon receiving this information, they asked after Mr. Bennet in the hopes of waiting with him. Their hopes were satisfied, and they were led into Mr. Bennet's study where the man was obviously not overly glad to see them but offered them a beverage nonetheless.

After making the required pleasantries Mr. Bennet returned his book that he had been holding since they had entered. Bingley tried a couple of times to reengage him in conversation, but Mr. Bennet returned only a few dry, disinterested responses and offered them the use of any book in his study to entertain themselves with. Darcy was only too glad to take his offer and selected volume on farming theory. He had only finished the introduction however when Bingley, apparently unable to find a book to his liking, sat next to Darcy and said restlessly. "I hope my Jane returns quickly, I was going to ask her opinion on inviting my second cousin to the wedding. You've met Peter, before haven't you Darcy? What is your opinion?"

Darcy considered for a moment. He did remember Peter Thorsby, a nice fellow who had once joined them for an afternoon of hunting and then an evening's entertainment at the opera. However, despite the man's pleasantness, he was still in trade. Thus, Darcy knew what Miss Bingley's opinion had been, that it must be better to distance themselves as quickly as they could from the 'scent of trade'. For himself Darcy had to agree that it would be smart to do so, in a larger social sense. However, this was not just a social event but the wedding of Charles Bingley and Jane Bennet. Darcy knew it would sadden his friend to leave out his relative and friend and that Jane would certainly disagree with such an exclusion. Darcy also knew that a certain association with some members of the trade industry was inevitable, as he had heard Jane's relatives would be attending.

"Invite your cousin, Bingley, if it is your wish. It will have little impact on anything but your own happiness." Darcy assured his friend.

This was obviously the answer Bingley had hoped for and with a smile, slapped his own thigh. "that's what I thought! Caroline was so sure that it would be a disaster!"

"Your sister is worried, I think, of her own marriage prospects and rightfully so. However, in this case, I believe she is being overly fastidious."

Bingley's expression crumbled into worry, "Yes, I can see why she would be. I had hoped with the announcement of your courtship-" Bingley flushed and glanced at Mr. Bennet, who while still looking at his book seemed to be listening to them, "Well, I had hoped that she would be interested in the season this year. I had thought she would return to London as soon as the wedding is completed but last evening she mentioned staying through the summer!"

The barely concealed horror that washed over Bingley's face at the thought of spending his first few months married while living with his unmarried sister was comical. Darcy withheld his reaction but heard a quiet chuckle coming from Mr. Bennet. He glanced in that direction and saw Mr. Bennet still looking at his book but now wearing a smirk.

Darcy felt awkward. Though of course Bingley knew full well that Bennet was in the room and was apparently willing to be this open with his future father-in-law, Darcy was not. He did not like Mr. Bennet, did not like talking of personal subjects or the feeling of being on display. Sighing he replied, "Not to worry, Bingley, I'm sure that she will not be so long entertained here when all the pleasures of London are awaiting her."

The reminder of how much Ms. Bingley liked London seemed to comfort his friend and Bingley sprang up from his chair to the window, looking out with hopeful expression. He could not actually see the road from this window, but it seemed to give him comfort to simply see the world she was in. "I hope Jane is back soon, for I have ever so many things to talk of with her. Though, of course… I don't wish to hurry her in any way. I hope she has a very pleasant morning, calling on all her friends!"

Darcy wanted to point out the flaw in this statement but being similarly caught between his selfish desire to see Elizabeth quickly and the tender desire to not deny her of any pleasure, he kept his peace.

"I shouldn't suppose they shall be much longer out," commented Mr. Bennet, "I believe I heard mention of them visiting Mrs. Bennet's sister. That of course will be a significant visit for I'm sure that there will be much to speak of _there_. But the only other name I picked up out of the chatter was the Moore family. That probably will not be a visit of long duration, unless of course their older children are visiting."

Darcy caught a hint of an expression or perhaps a tone that he felt was a tease but wasn't sure were the humor in the comment was coming from and so made no reply.

Bingley was not so suspicious and so replied, "Oh yes? Are any of your family very close to the older Moore children?"

"Well, Elizabeth was very close to their daughter Evelyn. Those girls got on like nothing else when they were young! And of course, there is their oldest son, John. He and Jane, well… they used to be _quite_ good friends as well." Mr. Bennet said with a sparkle in his eye.

Bingley, who had been leaning against the windowsill, stood up abruptly. "I hadn't heard- that is, I mean… good friends, you say?"

"Oh yes, quite good." Bennet answered with the calm, affectionate tone of a father reminiscing about his child's past. "I hope, if he is there, they get a chance to catch up, maybe he will walk her home as he used to do so often."

Bingley looked so extremely startled and tense that Darcy decided to rescue him. Despite believing he was playing into Mr. Bennet's design to be rid of them, he stood and said, "If you believe Mr. Bennet, that they are likely on their way home by now, how about we go to meet them Bingley? Tis a pleasant morning after all."

"Indeed, it is! that sounds most pleasant!" Bingley said and bowing to Mr. Bennet, quickly made his way to the door.

"Yes, yes, have a nice walk." Said Mr. Bennet, waving them off, then called out, as if with an afterthought, "and if you see a heart with a couple of Js in it carved into the large oak by the stables, don't concern yourself, it was merely childhood silliness."

Darcy stopped in the doorway and sent Mr. Bennet a disapproving look, but the man only laughed and went back to his book. Quickly gathering his hat and coat, he quickened his steps to catch up with his friend. He found him near the stables, checking trees.

He sighed, "Come now, Bingley, you know he was only teasing you."

"Probably yes, however, it is doubtless that he was also telling the truth!" He retorted in frustrated tones. He made a complete circle around the tree he was inspecting and then hurried to the next "She's an angel, Darcy, an actual angel! You think I would be the first to notice?"

Darcy shook his head as Bingley finished inspecting that tree and ran to another. As he circled it, Bingley said. "Remember the story Mrs. Bennet told us of the sonnets that Jane had received when she was but fifteen! Seven year have passed since then, there must have been all manner of men who-" Bingley suddenly stopped and stared at a part of the tree that Darcy couldn't see. Bingley's face was flushed with emotion when he called, "have you a knife on you, Darcy?"

Darcy did not, but there was one in his saddle bag. He called for a stable boy to bring it and after receiving it, brought the knife to his friend. When he made the delivery, he could see what Bingley had seen, there was indeed an old carving of a heart with two Js in the center. As he watched his friend aggressively scratch out the old lines, Darcy knew that much as it galled him to admit it, if their roles were reversed, he would be doing the same. The idea of Elizabeth's name paired with another man's in such a way would rob him of reasonable thought. Especially if it had been- No, no, he would not let his mind go there. In any case, it amazed him that Mr. Bennet had let such a carving remain when it could have been seen as scandalous by many in society. _How very like Mr. Bennet_ , thought Darcy, _to make a joke of it when he should have done something to protect his daughter from gossip_.

As soon as the shape and letters were scratched beyond recognition, Bingley jumped back with a satisfied look. Having vented his jealousy on the unfortunate tree, he was already back to his usual good cheer. "Come Darcy, let us see if we can stumble upon the ladies!"

With cheerful comradery the two friends made their way down the Longbourn road. Darcy letting Bingley chat away happily of this or that until, rounding a bend they saw the four ladies coming toward them. As the two groups neared each other, Mrs. Bennet threw up her hand and waved at them enthusiastically. "Oh, what nice manners these are! Aren't they, my girls? It's such a nice compliment to both of you!"

The men and women met, and the correct bows and curtsies made, reformed as one party. Darcy smiled down at Elizabeth who beamed back. Mrs. Bennet was chattering on, but Darcy barely noticed, all he could see was Elizabeth. She looked happy, flushed from her morning exercise and exquisitely beautiful. He offered his arm and she took it without hesitation. Before he could ask after her morning however, he heard Mrs. Bennet exclaim, "It would be very pleasant I am sure, to stroll along with you at such a sedate pace! However, I am very much pressed for time as Mr. Bennet and indeed, Longbourn cannot be long without me! I am so very busy all the time, despite how hard those pressures are on my nerves! Yet, I would not hurry you forward on my account. Certainly not! So, I will hurry home on my own, Kitty come with me, dear I need your help with something! And you all have a nice stroll. Don't worry if it takes some time, Jane dear, Lizzy, have you shown the men the view from the south field? I assure you gentlemen, its very nice! It's a bit far but definitely worth the walk!" and with this she hurried ahead with a giggling Miss Kitty chasing after.

Darcy found himself perfectly happy to forgive Mrs. Bennet's lack of tact. He glanced down at Elizabeth who was blushing but laughed when he caught her eye. "What say you, Mr. Darcy, are you suddenly, _overwhelmingly_ curious of the view from our south field?" she asked saucily.

"I must admit that I am. How strange," he returned dryly and she giggled.

He glanced back at Bingley only to see him all but pulling Miss Bennet toward the nearest tree, knife in hand once more. Darcy couldn't hold back a chuckle. He had thought it all over with the destruction of the first heart but now he suspected it would soon be replaced. "What are they about? Mr. Darcy, why does he have a knife?" Elizabeth asked somewhat alarmed.

Gently he tugged her away and down the road. "Worry not, I believe I know his intention. The only one at risk is a tree." She allowed herself to be led away and Darcy told her about the revelation and consequential destruction of the heart near the stables. She laughed heartily at his dry but playful description of Bingley rushing from tree to tree.

"Poor Mr. Bingley though! I hope Jane is able to comfort him with the information that there was never anything between her and John Moore! He, perhaps, liked her at one time but so did most men in our acquaintance! And he is quite happily married now I assure you. Father ought not have teased him so!"

"I doubt the information that 'most of the men in your acquaintance' liked her at one time or another, will be very comforting to Bingley."

"Well, she would not say such a thing. She probably doesn't even believe it to be true. In any case, I have never seen Jane so in love as she is now. Mr. Bingley need not worry on that score. As I am sure he is perfectly aware, though perhaps he is not entirely rational on the subject."

"And you?" asked Darcy, to his own amazement. As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized that he didn't want to know of any feelings she had ever felt for another man.

"What of me?" she asked innocently.

Darcy considered changing the subject but was unable to contain his unwilling curiosity. As much he refused to bring up a certain name, it still worried him that she might feel something for another man. "Was there any… are there any carved hearts on these trees with an 'E' included in them?"

Elizabeth only laughed. "I doubt it! Though to be honest I didn't know about the one near the stables, so it's possible…I would not think so however. I was never one to inspire such whimsical romance like Jane was. I was a wild child and unfortunately am too outspoken for the tastes of most men."

Happy then his question had been answered with such ease as spoke of no strong attachments in her past, Darcy couldn't be entirely pleased with her response. This was not the first time she had compared herself negatively to her sister.

"You are not outspoken, you are clever and vivacious."

She smiled at his compliment but there was something like distance in her expression as if she thought him polite instead of sincere. Before he could push the subject, she stopped and gestured at a track leading away from the road, "If you are truly desirous to see the south fields, this is the way."

It was a work-cart path, a little overgrown and muddy but Darcy happily led Elizabeth toward it. The risk of soiling his boots meant little in the face of this opportunity to walk with Elizabeth in private. He was pleased to see that the path was empty and would soon be sheltered by a copse of trees. Darcy was glad again of the imminent shelter when a sudden gust of wind pulled at Elizabeth's skirts and she gave a small shiver.

He tried to walk a little closer and cast a disparaging glance at her thin shawl. "It is still cold at times, you ought to have brought a warmer cloak."

"I am alright, it was only cold for a moment. Mostly, I would be too warm in my winter wear while walking."

They both glanced up at the sky, it was starting to get a little cloudy but was still a beautiful day. Darcy shook his head and said, "Better to be too warm then to catch cold. You should be mindful of that and cautious of your health."

"Is this for my benefit or yours, good sir?"

A little startled and confused by the question he looked down to see her delightful eyebrow raised. "How would it benefit me? Other than to comfort me by knowing you are safe and comfortable?"

"Why to keep me at your disposal, Mr. Darcy! For I know how much you like those around you to be at your disposal and if I were to catch a cold, I would not be able to entertain you as you wished!"

"That is a very cynical perspective, Miss Bennet. I am injured at your judgement of my character."

"Perhaps, but am I mistaken? Are you informing me that you would not miss me if I were to be cooped up in my rooms for a week?"

"That is _certainly not_ what I am saying." Darcy asserted and taking her hand from his elbow he kissed her gloved fingers. "I would miss you terribly and certainly send everyone around me to the insane asylums. Nevertheless, my concern is for your comfort alone."

Elizabeth blushed but didn't pull her hand away so instead of releasing it, Darcy intertwined their fingers and held her hand tightly as the ambled on. It took a moment or two for Elizabeth to regain her composure and Darcy stayed quiet as well, simply enjoying the feeling of her hand in his. Her glove was a nuisance however and as they enter the copse of trees, he halted them and lifting her hand up and pulled her glove off. He did it slowly, almost expecting her to pull away or ask him to stop but she did not. And when he tucked the glove in his own pocket and met her eyes again, they were soft and happy. He hadn't been wearing a glove to begin with and so he delighted in the feel of her soft, bare hand in his. As they walked on, he also delighted in her responses, she was perfectly ladylike and innocent but still warm and affectionate and he couldn't help but love her more every time he met her.

Suddenly this thought reminded him of something he wished to ask her. "Why did you run away? This morning when we saw each other?"

"Oh, I-" She shrugged in an embarrassed manner, "I was rather silly, wasn't I? How you must have laughed."

"I did not laugh, I was only a bit confused."

"I… apologize, as I already admitted I was being very silly. You see, I suddenly thought that you were going to… to kiss me."

Darcy stopped and worriedly said, "And the idea caused you to run away? Have I been such a brute?" It was very worrisome thought as that absolutely had been his intention.

"No! No, it was just that… we were so very alone, and no one was expecting us back for some time and…"

Elizabeth smiled sheepishly and looked away, shaking her head. Darcy couldn't help stepping a bit closer and bending down to look under her bonnet brim. He caught her unwilling eye and smiled his reassurance. Suddenly she laughed and said, "In truth, I was worried that if we started to kiss, we wouldn't stop!" And then quickly covered her mouth with her hand.

Darcy couldn't help himself, he burst out laughing. Reaching out he caught both her hands and kissing them said, "My dearest Elizabeth, I admire both your wisdom in judging me and the situation. As well as your fortitude in fleeing the _dangerous_ situation. However, there is one flaw your plan to avoid it."

Elizabeth smiled self-consciously and, glancing down both sides of the empty road, said, "is it that I have once again found myself in the same predicament?"

"Yes, indeed." he said, his tone adoring instead of teasing. Slowly, waiting for any sign of unease, he lifted his hand and touched her cheek. Stroked it gently and then traced her lips with his fingertips. Her breath escaped in a faint gasp and she made a tiny, unconscious step forward. This was all the encouragement he needed, Darcy softly cupped the back of her neck and kissed her lips. Tenderly, he kissed, pressed and stroked her lips with his every touch sending shockwaves of pleasure through his entire body. He felt her hands tentatively touch his sides and then felt her first shy attempts to kiss him back.

All conscious thought escaped him and for several moments all he could feel or know was her. Her body in his arms, her lips on his, her quickened breath mixing with his and the tiny sounds she made as he kissed her.

A sudden bird call broke the silence and Darcy came back to himself all at once. He knew he was holding her too closely, kissing her too long. But he didn't want to stop, and he couldn't make himself push her away. Instead he gentled the kiss and eased back slightly. Another small step back and he kissed the corner of her mouth and then her cheek. "Dearest Elizabeth," he breathed, having no other words.

Then, instead of releasing her, gently encircled her in his arms once again. He held her for a long moment while both of them found their composure and a kind of comfort in each other's touch. He pressed a kiss to her bonnet. "I love you, Elizabeth," he whispered, "Desperately and ardently, I love you."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

It was Monday, and the morning before the monthly Meryton assembly and dance. It was not a ball, but the dance alone was enough to send the Bennet household into chaos. Elizabeth was by no means removed from the excitement of the night, but as it was only one o'clock and a full eight hours until they would leave, she found that she could be calm. Her mother had insisted that she and Mary not go to piano lessons that day as they would be too busy preparing. Elizabeth had thought this consideration unnecessary but not being a person well used to daily practice in any case, she was glad for the excuse to be lazy.

She found her favorite secluded spot, a window that overlooked the garden. It hadn't been a window seat, but Elizabeth had found an ottoman at just the right height and now it was. It was at the end of the hallway between Mary's room and a store room. Mary was the only one of the sisters with her own room. This was because she snored so loud that no one could sleep in the same room with her.

Elizabeth had several letters and a book that she was eager to fall into, but she found herself too caught up in her own thoughts to concentrate. Instead, she watched the gauzy curtains float in the spring breeze and thought of Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy. Fitzwilliam Darcy… She let out a small romantic sigh. She knew she was being silly, but felt almost as if she were dreaming. These last several days had been so happy. It had been three days since he had told her that he loved her. It had been such a perfect moment and Lizzy still blushed to remember it. The way that he had held her, kissed her, and spoken of passionate love had thrilled her.

In the moment she had thought he would propose, but when he had looked at her expectantly, she had known that he wanted her to say that she loved him back. She had wanted to say it, but the words had just not come. After a few seconds he had smiled reassuringly, kissed her again, and then led her home. She had so appreciated his willingness to give her time but had since decided that when the moment came again, she would not hesitate. She loved him and wanted him to know.

Another few moments were spent blissfully daydreaming before she shook herself and opened her letters. The first one was from Charlotte Collins. Within it, Elizabeth found the news that she would very soon see her friends as the Collinses would come to Lucas Lodge by the end of the week. The reason for this sudden removal was only hinted at in the letter, but Elizabeth understood. Lady Catherine had been rendered so exceedingly angry at theearl's support of their relationship that Charlotte, really rejoicing in the match, was anxious to get away till the storm was blown over. Elizabeth smiled down at the letter; the arrival of her friend would bring her sincere pleasure. And the idea of an angry but powerless Lady Catherine was enough to keep her well entertained.

She only hesitated to think that her pleasure must be dearly bought when she realized that Mr. Darcy would be exposed to all the parading and obsequious civility of her friend's husband. Determinedly, she promised herself that she would protect her Mr. Darcy, as he tried so hard now to be polite that she must do her part and help him.

Elizabeth opened her next letter. It was from her childhood friend, Harriot Gladstone. Of all the girls she had grown up with, Harriot had married the 'best'. Mr. Gladstone was from a good family, well connected and very rich. He was also in his fifties, selfish and a drunk. If nothing else had influenced Elizabeth to refuse Mr. Collins, it had been her friend. Harriot never spoken of being miserable, but Elizabeth could still hear it in the tone of her letters. So, Elizabeth was thrilled to receive this letter which revealed that Harriot was pregnant. She sounded so happy and hopeful that Elizabeth almost cried. She wrote cheerfully not only of her nursery plans but how everything else in her life seemed brightened by the hope the child gave her. Harriot detailed the busy lives of both herself and her husband. She told stories of all the charities she ran, committees she served on, her husband's guests, and his search for a new curate. But instead of the dull tone usually accompanying theses stories, there was a liveness that Elizabeth had missed. Determined to answer it quickly, Elizabeth opened her last letter.

It was from her Aunt Gardiner. Mrs. Bennet had sent her a long, very detailed letter of all the fabrics she was supposed to procure for Jane's trousseau, only to end the letter by saying that it would perhaps be better to go herself. Thus, the main point of the letter was to clarify whether she should prepare the trousseau or her house for the Bennet ladies' imminent arrival. Laughing, Elizabeth read on to her aunt's other comments and then found the second sheet addressed to Jane.

Standing, she made her way downstairs to find her eldest sister surrounded by magazines and scraps of material. Jane turned huge pleading eyes towards her, but Elizabeth just laughed and shook her head. She knew that it was not within her power to protect her sister from the planning of her own wedding. She handed the letter off to her sister and then went to her room to freshen up before tea.

Elizabeth arrived back in the sitting room a quarter hour before tea was to be served, but her mother shooed her away, telling her that Kitty and Lydia had invited several of the officers to join them for tea time. They should be arriving any minute, and Elizabeth should join her young sisters in waiting for them outside.

Elizabeth did not want to behave in such an ungenteel way as to wait outside for officers, but shuddered to think of how Kitty and Lydia would behave if they were unchaperoned. So she did as she was bid. Her youngest sisters were picking flowers and making lazy wreaths when Elizabeth found them. She listened to their chatter with only half an ear while she daydreamed of dancing with Mr. Darcy in just a few hours.

Suddenly, Kitty gave a little squeal and Elizabeth looked up to see four gentlemen nearing them from the road. One of the men was Lt. Wickham, and he had his arm in a sling and a black eye. Elizabeth had to quell her own exclamation of surprise when she understood what she was seeing. Slowly, she drew closer to the group where Lt. Wickham was already soothing the worries of her sisters.

"I thank you for your concern, fair ladies, it is barely anything I assure you. Only the type of thing that one must face when in my line of work. This is what training is for! So that when the knife is real, I don't get killed instead of simply falling and hurting my wrist!"

"What happened to your poor face then?" Kitty asked.

"Hit it too when I fell! After my wrist collapsed under my weight, I tumbled and there was an unfortunately placed rock."

"Still, it is hideous that you were hurt! And so unfair!" Lydia said stoutly and then glared at Elizabeth.

Elizabeth couldn't help but be taken aback and felt heat fill her face. She knew that Lydia meant that it was unfair that he was a soldier at all instead of a comfortable gentleman. She was being glared at because she was all but engaged to the man who had done it to him. From now on, she would be connected with Mr. Darcy, including all his successes and his failures.

Elizabeth clenched her fists but didn't respond. She could not defend Mr. Darcy's actions, but she would also not admit his fault in front of others. Instead, she only smiled amiably and Lydia, losing interest, dashed off toward the swing, asking one of the other officers to push her.

"I would like to as well!" Kitty squealed and chased after them.

Elizabeth shared an exasperated smile with Lt. Wickham and then said, "You are truly not very hurt?"

"No, Miss Elizabeth, I am not. I understand how shocking I must appear to you. How much violence could a gentlewoman such as you have seen? Indeed, I almost didn't come for fear of shocking you, but I hope you can forgive me if my better judgement was overwhelmed by my desire to see you." "

Elizabeth shook her head. She was shocked, she could admit. It was not common for her to see someone actually hurt. However, she could well weather the sight after a moment. Of the black eye, it bothered her little. She had actually had one herself, but wasn't about to tell the story of Jane's one true loss of temper to Lt. Wickham of all people.

However, she did worry about his wrist. If it was seriously hurt, how would he work? Would not his life of necessary action continue to exacerbate the issue? She was glad that it was at least in a sling, but wished he had rested it since he had had a free afternoon.

"Don't worry, Miss Elizabeth. I am truly well."

Elizabeth glanced up to see him looking down on her, his face filled with concern. "I am relieved that it is not too serious."

"And don't worry, I don't blame you."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, I caught the insinuation your sister made and … I just did not want you to think that you - Miss Elizabeth, I hope you do not mind me speaking bluntly?"

"Pray, proceed."

"While I cannot promise that I do not still hold some resentment towards some people. I hope that your association with those people does not mean we cannot be friends. I had worried that that would be the case when you returned, but as you are still standing here speaking with me...? I hope that we can continue as we always have."

Elizabeth couldn't help but be touched by his goodness. Though she was in a relationship with a man who had hurt him so, Lt. Wickham could see beyond that and value the separate friendship that they had formed. Not many people would be so open minded.

Without thinking, she gently touched his arm. "Thank you, I do as well."

Lt. Wickham smiled his delightful, charming grin and said playfully, "After all, friendships are the only richness I have now, so I must value each and every one!"

Elizabeth laughed and withdrew her hand. "Indeed you must! For you never know when one might be useful!"

A thought caught Elizabeth's attention. She had a way to be a useful friend for Lt. Wickham! She had meant it as a joke, but perhaps there could be truth to it.

She grinned up at him. "Lt. Wickham, you must excuse me, I suddenly thought of something … perhaps a way to be of use - but no, I shouldn't say anything more at this time. Let us go in, Mother is expecting you for tea."

She called for Kitty and Lydia and they all went in together. All throughout tea Elizabeth's mind ran with excitement. Harriot! Harriot had mentioned that her husband was looking for a curate! It wasn't his own parish, but Elizabeth thought she remembered that the current parson was quite old, and if Lt. Wickham sold his commission and served the parish as the curate, then he would be sure to get the full parson position when the current one died or retired. And indeed, it would be best for a young man like Lt. Wickham to train before he received the full responsibilities. She had to almost bite her own tongue to keep from telling Lt. Wickham, but she did not know if it was possible, and would hate to get his hopes up only to have them be dashed again.

So, she kept her peace, despite the curious glances he sent her. Then, as soon as the gentlemen left, Elizabeth rushed upstairs to write to her friend. She made sure not to push too hard, as she knew her friend had a lot to worry about and did not wish to strain the relationship. Elizabeth only explained that she knew a young man, very well suited, educated and raised for the church, who had lost his expected position through no fault of his own. She spoke a few words of how well liked he was and his current service in the community as a part of the militia. She also mentioned that he would be leaving soon for Brighton and so, if it was a possibility, Elizabeth would desire a reply before the militia left the area. Then Elizabeth left the topic to speak of more general things and the excitement she shared for Harriot's baby.

She added her letter to the family post and then went to rest. She would be up late and would be tired if she didn't rest in the afternoon.

…. … … … … … … …

Elizabeth and her family did not return to their home until well after midnight. Everyone was happy but exhausted, so Elizabeth and Jane all but fell into their bed.

When they finally awoke they did so slowly. They were still tired, a little sore, and had headaches from the constant activity and punch. They expected no callers this morning as everyone they knew would be feeling much the same.

Elizabeth, by force of habit, was the first awake and so was able to bathe first. As she brushed her hair out and got dressed, she reminisced about the evening before. When she had arrived at the assembly, Mr. Darcy had been waiting for her outside the venue and had escorted her in. She would not soon forget his expression when he had first seen her.

It was true, she had spent extra care on her appearance that night and she thought she had looked her best. Her hair had been piled and twisted up high on her head with several coils left free at the back, twisting down her back. Tiny bunches of lilac flowers dotted her dark head and matched the silk of her skirt. Her bodice was white and just this side of modest, saved from being inappropriate by the lace she had added herself but was still, she knew, tempting. Her long white gloves were new and spotless and her dancing slippers were her most comfortable in preparation for many, many dances. .

Mr. Darcy had looked his best as well. He had looked so handsome in his coat and tails that she had blushed nearly every time she had looked at him all evening, which had been often. He had stuck so close to her all evening, getting her drinks, eating dinner with her and dancing three sets with her. She had warned him that this was all but a public declaration of engagement, but he had only kissed her hand and pulled her back into the dance line.

Elizabeth was humming the tune to one of the songs they had danced to when Jane returned from bathing.

"Let me help you dry your hair," Elizabeth offered, taking the towel and gently stroking her sister's golden head.

Jane sleepily thanked her and they spent a few moments in happy silence. Then Jane gave a dreamy and sigh and said, "I didn't know it was possible to be this happy, Lizzy."

"I always knew you were destined for such, dear Jane. You are so good. How could happiness not find you?"

"Don't tease, Lizzy. after all, I have plenty of return ammunition. I saw you and Mr. Darcy last night. Indeed, the whole of Hertfordshire watched the two of you stare into each other's eyes all night."

Elizabeth laughed and for a few minutes the sisters exchanged teases and happy reminisces. Then, changing the subject slightly Jane asked, "What of him dancing with you for three sets? You know how Mama and most everyone else will see it. Why did you accept? Have you decided to marry him?"

Elizabeth had still been brushing her sister's hair, but stopped now and went to the window, looking out towards Netherfield. "I think he will ask me very soon. And - and yes, I will marry him. I love him too much to say no now."

"You have settled your concerns about his past behavior?"

"As much as I can. I think - I think he did do all that Lt. Wickham accused him of, though perhaps there is more to the story than Lt. Wickham knows. Mr. Darcy has not denied the substance of the accusation, and he is still, I believe, rather proud. You must have seen that Mr. Darcy still was not pleased by Hertfordshire society and several times last evening I saw him shrug his shoulders, turn away, or be silent when speaking to various people. Nor did he dance much, other than with me. Also, he does not confide in me often."

Elizabeth turned and threw her hands up in happy but overwhelmed gesture. "Despite all that, Jane! Dearest Jane, he is so kind to me! He speaks to me so reasonably and well. I love how intelligent he is! And how he is always watching me. And how he kisses me. I believe we are good partners too. Even if he is reserved publicly the rest of his life, I can make up for it! You must have seen how well each conversation went last night when I was a part of it, how I helped him socialize and how he supported me."

She sat on the edge of the bed and added, "And when we argued, he did not get physical or aggressive. He stayed with me until we could speak comfortably again. You have no idea how much that means to me, Jane! So yes, if he asks, I will marry him."

Jane, who had finished getting dressed now, came over and hugged Elizabeth. "I'm so happy for you. I genuinely believe you will be happy with Mr. Darcy."

Smiling, Elizabeth hugged her back and then, laughing to break the serious mood, she pulled her sister up and said, "Let us go to breakfast. If I do not eat soon I am sure I shall perish!"

Arm-in-arm, they descended the stairs and broke their fast with the rest of the family. The rest of the day was quiet, with no visitors and with rather subdued Bennets. Mrs. Bennet, in particular, insisted everyone speak quietly the whole day as she had over indulged on punch the night before.

This did not stop her from her duties as the wedding planner for not one but two weddings. Just as predicted, Mrs. Bennet saw Elizabeth as engaged now and forced her to start making plans. Elizabeth insisted nothing be ordered or finalized until Mr. Darcy proposed and after some argument, Mrs. Bennet agreed. With this treaty in place, the afternoon was spent on wedding plans. They were mostly for Jane, but Elizabeth was often reminded to take note of her sister's plans and at least think of how she would want these things.

After the frustration of being forced early into planning waned, Elizabeth enjoyed herself. The fashion plates and material samples were beautiful. For flowers, Elizabeth thought maybe phlox or daisies would be beautiful, though Mrs. Bennet insisted that Mr. Darcy was rich enough to afford hothouse flowers for his wedding. Jane chose white lilies and little pink roses for her bouquet.

Now and again, Mrs. Bennet would pause the planning to impart some little piece of 'womanly wisdom,' which was sometimes helpful, but often dubious in substance. She even sent the other sisters away for a while and tried her best to speak about 'wifely duties'. This was mostly just very awkward. Elizabeth had read enough to know the basics of what to expect, but her mother spared no detail and seemed to see the act as equal parts horrific and delightful. Elizabeth couldn't, in the moment, imagine doing such a thing. Jane was so embarrassed that she eventually bolted from the room. As it was nearly dinner time by then anyway, Mrs. Bennet released Elizabeth as well.

Elizabeth took a turn in the gardens to cool off and then went to her room to refresh herself. Dinner passed quickly with Mr. Bennet, Mary, and Elizabeth all bringing their books to the table to read as they ate. This was, of course, horrible manners, but one that their father had infected them with long ago. Elizabeth spent the rest of the evening reading in her father's study.

She had been slightly uncomfortable after dinner, but had dismissed it. A few hours into reading, however, the feeling grew stronger until Elizabeth suddenly realized what it was. She went to her room to check and sure enough, her time of the month had come. It was annoying, but normal. Sighing, she donned her linens and belt.

Tomorrow she would not get to see Mr. Darcy even if he did call. Disappointed and sore, Elizabeth went to bed early.


	20. Chapter 20

_Special thanks to my beta reader Violingirl05! She has been so amazing and I really appreciate her help. Thank you to all my readers, I hope you enjoy this new chapter!_

 _..._

 **Chapter 20**

Four days. Four long, lonely days without Elizabeth. Darcy awoke Saturday morning with a groan, frustrated and tired. Seeing Elizabeth was the only reason he was in this ridiculous little Hamlet. He had been able to spend some pleasant time with Georgiana, which had been much needed but the only other person often in Netherfield was Miss Bingley. Being stuck in the house with Miss Bingley had been torture, despite the many times he gone out riding or hidden in the library to read. He had not joined Bingley in his many social endeavors because these endeavors usually started or ended at the Bennet household. Darcy had no interest in being at that place if it did not include Elizabeth's company.

He had visited Wednesday morning, eager to see Elizabeth after a day without her, only to find that she was 'indisposed'. He had known to what they alluded and while not happy, had accepted it as a normal aspect in the life of a lady. The rest of the visit had been immensely annoying. He had known that Mrs. Bennet's fawning and babbling had been her attempt to make up for the loss of Elizabeth's company and had even appreciated the thought. Whatever her intentions had been, however, the reality had only been extremely vapid and uncomfortable. No, he would not return until Elizabeth was ready to meet him, though he had been told that she would probably not be up for any company for at least three days.

Thankfully he was able to see Miss Mary everyday as she was still coming to play with Georgiana, and from her get news of Elizabeth. He was also able to send a little present back with Miss Mary for Elizabeth. First, he sent a bouquet of pink camellias and forsythia which in the language of flowers mean that missed her and anticipated their next meeting eagerly. Then, a piano book that Georgiana had helped him pick out. Elizabeth had sent little thank you notes back through the afternoon post. These had been the first correspondence he had ever received from her and he had saved them like a lovestruck school boy.

The night before he had stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, distracting himself with a book, and now he regretted it. Sleepy and grumpy, he dragged himself from his bed. He had to get ready, for he was going to try his luck at the Bennets today as her note the afternoon before had mentioned feeling a bit better.

Darcy dipped his whole head into the wash basin and kept it there for as long as his breath held. Despite this attempt to invigorate himself, when he dried off, Darcy still felt groggy. He needed his first cup of tea.

He really should not have stayed up reading Wilhelm Tell. Elizabeth had raved about the exciting and interesting perspective of the play to him once and when he had seen it in Bingley's library, he had decided to try it. When it had first been published almost eight years ago, he had been in college and many of his peers had recommended it to him, but he disliked sensational and revolutionary books and so had ignored the recommendation. After staying up half the night to finish it, however, he now felt he understood the appeal. It had indeed been a bit unrealistically dramatic, but Friedrick Schiller had written it so well that Darcy could easily forgive the novelization. Even when he had finally finished the book, he had stayed up for at least another hour, pondering the morals of justifiable violence against a cruel or unjust ruler. He had lost himself in thoughts of what he would do in Wilhelm Tell's place, and even in his dreams such thoughts did not cease. His head ached from lack of sleep and spending hours reading German, but he could not wait to discuss it with Elizabeth.

Tea, first he needed his tea. Cursing the bright morning under his breath, he went down to breakfast.

 **… … … … … … … … … … … … … …**

Elizabeth paced the hallway outside of her room. The rest of the family was downstairs in the sitting room, but she had excused herself because she had received a response to her letter from Harriot. The letter had come yesterday but absent-minded Kitty had received the evening post and had forgotten to give it to her until this morning.

To her excitement, Elizabeth had found the letter contained an agreement to interview Lt. Wickham for the curate position. Harriot's letter contained a few questions she wanted answered before the interview but she was still willing to schedule it. Her heart had leapt when she had read the news and triumph had filled her ever since. She would be able to save Wickham from poverty - comparative poverty – and the idea thrilled her! Everything about the situation made Elizabeth feel like a heroine from a story. She was caught between two dashing, handsome men, one in love with her and one who trusted her. And she would be able to save one and marry the other!

The only problem was how to relay the exciting news to Lt. Wickham? If I was a storybook heroine, I would not have menses and there would be a convenient masked ball we would both soon be attending. The pain and bulk of her time of the month had passed but it would still be inappropriate and uncomfortable to go into Meryton today. She wished that she could just invite him to Longbourn, but worried that she would not have enough to time to arrange a dinner invitation before the militia left Meryton for good. No, Elizabeth's best option, despite the discomfort, would probably be walking to Meryton this afternoon as the militia was set to decamp in the next few days.

The officers' decampment to Brighton was the only thing - other than weddings - that was presently spoken of in the Bennet household. this continued despite the fact that any mention of this subject was quickly followed by laments, complaints, and occasional sobbing from a fair number of Bennet women.

Lydia was especially inconsolable. She had wanted more than anything to follow the officers to Brighton. Indeed, when Elizabeth had first returned from London, Lydia had still been in hopes that their father would take all of them there for the summer. But that hope had eventually been extinguished. Their father hated traveling and with Jane engaged and Elizabeth courting, both parents had agreed that it would not be possible this summer. Lydia had almost reached a point of acceptance to this when her new friend Mrs. Forster had invited Lydia along with her as her close, personal friend. All her hopes had come rushing back and she had been certain that she would be allowed to go.

However, to her great despair, Lydia had found her parents quite decided against it. She had unfortunately boasted of her plan in the presence of Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy when they had called Wednesday morning. Both gentlemen, though in different manners, had expressed their disfavor for this idea. Mrs. Bennet fearing to anger her future sons in law, had agreed that it would be impossible. Later, Mr. Bennet had added his refusal. With such a universal refusal to her pleas, Lydia was finally forced to give up and spent the rest of the week sulking like the child she was.

Yes, walking into town would be best. It would not take much to convince her family to go with her. Lydia would be delighted with the opportunity to visit the officers one last time, and it would give her a chance to air her grievances with impunity. The most difficult aspect of the venture would be to pry Lydia off Lt. Wickham's arm, as he was her particular favorite. However, Elizabeth hoped that if she was patient, something would distract Lydia long enough for her to get Lt. Wickham alone for a moment to explain about the curate position.

A small part of Elizabeth was anxious as to what Mr. Darcy's reaction would be if he knew her plans. She knew he would be displeased, and the idea of disappointing Mr. Darcy was upsetting and worrisome. But she pushed that concern away for the fiftieth time. Mr. Darcy was not her husband yet and even if he was, she would still do the right thing.

With renewed determination, Elizabeth made her way down the stairs. As she reached the landing, Mrs. Hill opened the front door and in walked none other than Lt. Wickham himself, along with a group of other officers.

What luck! But of course, why didn't I realize that they would not leave the county without saying their farewells? I was too caught up in dramatic imaginings! She still had to find an opportunity to speak to him alone, but thought it would not be difficult as she and Lt. Wickham often conversed in relative privacy.

She curtseyed cheerfully and greeted all of them as they took off their outerwear. They laughed and conversed for a few moments and then just as she moved to lead the officers into the sitting room, Lt. Wickham said jovially to his fellows, "Go on, we'll be follow in a moment," while he caught Elizabeth's eye and smiled.

The other officers laughed and warned Wickham not to hog her company for too long, then moved on to the sitting room and the cheerful company of five pretty Bennet women.

"Miss Elizabeth, I hope you don't find me too inappropriate. I only wanted to wish you a personal farewell, as I and the militia will be leaving the day after next."

"Not at all, Lt. Wickham. Indeed I am glad to have this moment to speak with you. I had hoped to get a chance like this before you left, as I have something to speak with you about."

"I'm relieved to hear you say that Miss Elizabeth, as usual, we appear to be of one mind. I too had something to speak to you about, though please, speak first."

"First, let us leave the hallway for a moment. My father's study is empty as he is calling on his friend. Let us talk in there."

Lt. Wickham bowed and motioned for her to lead the way. When they entered the room, Elizabeth was careful to leave the door open and remain standing. This would not take long and there was no real impropriety, for he was just a friend.

Still, her hands clenched together with nervousness. Elizabeth knew this was not something a proper miss should even speak to a gentlemen about. How to bring it up? "Lt. Wickham, I know it is not my place, or even my concern; but your troubles have often caused me great distress. I would help you if I could."

Instead of looking offended, Lt. Wickham shook his head with a smile. "You are too generous, Miss Elizabeth. I would not have you anxious on my account, however, I find myself in need of such friends and so can only say that I am grateful. I know that you do not have much ability to help me now but perhaps when you are married to Darcy…"

"Actually, that's the exciting news! I do not need to wait until I have Mr. Darcy's connections. I have found a way to help you through an old friend of mine."

For the first time Lt. Wickham appeared somewhat surprised, but still seemed pleased so Elizabeth pressed on. "My friend Harriot Gladstone of _ Park is currently looking for a curate. I mentioned your situation and she said she would interview you for the position!"

"A curate position?" Wickham asked, incredulity in his tone. In fact, he seemed so surprised and rather displeased that it confused Elizabeth.

"Yes, I am not saying she will give it to you for sure,but she seemed optimistic. She only had a few questions for you. You could travel on your day off to interview and if it goes well, then you could sell your commision and start your career in the church, as you've always wanted. If you answer her questions now then I can send her a letter back with the afternoon or evening post. Here, uh- I have her letter with me." Elizabeth pulled the letter from her pocket to show Wickham and then quickly read over the questions. "Oh, yes - here she asks about your university. You had mentioned to me one time that you went to Cambridge at the same time that Mr. Darcy did, but she asks how long you studied there and what courses you learned. Do you have any references from your professors?"

Elizabeth looked up from the letter into the eyes of a man she did not quite recognize. Wickham's altered expression startled her and she stepped back quickly. The sneering man barked a laugh. "Professor recommendations? For a curate position? This is the help you were offering?"

"Y-yes, I know it's not the living you were promised, but this job is available because the current clergymen is getting on in years. If you learn under him for a few years then you would surely get the clergymen position when he retires!" Elizabeth explained, stepping back a little more as uncertainty rose in her for the first time.

The sneer transformed back into an earnest smile so completely and quickly that Elizabeth's head spun. Lt. Wickham shrugged his shoulders and held out his hands in a despairing manner. "Alas, Miss Elizabeth, I have no such recommendations, as Darcy poisoned the minds of all my professors then stole my living from me! Without any references and a Darcy cut, I could not hope to go into that career, so I did not finish all my courses. If I did not have a few loyal friends I would not even have been able to get a commission. Thankfully, I do have such friends, like you Miss Elizabeth."

He stepped closer to her and smiled cloyingly. "Thank you for trying to help me, but this will not work. No, wait just a little and when you are married to Mr. Darcy, there will be other ways you can help my situation now and again."

"Now and again?" Elizabeth repeated faintly. "In what way do you see me helping you, Lt. Wickham?"

Again, the cloying smile and another step towards her. Elizabeth felt truly uncomfortable now and backed up until she bumped into a bookshelf.

"Why, Miss Elizabeth, financially of course, as Darcy should be giving me money anyway. It would be but a small portion of what he really owes me. Nothing but a small token of our close friendship."

"Lt. Wickham, I fear you have misunderstood me. I could never- would never- support someone financially with my husband's money if he was against it, especially not a man. Is this why you pulled me aside? I only thought to reset your path toward achieving your old aspirations."

Wickham threw his hands in the air, startling her yet again. "Absurd! I cannot lower myself to be toiling away as some tiny village curate! I was raised alongside Darcy and beloved by his father, but now he has Pemberley, money, and status, and I have nothing! I ask you, Miss Elizabeth, does this seem reasonable to you? It cannot! I am all but his brother. I should have been his brother!"

"Lt. Wickham, I fear your emotions have overcome you. Perhaps you ought to leave for now," Elizabeth said with all the calm she could muster.

"Throwing me out, are you? I have said nothing to be ashamed of and have only spoken the truth, but I will leave as I have no desire to listen to your insults any longer!" he said as he strode from the room.

Somewhat dazed, Elizabeth followed him. As she came out of the doorway, a sight in the entryway froze her in her tracks. Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy was standing there, their outwear half off, staring back at her and Lt. Wickham in shock.

Instead of showing concern, Lt. Wickham paused his strides and broke into laughter. Elizabeth felt her heart drop. How would she explain this?

"Darcy! What excellent timing! You shouldn't looked so surprised, though. The women in your life have always preferred me. And Elizabeth is no exception, indeed, she has hated you far more than any other woman I've known! How we laugh at your absurdities!"

Elizabeth burned with shame and anger. Before she could say anything, though, Mr. Darcy responded, "Perhaps she spoke unwisely with you at one time, but we now have a better understanding of each other. And, it seems, as usual, you were not able to keep your true nature from showing for long, and now she must have a better understanding of your character as well."

Lt. Wickham swore an angry oath, grabbed his hat and coat, and left Longbourn. Elizabeth didn't watch him leave; instead her attention caught on Mr. Darcy's eyes. They burned with anger. For all his calm when answering Wickham, Elizabeth could tell that his real feelings were all but bursting out.

Without taking his eyes off Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy murmured something to his friend. Mr. Bingley turned to leave and Elizabeth knew that she would have to try and explain the situation to Mr. Darcy. She would prefer that it not happen in the hallway, so she turned and reentered her father's study.

Keeping her eyes downcast, she held the door for him until he entered and then quietly closed it. With him she felt she needed the added privacy, and knew that no one would question it. For a moment they both stood quiet and still, then Mr. Darcy took an armchair and motioned for her to take the one across from it.

Elizabeth did sit but felt her defensiveness rise as sitting in this particular chair, across from her father's, made her feel like a child about to be repuked. After all, what wrong thing had she done?

"Why… why, pray tell me, Miss Elizabeth, were you alone in this room with Wickham?"

"I wasn't - You cannot think that of me!" she burst out.

"I don't actually. If there had been any hint of impropriety, I'm sure that Wickham would have been thrilled to inform me. More than that, I do not believe it within your character. That aside, you were still here, alone with him. What could possibly have possessed you? No matter what the reason, it was inappropriate and I told you to avoid him!" His voice had started out calmly but by the end had stuck at her like a whip.

"I - that is, my friend … I found out about an open position as curate a few counties over. I have connections over there and got him an interview. I thought to help him since you-"

"Since I stole his living from him?" Mr. Darcy interrupted her sarcastically.

"Did you not? Everytime I ask you about it, you ignore the question or get angry! What else but guilt am I to interpret from this?"

"You should have trusted me! We are courting, and you have let me kiss you! I was ready to propose to you today but now find that whatever other feelings you have for me, you do not respect or trust me!"

Mr. Darcy leapt from his chair in agitation, then strode to the window and, keeping his back to her, continued. "But now, since you desire it so strongly, I will lay before you the whole of George Wickham's connection with my family. I don't know what lies he has told you, so I will give you the whole truth of everything between us. Everything I tell you know can be vouched for by the records I kept and multiple witnesses."

Bitterness laced his tone but he spoke on. "Lt. Wickham is the son of my father's steward. Old Mr. Wickham was a great man and in his care Pemberley flourished. He served my father well and my father was naturally inclined - because of gratitude - to care for his son. My father took George Wickham as his godson showed him every kindness, even supporting him at school and later, Cambridge. My father was not only fond of Wickham for his pleasing and energetic personality, but had great faith in his future, imaging for him a career in the church. He even planned a living for him.

"I, however, had for many years known him from a different perspective. He has vicious propensities, a complete want of principle and no true attachment to any person other than himself. Though he could hide these traits from my father, he could not do so from me, as I was almost the same age as he and saw him often in less guarded moments."

Darcy moved from the window and began to pace the length of the room. "I never would have told you of my observations of his character, as I would not wish to cause you pain. At your instance, I will continue. His time in Cambridge was wasted and wonton. He gambled, caroused, and womanized to the neglect of everything else. The personality he displayed before my father, however, was so different that he could maintain his lies no matter the accusation. When my excellent father died about five years ago, he still had every belief in Wickham's good character. His trust was such that in his will he particularly recommended to me to advance Wickham's profession in the church anyway that I could - and if he took orders, suggested that a valuable family living, when made available, be given to Wickham. There was also a legacy of one thousand pounds. It wasn't six months before Wickham wrote to inform me that he was fully resolved against taking orders. Instead he hoped that I could allow for a more immediate financial benefit, in replacement of the living. I knew that he ought not be a clergyman; thus I was only too willing to agree to his request. He signed over any claim or intention to a profession in the church and accepted three thousand pounds in return."

Elizabeth gasped, "So much! What did he do with it?"

"He said something of studying law but I wished rather than hoped him to be sincere. As his father had died not long after mine, he was now free from all restraint and his life one was one of idleness and debauchery. For three years I heard little of him for I thought too ill of him to invite him to Pemberly. Indeed, I believed all ties with him had been cut. But when the living became available I received a letter from him. He let me know that he had found himself ill suited for a law career and as he was sure that it was what my father would have wanted - as he had been a favorite of my father - Wickham ought to receive the living. You can hardly blame me for refusing to comply with his request,despite his many pleas and descriptions of his dire circumstances. Indeed, such descriptions only confirmed my belief that a man who had left a trail of seduced women and unpaid lines of credit ought never to be in the church."

"Of course…" Elizabeth agreed, her mind whirling and her stomach feeling a little sick.

"His resentment for my refusal was great and the violence of his language was a reflection on the kind of life he was leading. But despite all his entries and threats, I was not moved. After this, every appearance of acquaintance was dropped. How he lived during that time I know not, but last summer he reentered my life in the most painful way…"

Darcy's voice faded away and for a moment he was silent, obviously struggling for words as he paced. Finally, he came to a stop before her and said in a much more vulnerable tone, "I must now mention a situation which I myself would wish to forget. And for no less an obligation or relationship than the present circumstances would I ever speak of it. I trust your secrecy, but would still never have mentioned if you had not forced me to do so.

My sister… about a year ago, my younger sister was taken from school to live in town. Last summer, with her companion, Georgiana went to Ramsgate. There also went Wickham, a situation I now know to have been intentional as there had been a prior acquaintance between him and the companion, Mrs. Younge. Of her character I had been completely deceived. Her collusion with Wickham was such that she was able to influence Georgiana's affections towards him. And remembering his kindness to her as a child, Georgiana welcomed him without concern. She quickly persuaded to believe herself in love, and to consent to an elopement, though she was then but fifteen."

Elizabeth, unable to sit beneath Mr. Darcy's angry, saddened expression any longer, leapt to her feet and moved a little away. Before she could gather her thoughts, however, Mr. Darcy continued.

"Thankfully I joined them unexpectedly a day or two before the intended elopement and Georgiana, unable to accept the idea of grieving and lying to me, admitted the whole to me. You can imagine how I felt and how I acted."

"Could - could there not have been some real regard between them?"

"There was not. He spoke nothing of any attachment, only rejoicing in his revenge against me and his right to Georgiana's inheritance of thirty thousand pounds. However, I had arrived in time and there was no way for him to force her into marriage. When I made it clear that no matter his future actions - up to and including actually marrying her somehow - he would never be able to touch her fortune, he left in a fury.

"Of all this, you can appeal to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam, who because of our close relationship, our shared custody of Georgiana and his role as the executor of my father's will, is very familiar with all the particulars of my interactions with Wickham. If your distrust in me is so great that you cannot believe my words then perhaps you could at least trust him." *

"That will not be necessary, I assure you. Of course, I believe what you have said - I am only - I cannot… it is just all so horrible! Indeed I find that I am unable to describe what I feel now!"

"Of course it is horrible. I myself am often shocked by his behavior, which is why I wished to shield you from any knowledge or exposure to it. But because you couldn't trust me, you put yourself in the influence of a liar and risked everything in a misguided attempt to help the scoundrel."

Elizabeth's overall confusion and shock cleared somewhat as anger resurfaced. "Why do you keep blaming me for distrusting you? Upon what basis should I have trusted to you to behave with openness and fairness? You, who for all your professions of attachment, not two months ago almost ruined my sister's life with ill judgement based on prejudice? You, who would not answer any questions I asked you?"

"And your judgment is so flawless? I at least have more experience and knowledge than you. If you were willing to consider marrying me, than you should have been willing to trust me!"

"You're assuming much, Mr. Darcy, as I have never responded to an offer of marriage from you. And if you had more information on this subject, then you ought to have shared it so that I could have protected myself. Should I directly cut an established friend of mine on the mere word of the man I'm courting? It is absurd to expect this of our new relationship, particularly if you had any real understanding of my character! No, I cannot see that I did anything really wrong other than offend your pride."

Mr. Darcy let out a mocking laugh. "My pride? If you were less prideful, then you would not have acted with self-important 'heroism'. Indeed, despite any truth that your accusations may have had against my pride in the past, you have often displayed your own propensity for that trait."

"Perhaps, but I could never hope to achieve the level of skill you have in prideful behavior! You think that your pride is in the past just because you treat me a little better? You still cannot not bear to exchange pleasantries from anyone outside of your circle. Not to mention the very real and serious danger you have put our entire community in by not revealing Lt. Wickham's habit of running up debts and womanizing!"

Mr. Darcy seemed taken aback and Elizabeth pushed her advantage. "How many merchants, the day after tomorrow, will realize that he has left unpaid bills with them? Likewise how many women thought that they might have a future with him, only to wake up and realize that any future they might have had is now forever ruined?"

Mr. Darcy ran his fingers through his hair. "It is not my fault they trusted him, and I could hardly have given my personal information to the public just to discredit him!"

"You would not have had to give any personal information, a word of past debts would have been more than enough for many to be on their guard."

"He is too well liked for any such unsubstantiated words of mine to have any effect. And I will not have my family gossiped about, especially not in connection with him!"

"If you are not well liked enough to have influence, who's fault is that?"

"I will not continue this conversation, as you are determined to vilify and misunderstand me! It was Wickham who lied to you, and it was you who made secret plans behind my back and met him alone to discuss them!"

"And it was you who caused me to behave so!"

Mr. Darcy spun away and let out an angry exclamation. With his back still to her, he said through clenched teeth, "I will not - cannot - continue this conversation! I will take my leave of you now, Miss Elizabeth. Good day." And without a backward glance, Mr. Darcy left Longbourn.

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*Much if this was closely based off of Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 36


	21. Chapter 21

_Thank you so much to my bata readers Violingirl05 and Elizcoll for your time and efforts!_

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 **Chapter 21**

Elizabeth wept. At first she had wanted to scream, stomp her feet and pull out her own hair, but it hadn't taken long for the anger to recede and everything else to overwhelm her. When Mr. Darcy had left she had also - though through the backdoor instead of the front - rushed from Longbourn. She had known that she could not face her family or other guests in her state of heightened emotions. At first she had marched through the forests of Longbourn, her mind filled with obsendities and clever retorts. but when her energy started to lag, so had her anger.

The first tear trickled down her cheek before she even realized she was crying. Even as they started to pour, Elizabeth could not have put a name to her emotion. Soon she was sobbing and didn't even bother to examine the reasons. She sank unto a nearby stump and covered her face with her handkerchief. Everything, it was everything.

The pain of conflict, the regret of harsh words, the abandonment, the scar on their love, the confusion and fear, but most of all, the greatest, and most overwhelming of all, was the soul deep shame.

As the tears flowed Elizabeth remembered every word Mr. Darcy had said of Mr. Wickham's history, trying to find any reason she could use to defend herself with.

But she could not. The account of his history with the Darcy family was exactly what Lt. Wickham had said himself. Indeed, the kindness of the late Mr. Darcy was to an even greater extent then he had recounted. Of the will, the stories differed greatly, though not in the technicalities of the will, but the reactions of the characters. Lt. Wickham and Mr. Darcy had agreed that the living had been mentioned, though the terms had been vague enough to not be legally binding. But where Lt. Wickham had portrayed it as his greatest wish, Mr. Darcy had said that his father had been the one to wish it and that Wickham had never wanted it or been suited to it. Wickham's own behaviour earlier this morning had confirmed that. The anger and scorn he had shown when speaking of the career still burned fresh in Elizabeth's tortured mind.

That encounter had been enough to overwhelm Elizabeth and with the remembrance of it Elizabeth's sobs began afresh. The complete change of countenance and character had frightened her. Though she had handled it calmly at the time, now she shook to remember his anger and duality of personality. How could she have been so completely duped?

If nothing else, the overall character of Lt. Wickham outside of any extreme profligacy should have revealed to Elizabeth how ill suited he would be to the church. Now that she thought on it, she could not remember a single instance she had seen him in which he wasn't surrounded by women, drinking or at a gaming table, often all three! And never once had she seen him in any kind of service or good deed. His fondness for talking about himself, spreading gossip and outright lies would all be terrible traits for a man who was supposed to take _confession_. Though everything she had seen was permissible within normal society, it created the groundwork that seemed to make Mr. Darcy's claim of extravagance and depravity into unassailable fact.

If Elizabeth could discount all other aspects of Mr. Darcy's story, - which she could not, no matter how she wished to - she knew that the story about his sister could not be anything but a painful truth. Mr. Darcy could not have made up such a story about his own sister. Poor Georgiana! And at the remembrance of his sins against the young woman Elizabeth's anger once again returned and she scrubbed the tears off her face, with her now soggy handkerchief, and marched on. He had slandered Georgiana! After targeting a fifteen year old girl for her money and seducing her away from her family, he then abandoned her when his chance at money was destroyed, and then went around slandering her to strangers! He had called her proud! That shy, hurt girl he had used, he called proud!

Elizabeth wanted to physically hurt herself for her own stupidity. How had she not questioned everything after meeting Goergiana and seeing how wrong the description was? Now that she considered it, everything he had originally told her had been later proved to be a lie. Not just at Mr. Darcy's word but by Lt. Wickham's own actions. He had told her that he would not spread the story out of respect for the old Mr. Darcy, and yet though Elizabeth herself had kept the story quiet, soon the entire town had known about it. Lt. Wickham had claimed that as he was in the right, that he would never shy away from interacting with Mr. Darcy, and yet he had not come to the Netherfield ball or ever publicly interacted with Mr. Darcy again. Even without the facts that Mr. Darcy had given her, should these inconsistencies have not caused her to suspect him?

But she had not. She had never seriously examined Lt. Wickham's behaviour or her own in regards to him. Now all she could see was the vanity that he had stroked by speaking with her and the incautious, ridiculous preference she had shown him because of it. It had been nothing but pride, as Mr. Darcy had accused her, that had fueled her. Pride that Mr. Darcy had hurt and that Lt. Wickham had buffed up. Pride in her own 'wisdom' and 'perception' that refused to doubt itself. Heartily ashamed of herself, Elizabeth reflected on how despicably her pride had caused her to act.

 _Till this moment I never knew myself,_ she thought and new tears fell. Elizabeth cried, sometimes walking, sometimes collapsing to crying on the forest floor. Now and again she would calm but soon after another remembrance would cause the tears to fall anew.

She knew not how long she was out, but when she could cry no longer and had only exhaustion left she returned to Longbourn.

As she entered, she left her bonnet on and kept her face turned away so that no one would see her red eyes. She had no wish to explain the situation to anyone. Her mother heard her enter and called from the sitting room.

"Lizzy, is that you? Where have you been? I know that walking with your beau is delightful but you've been gone for hours! Charlotte came by, she waited and waited but I told her you would be a long time walking with your handsome Mr. Darcy…"

Her mother continued on but Elizabeth stopped listening and went to her room. Immediately, she fell onto her bed. Jane came in a few minutes later to check on her. As was usually the case these days, Jane beauty was made ethereal with happiness and she truly seemed an angel when she entered. She was so beautiful and happy that Elizabeth could not bear to taint her happiness with any pain. So Elizabeth kept quiet and only told Jane that she was tired from her long walk and let Jane assume, as her mother had, that she had been walking with Mr. Darcy.

Soon after exhaustion overwhelmed her and she slept the rest of the afternoon. When Elizabeth awoke it was with no renewed energy but some semblance of calm. She felt like a rag that had been soaked and then squeezed and twisted until not a drop of liquid remained. Someone, probably Jane, had left a plate with some tea snacks next to the bed and Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed and ate with more eagerness then she would have guessed her tired mind could produce.

As she ate she tried to come to some sort of conclusion about the morning's affairs. Lt. Wickham was a reprehensible cad. Elizabeth herself had been foolish, proud and immature. And Mr. Darcy… Mr. Darcy had been… Not wrong in the things he had accused her of, and had confided in her private information that was very helpful to her.

But while she had mostly responded out of defensiveness, the things _she_ had said were not wrong either and she could not fully regret saying them. Mr. Darcy's determination to keep himself out of the mouths of gossips _had_ allowed Lt. Wickham to continue lying and hurting others. Even now, with Lt. Wickham leaving the shire, how many merchants were wondering when he would fulfill his debt to them?

No, Elizabeth knew that she owed Mr. Darcy a sincere apology and she wasn't even sure how to fix the hurt they had caused each other, but she still could not quite blame herself entirely. Was that her pride again? Elizabeth wasn't sure. Perhaps it was, or rather… she knew it was an impulse of pride to shift the blame but she also genuinely thought it had been wrong of Mr. Darcy to leave Wickham to his own affairs. Elizabeth was torn between wanting to beg Mr. Darcy's forgiveness and make no excuses at all or to apologize calmly for her less than perfect manners but remain strong on the point that they both held some blame.

In any case, she needed to speak with him; they needed to resolve this now that she was calm again. Elizabeth tidied herself up and went down stairs. The family was all together, her father reading next to the hearth while her mother and sisters all busied themselves with the sewing necessary for Jane's wedding.

"Lizzy, you're awake! That must have been some walk for you to have slept the afternoon away!" Mrs. Bennet exclaimed to the giggles of Kitty and Lydia who were no doubt imagining scandalous things. Jane hushed them, while Mary lifted her superior nose and huffed. Elizabeth sat quietly next to her mother and was immediately handed one of Jane's new dresses to hem.

As she started to sew Jane said in a sympathetic tone, "When I checked on you as you were lying down, I thought you looked upset so I was relieved when Mr. Darcy's note arrived and explained everything."

Elizabeth froze. Never in a thousand years she would have guessed that he would write about their fight but -

"It's too bad that he had to go to London and I think that if Charles had to leave I would be inconsolable."

London? Suddenly Elizabeth felt cold. What could Jane mean about London? Surely… surely Mr. Darcy had not gone to London? They had to resolve their argument!

"What - what exactly did he say?"

Mrs. Bennet picked up a small piece of paper from the side table and handed it to Elizabeth. "You can read it yourself, Lizzy. Though there is nothing of real interest, other than his departure. He does not even say why he went, though I fancy it is to prepare for a certain long expected question!" She giggled and her youngest two daughters joined her. She continued on about family jewels and special licences as Elizabeth read the note.

 _Dear Mr. and Mrs Bennet,_

 _I must unfortunately inform you that I am needed immediately in London. I am not sure how long this need will continue. I thank you profusely for your hospitality and may God bless you and keep you._

 _Mr. Darcy_

He was gone, forever. Elizabeth knew immediately that he had no intention of ever returning. The knowledge shocked her but at the same time she realized she should have expected this. What man would have stayed? From the very beginning she had only suspected and harangued him. What man with any dignity could have remained?

She was too exhausted to cry but the shock and misery kept her silent and withdrawn the rest of the evening. Her family noticed but supposed that she was merely sad to be parted temporarily from her beau. Feeling almost like she was in a trance, she sewed and listened to her family interact around her. She finished her dinner and then went to bed as soon as was permissible. She was desperate for the escape sleep would bring her.

Tears ran down Elizabeth's cheeks as soon as wakefulness brought reality crashing back the next morning. Quickly, lest she disturb Jane, she dressed and went for a walk. This walk closely resembled the one from the day before. Anger, tears and contemplation took turns burning away at her energy until, exhausted, she returned home.

Starving and weary, Elizabeth said little at breakfast for which her family teased her. Mr. Bennet especially enjoyed a little smirk and a few comments on 'young maidens' and 'pining lovers'. The assumption of her family hurt her further, as every mention of it only reminded her of what should be but would never be again.

But at the same time, she could not bring herself to tell any of her family the truth. Everyone was so happy. The truth would ruin that happiness, and on the eve of Jane's wedding! Indeed, the nearness of Jane's wedding made it almost impossible for Elizabeth to say anything. It would create an explosion of gossip if she were to be found 'abandoned' by the man who had been courting her. That would take all the attention and happiness out of Jane's wedding.

Also, perhaps… perhaps she was wrong. There was a chance, no matter what her suspicions were, that Mr. Darcy would _someday_ come back. If so, she didn't want to kill the last far-fetched hope of a resolution. The only risk to this was Mr. Bingley.

Elizabeth wasn't sure what Mr. Darcy had told Mr. Bingley. Had he confided in him before he had left? Mr. Bingley had remained with Jane after Mr. Darcy had stormed out so it was possible that they had missed each other, but she had no way of knowing until she saw Mr. Bingley next.

There was no reason not to expect him this morning as it was his habit to visit every morning. She would have her answer then. Then a horrifying thought struck her; it was possible that he might not come if he knew the truth. What would the rift between his best friend and future sister-in-law do to Mr. Bingley and Jane's relationship?

The thought made Elizabeth a little sick and she went to her room to quietly as possible she paced in her room, anxiety making it impossible to remain still. She kept her door cracked and listened desperately for any sound of Mr. Bingley's entrance. Minutes ticked by at anganizing slowness, and though he was not later than his habit, Elizabeth was certain she had ruined her sister's future forever. Fears and sorrow for completely different reasons then before had Elizabeth shaking and feeling nauseated.

Suddenly there it was! Mr. Bingley's cheerful voice in the entry hall! Unable to restrain her terrified curiosity, Elizabeth burst from her room and reached the top of the stairs just in time to see Mr. Bingley hang his hat up and turn to Jane who had come to welcome him. Elizabeth immediately felt she was intruding as the couple smiled at each other, but desperation held her feet where they were. The fact he was here and smiling at Jane in such an intimate way meant the worst of her imaginings had not come about, but she still needed to know if he knew.

"Good morning, Mr. Bingley," she called down hesitantly.

He glanced up and when he saw her, his expression was disgruntled. For a second Elizabeth thought he knew all, but then he teasingly shook his head and said, "Good morning sister Elizabeth, but how many times do I have to ask you to call me Charles?"

She choked out a laugh. "I'm sorry 'brother' Charles to make you repeat yourself. I shall learn soon!"

Smiling, Charles said, "Please do, my voice is getting hoarse with the repetition!" Then he took Jane's hand and led her into the sitting room, calling over his shoulder, "Are you coming, dear sister?"

"In a moment, brother," Elizabeth called back with an appropriately teasing tone, though in truth, she felt that her legs might collapse with the strength of her relief. _I do not think he knows why Mr. Darcy left. While it is possible that he's just hiding it, that seems out of character for him_.

While Elizabeth stood at the top of the stairs, steadying her thoughts and emotions, there was a sudden knock on the front door. As Elizabeth watched as the housekeeper answered the door and let in Charlotte Collins.

Charlotte took one glance at Elizabeth and asked loudly, "Elizabeth! Whatever is the matter?"

Her eyes widened and Elizabeth rushed down to quiet her friend. As soon as Charlotte was divested of her outerwear, Elizabeth grabbed her hand and dashed with her upstairs. As Elizabeth closed her bedroom door behind them, she thought how grateful she was that her family were all too self-absorbed or distracted to read her expression as well as her friend had.

"Well, Lizzy, what is the matter? You looked like you had seen a ghost when I entered and now you've rushed me into privacy?"

"Oh Charlotte, I don't even know where to begin!"

"Is everyone alright? Everyone seemed fine when I was here yesterday morning. Even your long, _long_ walk with Mr. Darcy seemed to indicate that all was well."

Charlotte said this last bit with a teasing lilt to her tone that caused Elizabeth's response to come out as more of a wail."I wasn't with Mr. Darcy!"

Her friend's eyebrows rose and she seated herself on the vanity's chair. "You were out for hours. Where did you go?"

Elizabeth collapsed into the chair next to the fireplace and shook her head, a little at a loss. She had no ability nor desire to hide the truth from Charlotte but wasn't sure how to express all that she was feeling.

Finally she just started with an explanation of Harriot's letter, the idea it had given her and then all the events that had followed, including an almost word-for-word recitation of the argument she had had with Mr. Darcy. Then finally she showed Charlotte the note that Mr. Darcy had sent afterwards, telling of his departure to London.

She had kept mostly calm through the retelling but the sight of the note brought back afresh the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness that she had felt since she had first seen it and she burst into tears again. With all the drama that she was capable of, Elizabeth flung herself onto her bed and sobbed. It was a relief to tell someone but it still brought all her feelings back.

With sympathetic sigh, Charlotte sat next to her and rubbed her back. Her friend let Elizabeth cry for a few minutes then asked Charlotte hesitantly, "It is certainly not a pleasant thing to have happened…. but you seem more upset then I would have thought. Is it because on top of Mr. Darcy leaving you he also revealed Lt. Wickham's… upsetting past?"

Elizabeth pushed herself into a sitting position, wiped her tears and said indignantly. "While it was painful to hear how _extreme_ my misjudgement was -and embarrassing- I didn't love _him_!"

"And Mr. Darcy?"

"Desperately!"

"Truly? I got a letter from you just four days past and while you said that the courtship was going well, you said nothing of love."

"I - We weren't engaged yet, I didn't want to be too… brazen."

"I guess I can understand that in public, but surely you haven't been so demure with Mr. Darcy?"

Elizabeth twisted her damp handkerchief in her hands, "I intended to tell him next time we were alone. But it's not like I haven't given him _any_ encouragement."

The discomfort with which she said this clearly expressed to Charlotte the nature of Elizabeth's encouragement. Charlotte laughed a little and said "While _that_ kind of encouragement is good, it is not the same as a verbal commitment."

Elizabeth nodded sadly and for a moment both were silent. Finally Charlotte straightened her shoulders and took on a matter-of-fact tone. "If he is gone then he is gone. I do not think it is as certain as you seem to, but the reality is that there is nothing you can do presently to affect it. What I really want to know is if everything he said about Lt. Wickham is the truth."

"I do believe so, for the most part the two narratives were the same. And then where they did diverge, Mr. Darcy's explanation was more realistic, less dramatic and filled with details like the sums of money. Also, how could he make up that story about his sister? No, I fear it all must be true!

"And how differently everything about him now appears to me! In light of his history, his attention to Miss King seems solely and hatefully mercenary! His explanation at the time had seemed so reasonable and the modest size of her fortune to prove the moderation of his ambition, but now? Now, it seems grasping, shortsighted and despicable. It is one thing to not allow attachment when it cannot reasonably progress, but it is a whole other thing to pursue someone for whom you have no attraction or affection!"

"And his behaviour towards myself could have no tolerable motive! He either originally assumed I had a larger dowry or he was simply gratifying his vanity through his flirtations with me! Now I cannot picture him in any of our interactions without remembering some little impropriety, especially towards those of the opposite sex. Indeed, I have plenty of reason to suspect far more than I actually witnessed when I consider the fact that the whole neighborhood, including my youngest two sisters, all seem to believe they have a special, close relationship with him!"

"Not everybody in the neighborhood or even all the young women," Charlotte said. "I know Jane never liked him and the idea of Jane not liking anybody is a rather extreme statement all in itself. Even I, while I certainly cannot brag of 'having seen through his facade' or anything so insightful, did one time warn you against believing him too perfectly, of trusting him too much. If you think on it I am sure there were others in the neighborhood who were a little more careful around him."

Elizabeth did consider it for a moment and her heart sank with the memories of her father's sarcastic disbelief and her aunt's words of caution. How had so many of her respected loved ones warned her against Mr. Wickham without her ever noticing?

"I am truly the most miserably arrogant woman to have ever lived!" Elizabeth cried.

Charlotte patted Elizabeth's shoulder but conspicuously did not disagree. "Whether you should have realized or not aside, it is the other aspects of Lt. Wickham's history that concern me the most. Everything Mr. Darcy said is worrisome, but there are also the things he only implied."

"What do you mean?"

"The words that Mr. Darcy used, if you indeed quoted faithfully, are words that while used in polite society, describe truly immoral behavior. The implications that Mr. Darcy made are ones of ruined women and destroyed businesses."

"I know. That is why it was so reprehensible for Mr. Darcy to allow it to continue!"

"But does this mean that these behaviors have continued in Meryton? Even now, are members of our community realizing that Lt. Wickham left yesterday and did not settle the various debts he left?"

"I shudder to think!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"I as well, which is why we should move quickly to repair as much damage as we can."

"What could we possibly do? We have no connection or power to affect him."

Charlotte looked at her friend askance. "While there are certainly things we ought not do, that doesn't mean we ought to do nothing. Is that not what you told Mr. Darcy, that with the knowledge of this man's history came the moral imperative to protect others from him?"

"But I am not in a position to question merchants or even mention Lt. Wickham. Just bringing up the subject could expose me to the worst kind of gossip!"

"Was that not Mr. Darcy's argument?"

Elizabeth was too chastened to reply. She had truly treated him abysmally.

"While it is a good argument from both you and Mr. Darcy - for he was also protecting his little sister - it does not excuse doing nothing at all, I agree with you on that. Also, as a clergyman's wife I have a bit more agency and ability to help the community."

Elizabeth straightened her spine and nodded. "Yes, and I have connections and the position to help you quietly. So how do we proceed?"

"Carefully, and cleverly."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Elizabeth stretched to her tiptoes and groaned. She had been sitting, silent and still for almost three hours and her muscles now ached. It wasn't the only thing that ached, as her heart constantly felt like it was being squeezed, but she did her best to hide that when around others.

Though Charlotte knew of her pain Elizabeth still instinctively hid it. "Thank goodness for you, Charlotte. The way you handled that was truly impressive."

Charlotte smiled her normal reserved smile but Elizabeth thought there was a strength and confidence there now that hadn't been there before.

They had just come from the community hall where the influential women of the area often met to make plans, handle problems and gossip. They called it a 'community board' and gave themselves many airs for being 'board members' but mostly they planned dances and baby showers. This was of course, necessary and important work but Elizabeth had always thought the members, especially her mother, to be a little _too_ self satisfied. However they did from time to time tackle some social or domestic problem. An unwed mother, a ophened child, the need for a new maid or a sick family, these things would be discussed at _much_ length, but usually resolved in a way that benefited many.

The thing that had amazed Elizabeth the most however, was the poise, strength and influence that Charlotte had shown. Elizabeth had never really considered the life of a clergyman's wife but even outside of her parish, Charlotte was now treated with respect and consideration. In truth however, her marriage could not be given all the credit but rather Charlotte herself had surprised Elizabeth the most. She had been so confidant and commanding, nothing like the women who had, but six months ago, seen herself as a burden to her family.

All the women of the board had asked for her advice at one point or another, even if it was only asking for the choices of style in Kent. And so it had been nothing at all for 'Mrs. Collins' to comment on the departure of the militia. As they had agreed beforehand, rather than telling all that they had learned Elizabeth and Charlotte would instead influence others to find out the truth for themselves. To this end Charlotte, without ever mentioning Wickham's name, warned the community women against trusting officers who were not truly part of the community and thus had little reason to be very self controlled. At which point Elizabeth cracked a joke about the ten pence that Lt. Wickham still owned her, though he had now 'taken flight on his debt'. This was true but said in a light tone that mocked the small size of the debt and seemed to make light of the concern. Despite her light air, Elizabeth had carefully watched and saw several women look uncomfortable. Nobody would wish to be the first to mention that they had been cheated but if her comment sparked suspicion that they may mention it to their close friends and that way it might spread.

If need be they would try a different tactic but this was enough for today. At least with the society ladies. Now they were walking towards the Meryton mainstreet to innocently stop at a couple little shops.

Elizabeth was still considering the change in her friend and couldn't help commenting on it. "I hope this doesn't offend you, but I was somewhat surprised how willing you were to not only get involved but to spearhead our little plot."

"This was always the difference between me and you when we spoke of marriage. You always saw it as a relationship with man. Whereas I saw it as a position. I find being a clergyman's wife to be a very fulfilling role for me. 'Charlotte Collins' is _needed_ in a way that 'Charlotte Lucas' was never needed. Surely you must have noticed how often I was called away while you were visiting me."

Charlotte brushed at her skirt absently. "Nearly every day there is some poor soul in need. Sometimes they only need a listening ear, sometimes a little extra prayer, food or other kind of care. In the last six months I've helped with seven births, advised mothers and found places for young women. Mr. Collins is, of course, very busy as well, but Lady Catherine requires much of his time and I am often asked for help or advice in his stead."

Charlotte paused and giggled. "Actually, the women ask me for advice -or ask me to ask Lady Catherine- but the men always ask me to ask Mr. Collins for them, and then I- ahem- _suggest_ a course of action to Mr. Collins, and he often quickly sees that he agrees with me! In this way I do find myself very involved in my community. It makes me happy, Elizabeth, I hope you can see that."

Elizabeth felt guilty for her vain arrogance all over again. How could she have judged Charlotte and not even investigated more about her life while she was in Kent?

"I do, and I am sorry for before!" Elizabeth said and impulsively hugged her friend in the street.

Charlotte looked very embarrassed as she always had with physical affection and quickly pushed her away, laughing but shaking her head at Elizabeth's open manners. Elizabeth kept the tease going by attempting to link arms with the reserved 'Mrs. Collins'. Because of this they entered the cobbler giggling like school girls.

"Mrs. Collins, Miss Elizabeth, how lovely you both look this morning!" exclaimed the cobbler, Mr. Fawcett.

"Good morning, Mr. Fawcett, I've come to check if my father's boot has been repaired?"

"Yes, indeed, It's in the back, excuse me for a moment."

Elizabeth and Charlotte browsed the premade shoes and the design plates despite neither of them needing new shoes. Elizabeth did pick out some new shoe roses. Jane's engagement party at Netherfield would be next week and Elizabeth's dancing shoes had been dreadfully trodden at the assembly on Monday. Not by Mr. Darcy of course, he was an excellent dancer, it had been during one of her other dances.

For a moment she stood lost in remembering that near perfect night she had spent dancing and flirting with Mr. Darcy. His strong but gentle hands holding her and his perfect dancing. The way his eyes promised to kiss her next time they were alone…

"Elizabeth?" Charlotte said a little loudly, as if it hadn't been her first call.

Elizabeth gave a little jump and looked around, Mr. Fawcett was back, holding a bootbox and looking at her expectantly. With a light laugh Elizabeth opened her satchel and fished around for the money, she had it almost immediately but acted like she was having trouble.

"I'm sure I have it with me! I don't want to leave it on credit…"

"It's fine, Miss Elizabeth, if you have forgotten it, I know your family is good for it."

"Certainly not! Just… There it is!" Elizabeth smiled her biggest smile for Mr. Fawcett and handed him the money, while saying over her shoulder to Charlotte. "Didn't you mention that one of the recently departed officers had left a bunch of unpaid debts? So dishonorable!"

"Indeed, a significant amount, and now I fear with him gone, there will be no way to collect on it!"

Elizabeth cast another friendly smile towards Mr. Fawcett, who suddenly looked worried and with a quick farewell, exited the shop.

When they had walked for a few moments in silence Elizabeth said in a worried tone. "What if we are wrong? What if he didn't leave a lot of debts?"

"A badger cannot change his stripes. From what we know, he has never lived his life with honor. It's extremely unlikely that he started now. But, _if_ he did then the rumor will not gain momentum. He is too well liked for only one or two debts left to ruin his reputation."

Elizabeth agreed but felt a little uncomfortable with directly interfering. She had always just watched people, without any right to act. As a lady, as a daughter and the _second_ daughter as well, she had very little sway on the people in her life. But watching Charlotte, Elizabeth realized what her life would actually be like if she had married, or did marry Mr. Darcy. The mistress of Pemberley had a whole new meaning in her mind.

The two women paused before the tailor. Whatever negatives that could be said about Lt. Wickham it would never be that he wasn't well dressed. He was sure to have spent a significant sum here. The women caught each other's eyes, nodded and then stepped through the door laughing lightly as if in playful banter with each other.

Much as in the cobbler, the women browsed and chatted and then made the important insinuation as they paid for their small purchase. The tailor's reaction was even more obvious as he immediately looked to his wife, glaring openly. Indeed, the atmosphere turned tense so quickly that Elizabeth and Charlotte exited the shop but then hesitated.

"Perhaps we should ask further?" Elizabeth asked.

"We do not want to be seen as the instigators in this, nor have we the position to ask questions. We have to hope that if they do have a concern they speak with other merchants or the town leaders. I intend to pay a call to the clergyman's wife and hint that as she is getting on in years i would be willing to help out while I am here. Hopefully then she will bring me in on any community problems that arise. Will you speak to your father tonight?"

"Yes, as you said, my father should be informed. Even if he has little interest being personally involved. He is a leader of the community and the head of my household. He is also an observer of human nature and may have some suggestions for us."

"Indeed. Now, I will walk you to Longbourn with you and take the opportunity to visit your family, enduring your mother's glares all the while."

Arm in arm they walked back, plotting their next move and sharing friendly banter.


	23. Chapter 23

_Hi, everyone! hope everyone had a good week! thanks as always to my bata reader_ _Violingirl05 for constantly catching the misuse of my commas and everything else! Thanks to all my readers, I hope that you enjoy this next chapter and I am very excited to have broken 700 followers! thank you!_

 **Chapter 23**

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Elizabeth sat across from Mr. Bennet in his study, pretending to read and stealing glances at him. Mr Bennet was smoking his pipe and reading. He was completely absorbed and not in a very good mood as he had been harrassed all day by wedding plans, requests for more funds and household difficulties. Also, it was one of the few times of year he was actually required to stay attentive to the estate because of the many problems planting season always presented. She felt she needed to share her information about Lt. Wickham in order to avoid the mistakes she had made before but lacked the confidence. She wasn't even sure if there was a problem to alert him to.

Also, how would she avoid the truth of her argument with Mr. Darcy? It was one thing to make hints to people who were unable to ask her follow up questions, but her father would ask about her source.

Mr. Darcy… is he truly gone? How is it possible that I may never see him again? It can't be, it truly can't be! ! We were- just last week, kissing! and I saw my whole future through the idea of marrying him. I miss him so much already, how can I survive never seeing him again?

"What is it, Lizzy?"

Elizabeth jerked back to the present and realized that in her musing she had started staring at her father and he was now glaring back.

"I apologize, I was lost in my thoughts."

"Perhaps, but you've been sneaking looks at me since you came in here, you obviously have a request to make of me, please make it so I can finally relax."

Elizabeth hesitated only a few seconds longer and then rushed out, "I have reason to suspect that Lt. Wickham has unscrupulously created debt with the merchants in Meryton and may not intend to pay it back."

Her father raised an eyebrow and said somewhat sarcastically. "Did your beau tell you this?"

"Yes," Elizabeth confirmed without argument. She knew how her father had meant it but even if she did explain better, it was true, her information came from Mr. Darcy alone. So it was better to behave confidently in the face of sarcasm than to try and explain.

Her serious, calm tone caused Mr. Bennet to consider for a moment. "Well, I wish he had come to me if he was concerned about this. It's not appropriate for you to be involved in the financial situation of gentlemen, especially ones you have no personal connection to."

Elizabeth had no answer for this so only nodded.

"Still, if what Kitty said at dinner was true - and I do have confidence in the reliability of her social knowledge - Lt. Wickham left Meryton two days ago. I have not received any such report of him and if he had left unpaid debts then his debtors would be seeking restitution, would they not?"

"I would think so. I would have thought that they would be concerned when he didn't pay before he left. However… I personally know how good a liar he is, as well as being very well liked in Meryton. Perhaps the merchants said nothing because he did not leave a debt of any large amount and because he is trusted?"

"If he did not leave any large debts then I am not sure why I should be concerned. Perhaps this would be a good lesson on the foolishness of accepting the promises of people who do not live in the community."

"Possibly," Elizabeth agreed, biting her lip, "however, even if he caused little lasting damage, it should not be forgiven. It should be reported to his commanding officer so that he cannot do the same thing in Brighton. Also, if it is true, I would not wish to continue to hear his praises sung by the community."

"You just want revenge on him for the stories he told about your suitor!" Her father laughed.

"That is not my motivation," Elizabeth defended. "If he is a scoundrel, he ought be exposed!"

"It's a rather late but if, as you say, you wish to prevent him from doing any wrong in Brighton, then how do you wish to proceed? Surely you don't hope that I will individually check on all the merchants in Meryton?"

Elizabeth smirked. "No indeed, I expect them to come to you."

"Why would they ask me to intervene? I am not his commanding officer."

"No, not for intervention, I just expect the information to come to us without much effort."

Her father squinted at her suspiciously, "People are going to be spreading the tale of their own financial troubles and bad choices?"

"It wouldn't perhaps naturally become a topic of conversation but with a little bit of a push and a dramatic villain…?"

Her father let out a bark of laughter and shook his head. "Using your natural skills in gossip for a righteous cause, are you? Well, if you wish to amuse yourself with this while your doting suitor is away then I will not stop you. Be careful though not to get caught up personally in this, I do not want to see your name getting tied with that silly officer's, no matter how this turns out."

"I'm being careful, and have no direct interaction with any of this. It's mostly Charlotte."

"Charlotte is involved in this little scrape of yours, is she? Well, that's good, she's a sensible girl."

"Yes, and I am disappointed in myself that I did not value that more," Elizabeth said but didn't want to explain how Charlotte's instincts had been right and hers had been wrong.

Again, Mr. Bennet raised his eyebrow but did not push for an explanation. Instead he waved her off, saying, "You can let me know if this comes to anything. If any true harm was done I may be able to buy a debt or two, let me know if it is needed."

Elizabeth was overall happy with how the conversation had gone, so she left her father to his peace and his book. She rejoined her mother and sisters and helped with the sewing until it was bedtime. She tried to go to sleep, but as soon as the candles were put out and her head was on the pillow, she could no longer distract herself from thoughts about Mr. Darcy. Over and over, she tried to focus her mind on sleep and over and over she failed. She tried not to disturb Jane but found herself tossing and turning unconsciously.

Finally, she got up and quietly left the room. I will just go read for a few minutes and get my thoughts on something else. She thought and then with a mischievous smile she decided to see if the kitchen had any treats to nibble on while she did some late night reading.

Plunder found, Elizabeth curled herself into one of her father's big chairs in his study. A favorite book and some lemon tarts, what could be better? Humming a cheerful song to herself, she opened her book and took a bite of her treat. As soon as the taste filled her mouth, she remembered the time in Netherfield when Mr. Darcy had brought her a lemon tart with her tea… right after pulling her into a room and kissing her breathless.

Elizabeth's heartbeat quickened at the memory and she wanted to slap herself. No! Don't remember that! Don't think of his kisses or the way he always watched you and cared for you! Don't!

But even before her self-rebuke was finished the tears had come again. She was sobbing before even noticing the grief overwhelming her. Frustrated with herself and missing him so much she ached, Elizabeth cried and ate her lemon tart. Then, still crying, she went back to the kitchen and helped herself to three more. While helping herself to the treats she noticed a bottle of wine, and without a second thought she poured herself a glass.

She paid no attention to the passage of time and paced the back rooms of Longborn, crying, thinking and sipping her wine. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning she fell into an exhausted, tipsy sleep.

The next morning Elizabeth woke later than usual, groggy and grumpy. She knew it was her own fault for her loss of control the night before and so tried her best to wash well, drink her tea and eat some breakfast before interacting with her unsuspecting family. Even so, it was not until after breakfast and a brisk walk around the gardens that Elizabeth started to feel like herself again. This recovery was lucky for as soon as she returned to the house, they received a call from Georgiana, Charles, and Caroline Bingley. Elizabeth desperately wished she could find an excuse to escape but instead steeled her courage and greeted them cheerfully.

Georgiana immediately came and hugged her. "I missed you at practice yesterday. Of course, I do understand how important it is to take part in these community meetings. It's just that I did not get to see you much last week either."

This was said in a hesitantly affectionate tone, as if she was almost worried that Elizabeth would laugh at her. Elizabeth couldn't help but wonder what emotional wounds were still left from Lt. Wickham's roguish behavior. It was a concerning thought but Elizabeth smiled and hugged the girl back. "I missed you too! I will come tomorrow to practice. Unfortunately I am busy this morning as well. My friend and I are taking some food to a struggling family as soon as she gets here. Which is why I am extra glad to see you now!"

She served Georgiana a cup of tea and joined her and Mary's conversation about music, but allowed the two younger women to lead the conversation. This was natural as they had spent all of last week practicing together. As they talked, Elizabeth wondered what Georgiana's presence meant. She would have thought that Mr. Darcy would have called his sister home by now. Also, why had he not told his sister anything of their argument? Perhaps he did not want to interrupt his sister's visit with his friends? Or simply did not want to create the gossip that the complete withdrawal of Darcys from Hertfordshire would cause. But if that was the case, he had to know that they would have to officially end the courtship at some point. Perhaps, like herself, Mr. Darcy was waiting for after the wedding to announce their sad news.

After a few minutes Mrs. Hill came in with fresh scones and Elizabeth got up to help serve them. Then she joined the conversation with Jane, Charles, her mother and Caroline. They were finishing up the plans for the engagement party on Monday as well as the wedding itself. The wedding date had been set for next Wednesday and now that the banns certificate from Bingleys' home parish had been received, nothing stood in the way of the wedding.

Currently Caroline was leading the conversation, enthusiastically persuading Mrs. Bennet on the necessity of a white cake at the wedding breakfast, despite Mrs. Bennet being in complete agreement on that fact from the beginning. Caroline may not have been the most fervent supporter of the marriage but she loved the wedding. Caroline was excellent at event arrangements and while it had taken her some time to come to terms with the loss of her brother as a way to move up in society, she was now an active partner in planning the events leading up to that unfortunate marriage.

Jane and Charles took turns agreeing with whatever was said and then exchanging loving glances. Elizabeth wasn't sure if it warmed her heart or hurt it more to watch but tried to concentrate on her happiness for Jane's sake.

"Eliza, will your bridesmaid dress match or contrast with Mr. Darcy's apparel for the wedding ceremony?"

Caroline's question surprised Elizabeth so much she just answered, "No." Everyone in the group looked at her with some surprise and Elizabeth frantically gathered her wits and continued, "No, I confess I am not sure which is more fashionable. I had thought I would ask you, what are your thoughts on the matter?"

"It's rather late to start thinking about it! In such a small village can you even get a dress done in less than a week?"

"I could, yes, however Mrs. Deighton is quite busy with Jane's trousseau so I have asked my aunt in London to arrange for a dress to be made for me at the dress shop that I visited last month. They have my measurements, I have chosen the fashion plate they will use, and so I only have the colors left to choose."

"Well, I'm glad you have made those arrangements, but you really should send your color choices today, perhaps with the afternoon post? Because Mr. Darcy has chosen sangria for his breeches and also an accent for his waist coat. I believe that you should choose mauve for your dress. It does not actually match but is a more delicate, feminine version of the color. Yes, I think that would suit well."

"Yes, indeed! I'm so glad that Darcy finally got back to me, what charming pair you will be." Charles added as it was apparently his turn to input encouragement.

"Thank you for your advice, I believe that i will take you up on it. If you will excuse me, I will go write that note right away." Elizabeth agreed distractedly and turned to go to the writing desk.

As she sat and prepared her writing instruments she could feel Caroline's eyes on her. The last few times that she had interacted with Caroline, the exchanges had been more cordial than usual; as if Caroline was starting to accept Elizabeth's and Mr. Darcy's relationship and hadn't wanted to offend the future Mrs. Darcy. Indeed, some of her comments almost had the obsequious tone that she usually used with Mr. Darcy. However, she was neither as distracted as Mr. Bingley, so unconnected as the Bennet family nor as naive as Georgiana and so must be wondering at Mr. Darcy's sudden abandonment. Elizabeth thought she had hidden the fact she hadn't known Mr. Darcy's color choice well, but perhaps Caroline had seen through her conversational dodge.

In any case, the simple fact that Caroline knew Mr. Darcy's clothing choice was confusing Elizabeth to the degree that she was struggling to write the simple note. He had not chosen the color as of last week. Did that mean that he was exchanging letters with the Bingleys? Caroline would not have written him directly but she may have included a question in one of Charles' letters. Does this mean that he is still intending to be the best man at the wedding?

Elizabeth felt her heart quicken with a mix of dread and hope. She wanted to see him again, desperately, but what if he used the opportunity to officially end the relationship between them? While she had all but accepted the fact he would end it, she still felt she would rather run a hundred miles than hear him say the words.

Elizabeth was able to finish the letter despite her distraction and left the room to add it to the afternoon post. Before she could return the sitting room, Charlotte arrived. Elizabeth quickly bid her other guests goodbye, fetched her food basket from the kitchen and followed Charlotte back out of Longbourn.

In easy companionship, the two women walked to the Smith's home and then the Enfields, delivering a basket to each. There was nothing particularly wrong with either family but a normal seasonal illness and the common shortage of resources in the spring. Still, it was also nothing but normal kindness to check on them and help a little. As they walked back a couple of hours later, Charlotte told Elizabeth that Meryton's clergymen and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. Kensley, had been very welcoming to both herself and Mr. Collins. They had said they would be happy to accept any help the Collins could provide as the Kensleys were both getting on in years.

"I am not sure for how long we will be in 'hiding' here in Meryton. We will probably leave at a moment's notice when Lady Catherine calms enough to write and summon us back. However, while we are here we ought to do what we can to help the community. It is not good to have too much time on one's hands."

"Do you take yourself or your husband into consideration in this?" Elizabeth teased.

"Both," Charlotte returned with a grin.

"I would help you more than this but my mother has requested that I spend the afternoons at home to be at Jane's disposal for the wedding."

"Of course, and in any case, you are not needed. As much as I appreciate your company, there is not really enough for both the Kensleys and Mr. Collins and I to do. However, while I help I will be keeping an eye out for any problems left by the officers; Lt. Wickham or any others. Hopefully, I will discover none, but if there are any problems that I cannot resolve I will come to you."

Elizabeth agreed and for two days did her normal tasks - even practicing with Georgiana - helped Jane get ready for the wedding, and tried not to think about Mr. Darcy. A determination that failed miserably.

During this time she was able to finally straighten her thoughts and come to a few decisions. As no further comments had come she was going to assume that Mr. Darcy still intended to be at the wedding. In which case, she would be able to see him again at least one more time. Such an opportunity she would not waste. She was determined that she would be proactive in mending their relationship. She was completely sure she did want to fix it. If nothing else, the time apart had let her know how much she loved him. How much she would miss him if he was gone. So she would risk her pride, ask his forgiveness and for another chance for their relationship.

That new chance, however, would have to be with a better understanding of each other and why they had fought. She would apologize without reservation if not for one concern; if she accepted all of the blame and gave over to him in all ways, it would be a lie. Elizabeth steadfastly believed that she should not repair their relationship at the cost of a lie. That would be a terrible precedent and if the only way she could save their love was with a lie then it was never meant to be saved.

And what is the truth? If i were to boil it down, the conflict was caused because I had not trusted Mr. Darcy and because I had a prideful attitude. He was completely right on the latter part. I can see now just how prideful and vain all my opinions were and I cannot look back on them without regret. For this fault I will beg for forgiveness from him and God. But for the former point...?

It was on this point that Elizabeth struggled the most. She felt guilty for not trusting him, but did not think she should. Love was not the same as trust in her mind. Respect and trust? These two ideas rarely accompanied love in Elizabeth's experience and she could not see that Mr. Darcy had ever earned it. She had asked for clarification several times and he had always refused. He seemed to have believed that she should trust him simply because he was courting her.

Is that what the future of their relationship would be? He, as a husband with unconditional authority and no need for explanation? Elizabeth loved him but knew herself well enough to fear a future like that for she believed that resentment would grow quickly in those conditions.

So in the end she decided she would give a complete, unconditional apology for her attitude in the past but gently refuse responsibility for the misunderstanding itself. The misunderstanding had been caused by Lt. Wickham's lies and Mr. Darcy's pride, and while she could not take responsibility for either but she could for her own vanity.

She worried that it would not be enough but hoped her sincerity and desire for reconciliation would be enough for him to consider giving her another chance. With this resolution in mind, she tried to simply keep herself busy to distract herself from the worry and feeling of missing him, as the feeling of missing him was just as confusing as any other part of their relationship.

Elizabeth had certainly missed people before but it had never been like this. It was as if her skin itself longed to be near him, to be touched by him. When she awoke it was with the instant feeling of loss. Though they had not touched very much before, it had been enough that she had started to desire a progression of that part of their relationship and now the loss of it made her feel as if she was hungry without the ability to feed herself.

And so it was with guilty relief that she threw herself into helping both Jane and Charlotte. She spent her mornings practicing with Georgiana, visiting the needy with Charlotte, and then helping Jane in the afternoons. Despite her efforts to help Charlotte's gentle investigation, Elizabeth was starting to think that their worries about Lt. Wickham would come to naught. Even by Thursday evening, they had heard very little. The Meryton pub had had some issues with unpaid debts from the soldiers, and while Lt. Wickham's name had been mentioned among the names, it was without any special distinction. One of the merchants' daughters had attempted to run away in the middle of the night to join her 'true love' in Brighton, but the family had caught her in time and was hushing it up so no one was sure who that 'love' had been.

However, the hope of a reformed Lt. Wickham died a sudden death Friday morning. That the news was broken by Mrs. Philips should be no surprise to anyone.

"Sister!" wailed Mrs. Philips in a dramatic tone the moment she entered the house. "Sister! I am afraid I carry with me the most shocking news. Prepare yourself, dear Fanny, for it is terrible indeed!"

This announcement created quite a tizzy - as it was meant to - and Elizabeth paused in her preparation to go out with Charlotte. Soon her aunt and mother were ensconced on the sofa, holding hands as if to comfort each other.

"I was hosting a dinner party last night with several esteemed members of our merchant families when the topic of the soldiers leaving came up. Now sister, there were none there that would like to say an unkind thing! However, it slowly became revealed that there had been some who were grateful for the loss in society as there had been some… less than excellent behavior. One name in particular was mentioned to dramatic effect! It was from Mr. Cromwell, the tailor, he first said that he had 'heard' someone mention a debt left by this particular officer, casually, it was so sly of him! But as soon as the name was mentioned, one person after another told some story or another of debts, gambling and seduction! Oh sister, my dearest Fanny, you cannot imagine my shock!"

"Sister, do not tease me so! You must have some compassion for my nerves! Who was it?"

"Well, then brace yourself. It was none other than Lt. Wickham!"

"No!" Mrs. Bennet exclaimed, clutching at her chest. At the sound of their favorite's name the younger Bennet women who had been blatantly listening all exclaimed as well. Elizabeth held her peace.

"Surely there must have been some misunderstanding or exaggeration," Jane put in.

"I fear not, darling girl," their aunt intoned with great sadness. "For as soon as the ice was broken on the subject it seemed he owed everyone at least some small debt. Even I, dear girl, even have some small debt to call on him. I would have simply forgiven it if this had not been revealed. You know I do not like to make a fuss of money won or lost at a friendly game. It was only four shillings, after all, and he said he would send the money as soon as he got stabilized in Brighton. But now-"

"He owes me two shillings as well!" interrupted Kitty, seemingly pleased to be included in the gossip.

Their aunt nodded dramatically. "That is exactly how the conversation went last night. No one was going to create a fuss over their issue, believing they could work it out over post with Lt. Wickham, but as soon as it was starting to be spoken of, everyone had a story! Sometimes trival, sometimes large and worst of all, it was revealed that little Rachel Colby, who tried to run away three nights ago, remember? Was trying to run to him! And the stories of seduction did not end there!"

Elizabeth felt a little sick at the perverse pleasure her aunt seemed to be taking in the story. But she continued listening for any story that was specific enough to warrant follow up or help. However she soon found that her aunt spoke in dramatic vagaries that tintilated the imagination but held little information. So it was that when Charlotte arrived, Elizabeth felt confident leaving, knowing that if her aunt had any more details she would have shared them from the beginning.

As soon as she exited Longbourn with Charlotte, Elizabeth reported what her aunt had said. Charlotte only nodded.

"Mrs. Kensley came to me early this morning, apparently several of the merchants had come straight from that dinner to their house to ask for advice. I believe several of them will also soon be going to your father in hopes that he can help them recover the debt. There is one report in particular that I am very concerned about."

"What is it?"

"Mrs. Kensley was told by Mrs. Gerrick that their helper girl in the tobacco shop had a fling with Lt. Wickham and that she is now pregnant by him. Mrs. Gerrick said she has no intention of keeping an unwed, 'foolish' young woman in her employ. But according to Mrs. Kensley, the girl has no family that can take her in."

"What ought we do to help?"

"I have the girl's name and where she is living. Mrs. Kensley asked me to find out more so that is what we must do first. Come, let us drop off these baskets and then we will go interview her."


	24. Chapter 24

_Hi, everybody, I am back! I hope everyone likes this new chapter, I would encourage you to reread the last chapter as well though, as i did change a few small things. To my beta readers and my best friend who wrote the sonnet for me, thank you so much! And as always, thank you everyone for reading it!_

 **Chapter 24**

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On her way to meet with Flora Morley, the tobacconist's working girl, Elizabeth had unintentionally begun to make the girl an innocent victim in her mind. A delicate flower, beautiful and pure, muddled and torn by the desires of a selfish man. Deceitful, despicable Lt Wickham! To seduce a young girl who was without protection in this world and then leave her, penniless and with a babe. It could not be imagined!

This dramatic picture was somewhat damaged by meeting the 'delicate flower.' Flora was at least her age if not a little older and seemed as if she had never heard the word 'modesty' in her life. She was loud, suggestively dressed and defensive of her current condition. Especially towards Charlotte, Flora seemed angry to be approached. But soon after Charlotte let her know that they were there to help instead of scold or berate, she did become significantly friendlier.

Indeed, she was not a bad sort, only a little uneducated and unrestrained, nor could Elizabeth blame Flora for falling for Lt. Wickham's charms. So while she was not quite the innocent girl that Elizabeth had at first imagined, she was still to be pitied. Flora was at least less at fault then Lt. Wickham especially as she had genuinely thought they would someday get married.

Elizabeth and Charlotte interviewed Flora on the types of skills she had and then promised to write their contacts to find a position for her in another town. If she moved away she could make up any story about the father (a common one being that her husband had been a soldier who had died in the war).

After many reasurances of help, Elizabeth and Charlotte left and returned to their homes. There was very little new information brought to Longbourn on Friday. But Saturday the town seemed to erupt.

All of Meryton was thrilled to blacken the name of a man who, but one week ago, had been almost an angel. Every tradesman declared him in debt to them and every else seemed to have some tale of intrigue. The whole of the town was convinced he was the most blackhearted young man in the world and - if they were to be completely honest - they had personally been suspicious of his apparent goodness. Elizabeth realized that the stories were getting more and more ridiculous and soon found that she could not believe half of what she heard despite her certainty in the immorality of Lt. Wickham.

Elizabeth did her best to take note of the more believable complaints and direct the affected people to either the Kinsleys or her father. She did what she could to be helpful but found that the Meryton community was somewhat suspicious of her involvement. Many people seemed resentful of her because she had been such good friends with Lt. Wickham and more still praised her for eventually seeing through Lt. Wickham's lies and choosing Mr. Darcy instead. But those people also asked her why she did not warn others. Elizabeth could only apologize but could not offer an explanation because she had none.

Because of this, Saturday passed miserably for Elizabeth and Sunday was even worse. The Sunday services had already been a powder keg of excited gossip but then Flora announced her condition under a thin veil of 'confessing' to the delighted horror of the entire town. Despite supposed sorrow and regret, Flora seemed to enjoy the attention and Meryton was more than willing to give it to her, eagerly hanging on her every word as she told her more and more improbable story over and over again.

After the services there was a never ending series of men coming to visit Mr. Bennet. It lasted all afternoon and by evening Elizabeth could see how exhausted her father was.

He was quiet all through supper and then called her into his study with him. He was silent for several minutes. She had never seen him look so troubled.

"It is worse than I thought. I had not imagined goodness, but I _had_ thought there would be caution. On both sides."

"What do you mean, Papa?"

"I would not have believed that a good face and a charming persona would have been enough to induce men who were dependent on their business to lend him significant amounts of money. And I would have thought that Lt. Wickham would not risk debtors prison by creating very large debts. It would be reckless, edging toward madness for a healthy, educated young man with a respectable career to create debts he could not repay!"

"It was foolish for sure, but surely he will be able to pay them off eventually."

Mr. Bennet let out a sarcastic laugh. "Maybe in ten years. The total I have so far is almost three hundred pounds."

Elizabeth felt faint. "So much?"

"Yes, and it is sure to only grow. And I-" Mr. Bennet paused, took off his spectacles and massaged the bridge of his nose. "Longbourn cannot cover such a sum right now with planting season and your sister's wedding. I had always intended to start putting more money in savings but there always seemed to be more urgent priority…"

Elizabeth did not know what to say and so held her silence until, after a few moments, her father spoke again.

"I will do what I can to, in the short term, soften the blow to our local economy but the hurt will still be felt. And you may have to settle for a very simple wedding indeed."

"Do not worry about that right now, Papa. What else can be done? Will you write Coronel Foster and ask him to enforce the debt?"

"Yes, of course. And because of this intervention, I believe they will eventually get their money back. That is the only advantage to debts being so significant; Foster can hardly ignore it. Though it may take some time for Wickam's normal wages to pay back such a large sum, it is best to start as soon as possible, hopefully before he can accrue more debt in Brighton. Because of this I have determined to write tonight and send it, with all the necessary signatures and debt amounts, in the morning post."

"I agree; it must be sent immediately. Would you like my help? I can write it for you if you would like."

"No, Lizzy not this time, thank you. But maybe stay and look over it for me when I am done."

Elizabeth browsed one of her father's books while he wrote, occasionally consulting on a phrase or word and then read over the letter when he was done. It was simple and to the point, describing the realization of the debt left behind and a list of the merchants affected and asking for assistance in collecting the owed money.

Elizabeth went to bed soon after, somewhat comforted to know that there was a plan in place to help those affected.

Jane was already in bed but still wide awake. Her engagement ball was the next evening and in her excitement she was having trouble sleeping. Elizabeth felt somewhat guilty for avoiding Jane that last week. It had not been for any selfish reason, rather a fear that if they had an intimate conversation she would tell all to her precious sister and ruin what should be one of the happiest times of her life. But now it was obvious that Jane wished to talk and Elizabeth could not disappoint her.

The sisters giggled and talked in the dark for hours, simply enjoying each other's company. If Elizabeth was more then usually interested in Jane's affairs, with no interest in speaking of herself, Jane did not notice. Only very late indeed did they finally fall asleep. Thus it was nearly eleven in the morning before they awoke.

Elizabeth rushed through her morning activities, excluding her piano practice, so that she could walk into town with Charlotte and her younger sisters, ostensibly to get dresses and hair notions for the ball. But for Elizabeth it was to hear any new updates on the gossip about Lt. Wickham.

However, she found that she was better informed than the general public because of her conversation with her father that had included the actual names and amounts instead of the wild suppositions being bandied about in town. Thus hair accessories became her goal in truth and she focused anew.

Elizabeth's dress for the ball had been made new for the occasion - a rich blue silk gorgeously trimmed in white lace. It was more extravagant than she was used to wearing but her mother had insisted on it because she was the bridesmaid and to impress Mr. Darcy. Two weeks ago when the dress had been ordered Elizabeth had been excited to wear it while dancing with Mr. Darcy. Now it made her sad to imagine wearing it. But she still had a role to play at her sister's engagement ball and so for half an hour debated the various merits of pearls, fresh jasmine or silver combs for her hair.

In the end, Elizabeth chose jasmine and bought some tiny silk flowers for her slippers and waist to match the fresh ones that would go in her hair. Then she helped her sisters make their last minute purchases as well.

It was fortunate that she was there for, as she was helping Kitty choose between two different shades of pink ribbon, she heard a commotion at the counter. She went over to investigate and found that Lydia had tried to put her purchases on her tab, as she was currently out of allowance money. The haberdasher, Mr. Miles, was insisting that he could not put anything on a tab anymore and would only accept cash payments.

"Lizzy! Tell him how absurd he is being! It's _one_ shilling and I am Lydia _Bennet_!"

"Miss Lydia, I truly mean no offense! I only-"

"Please, Mr. Miles, do not concern yourself. Of course we will all pay in full today. As soon as Kitty has made her choice I will pay for both of them."

The merchant thanked her and hurried away to help another customer. Lydia glared at her and asked loudly, "Lizzy, why did you-"

"Hush. We will speak of it after we leave."

Lydia tried again but Elizabeth caught her arm and held it tight. Lydia stood silent and fuming until Kitty was done and Elizabeth had paid.

The moment they exited the shop Lydia wrenched her arm away and stomped her foot. "Lizzy! You cannot treat me like this! I am not a child to be hushed in the shop! And why was he behaving like that? It has never been a problem to just bring the money next time!"

"If you would not be treated like a child then do not behave like one," Elizabeth said in a tone quiet but acidic with frustration.

"What is going on?" Charlotte asked as she rejoined them.

"Lydia was trying to put her ribbons on the tab. I don't think anyone in the village will be allowing any tabs for a little while."

"I can understand that," Charlotte agreed and then asked Kitty about her ribbons.

Elizabeth tried her best to explain to her careless little sister that the merchants had been taken advantage of and would have to be tightening their belts. Lydia could not imagine a life of such petty concerns and was angry that someone would doubt her ability to pay back a shilling. Elizabeth told her that it wasn't about her or the shilling but Lydia was still miffed when they returned home and complained loudly to her mother the moment they walked through the door.

Her mother was sympathetic to the slight as Lydia hoped, but unfortunately for her, Mr. Bennet happened to be present for her complaints as well.

"He was right to behave so! And you should not, ever, be putting anything on tab. It puts a burden on the merchants of our little village and is a tasteless, irresponsible thing to do."

"Papa!"

"Do not 'papa' me, young lady! This is not the first time I have told you this and if you cannot be responsible with your allowance you will soon find yourself banned from the village unless accompanied by Lizzy or Mary."

This threat caused a horror entirely disportionate to the minor inconvenience it would cause Lydia. Normally her father would tease her a little more and then give in under the wails of his youngest daughter but this time he was firm and only got angry the more that Lydia whined.

What started as a conversation on whether a shilling should or should not be allowed on tab quickly escalated to an oration on the general irresponsibility and childishness of Lydia. His family watched in surprise as Mr. Bennet, rather than leaving in frustration, cut Lydia's allowance in response to her disrespect and kept cutting it until she was silent. Then, Mr. Bennet ominously told her he would be carefully watching her behaviour at the ball that night.

The rest of the afternoon Lydia was sullen and angry but the rest of the family went about their business as usual. Their mother would normally have interceded for Lydia but after her husband threatened to include her own allowance in the cut, Mrs. Bennet decided she was too busy with Jane to worry about Lydia. Thus the afternoon passed with only the normal amount of pre-ball chaos.

When the time came to start getting ready, Elizabeth felt more depressed than excited. For weeks she had associated this night with dancing with Mr. Darcy and now without him, it felt meaningless. She did her best to hide these feelings and concentrated on helping each of her sisters get ready rather than primping herself. Because of this, she was the last to be ready but was still pleased with the result. She felt luxurious in the fine silk and the deep, vivid blue set off her creamy skin well. She wished Mr. Darcy could see her in her gown.

Still, she could not hold a candle to Jane that night. Jane was alight with joy; only a lifetime of composure kept it restrained but she was gorgeous with happiness. Supporting but not defining her incredible beauty was a light pink gown of excellent quality. As Mrs. Bennet had said, Jane's actual bride's dress would be more somber as a wedding was a serious event so this was the dress to truly celebrate the wedding. Yet as incredible and costly as the gown was - it had cost more than Elizabeth's, Mary's and Kittys combined - it still dimmed in comparison to Jane's smile. Elizabeth could hardly restrain the desire to cry with pride and joy at the sight of her sister. There were a few tears all around but soon the Bennets all squeezed into their carriage and were off for the night.

When they arrived at Netherfield, Charles was at the front steps pacing in his eagerness. As they approached, Elizabeth could see that he was all but bouncing with excitement and then, when Jane accepted his help out of the carriage, and he saw her for the first time he wore a very satisfactory gape of appreciation. He was staring so avidly at Jane that he forgot to help Elizabeth out and laughing, she hopped down herself.

Mr. Bennet exited next and helped the other four Bennet women out while Charles was still distracted by his fiancée. When he finally remembered to greet the rest of them there was some good natured ribbing as they all entered Netherfield together.

Caroline, Mr. Hurst and Mrs. Hurst were waiting for them inside and welcomed them with good cheer. The Hursts had arrived earlier that day and would be staying through the wedding breakfast and then returning to London. The two families had just enough time to go over last minute arrangements before the first guest arrived. As the sister of the bride Elizabeth had an almost hostess-like role, and so did her best to be especially vivacious and pleasant. The next half hour was busily spent greeting guests and supporting Jane in the welcoming line.

Finally the flow of new guests started to wane and the main couple joined the party. Elizabeth was following them into the ballroom when a movement caught her eye. She turned and coming down the staircase was Mr. Darcy.

Elizabeth froze. Her heart leapt and then immediately plummeted. He was returning her gaze but his expression was serious and reserved. She could not remember any of her prepared statements or apologies and only wished to run to him. But the urge made her only feel more awkward. How could she run to him? His cool expression made her feel like they were strangers.

Mr. Darcy had reached the bottom of the stairs and was coming closer. Her heartbeat pounded in her eyes and Elizabeth wondered if she might faint. Suddenly, Mr. Cromwell nimbly stepped around her and rushed up to Mr. Darcy.

"Mr. Darcy good sir, I'm pleased you have arrived. Pray, a moment of your time?"

Mr. Darcy pulled his paralyzing gaze away from Elizabeth and answered the tailor. Elizabeth took a deep breath and tried to gather her thoughts. Before she had succeeded the music began and her first partner, John Long, found her and led her away.

Elizabeth could not politely refuse as she had already agreed to dance this set with him. Her next set was still open however and she would, if nothing else, speak to Mr. Darcy during that time. As she danced she thought she felt Mr. Darcy's gaze often on her but knew it could have been her overactive imagination as her thoughts never left him. She hoped it was her imagination for in her distraction she felt she danced very poorly indeed and was somewhat embarrassed, though her partner did not complain.

Finally, the set was over and she looked around eagerly, spotting him in a group of men all with wine glasses in the midst of a serious conversation. It would be rude to interrupt but she needed to speak with him.

She started moving through the crowded ballroom when suddenly Charles stepped onto the musician's platform and called out, "Greetings everyone! Thank you so much for coming! I _so_ appreciate you all being here to help me celebrate the fact that Miss Jane Bennet is willing to marry me!"  
This charming speech incited a round of applause and few playful groans at the sentimental line. The groan Charles just grinned at and continued. "If you think that was over the top, I regret to inform you that I have written a sonnet for the occasion."

The groans were louder this time but so were the cheers. Charles bowed to both and then faced Jane, he was blushing but also grinning and with a confident voice recited:

" _Oh loveliest flower of the springtime,_

 _bringer of sunshine to light clouded days,_

 _from first sight, you have had my heart and mind_

 _held spellbound in a thousand tender ways._

 _No greater joy have I found in my life_

 _than your fair smile and your beautiful eyes._

 _No measure of toil, challenge nor strife_

 _can trouble me when you are by my side._

 _My dreams are filled with the sound of your voice;_

 _your laughter all the music I need._

 _One day to the next I will rejoice_

 _in showing you my love in word and deed._

 _Without you I am lost, my world is bleak;_

 _you, Jane, are all the happiness I seek."_

Charlies finished with another bow and, amidst thunderous applause, bounded over to Jane who was hiding her face and blushing profusely although obviously pleased.

As soon as normal interactions resumed, Elizabeth continued toward Mr. Darcy but before she made it five steps, Mr. Collins stepped into her path.

"Cousin, worry not, for I have every intention of dancing with all my fair cousins this evening! And I flatter myself, I believe you will find me even more proficient in the art."

"No, indeed, Mr. Collins, I was not coming this way to entice a dance from you, believe me. While I look forward to dancing with you this evening, I was-"

"You need not be so demure, Cousin Elizabeth. We are family after all. Come, they are lining up for the next set."

"Please, Mr. Collins, you misunderstand-"

"Yes, you see, Mr. Collins, you will have to excuse us, for this is my dance," said Mr. Darcy from behind Elizabeth.

She could not help a little jump and when she turned around all she could do was stare. His expression was still reserved but he was _there_ , next to her! He bowed and she curtsied out of habit, and when he gestured toward the dance line she followed him silently. She wanted to say everything and yet could say nothing in this public place.

When they reached their spots the dance had already begun but they joined the flow easily and after a few minutes when the dance brought them close again Elizabeth said, "I am happy you are back."

"Yes, I- I could not disappoint Bingley."

Elizabeth felt embarrassed that she had hoped he had returned for her and was silent. After some minutes she tried again. "When did you arrive?"

"Just an hour before the party."

"Oh," was all Elizabeth could think to say. Then the steps of the dance were too quick and Elizabeth felt too awkward to say anymore.

When the dance ended both of them seemed to hesitate. "Would you like a cup of punch?" Mr. Darcy asked.

"Yes, thank you."

Together they walked to the punch table and Elizabeth was happy for this moment if nothing else. Nothing was resolved and she was afraid that it wouldn't be but still, he was here and dancing with him had been wonderful. Just touching his hand and seeing his dear face... She had missed him so much and she was so happy to see him again. And he looked so very handsome in his dark green breeches and waistcoat. Elizabeth couldn't help but admire the dashing figure he cut.

Mr. Darcy served her a cup and for a moment they both stood, sipping their punch and watching the party going on around them. Elizabeth had so much to say but there were too many people around them, it was too loud and she did not want to ruin this tentative peace. She would have to do it but not right this moment. This moment she would enjoy.

Just then Charles bounded up and asked her to give her 'brother' a dance. She could not refuse but glanced back as she was being pulled away, only to see Caroline approach Mr. Darcy.

 _It is alright; we still have all evening. I will be sure to pull him into a quiet corner or balcony for the night is over. Maybe we cannot resolve everything but at least we can figure out where we stand_.

Three more sets Elizabeth was occupied. In the second Mr. Darcy danced with Jane and with him among the dancers she struggled to concentrate. Then dinner was announced and the party all filed over to the tables. It was unfashionable for couples to sit together and so Caroline had seated Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy apart, although Jane and Charles got away with it so Elizabeth was a bit resentful of the unfair treatment. Still the dinner was delicious and Elizabeth ate eagerly, determined to pull Mr. Darcy away before the dancing resumed.

To pass the time she conversed with Mrs. Hurst who was on her right and full of London news. This kept her reasonably distracted and entertained throughout dinner but as soon as dinner was over she looked for Mr. Darcy.

Before she could find him, Jane came over and asked, "Lizzy, I feel one of my hair pins slipping. Can you fix it?"

Elizabeth did a quick check of her sister's hair and fixed the loose one. Jane gave her a hug and then turned to find her fiancé. But he was nowhere to be seen. Both sisters rose up on their tiptoes and searched the crowd for either of their men, but both were gone.

"They'll probably be back in a moment or two. Oh, Lizzy I am so glad your Mr. Darcy was able to make it back in time for this! And you didn't know; what a delightful surprise! Are you happy?"

"Of course. Speaking of surprises… did you like your sonnet?"

Jane laughed and shook her head. "Now I know what you mean about sonnets killing love! But it was so sweet of him. I am sure I will treasure the memory."

Suddenly Jane was pulled away by Mrs. Bennet and Elizabeth decided to wait by the staircase. If the men had gone outside or upstairs for a moment then she would see them return from that position and could hopefully catch Mr. Darcy before he rejoined to the party.

Elizabeth waited several minutes and was starting to consider leaving when Charles descended the steps. As soon as he saw her he quickened his steps and, upon reaching her, gently took her arm and pulled her a little away.

"Elizabeth, I- Why didn't you tell me?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I just- Well, Darcy wanted to leave the ball early and when I asked why he was surprised. He said it was uncomfortable with you in attendance! Because, apparently, the two of you had a big fight which was the reason he had left! He assumed I knew about it. But no, neither of you said a word!"

Elizabeth could feel herself blushing. She had never spoken to Charles about anything personal and was embarrassed. "When I realized he had not told you of it himself, I did not think it was my place to tell you. After all, you are his best friend. Also, I did not want to worry Jane so close to her wedding."

"He might be a good friend of mine but you are now my sister! I can understand, I suppose, that it would be awkward, but I hope that you can soon see me as your true brother so that I can help you through times of trouble. I would have helped anyway that I could have; I hope you know that. And as for Jane… I could never keep anything from her but I could have postponed the conversation until after the wedding. _I_ have no desire to burden her either."

"I appreciate your words. Thank you. I will certainly approach you if I ever have need. In this case however, I am afraid it is something we must work out ourselves."

"I suppose… But just know that I am in your corner and you can come to me at any time."

"I will. Thank you," Elizabeth assured, genuinely touched by his words. She hesitated then asked, "So he has gone to bed? Could he not… Or rather, I- It's just that I had hoped to speak with him tonight."

Charles looked troubled. "I do not think you should insist on it right now. There are too many people about, it is quite late and I think Darcy may have drunk too much with dinner."

At Elizabeth's disappointed sigh, Charles patted her shoulder. "I am sure all will be well and you will certainly get another chance to talk. He is staying another several days at least."

Elizabeth could do nothing but agree and allow Charles to lead her back to the ballroom. The rest of the night Elizabeth danced, drank and laughed but never stopped thinking of Mr. Darcy. The disparity between her feelings and actions were exhausting but she would not ruin Jane's engagement ball.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

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 _Dear Mr. Bennet,_

 _I have received your letter with great dismay. It pains me that one of my officers caused such harm to your wonderful community and most humbly ask your forgiveness for not controlling my officer better. As for repayment, I am still willing to help but must break some difficult news to you. Mr. Wickham is missing. I call him Mr. Wickham for I now believe that he has deserted. I had thought that he would return… let me explain._

 _Mr. Wickham was discovered missing early Sunday morning. It was jointly realized that a young woman staying with one of the military families was also missing. This young woman left a note for her friend informing them that they were eloping. While he would have faced punishment for leaving without permission, I thought at the time that he would return in a few days, married and settled. Thus, while I reported him missing I did not put a high priority on finding him. I realized my mistake when I received your letter Monday morning. In light of your information, I now believe that he was warned of the incoming justice and fled. I have dispatched a letter to my superior asking for help. They will send an investigator to Gretna Green but I must admit it may be some time before he is found._

 _My most sincere apologies and I will certainly help in any other way you deem reasonable. I will keep you updated on the investigation as it continues._

 _God's blessings to you and yours,_

 _Coronel Foster_.

Elizabeth read the letter and then again, shocked at its contents. Lt. Wickham gone? How would his debts ever be paid? The army would accept no responsibility, especially not in this time of war.

"When they catch him, do you think he will go to debtors prison? They won't hang him will they?" Elizabeth asked her father, horrified at the thought.

"Probably not. He wasn't involved in active duty. Also by having the young woman with him, he can always claim he was coming back. For true desertion he has to intend to never return."

"So you believe, as Col. Foster did, that he is eloping?"

"No, that is the best case scenario but unlikely. More probable is that he took her for an alibi and her pocket money. And, other than a claim of elopement, there is no reason to think that he is in Gretna Green. He could be anywhere." Mr. Bennet shook his head sadly and looked past her out his study window. "We will probably never see repayment of his debts. I will do what I can but…"

"Is it truly so bad?"

"The figures have only risen, as I feared they would. How I wish I had done as I always intended to and put away some of my income! I have been a disinterested manager and estate master and now our town will suffer for it."

"Please, papa, do not be so hard on yourself."

"No, let me feel it, Lizzy. I should at least do that."

Elizabeth tried to comfort her father but he only sent her away in response. She left his study very troubled. She had just come back from her morning walk when her father had called her into his study to show her the letter. The rational side of her knew that her father was right and he should have been saving, but the loyal daughter in her said that the fault belonged to Lt. Wickham alone and her father could not have known.

Elizabeth entered her room to tidy up before breakfast and saw that some letters had come and been left on her writing desk. Jane was still sleeping so Elizabeth sat down right away to read them.

One of them was from Harriot and the other from another old friend, both of which she had written to ask about a position for Flora. Unfortunately neither were willing to give an unmarried woman a position. Harriot even said she could not 'risk such a woman around' her husband. Elizabeth was frustrated but also felt sorry for her friend who lived her life with no trust in her marriage partner.

The next letter was just a social one and after reading it she turned eagerly to the one from her aunt next. Aunt Gardener wrote that she had found a position, but warned her that it would not be a particularly comfortable life. The position was that of seamstress at a tailor in London. Her aunt was connected to the owner so she could get her in, but the pay was small and with little hope of advancement.

 _Perhaps Charlotte will have found a better position, but I am glad I was able to find_ something _. It is not ideal but she will not starve_. _I will go into Meryton this morning to inform Flora of the news_ , Elizabeth decided. But she worried that her mother would need her as it was the last day to prepare for the wedding.

She had hoped to find a way to talk to Mr. Darcy today but knew that Flora was desperately waiting for news of her future. And she was sure that she would not get a chance tomorrow to speak to Flora nor probably the next either. No, she needed to go speak with her today, no matter the temptation to run to Netherfield.

Indeed, Elizabeth was so desperate to speak with Mr. Darcy that she had waited for nearly forty-five minutes at the boundary between Netherfield and Longbourn while on her walk this morning. She had hoped that Mr. Darcy would also remember the time they had met there and come, but he had not.

 _Perhaps Charles will bring him when he calls this morning_. With this happy thought Elizabeth finished her morning preparations and went down to breakfast. Jane slept through breakfast but Mrs. Bennet insisted that she not be disturbed so that she would be rested and beautiful for her wedding the next day. Breakfast passed quickly with conversation mostly centering around the wedding preparations. When Elizabeth brought up her intention to go into town Mrs. Bennet was actually grateful and asked her to pick up several last minute items.

Elizabeth finished her food and would have left right away but waited to see if Charles would bring Mr. Darcy. She responded to her letters while she waited and completed a few small tasks. Jane came down stairs and was having a breakfast of tea and scones when Charles was shown in, alone.

Elizabeth caught his eye but Charles only shrugged then came over and whispered that when he had awoken, Mr. Darcy was not in the residence and the staff had said he was out riding.

 _Did I miss him at the border?_ Elizabeth was half tempted to rush back to it but even if he had come he was surely not there anymore.

"Could you perhaps accept a dinner invitation on his behalf for tonight?" she asked.

"Your mother did already invite me back for dinner. I can accept but I don't know if he will join me."

Elizabeth thanked him and, gathering her things, left Longbourn. On her way into the village she stopped by the Longs' home and asked Charlotte to join her. Charlotte was only too happy to do so and as soon as they were on their way together they exchanged news. Charlotte was shocked to hear about Lt. Wickham's desertion and worried for what it would mean for those he had cheated.

When Elizabeth told her of the letters she had received in regards to finding a position for Flora, Charlotte was disappointed but not surprised. Apparently she had had similar luck, she had also only found one position and it was for a maid of all-work in a farmers home in Kent. The advantage there was that the room and board were included but it would be a life of hard labor.

When they entered Meryton they stopped at the florist with Mrs. Bennet's updated order, dropped off the note and received their assurances that the flowers would be delivered at dawn the following morning to the Longbourn residence.

Next Elizabeth repeated this interaction almost exactly with the baker, a fact that she and Charlotte laughed about. The only difference was that just before they left the baker asked eagerly if they had heard _the_ news.

"I am not sure what news you are speaking of?" Elizabeth asked.

"Why that Lt. Wickham has deserted for sure! Everyone is talking about it for we cannot believe it! What a blackguard he is," the baker exclaimed cheerfully.

Elizabeth was surprised that the news was already out but supposed she shouldn't be. Her father was certainly not the only one who had written Coronel Foster and she was sure that such dramatic news would be spread very quickly.

Indeed, the butcher also gleefully shared the new with her. And even Mrs. Chapman, when she caught sight of Elizabeth down the street, quickly hobbled up to her and shared the news with horrified fascination.

Elizabeth's last errend was with the tailor but now she dreaded it for she knew that he was one of the most affected by Lt. Wickham's desertion.

Before entering the tailor's shop with Charlotte, Elizabeth gathered her courage and entered with what she thought was an appropriately somber expression. Mr. Cromwell was whistling. Elizabeth watched in confusion as she the tailor all but skipped around his shop straightening things and whistling.

"Mr. Cromwell?" Elizabeth asked hesitantly.

"Miss Elizabeth! Oh, Miss Elizabeth you are lucky indeed. Such a man has never been and will never be again!"

Elizabeth exchanged a glance with Charlotte but her friend looked as confused as she felt. "I am afraid I don't understand."

"Mr. Darcy! He truly is the greatest of men and I now truly understand why you changed your mind about him. Sure he is a bit… reserved but too many men these days are all congeniality until you need something from them and then! Well! And as they say, a friend in need is a friend indeed… Well, in any case, it was very good of Mr. Darcy to buy up Lt. Wickham's debts! Very good indeed."

Elizabeth shared a shocked stare with Charlotte and was too confused to respond. Thankfully, Charlotte was not quite so affected and inquired, "Mr. Darcy came to you and bought Lt. Wickham's debt from you? All of it?"

"Indeed, the tavenkeeper's as well! He told me that he would buy up all the debt that had documentation. Isn't that wonderful? But, forgive my chatter. How can I help you today?"

Elizabeth was lost in her thoughts and had to be nudged by Charlotte. "Oh! Yes, I have your payment for my mother's last order and have come to pick it up."

The exchange was done quickly and a few moments later they left the shop with a bundle. Elizabeth was still considering this second shocking news of the day. "What do you think it means, Charlotte, that he has bought Mr. Cromwells debt? Could he truly mean to buy all of it?"

"I cannot say with any conviction what it could mean but it seems likely that it is true."

"Does it mean… that he still loves me?"

"It's possible, but do not assume that. It may be that he feels honor-bound but still angry."

"Of course, but..." _But now I have hope much greater than I have had in a long time!_

In a daze, Elizabeth followed Charlotte to the tobacconist's side door. This was the entrance to the servant's quarters where Flora lived. Charlotte knocked briskly and after a couple of moments someone opened it. It was not Flora or anyone they recognized. She apparently knew them however, for she said, "You misses 'ere for Flora? She's gone to live with 'er parents. Told me to let you know when you came by."

Then she nodded as if her job was well done and shut the door. Charlotte gave a little laugh and said, "Thankfully I already know where her parents live."

She looked at Elizabeth's still dazed expression and shook her head. "Come, Lizzy, let's send a runner boy back to Longbourn with the tailor's parcel and walk out to the Morley home."

They did just that. It was a pleasant walk of about a quarter of an hour, with Charlotte sharing little stories of her life in Kent and Elizabeth doing her best to stay engaged and not think constantly of Mr. Darcy. When they arrived at the Morley home, Elizabeth found that it was a little farmhouse with a little garden and a chicken coop in view. They knocked on the door and were greeted by an older woman who introduced herself as Mrs. Morley. She invited them in and they accepted.

The room was small and not very neat but Elizabeth tried not to let her discomfort show. It was especially hard when three dirty children bounded in screaming and laughing, ran in a circle around her, and then were shooed out by their mother. Flora came in from a back door and Mrs. Morley invited them to sit and went to make tea.

"Good morning, Flora. How are you feeling?"

"Not very well to be 'onest, Miss. That is why I am 'ere. The shop sent me away because I kept losing me breakfast. Said it were uncomfortable for the customers. I 'ope you 'ave found somewhere for me. My parent's already got five other mouths to feed and can't afford take on me and my troubles."

Charlotte went over and hugged the young woman, reassuring her that she would be alright, that they would help her. Elizabeth smiled but was worried about how Flora would work if she was that sick.

Soon the tea was brought out and the four women sat down. Elizabeth and Charlotte explained the positions they had found.

Flora smiled but Elizabeth could see the tears just behind it. "I'm afraid, I'm not much good with a sewing needle. I could get better I suppose. I am used to farm work, but I don't know how much longer I could do a lot of lifting."

Elizabeth watched Flora clench her fingers and slowly release them then gently stroke her stomach. "Is it true… Did he… did he abandon his post to elope with someone… else?"

Elizabeth felt angry tears threaten and wished desperately that she could comfort the woman. But the truth was somehow even worse; rather than eloping with another woman he was probably taking advantage of another woman and would leave her destitute and pregnant as well. "I do not know what happened. All I know for sure is that he is missing."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. All the women exchanged surprised glances before Mrs. Morley got up to answer her door. When she opened it Elizabeth heard a male voice and suddenly Mr. Darcy and another man entered the room.

Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy stared at each other in surprise for an awkward moment and then Charlotte's greeting snapped him out of his daze and Mr. Darcy bowed to the room.

"Good afternoon ladies. This is my clerk, Tom Acker." Introductions were made all around and then Mr. Darcy added, "I have come today to extend an offer of assistance."

Flora looked more alarmed than comforted. Indeed she was so intimidated that she could only blush and look down. Elizabeth stroked her shoulder to reassure her and asked Mr. Darcy to explain what he had in mind.

"I would have you come to Lambton, a town close to my estate, and work for my apothecary. He is in need of a young woman to help with births and other womanly maladies. A woman in your position is uniquely suited as both a maidenly girl or married woman would have difficulty in that position. The tobacconist said you had a good nose and understanding of herbs. Is that true?"

Elizabeth stared at him, astounded at the perfection of the situation. Flora blushed even deeper but murmured a vague agreement.

"Excellent," said Mr. Darcy. "You obviously cannot serve this position until your own condition- until the babe is born. But as I will be getting an excellent midwife for my community, I am willing to sponsor your stay with your parents until you are ready to come."

Flora burst into tears, thanking Mr. Darcy between each sob. Mr. Darcy looked alarmed at this reaction but Elizabeth was too touched to laugh at his bewilderment.

Charlotte went to Flora and held her as she cried. Elizabeth moved to join her but Charlotte caught her eye a motioned for her to take Mr. Darcy out of the house. Elizabeth thought this might be smart as both Morley women seemed overwhelmed simply by Mr. Darcy's presence. Elizabeth moved to stand before Mr. Darcy and said hesitantly, "Mr. Darcy, perhaps the details could be worked out another time?"

He didn't quite meet her eyes but nodded. "I can see it's a difficult time but I hoped to settle this today. Perhaps Mr. Acker could stay and settle the rest of the details?"

Mrs. Morley gratefully agreed and Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy exited the house. For a moment they both looked at each other, silent with awkwardness.

Finally, Elizabeth said, "I hope you do not mind my seeing you out. I had hoped- I would very much like to talk with you."

"No indeed, I- I too wished to speak with you. Perhaps I could walk you home?"

Elizabeth knew that Charlotte would be perfectly comfortable walking home by herself and had probably hoped to give Elizabeth a chance to talk to Mr. Darcy and thus assented happily.

For a moment or two they walked in silence. When the Morley house was mostly out of sight Elizabeth's courage rose up and she blurted out, "Your promise to Flora was incredible. You have changed her life! And not just hers; the whole town is talking about your generosity. How could we ever repay you?"

"Pray, do not be uneasy. I did only what I thought I must, for some of the blame for this must lie with me as you yourself told me."

"I had not the least thought of my comments being taken so seriously! But please, before anything else is said, allow me to apologize for my part in- in the argument." Elizabeth stepped quickly in front of Mr. Darcy, halting his steps, and boldly caught up one of his hands. "I am most sincerely sorry for everything I said that day, for foolishly meeting with him and for the prideful, terrible vanity with which I have treated you!"


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

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Darcy stared down at Elizabeth's hand clutching his, all his carefully planned apologizes and speeches scattering before the realization that she was holding his hand and asking his forgiveness.

He heard her first few sentences and then was too stunned to hear more. She was apologizing? To _him_? But he had treated her unfairly, lost his temper and then ran away like a foolish child!

"And you were correct that I should not have trusted-"

Elizabeth's words were suddenly broken off when Darcy turned his hand in hers, caught her wrist and pulled her close. He held her tightly and whispered, "Before _you_ say another word- please tell me that you forgive _me_."

Elizabeth pulled away and stumbled back a step. "You- then you forgive me? I hadn't-"

"I was an absolute idiot. And as for your behavior, your trust was ill-founded and formed on mistaken premises but you were right that the cause of your continued misunderstanding was my own behavior and my prideful belief that you should trust me without basis."

"Is this truly what you think? But you left- you left and I thought that- that you would not return."

"I was angry and my pride was wounded. At first, I just wanted some distance to think and calm down. Then I was embarrassed. I had thought I had made such strides in defeating my abominable pride. But I had only fixed my manners not my arrogance. And then I worried… I was trying my best to woo you and instead I only made mistakes, over and over again. How could you ever learn to love me?"

"I do love you! You should not speak so! Come, we ought not quarrel for the greater share of blame. The conduct of neither of us if strictly examined, would be irreproachable!"

Darcy looked around quickly. There was no one on the road but it was too open. There was a little path nearby that led into the woods and without a second thought he pulled her into the grove of trees. As soon as they were sheltered Darcy could not help pulling her close again and kissing her. The moment their lips touched, he was lost. He had missed her so much and her lips were so soft.

He held her and kissed her, relearning the taste of her lips and the feeling of holding her slight body in his arms. After a long moment, he rested his forehead against hers. "Does this mean you will marry me?"

Elizabeth stiffened in his arms, but before he could worry, she whispered, "Truly? You still wish to marry?"

"Please, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth, be my wife."

Her lips answered without words when she kissed him. Darcy returned the kiss without restraint. He deepened Elizabeth's innocent kiss and stepped even closer to her. Another step and he could feel her entire body pressed against his. He took a shuddering breath and licked the seam of her lips. Then he created a trail of kisses along her jaw towards her ear.

"Elizabeth, let's not wait long to be married."

She shook her head, her expression a little dazed as he was sure his own was. She put her arms around his neck and he could feel her fingers stroking into his hair. The feeling was more erotic then he could have imagined and lost himself in kissing her.

Several minutes later Darcy realized that his hands were much lower on her back then they ought to be, especially considering they were barely hidden off a public road. Regretfully, he pulled back a little. "Your parents will worry..."

Elizabeth did not answer, staring up at him blankly.

"I should take you home," Darcy forced himself to say, barely able to tear his eyes from her kiss-swollen lips.

Elizabeth looked around and suddenly blushed bright pink. "Oh, yes. Yes, indeed, I must get home. There is much to be done before Jane's wedding."

Somewhat sheepishly, Darcy picked up her bonnet, which had somehow ended up on the forest floor, and settled it carefully back on her head. Then he had to smile, for there was a twig sticking straight out of it. He removed it and kissed the tip of her nose. "Come, I will walk you home and greet your family."

Elizabeth nodded, still looking embarrassed, but took his arm and walked close to him as they left the forest. Thankfully there still wasn't anyone on the road and after looking around they shared a sheepish smile.

Darcy took her hand from his arm and intertwined his fingers with hers. They walked for a few minutes in silence with Darcy too overwhelmed to speak easily.

He had come back to Meryton for the wedding and to do what he should have long ago about Wickham but with no firm idea of what to do about his courtship with Elizabeth. That he still loved her had never been in question, but while he had come to understand his portion of guilt in the argument he had been conflicted over how to resolve it.

He had been so angry with her. He felt that he had truly tried his best and changed so much for her, and she couldn't trust him even a little bit. It had taken several long nights of drinking, pacing and thinking to come to the realization that it had been his pride and personal history with Wickham that made him feel that way. And perhaps simply that Elizabeth always caused such strong reactions within him. That he loved her so much made any small hurt feel overwhelming. But the fact remained that he had spent the last month making himself vulnerable and openingly loving her with little reciprocation and, despite still loving her, he had balked at coming back and throwing himself at her feet to apologize for his behavior. He had known he should and also that it was his pride stopping him but could not overcome the feeling. It wasn't entirely pride either, for after wrestling with himself for hours, he had realized that it was simply that he was frustrated being the only one of them invested in their relationship.

So when she had looked for him first, apologized and so earnestly told him that she loved him, that she had kissed him back with such abandon, had healed all his hurt in an instant. He had succeeded, she loved him back and had agreed to marry him!

He walked on, too caught up in his thoughts and her presence beside him to pay attention to which direction. But he eventually did realize that Elizabeth had turned them off the road they had been on, which would have taken them into Meryton, and were instead now skirting the village. It was a less direct way to Longbourn but also less public and he certainly did not mind taking the longer route.

Still, as they neared the town there were a few people on the road and Elizabeth slipped her hand from his and demurely put it on his elbow. He looked down on her and smiled but saw that her expression was dimmed by some concern.

"What concerns you, dearest?"

"I- I am so happy to be here, walking with you, _engaged_ to you. I… Nevermind, I would not blemish this time with you in any way."

"Nothing can, Elizabeth. Do not hesitate and tell me what concerns you. I would rather resolve any lingering anxieties than bury them. I believe that is one of the reasons that we misunderstood each other in the past. Let us move forward by sharing our concerns with each other."

Elizabeth nodded but the worried crease between her brows remained. "I would not take a single word from my apology; truly I was very vain and treated you terribly. I am not intending to make excuses for my behavior but… but because I have agreed to marry you, I hope that in the future, you will share your information with me. I _do_ trust you, and will certainly do my best to be a respectful wife but I have my own mind and will sometimes make the wrong decisions or have incorrect beliefs if they are made without all the information available to me."

"I will not always be able to tell you everything, but I hope that you can trust that I would always make the best decision I could for your sake and for Pemberly."

"I do trust that, and I also understand that time and other constraints could limit your ability to confide in me. But the same could be said about my decisions and I hope that you can see that you would not want me to keep information relevant to you from you."

Darcy had not considered that. He rarely depended on Georgiana or any other woman in his life to make decisions that would affect him. But as the mistress of Pemberley, every decision she made would affect him.

He lifted her hand and kissed her fingers. "That is a very reasonable request, and when it is possible I will be sure that you are not without the necessary information you need to make your decisions. When I cannot, I hope that I can ask you to trust me and you will do so, that you will allow me to tell you when it is a better time and not work against me without an understanding of why I have made the decision I have."

"I can. However, I hope that you understand that such a tactic as asking me to trust you on blind devotion cannot be a long term or often used one."

"No, indeed. You have a keen mind that I have long admired and I would not ask you to stop using it just because you married me. In fact, I am quite depending on it, as the mistress of Pemberley is a weighty responsibility."

"I am sure it is. In truth I find the concept of my being its mistress an intimidating idea. Can you tell me more of Pemberley so I know what I have so impulsively agreed to?" she said in a somewhat teasing tone.

Darcy never minded speaking of his home for he loved it deeply. For the next half hour they meandered down the road as he told her about Pemberley, its lands and the surrounding towns.

Soon they were nearing the Loungbourn drive and Darcy was telling her about the last harvest season. Then Elizabeth slowed and said, "Pray, do not take this as disinterest but I would stop you before we reach my home so that we clarify something while still in relative privacy."

"Certainly. We can even 'take in the view' from the south field if you wish."

Elizabeth laughed to remember her mother's obvious ploy. "I do not think that will be necessary. I only wished to know what your intention is in buying up Lt. Wickham's debts. What I mean is, while I am very grateful for your assistance for our town, I hope that you doing so will not enable Lt. Wickham to continue his misdeeds elsewhere."

Darcy felt some of his euphoric mood slipping away. "No, indeed. I have learned my lesson there. I will not let these debts die with me; I intended to sell them to a creditor, now that he has fled. I wish more than anything to remain with you and marry you quickly but I believe I ought to help the efforts to find him. I know better than perhaps anyone his habits and behavior. I also know of a lot of his contacts and believe that I have a good chance of finding him."

"Then you will leave again?"

"I fear I must. But I assure you, I will be as quick as I possibly can be and will return the very minute after I drag the scoundrel to the magistrate."

"When will you leave?"

"I will stay for the wedding. I cannot break my promise to Bingley, but I will probably leave the day after."

"I understand, and even admire your choice. But I will miss you," Elizabeth said, her voice filled with sincerity.

She really was too charming. Darcy could not help smiling down into her sad eyes and then quickly bending down to give her a light kiss.

"Mr. Darcy!" she protested, looking around quickly to make sure no one had seen.

"There is no inappropriateness. We are engaged, remember?"

"You have not received my father's blessing yet nor has it been announced."

"Actually," Darcy said and felt a little smug. "I _do_ have your father's blessing. I obtained it when I requested to court you. He mocked me and said that you would never agree but if you did so would he."

Elizabeth's mouth parted with surprise and he stole another quick kiss.

"Mr. Darcy! Really, I must protest!" said a giggling Elizabeth.

Darcy started walking again but did not feel the least bit penitent.

"Speaking of announcing it…" Elizabeth said, looking embarrassed.

"Our engagement?"

"Yes. I cannot wait to announce it publicly but perhaps we ought to wait until after the wedding? I would not like to take any focus away from Jane and Charles."

"Ah, I see. You are embarrassed of me and wish to delay the announcement as long as you can," Darcy said, pleased with the opportunity to tease her.

"No, indeed! Don't tease me. I am serious."

"Well, despite your cruel treatment-"

"Mr. Darcy!" Elizabeth laughed.

"About that 'Mr. Darcy.' How much longer do you intend to be so formal with me, your fiancé?"

Elizabeth blushed and looked down. "I am being respectful. Even my mother calls my father by his surname."

"Well, at least when we are alone I hope you can be less formal."

"I will try," Elizabeth agreed.

 _Not a truly satisfying response, but good enough for now,_ Darcy thought since they were nearing Longbourn. He allowed her to turn the conversation to the wedding and listened happily to anything she wished to tell him until they entered the Bennet home.

Mrs. Bennet was thrilled that he had come to visit but scolded Elizabeth for taking so long to bring him in as there 'was so much to be done.' The rest of the afternoon was spent busily in wedding preparations.


	27. Chapter 27

_Hi, readers sorry it's been awhile, I hurt my wrist so I couldn't write for a little while. Also, my beta reader hasn't gotten back to me since chapter 23 (It's a crazy time for everyone, I know, I just hope she's ok) so please be understanding of any editting/grammar issues. Thank you and I hope that you like it!_

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 **Chapter 27**

Jane was a vision, a glimpse of heaven to tease earth's inhabitants. Elizabeth felt her throat tighten and her eyes threaten to overflow as she watched her sister walk up the aisle with their father. Jane was beautifully but simply dressed as the serious occasion dictated. Her dress was a perfect blue that matched her eyes exactly. Her golden hair shone and her smile lit the entire church.

Elizabeth tore her eyes away from her sister and glanced up the aisle to where Charles awaited his bride. That man's expression of love was perfectly satisfactory and with a smile Elizabeth glanced across the aisle and saw that Mr. Darcy was watching neither of the honored couple but watching her instead. Elizabeth blushed and glanced down then caught herself and boldly smiled back. The two shared an intimate smile before Jane's steps brought her between them and they turned their attention back to the ceremony.

Mr. Bennet set Jane's hand into Mr. Bingley's. The two turned to the clergymen and the ceremony began with the reading from the _Common Book of Prayer_.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he wrought, in Cana of Galilee; and is commended of Saint Paul to be honourable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God; duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained…"

Elizabeth had heard the Solemnization of Matrimony many times and while friendly, Mr. Kinsley's dry, aging voice did not inspire close attention. She soon found herself struggling to pay attention and not sneak glances across the aisle at Mr. Darcy. She knew she ought not and that this was a special moment for Jane but she found her eyes quite unreasonable to these considerations. It did not help that when they strayed they often found connection in the eyes of Mr. Darcy.

The night before, Charles and Mr. Darcy had come for dinner. It had been terribly difficult to hide her joy at her engagement but she had persevered. And then, when she had walked him out after dinner, he had whispered for her to meet him at 'their' fence.

In her excitement she had almost as much trouble as Jane getting to sleep. They drank a little wine together and talked late into the night. It was a delightful memory of their last night together. But despite being tired, she had still woken with the dawn, gotten dressed and rushed to 'their' fence.

Now, in the brightly lit, reverent church Elizabeth was embarrassed that she could not stop remembering their time together that morning.

She had arrived first and after a few minutes spent leaning against the fence had decided to sit on the top of it to get a better view and a place to sit. It was not ladylike by any means but it would not be the first time Mr. Darcy had caught her in a less than ladylike behavior. It was a little chilly in the early morning breeze but she hardly noticed, especially when she finally caught sight of him riding up.

It was all Elizabeth could do to remain where she was and not run to him, for even the few seconds between them felt too long. Finally he drew near and swung down effortlessly from Maximus's back.

"Elizabeth, darling, why are you up there in the wind? Are you not cold?"

"I am not. Good morning, sir," she returned with a smile. She suddenly realized that she was eye-to-eye with him, perhaps even just a little bit higher; a new position to be sure.

He stepped closer to the fence and held out his hands. "Allow me to help you from your perch, lovely bird."

Elizabeth felt a little mischievous and shook her head. "No, indeed. This seems like something a hunter would say."

His answering smile was everything Elizabeth wanted to see and her heart leapt. He took another step forward and set his hands on the fence on either side of her.

"Oh, but little bird, you can trust me," he said in a low voice that, to Elizabeth, felt particularly untrustworthy.

Elizabeth smiled down at him without answering, drawn to him and delighting in sharing this perfect moment. Then before she knew it, she had leaned down and kissed his lips. She was surprised at her own boldness but his enthusiastic response was all the encouragement she needed. She was unsure at first, as always before it had been him kissing her. But soon her cautious pecks became longer presses, caresses and then she risked a little lick to his bottom lip.

She heard him groan against her lips but rather than pulling away, she felt herself caught up in his arms. She was still sitting on the fence but he held her tightly against him and she felt as if her entire world had become him. Somehow her hands ended up on his shoulders, one of them threaded into his hair at his nape. She felt his hands on her back, sometimes stroking, sometimes holding her tight. His lips were insistent on hers, kissing with almost bruising intensity. Elizabeth gasped for breath and he left her mouth to kiss down her neck. The feeling of that caused her to shudder, but in a pleasant way she had never felt before. He kissed all the way to the neckline of her dress then stopped and returned to her lips.

He tilted his head and kissed her deeper than before. Her mouth opened automatically and suddenly she felt his tongue brush hers. She stilled in confusion as he began to kiss her in an entirely new way. He felt her stillness and, after a few more seconds, pulled back, kissing her more softly. His kisses became pecks, then he lifted her carefully from the fence, setting her down on the ground and hugging her tight. caress

She heard him sigh and then murmur an apology for getting carried away. Elizabeth could not quite vocalize her perfect satisfaction with his scandalous behavior but shook her head.

"You are not offended?" he had whispered.

She shook her head again. And he had squeezed her even tighter.

Now sitting the church she had been raised in, next to her parents, before Mr. Kinsley, Elizabeth knew that she was blushing each time she caught Mr. Darcy's eyes.

She had not regretted it at the time but now wished she could think of something else!

"...Blessed are all they that fear the Lord: and walk in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: O well is thee, and happy shalt thou be. Thy wife shall be as the fruitful vine: upon the walls of thine house. Thy children like the olive-branches: round about thy table. Lo, thus shall the man be blessed: that feareth the Lord. The Lord from out of Sion shall so bless thee: that thou shalt see Jerusalem in prosperity all thy life long.." entoned Mr. Kinsley as Elizabeth struggled to listen to him.

The psalm ended and Jane and Charles knelt before the altar for their prayer.

Elizabeth could feel Mr. Darcy's eyes on her again but clenched her hands together tightly and kept her attention on each and every word that Mr. Kinsley said, carefully considering them and allowing for _no_ other thoughts to intrude.

With careful attention to the solemn words from the _Book of Prayer_ , Elizabeth was able to sit still and composed for the rest of the ceremony without embarrassing herself. The marriage itself ended and Jane and Charles took communion together, then wrote their names in the wedding registry.

All of the Bennets, Hursts, Darcys, Philips, Gardeners and Miss Bingley arose as well and filed past the registry, adding their names as witnesses to the marriage. Jane and Charles were both smiling but remained composed as they calmly thanked Mr. Kinsley for his service.

Then the couple exited the church with the rest of the party following after. The moment the church doors opened there were shouts and cheers from those gathered in front. Jane and Charles paused at the top of the stairs and waved to the crowd, smiling and laughing together. Nearly everyone they knew, and many they didn't, had gathered outside the church. The Longs, the Collinses, the Moores, many of the town merchants, Longbourn tenants and anyone else who had nothing better to do on a Wednesday morning.

Bingley caught Jane's hand and pulled her into the crowd. Elizabeth laughed to see Jane holding on to her circlet of flowers and running alongside Mr. Bingley while their friends and neighbors threw rice and seeds to rain down upon them. As they reached the end of the walkway, the downpour ended and they slowed. Soon the new Bingleys were surrounded by friends and family and led the way down the road between the church and Longbourn.

Everyone was laughing and calling out to each other, cheering and congratulating both families. There were children laughing and running around, then someone began to sing.

Elizabeth glanced back and saw Mr. Darcy walking with Georgiana a few feet behind the Bennets. She hesitated for a moment, worried that she shouldn't leave her family so publicly or that she might be flustered to be near him. But both fears were overwhelmed by her desire to share this wonderful moment with him. She stopped and turned, forcing the Darcys to stop as well. Then she smiled and stepped between them, entwining her arm with Georgiana and taking Mr. Darcy's arm.

"Oh, Elizabeth! Are they not the loveliest pair you have ever seen?" Georgiana exclaimed.

"Indeed they are! Jane is always beautiful, but even I, who should be used to it by now, nearly had my breath taken away when she entered the church."

"I know that it is Jane's wedding day, but may I add that you, Miss Elizabeth, look very lovely today as well," added Mr. Darcy.

Elizabeth glanced up at him and then immediately away, blushing and looking down at her skirt. It was the mauve one that she had ordered with her aunt's help. It did indeed, she thought, look well on her. But she could not withstand a compliment from Mr. Darcy in any seriousness right now or she would wilt with embarrassment.

Elizabeth laughed with apparent ease. "Thank you, good sir, but I believe as much could be said for all of us. It is a wedding after all; one must dress nicely!"

Georgiana giggled and said, "True. I had this dress specially made. What do you think?"

It was a very gentle color of lavender, beautifully made but still of an almost childish cast that reflected that she was not yet out. It was elegant without even trying, and Elizabeth said so to Georgiana's pleasure.

"Perhaps in the future we can plan our dresses together," Georgiana said with a knowing tone.

Elizabeth was a little confused and glanced between the siblings. Mr. Darcy looked a little chagrined and leaned down close to her ear and whispered, "I could not keep our good news from my sister. Pray do not be upset."

Elizabeth was surprised but realized she should not be. She could never have kept the news from Jane had it not been the night before her wedding. Elizabeth gave Mr. Darcy a reassuring smile, then leaned her head close to her future sister. "Of course we will. I cannot wait to be your sister and do all types of fun sisterly things with you!"

Georgiana all but skipped and she was smiling so wide that Elizabeth could not mistake her joy. "I have always longed for a sister, but I never could have imagined a better one. Though I should have known that my brother would choose no one but the best."

Elizabeth laughed, but she wondered if perhaps Georgiana's complete faith and admiration for Mr. Darcy was how he had expected Elizabeth to behave. As this was his most significant female relationship, Elizabeth could imagine why she had surprised him so much by asking to be part of her own decisions. Shrugging off the thought Elizabeth and the Darcys chatted and laughed together all the way back to Longbourn.

At Longbourn, the large parlor had been completely emptied of furniture and strung with flowers. The adjacent dining room had also been filled with flowers and decorations but had kept the furniture. It was their formal dining room and was large enough to be easily capable of all their guests. Mrs. Bennet herded everyone to breakfast right away. She had wanted it to be a formal breakfast to show off her status and fashion, but Jane, in a rare show of stubborness, had insisted on keeping it a casual, country breakfast. Thus everyone sat where they wished and when the food was brought out, everyone ate freely and joyfully.

It was an impressive meal indeed. There was every special dish and treat one could think of, both domestic and exotic: hot rolls and ham, strawberries with cream, eggs and puddings, bath cakes, _two_ pyramids of hot-house nectarines, plum cake and honey cake, cheese and cold cuts and even more. And to drink there was tea and coffee, wine and ale and fragrant drinking chocolate.

Even Caroline seemed impressed and everyone set upon the scrupulous meal with vigor. As the meal began to wane, Mary and the two hired girls from town went to the parlor to play music. Mary played the piano and there was a fiddler and a singer as well. Jane and Charles were delightful to watch as they laughed and smiled at everyone but especially at each other. Charles made sure that Jane wanted for nothing and constantly asked if there was anything she wished. Jane could think of nothing she wished for while he was next to her. Neither person seemed to mind the chorus of laughs and groans that followed any of these statements.

Elizabeth had sat herself near Jane and joined in the laughs and groans alike. Mr. Darcy had sat a little ways down but close enough they could still share smiles often. Mrs. Bennet had drunk a little too much but was being tended to by her sister Mrs. Philips. Mr. Bennet just looked tired. The chaos, ceremony and 'loss' of his daughter all seemed to weigh on him. Added to all this was the resentfulness he seemed to feel, judging by the glances that he often sent towards Mr. Darcy. Despite their agreement to keep the engagement quiet, Mr. Darcy had, of course, informed Mr. Bennet the night before. Mr. Bennet could not but agree and yet Elizabeth knew that he was not eager for her to leave.

Soon playful dancing broke out in the parlor and Elizabeth caught an alarmed Georgiana's hand and pulled her into the jig. Georgiana knew the steps but seemed amazed to be doing them. They danced and laughed, the participants growing from just an energetic few to most of the younger set, even Charlotte and Mr. Collins and Jane and Charles joined in.

When Elizabeth took a small break to rest her feet, she found Mr. Darcy uncomfortably surrounded by men from the town, alternating between invasive questions and praise for his help in the town. Elizabeth slipped up casually beside him by bringing him a cup of tea, and then easily redirected the conversation to easier things. She stayed near him for almost a half hour, fielding appropriate questions and playfully redirecting personal ones.

Then there were toasts made to the happy couple and a long, awkwardly solemn speech by Mr. Collins. After that there was dessert served on a side table. Most people sat down to partake but many continued about the room, talking and celebrating.

After a while Jane approached Elizabeth and asked her to help her freshen up and pack the last of her things as Mr. Bingley was about ready to leave.

As the sister went upstairs, Elizabeth realized she might not see Jane for a few days and knew that she didn't want Jane to be the last to know of the engagement, nor to hear of it through gossip. As soon as they reached their room Elizabeth let Jane know the exciting news.

"Truly? Oh, Lizzy, I thought for sure I could not be any happier but now, to learn of your joy as well! Oh Lizzy, I am so happy for you!" Jane hugged her tightly, tears of joy threatening her perfect complection. "When did this happen? Just now or on the way back from the church?"

"No, and I am glad of that. Either of those scenarios would have been awkward indeed. No, it was yesterday morning."

Jane pulled back and stared at Elizabeth, her surprise quickly shifting to hurt. "Why did you not tell me?"

Elizabeth suddenly realized how it might feel for Jane that she had kept it from her. She had gotten so used to hiding the state of her relationship with Mr. Darcy that it hadn't felt of much consequence to hide the engagement. "Please do not be hurt, Jane dearest! I wasn't keeping it from you but rather, I did not wish to distract you from your wedding."

"Why would you feel that way? Why would you think that I cared more about my wedding than I do about you? Thank you for trying to consider my wishes, but truly, I would not wish my wedding to overshadow your news. I am so happy for you and you mustn't wait another minute to announce it!"

"Oh, no, I certainly cannot. I just wanted _you_ to know because we will probably announce it soon and I did not wish for you to hear it from anyone but me!"

"Thank you again for trying to consider me but I would not have you announce it without me! My wedding is important to me but it would sadden me to not be there with you for such an important moment in your life."

Elizabeth looked into Jane's earnest expression. "Are you sure? Truly, truly sure? I feel no desire to do it today. I am completely satisfied with my own happiness."

"You are satisfied to not share it with me?"

"N-no…" Elizabeth answered, realizing that Jane was right and she would like to share that moment with her.

"Then I will finish packing myself and you go arrange this," Jane said.

Elizabeth hugged her again quickly and hurried down to the party. She approached Mr. Darcy, who was surrounded uncomfortably again, and gently pulled him away. She caught her father as well and explained Jane's wishes.

Jane's wish was easily agreed to and so when she rejoined the party a few moments later, Mr. Bennet called for a toast. Charles and Jane were standing with him and Elizabeth was on his other side. Mr. Darcy stood only a few steps away, waiting patiently. Elizabeth was struck by the expression in his eyes. His face was still serious as it usually was in public but his eyes were soft and happy. A slight smile touched his mouth as he watched her attentively.

"Friends, neighbors, family… It seems I am beset by rogues of late. And worst yet, my daughters are determined to have them as well! So not only do I have to say goodbye to my Jane, but I must prepare to do that same for another."

The crowd held its reaction for another breath as Mr. Bennet enjoyed his moment to tease them by taking a sip of his wine. Then he said with a smile, "Well, of course I have given him my consent. He is the kind of man, indeed, to whom I should never dare refuse anything. So what can I do but announce the engagement of my daughter Elizabeth with Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy?"

Mrs. Bennet's shriek of delight was nearly drowned out by the general applause and well wishes. Mr. Darcy stepped up close to Elizabeth and Mr. Bennet took Elizabeth's hand and placed it in Mr. Darcy's.

He was only able to hold it for one tender, special moment and then they were surrounded by well-wishers. Jane was crying happy tears and Mrs. Bennet was just crying in general. Mr. Darcy and Charles shook hands, Charles enthusing over and over about finally being brothers in law as well as spirit.

Elizabeth saw that Mr. Darcy was a little awkward as everyone clapped him on the back and shook his hand. But when she caught his eye, he smiled a full-dimpled smile and she knew that they were together in the joy they were feeling. For several moments there was chaos as everyone in the room individually wished them joy, then there was suddenly a shout from the entrance way as one observant guest caught Charles and Jane trying to slip away unnoticed.

The crowd immediately abandoned them to give chase to the departing couple, shouting encouragement, bawdy advice and cheers. Elizabeth started to follow after and felt her hand caught. When she looked up it was into the smiling face of her fiancé. _My fiancé! How well that sounds!_

Together they followed the rest of the party, waving, throwing rice and shoes at the departing Bingley carriage. Just before they were out of sight, Elizabeth was embarrassed to see Charles lean over and kiss his new bride.

After the carriage was out of sight, the party slowly trickled back into Longbourn. Most guests would stay quite a bit longer, eating, drinking and celebrating. Elizabeth stood for a few minutes looking at the empty road. She knew that Jane was only three miles away but it suddenly felt very far away indeed.

At first Mr. Darcy stood with her, then with a murmur that he would return momentarily, he left. Elizabeth knew she should return to the party but felt exhausted and a little emotional so she slowly walked around the small front gardens to refresh herself.

As she neared the end of her circle, Mr. Darcy returned. She saw him exit Longbourn, look around for her and stride over, his steps quick and his smile warm. As he neared, Elizabeth held her hand out to him, not caring if anyone saw now that they were engaged. He caught her hand and gave her knuckles a quick kiss.

"I have arranged for Georgiana to return to Netherfield with Mrs. Bingley in my carriage."

"What about you? How will you get back?"

"It is a quick trip. The driver will return for me in about an hour, if that is acceptable to you. I was hoping to have some private conversation with you before I go, for, as I told you, I intend to leave for London tomorrow."

Elizabeth had also been hoping for an opportunity to speak with him but worried that she would be missed by her parents and so hesitated looking back toward Longbourn.

"I already informed your mother that we were both wishing for a little fresh air and would walk around a little and then return," he assured her.

Elizabeth smiled up at him. She liked how he knew what he wanted, made a plan for it and then resolved any barriers to it. She loved the determination, responsibility and precision that was Mr. Darcy's usual behavior. It made her feel safe in a way that she had never enjoyed with any other. "Come then, Mr. Darcy, perhaps you would enjoy a view of the south fields?"

He laughed and it filled her with satisfaction. For a few minutes they walked in silence, gaining distance from the house and the party and taking easy comfort in the presence of the other. As they entered a more sheltered path, Mr. Darcy said, "I do not know how long I will be gone, but I hope- It is my wish that when I return, I do not have to wait long to marry you."

Elizabeth could not help the rush of joy, embarrassment and excitement that followed his words and kept her eyes trained on the path so that he would not see her blush.

"To that end, I hope you will forgive my selfishness. I would ask that you begin the preparations without me. I spoke to your father about this briefly last night and, with your permission, will also consult with your mother on our return."

"I have no objections," Elizabeth said.

"In my stead, I hope that you will allow Georgiana help you make our plans. She very much hopes to help you and would probably be more useful in these sorts of things than me in any case."

"Mr. Darcy, I hope you will not mistake me for having no trust in you… but I must say, this sudden need to go to London for an uncertain amount of time does seem to align rather fortunately with a lot of social obligations and wedding planning," said a teasing Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth!" Mr. Darcy said, with feigned horror. "It is my solemn duty and heavy responsibility to assist in the search for Wi- for _that_ man. It pains me that I cannot spend the next fortnight in days of serious contemplation on the merits of laces and flowers with your mother. Truly, it pains me!"

Elizabeth laughed, delighted at his return of her tease. "I am sure. You poor man."

His teasing expression faded and he said more earnestly, "Though I joke - and am certain that some aspects would be difficult for me - I am very saddened to be parted from you. I wish nothing more than to be able to see you every day and plan our future together."

"I know."

"And what I can do, I will. I intend to send out the announcement to the London paper immediately after I arrive, so it should be published Friday or perhaps Saturday. I shall have my lawyer draw up the marriage papers and write my home parish to call the banns for us. Also, now that we are engaged, we can write to each other freely. If there is anything you wish for my input on, you need only write me and I will answer as quickly as I am able."

"You will have him immediately start the calling of the banns? If he starts this Sunday then we could be married as early as the fifteenth, and June is a wonderful month to have a wedding, but do you believe that all your business will be done by then?"

"I do indeed. It is my hope that it will not take half as much time."

"And will we be married from Longbourn?"

At Mr. Darcy's assent, Elizabeth continued, saying, "Then, yes, I think between my mother, your sister and myself, we can manage the planning. After all, no matter how necessary, most of the other details are cosmetic."

"And I shall wear whatever I am told to wear."

"Truly, _whatever_ you are told to wear?" replied Elizabeth with a mischievous smile.

Mr. Darcy shook his head in affected exasperation. "What ever shall I do with you?"

"What do you wish to do to me?" Elizabeth meant to tease but instantly realized the flirtatious challenge in her words. Her first impulse was to withdraw her statement but a new, excited side of her quelled that thought and she was silent.

He halted his steps and turned to face her. His expression was serious rather than flirtatious. "Were it the sixteenth of June, I would show you."

Elizabeth was surprised and took a step back. But rather than allowing the distance between them to grow, Mr. Darcy shadowed her step. Elizabeth felt her heartbeat pick up with both trepidation and excitement. Unconsciously, she took another step back. Mr. Darcy took three quick steps and caught her with one hand on the small of her back.

He smiled down at her. "Are you so easily frightened of me?"

Elizabeth knew he was goading her but still felt her courage rise at his challenge and shook her head. "Not a bit, Mr. Darcy. I was only worried for your reputation."

They both looked back up the path despite knowing it was empty, out of sight and far from the party. The glance confirmed this though and Mr. Darcy gave her a playful glare. "That is a weak excuse, dearest, and didn't we already decide not to be so formal in private?"

As he spoke he leaned in just a little, and Elizabeth felt her stomach tighten with anticipation. She remembered their conversation but still hesitated. It had been hard enough to learn to call Charles by his first name and her whole family had been doing it. Mr. Darcy was still an intimidating person in her mind and calling him by his first name felt both too flippant and too intimate. But he was waiting, expectantly, for her to reply.

Elizabeth quickly glanced back up and down the sheltered path and, finding it empty, said, "Indeed we did, Fitzwilliam, and no, I am not the least bit afraid."

His lips were on hers immediately, forcefully and passionately kissing her with an intensity that took her by surprise. He had been so restrained just seconds ago. She took a few steps back without thinking but he followed her and then wrapped his arms around her. His arms around her were warm and strong but not forceful and his kiss gentled as well. Elizabeth slipped her hands up to his shoulders and forgot all else. She closed her eyes and savored the feel of his lips on hers. They were warm and loving, pressing and caressing her lips. His hand went up to cradle the back of her head and he deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped in to brush hers but this time she was prepared for it and tried to copy his movements. The intensity grew again and now Eliabeth was an active participant and matched him kiss for kiss, touch for touch.

She was suddenly aware that she had leaned her body against his completely and could feel her breasts pressed against him. Even their legs were touching and, embarrassed, she stumbled back.

"Elizabeth!" he gasped and caught her just as she felt something brush the back of her dress. Before she could react he had turned them both around she could see that she had almost backed into a tree. The tree was large and even the lowest branches were higher than Mr. Darcy's head. Elizabeth realized that they had somehow left the path and were now mostly surrounded by trees. She looked back at Mr. Darcy, her breath coming in quick gasps from both the kissing and surprise.

His eyes had not lost their fierce expression and without a word he leaned his back against the tree trunk and gave her hand a little tug. Smiling, Elizabeth stepped back into his arms. With one arm he held her close and with the other hand he undid her bonnet and let it drop to the ground. Then he was kissing her again, not one bit of the passion lost from a moment ago. The hand on the back of her head slid down to join the other around her waist and he tucked her closer to his body. His physical response to the mood was obvious and she gasped. But he did not let up on his kisses, merely moved from her lips to her neck.

He had kissed her neck last time but it hadn't felt like this before. Without even realizing it, she arched against him. Suddenly one of his hands came up and pulled her wrap from around her shoulders, baring more of her neck and chest. Elizabeth did not even think to object but then one of his hands held her breast and it felt- it felt incredible. Elizabeth froze for a moment and then kissed his jaw. His lips came back up and captured hers again in enthusiastic response.

Elizabeth's head spun. She had never felt like this, she- she needed more, more kisses, more touches. One of his arms was still anchoring her to him while the other seemed to be exploring her. It gently massaged her breast and then smoothed down her side, brushed her hip and slid down to her rear. Elizabeth jumped when he surprised her by tightly squeezing her bottom.

She didn't pull away but his hand retreated to the safe position at small of her back and he broke the kiss to look down at her. Both of them were panting and Elizabeth was mesmerized by the expression of warmth and passion in Mr. Darcy's eyes.

She lifted up on her toes just a little and closed the distance between them to continue to kiss him. He kissed her back but there was a feeling of restraint there hadn't been before. She pulled back a little and looked up at him, wondering at his reaction. But as she pulled away she was suddenly aware of her surroundings again, that she was in her best dress, in the forest, where anyone could suddenly come upon them, her outerwear stripped off and kissing a man.

She jumped away from him and turned to grab her wrap that had fallen to the forest floor, and then her bonnet that had rolled a few feet away. She pulled both of them on and looked at Mr. Darcy. He had his back to her and didn't turn when quietly called out his name. For a silent moment Elizabeth was embarrassed and confused but then he turned around and smiled tenderly at her. He came closer, stroked her arms and kissed her forehead.

"I will no longer apologize for getting carried away. You will soon be my wife and, of course, I desire you. But I do apologize for the location, pulling you into a forest like this is against my dignity and yours. At least take comfort in knowing that I will be punished every night in my dreams by these memories of you while I am away."


End file.
